So meteors flatter with a dazzling dye,
Which no exiftence has, but in the eye.
As diftant prospects please us, but when near
We find but defert rocks and fleeting air;
From ftratagem to ftratagem we run,
And he knows moft, who latest is undone.

Mankind one day ferene and free appear;
The next, they're cloudy, fullen, and fevere;
New paffions new opinions ftill excite ;

And what they like at noon they leave at night. They gain with labour what they quit with eafe;

And health, for want of change, becomes difcafe,

Religion's bright authority they dare,
And yet are flaves to fuperftitious fear.
They counfel others, but themfelves deceive;
And though they're cozen'd ftill, they ftill be-
lieve.

So falfe their cenfure, fickle their efteem,
This hour they worship, and the next blafpheme.
Shall I then, who with penetrating fight
Inspect the fprings that guide each appetite;
Who with unfathom'd fearches hourly pierce
The dark receffes of the universe;
Be aw'd, if punny emmets would opprefs;
Or fear their fury, or their name carefs?
If all the fiends that in low darknels reign
Be not the fictions of a fickly brain,
That profpect, the difpenfary they call,
Before the moon can blunt her horns, fhall fall.
With that, a glance from mild Aurora's eyes
Shoots through the cryftal kingdoms of the skies.
The favage kind in forefts cease to roam,
And fots, o'ercharg'd with naufeous loads, reel
home;

Drums, trumpets, hautboys, wake the flumbering pair,

Whilft bridegroom fighs, and thinks the bride lefs fair;

Light's cheerful fmiles o'er th' azure waste are

fpread,

And mifs from inns of court bolts out unpaid;
The fage, tranfported at th' approaching hour,
Imperiously thrice thunder'd on the floor;
Officious Squirt that moment had access,..
His truft was great, his vigilance no lefe.
To him thus Horofcope:

My kind compassion in this dire affair,
Which is more light, fince you affume a fhare ;
Fly with what hafte you us'd to d∙ of old,
When clyfter was in danger to be cold;
With expedition on the beadle call,
To fummon all the company to th' hall.

Away the friendly coadjutor flies, Swift as from phial steams of hearts-horn rise. The magus in the interim mumbles o'er Vile terms of art to fome infernal power, And draws myfterious circles on the floor. But from the gloomy vault no glaring spright. Afcends, to blast the tender bloom of light. No mystic founds from hell's detefted womb In dufky exhalations upwards come. And now to raise an altar he decrees, To that devouring harpy call'd Difeale:

Then flowers in canisters he haftes to bring,
The wither'd product of a blighted spring;
With cold folanum from the Pontic fhore,
The roots of mandrake and black hellebore;
The griper fenna, and the puker rue,
The fweetener faffafras, are added too;
And on the structure next he heaps a load
Of fulphur, turpentine, and mastic wood;
Gams, foffils too, the pyramids increas'd;
A mummy next, once monarch of the east
Then from the compter he takes down the file,
And with prescriptions lights the folemn pile.
Feebly the flames on clumfy wings aspire,
And fmothering fogs of fmoke benight the fire,
With forrow he beheld the fad portent,
Then to the hag thefe orifons he sent:

Disease! thou ever moft propitious power, Whose kind indulgence we difcern each hour! Thou well canft boaft thy numerous pedigree, (*) Begot by floth, maintain'd by luxury.

In gilded palaces thy prowess reigns,
But flies the humble fheds of cottage fwains,
To you fuch might and energy belong,
You nip the blooming, and unnerve the ftrong,
The purple conqueror in chains you bind,
And are to us your vaffals only kind.

If, in return, all diligence we pay
To fix your empire, and confirm your sway,
Far as the weekly-bills can reach around,
From Kent-street end, to fam'd St. Giles's pound;
Behold this poor libation with a smile,
And let aufpicious light break through the pile.
He fpoke; and on the pyramid he laid
Bay-leaves and vipers-hearts, and thus he said:
As these confume in this myfterious fire,
So let the curs'd difpenfary expire!

And as thofe crackle in the flames, and die,
So let its veffels burft, and glaffes fly!
But a finifter cricket straight was heard;
The altar fell, the offering difappear'd.
As the fam'd wight the omen did regret,
Squirt brought the news the company was met.
Nigh where Fleet-ditch defcends in fable ftreams,
To wash his footy Naiads in the Thames;
There stands a structure on a rising hill,
Where Tyros take their freedom out to kill.
Some pictures in these dreadful shambles tell,
How, by the Delian god, the Python fell;
And how Medea did the philtre brew,
That could in Æfon's veins young force renew;
How mournful Myrrha for her crimes appears,
And heals hysteric matrons still with tears;
How Mentha and Aithea, nymphs no more,
Revive in facred plants, and health restore
How fanguine fwains their amorous hours repent,
When plealure's past, and pains are permanent;
And how frail nymphs oft', by abortion, aim
To loose a substance, to preserve a name.

VARIATIONS.

(a) Thou that wouldft lay whole ftates and re gions wafte,

Sooner than we thy cormorants fhould fast.

24

Soon as each member in his rank was plac'd,
The affembly Diafenna* thus address'd :

My kind confederates, if my poor intent,
As 'tis fincere, had been but prevalent,
We here had met on fome no
fafe defign,
And on no other bufinefs but to dine;
The faculty had still maintain'd their sway,
And intereft then had bid us but obey;
This only emulation we had known,

Who beft could fill his purfe, and thin the town.
But now from gathering clouds deftruction pours,
Which ruins with mad rage our halcyon hours:
Mifts from black jealoufie the tempest form,
Whilft late divifions reinforce the ftorm

Know, when thefe feuds, like thofe at law, were paft,

The winners will be lofers at the last.

Like heroes in fea-fights we seek renown;
To fire fome hostile ship, we burn our own.
Whoe'er throws duft against the wind, defcries
He throws it. in effect, but in his eyes,
That juggler which another's fleight will fhow,
But teaches how the world his own may know,
Thrice happy were thofe golden days of old,
When dear as Burgundy, ptifans were fold;
When patients chofe to die with better will,
Than breathe, and pay the apothecary's bill;
And, cheaper than for our affistance call,
Might go to Aix or Bourbon, spring and fall.
Then priests increas'd, and piety decay'd,
Churchmen the church's purity betray'd,
Their lives and doctrine flaves and atheis
made

The laws were but the hireling judge's fenfe;
Juries were fway'd by venal evidence. Y
Fools were promoted to the council-board,
Tools to the bench, and bullies to the fword.
Pensions in private were the fenate's aim;
And patriots for a place abandon'd fame.

But now no influencing art remains,
For Somers has the feal, and Naffau reigns.
And we, in spite of our refolves, must bow,
And fuffer by a reformation too.

For now late jars our practices detect (b).
And mines, when once difcover'd, lofe effect.
Diffenfions, like fmall ftreams, are firft begun,
Scarce feen they rife, but gather as they run
So lines that from their parallel decline,
More they proceed, the more they ftill disjoin.

VARIATIONS.

(6) But now late jars our practices detect,
For mines, when once difcover'd, lofe th' effect.
Diffenfions, like small ftreams, are first begun,
Scarce feen they rife, but gather as they run.
So lines that from their parallel decline,
More they advance, the more they ftill disjoin.
'Tis therefore my advice, in hafte we send,
And beg the faculty to be our friend.
As he revolving ftood to fay the reft,
Rough Colocynthus thus his rage exprcft.

* Gilftrop, an apothecary.

'Tis therefore my advice, in hafte we fend,

And beg the faculty to be our friend;

Send fwarms of patients, and our quarrels end.
So awful beadles, if the vagrant treat,
Straight turn familiar, and their fafces quit,
In vain we but contend, that planet's power
Those vapours can difperfe it rais'd before.

As he prepar'd the mischief to recite, Keen Colocynthus paus'd, and foam'd with spite. Sour ferments on his fhining furface swim, Work up the froth, and bubble o'er the brim: Not beauties fret fo much if freckles come, Or nose should redden in the drawing-room; Or lovers that mistake th' appointed hour, Or in the lucky minute want the power.

Thus he Thou fcandal of great Pæan's art,
At thy approach the fprings of nature ftart,
The nerves unbrace: nay, at the fight of thee,
A fera:ch turns cancer, itch a leprosy,
Could't thou propofe, that we, the friends of
fates,

Who fill churchyards, and who unpeople states,
Who baffle nature, and dispose of lives,
Whilst Ruffelt, as we please, or starves or thrives.
Should e'er fubmit to their defpotic will,
Who out of confolation fcarce can kill?
The towering Alps fhall fooner fink to vales,
And leeches, in our glaffes, fwell to whales;
Or Norwich trade in inftruments of steel,
And Birmingham in ftuffs and druggets deal!
Alleys at Wapping furnish us new modes,
And Monmouth-ftreet, Versailles with riding-
hoods!

The fick to th' hundreds in pale throngs repair,
Aud change the gravel-pits for Kentish air!
Our properties nuft on our arms depend;
'Tis next to conquer, bravely to defend.
'Tis to the vulgar death too harsh appears;
The ill we feel is only in our fears.

The fools through bleft infenfibility.

Tis what the guilty fear, the pious crave; Sought by the wretch, and vanquish'd by the brave. It cafes lovers, fets the captive free; And, though a tyrant, offers liberty.

Sound but to arms, the foe fhall foon confess Our force increases, as our funds grow lefs; And what requir'd fuch industry to raise, We'll scatter into nothing as we please, Thus they'll acknowledge, to annihilate Shews no lefs wondrous power than to create. We'll raise our numerous cohorts, and oppose The feeble forces of our pigmy foes; Legions of quacks fhall join us on the place, From great Kirleus down to Doctor Cafe. Though fuch vile rubbish fink, yet we shall rife ; Directors ftill fecure the greatcft prize. Such poor fupports ferve only like a stay; The tree once fix'd, its reft is torn away.

* Dare, an apothecary.

† A celebrated undertaker of funerals,

So patriots, in time of peace and ease, Forget the fury of the late disease: On dangers paft ferenely think no more, And curfe the hand that heal'd the wound before. Arm therefore, gallant friends, 'tis honour's call; Or let us boldly fight, or bravely fall!

To this the feffion feem'd to give confent,
Much lik'd the war, but dreaded much th' event.
At length, the growing difference to compofe,
Two brothers, nam'd Afcarides *, arofe.
Both had the volibility of tongue,

In meaning faint, but in opinion strong.
To fpeak they both affum'd alike pretence;
The elder gain'd his juft pre-eminence.

Thus he 'Tis true, when privilege and right
Are once invaded, honour bids us fight.
But ere we once engage in honour's cause,
Fit know what honour is, and whence it was.
Scorn'd by the bale, 'tis courted by the brave;
The hero's tyrant, and the coward's flave;
Born in the noify camp, it lives on air,
And both exifts by hope and by despair;
Angry whene'er a moment's ease we gain,
And reconcil'd at our returns of pain.

It lives, when in death's arms the hero lies:
But when his fafety he confults, it dies.
Bigoted to this idol, we difclaim
Reft, health, and cafe, for nothing but a name.
Then let us, to the field before we move,
Know, if the gods our enterprise approve.
Suppose th' unthinking faculty unveil
What we, through wifer conduct, would conceal:
Is't reason we should quarrel with the glass
That shows the monftrous features of our face?
* The Pearces, apothecaries.

Or
grant fome
grave pretenders have of late
Thought fit an innovation to create;
Soon they'll repent what rafhly they begun
Though projects pleafe, projectors are undone.
All novelties muft this fuccefs expect,
When good, our envy; and when bad, neglect:
If reafon could direct, ere now each gate
Had borne fome trophy of triumphal state;
Temples had told how Greece and Belgia owe
Troy and Namur to Jove and to Naffau.

Then, fince no veneration is allow'd,
Or to the real, or th' appearing good;
The project that we vainly apprehend
Moft, as it blindly rofe, as vilely end.
Some members of the faculty there are,
Who intereft prudently to oaths prefer.
Our friendship, with feign'd airs, they poorly
court (c),

And boast, their politics are our fopport
Them we'll confult about this enterprise,
And boldly execute what they advise.

But from below, while fuch refolves they took,
Some Aurum Fulminans the fabric fhook.
The champions, daunted at the crack, retreat,
Regard their fafety, and their rage forget.

So when at Bathos earth's big offspring ftrove To fcale the fkies, and wage a war with Jove; Soon as the afs of old Silenus bray'd, The trembling rebels in confufion fed.

VARIATIONS.

(c) If things of ufe were valued, there had been Some workhouse where the monument is seen.

Nor far from that frequented theatre,

Long has this darling quarter of the town.

Where purple emperors in buskins tread, And rule imaginary worlds for bread;

*

Where Bentley *, by old writers, wealthy grew,
And Brifcoe lately was undone by new;
There triumphs a physician of renown,
To none, but fuch as ruft in health, unknown.
None e'er was plac'd more fitly, to impart
His known experience, and his healing art.
When Burgess deafens all the liftening prefs
With peals of moft feraphic emptiness;
Or when mysterious Freeman mounts on high,
To preach his parish to a lethargy
This fculapius waits hard by, to ease
The martyrs of such Christian cruelties.

Two bookfellers.

All forts meet here, of whatfo'er degree,
To blend and juftle into harmony.
The critics each adventurous author fcan,
And praise or cenfure as they like the man.
The weeds of writings for the flowers they cull;
So nicely tastelefs, fo correctly dull!
The politicians of Parnaffus prate,
And poets canvafs the affairs of state;
The cits ne'er talk of trade and flock, but tell
How Virgil writ, how bravely Turnus fell.
The country-dames drive to Hippolito's,
First find a spark, and after lofe a nofe.
The lawyer for lac'd coat the robe does quit,
He grows a madman, and then turns a wit.
And in the cloister penfive Strephon waits,
Till Cloe's hackeny comes, and then retreats;

And if th' ungenerons nymgh a fhaft lets fly, More fatally than from a sparkling eye, Mirmillo *, that fam'd Opifer, is nigh..

The trading tribe oft thither throng to dine, And want of elbow-room fupply in wine. Cloy'd with variety, they furfeit there, Whilft the wan patients on thin gruel fare. 'Twas here the champions of the party met, Of their heroic enterprise to treat. Each hero a tremendous air put on, And stern Mirmillo in thefe words begun :

'Tis with concern, my friends, I meet you
here;

No grievance you can know, but I must fhare.
'Tis plain, my interest you've advanc'd fo long,
Each fee, though I was mute, would find a tongue.
And, in return, though I have ftrove to rend
Those ftatutes, which on oath I should defend;
Such arts are trifles to a generous mind :
Great fervices as great returns fhould find.
Aud you'll perceive, this hand, when glory calls,
Can brandish arms as well as urinals.

Oxford and all her paffing bells can tell,
By this right-arm what mighty numbers fell.
Whilft others meanly afk'd whole months to flay,
I oft dispatch'd the patient in a day :
With pen in hand I push'd to that degree,
I fcarce had left a wretch to give a fee.
Some fell by laudanum, and fome by steel,
And death in ambush lay in every pill.
For, fave or flay, this privilege we claim,
Though credit fuffers, the reward's the fame.
What though the art of healing we pretend,
He that defigns it least, is most a friend.
Into the right we err, and must confess
To overfights we often owe fuccefs.
Thus Beffus got the battle in the play;
His glories cowardice restor'd the day.
So the fam'd Grecian piece ow'd its defert
To chance, and not the labour'd strokes of art.
Physicians, if they're wife, fhould never think
Of any arms but fuch as pen and ink:
But th' enemy, at their expence, hall find
When honour calls, I'll fcorn to stay behind.

}

think

He faid; and feal'd th' engagement with a kifs, Which was return'd by younger Afcaris; Who thus advanc'd: Each word, Sir, you impart, Has fomething killing in it, like your art. How much we to your boundlefs friendship owe, Our files can fpeak, and your prefcriptions fhow. Your ink defcends in fuch exceffive showers, 'Tis plain, you can regard no health but ours. Whilst poor pretenders puzzle o'er a case, You but appear, and give the coup O that near Xanthus' banks you had but dwelt, When Ilium first Achaian fury felt!

coup de

grace.

'The horned river then had curs'd in vain

Young Peleus' arm, that chok'd his ftream with

Then let us arm, we need not fear fuccefs;
No labours are too hard for Hercules.
Our military enfigns we'll difplay;

Conqueft purfues, where courage leads the way.
To this defign fhrill Querpo * did agree,
A zealous member of the faculty;
His fire's pretended pious fteps he treads,
And where the doctor fails, the faint fucceeds.
A conventicle flesh'd his greener years,
And his full age the righteous rancour fhares.
Thus boys hatch game-eggs under birds of prey,
To make the fowl more furious for the fray.
Slow Carus + next discover'd his intent,
With painful paufes muttering what he meant.
His fparks of life, in fpite of drugs, retreat,
So cold, that only calentures can heat.
In his chill veins the fluggish puddle flows,
And loads with lazy fogs his fable brows.
Legions of lunatics about him prefs;
His province is, loft reason to redress.

So when perfumes their fragrant fcent give o'er,
Nought can their odour, like a jakes, restore.
When for advice the vulgar throng, he's found
With lumber of vile books befieg'd around.
The gazing throng acknowledge their surprise,
And, deaf to reason, fill confult their eyes.
Well he perceives, the world will often find,
To catch the eye is to convince the mind.
Thus a weak ftate by wife distrust inclines
To numerous ftores, and ftrength in magazines.
So fools are always moft profufe of words,
And cowards never fail of longeft fwords.
Abandon'd authors here a refuge meet,

And from the world to duft and worms retreat.
Here dregs and fediment of auctions reign,
Refufe of fairs, and gleanings of Duck lane.
And up thefe walls much Gothic lumber climbs,
With Swiss philofophy, and Runic rhymes.
Hither, retriev'd from cocks and grocers, come
Mede's works extire, and endlefs reams of Blome.
Where would the long neglected Collins fly,
If bounteous Carus fhould refufe to buy?
But each vile fcribbler's happy on this fcore:
He'll find fome Carus ftill to read him o'er,

Nor must we the obfequious Umbra $ pare,
Who foft by nature, yet declar'd for war.
But when fome rival power invades a right,
Flies fet on flies, and turtles turtles fight.
Elfe courteous Umbra to the last had been
Demurely meek, infipidly ferenc.
With him, the prefent fill fomé virtues have;
The vain are fprightly; and the stupid, grave;
The flothful, negligent; the foppish, neat;
The lewd are airy, and the fly difcreet;
A wren, an eagle; a baboon, a beau;
Colt, a Lycurgus, and a Phocion, Rowe.

Heroic ardour now th' affembly warms,
Each combatant breathes nothing but alarms.
For future glory while the fcheme is laid,
Fam'd with Horofcope thus offers to diffuade:

Since of each enterprise th' event's unknown, We'll quit the fword, and hearken to the gown.

98

Nigh lives Vagellius *, one reputed long
For ftrength of lungs, and pliancy of tongue.
For fees, to any form he moulds a cause,
The worst has merits, and the best has flaws.
Five guineas make a criminal to-day ;
And ten to-morrow wipe the ftain away.
Whatever he affirms is undeny'd,
Milo's the lecher, Clodius th' homicide;
Câte pernicious, Catiline a faint,
Orford fufpected, Duncómb innocent.
To law then, friends, for 'tis by fate decreed,
Vagellius, and our money, fhall fucceed.
Kdow, when I first invok'd disease by charms
To prove propitious to our future arnis,
Ill'omens did the facrifice attend,
Nor would the Sibyl from her grot afcend.
As Horofcope urg'd farther to be heard,
He thus was interrupted by a hard † :

In vain your magic myfteries you use Such founds the Sibyl's lacred ears abuse. Thefe lines the pale divinity fhall raise, Such is the power of found, and force of lays. $ Arms meet with arms, fauchions with fau"chions clafh,

"And sparks of fire ftruck out from armour flash. Thick clouds of duft contending warriors raife,

And hideous war o'er all the region brays. "Some raging ran with huge Herculean clubs, Some mafly balls of brafs, fome mighty tubs Of cinders bore.

Naked and half-burnt hills with hideous wreck Affright the fkies, and fry the ocean's back." As he went rumbling on, the fury straight Crawl'd in, her limbs could fcarce fupport her weight.

A rueful rag her meagre forehead bound,
And faintly her furr'd lips thefe accents found:
Mortal, how dar'ft thou with fuch lines addrefs
My awful feat, and trouble my recefs?
In Effex marfhy hundreds is a cell,
Where lazy fogs and drizzling vapours dwell:
Thither raw damps on drooping wings repair,
And fhivering quartans fhake the fickly air.'
There, when fatigu'd, fome filent hours I pafs,
And fubftitute phyficians in my place.
Then dare not, for the future, once rehearse
The diffenance of fuch untuneful verfe;
But in your lines let energy be found,
And learn to rife in fenfe, and fink in sound.
Harsh words, though pertinent, uncouth appear;
None please the fancy, whọ offend the ear.
In fenfe and numbers if you would excel,
Rad Wycherley, confider Dryden well.
In one, what vigorous turns of fancy thine!
In th' other, Syrens warble in each line.

If Dorlet's sprightly Mufe but touch the lyre,
The fmiles and graces melt in foft defire,

And little loves confefs their amorous fire. (@

The evening now with blufhes warms the air, The fteer refigns the yoke, the hind his care. The clouds above with golden edgings glow, And falling dews refresh the earth below.

The bat with footy wings flits through the grove,
The reeds fcarce ruftle, nor the afpines move.
And all the feather'd folks forbear their lays of
love.

Through the tranfparent region of the fkies,
Swift as a with, the miffionary flies:

With wonder he furveys the upper air,

And the gay gilded meteors fporting there;
How lambent jellies, kindling in the night,
Shoot through the æther in a trail of light;
How rifing fleams in th' azure fluid blend,
Or fleet in clouds, or foft in flowers defcend;
Or, if the flubborn rage of cold prevail,
In flakes they fly, or fall in moulded hail;
How honey-dews embalm the fragrant morn,
And the fair oak with lufcious sweats adorn;
How heat and moisture mingle in á mäfs,
Or belch in thunder, or in lightning blaze;
Why nimble corrufcations ftrike the eye,
And bold tornados blufter in the fky;