about pedigree and ancestry, now that you have started the subject; what is bred in the bone, and all that sort of thing" (here he paused to drink)"there's a lot in it, don't you know;" and he put down the glass solemnly and decisively-"a lot in it."

"There was," said Garth; you're just a little mixed as to tense, that's all; we won't fall out about trifles."

"What an aggravating 'cuss' you are! I didn't refer to the glass, you know that well enough. I was going to enlighten you about the influence of heredity on character. Oh, fellows may laugh, of course; but I'll give you an instance, and you can make what you like out of it. Hodman, of the 210th-you knew Hodman, Tynte. He was deuced fond of preserves.'

"Yes, I remember. We used to chaff him unmercifully about it."

"We used. Well, his favourite preserve was plum jam, and he always spelt it plumb jamb.”

"I don't see the point-quite," said Garth.

"Nor I either," put in the major. "If it comes to spelling, three-fourths of us can't have had grandfathers. Your theory won't hold water, Fitz."

"Won't it? There you go as usual, off at a tangent, generalising before you have data to go upon. Can't you let me finish first? Hodman's great grandfather was a stone mason, his grandfather became a builder, and his father rose to be an architect. Now, how the deuce can you account for Hodman's use of technical terms to convey the idea of a potted preserve, except through his pedigree? You may laugh.".

"That opens up quite a new field of research," said Tynte, ex

ploding with laughter, in which Garth joined; "but without in the slightest degree doubting your word, my dear Fitz, I must say that I should like some slight confirmation of the facts, such as they are, because I don't believe one word of the story."

"I'm sorry for you, then that's all. I am convinced myself that investigation would reveal the additional fact of the stone-mason's wife, or the builder's wife, or Hodman's own mother, having been a pastry-cook. This would account for the jam. Oh, you may laugh, of course-so may Garth; but take his own case. He never gets sea - sick. Why? Clearly because his grandfather, or great-grandfather (I forget which), was an admiral! There you go guffawing again! Why, I could easily give you much more convincing facts-yes, facts," said Fitz, bobbing his head to avoid a fizzing fusee; "hard facts. Dr Barnes told me, in confidence, that when Tiptop gets

The entrance of a fourth person at this stage of the conversation created a break, and gave the major a pretext for turning the subject of discussion into another channel, in which he hoped to find a rock ahead sufficiently formidable to check the flux of words on the part of the lieutenant.

"How about Sparks?" said the major; "just look at him! The biggest scamp in the regiment, next to yourself. He's had a bishop for a father; that cuts against your theory."

"Does it?-not necessarily. The paternal Sparks might not have been-strictly-well-orthodoxdon't you know; eh, Sparks?"

The young man addressed was not one of many words. He put on a broad grin, winked, and wag. ged his head. "I told you so,'

said Fitz, triumphantly. "If the Right Rev. Dr Sparks had been strictly evangelical, Sparks of ours would have been a parson."

The bare idea seemed so comical to the individual alluded to, that he crowed rather than laughed, and ejaculated "By Jove!"

"The fact of it is," said the major, "you must really, Fitz, at times be off your head.”

"And you'll probably find on investigation," said the suddenly inspired Sparks, "that he had an Irish ancestor who lost his."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, shut up!" pleaded Tynte, convulsed in spite of himself.

"Of course the majority of you are of a sceptical turn of mind," went on Fitzmaurice Bateman; "that's your misfortune, not my fault. I can tell you one more curious fact about this same Hodman: make the most of it. When Dawkins came in for his family title, by the deaths of two uncles and a nephew, or something of that sort, Hodman wrote a letter-I saw it- congratulating him on being raised to the pierage! Now, there is the mason ancestor again plumb, jamb, pier," and he ticked them off on his fingers. "Some people won't be convinced, like our old chief, who never will take a fellow's statement off-hand."

'Why do you say that of the colonel?" asked Garth. "That's too bad: it's unjust. The very last -what shall we call it ?-bouncer or anecdote you gave us at mess about that fellow who put his head out of one train and had it cut off by another, he implicity believed. The major will bear me out in this." "I do, fully."

"He just turned to me and said, 'I'm quite sure it is a literal fact, and it must have been Bateman to whom the accident happened, just before he joined.' What greater

indication of large-hearted and child-like credulity could you expect than that? and still you are not happy, nor grateful!"

"I confess, after that, I feel small," said Fitz, "though I suppose I don't look it. The old beggar always sets everything down as a yarn. He is the most credulous old boss I ever came across, on some points; while on others, Old Nick himself would not convince him."

"You seem to be the biggest puzzle he has ever had to encounter, in his military experience, up to this at all event," said Sparks.

"Allow me to remark that life is full of puzzles, big and little. If I don't greatly mistake, somebody or other, probably Shakespeare-he has anticipated all the profound thoughts that occur to me from time to time-has discovered that life itself is a puzzle. I find puzzles everywhere. There you are, for instance, a greyheaded man at, say, thirty-five (if I understate the age don't correct me), while the major, bless him! appears to be permitted by an over-indulgent providence to wear his hair of its original hue at the advanced age of, say,what age shall we say, major?"

"Never mind rushing into these disagreeable personal matters. Confound your impudence!" said Sparks.

"If I had thought a little more," said the major, "perhaps I might by this time have been able to understand why big boys, as boys, should be so cheeky, unmanageable, and troublesomewhy they should be, at the intermediate stage, so utterly different from what we become as men.'

"Come! I like that," said Fitz; "there's humility in it, and such a confounded lot of self-depreciation about it."

"You might be able to throw some light on this point, Garth," continued the major, ignoring the big lieutenant.

"Who? I-I give it up," said the captain. "I couldn't tell you any more than I could say why it is that veal-even the best fed veal-is so much more indigestible than, and different in flavour from, beef. But never mind, we'll have our revenge on Fitz, and take it out of him when we get him on board the trooper.' We'll put him on duty every time he gets sick, and have him as limp, respectful, and obedient as you please before he returns.'

"If he does return," added Fitz, helping himself to some more brandy. "Here's to the girls we leave behind us." And he winked at Garth. "I like red hair, major. On my word of honour, I do; no humbug. Don't blush, any of you. Here's to our foxy fair ones!

"I haven't the most remote notion of what you are driving at, any more than I have of blushing."

"I say, look here, Fitz," put in Garth, coming to the rescue; "draw the line somewhere. Woman is our fate; and you don't know how soon your own turn may come. Have some outward respect for that sex to which one's mother and sisters belong, to say nothing of one's maiden aunts from whom there are expectations."

I merely remarked that I liked red hair-so does the major. This is a free country (or is erroneously supposed to be), and if I follow his lead-at a respectful distance-I suppose it is all right."

"What is he driving at?" asked Tynte.

"I suppose he saw you walking with Miss Harman to-day, and he means to be witty in his personal and usually mild sort of way," said Sparks.

"Well, his wit is about equal to his judgment. Beyond the shadow of a doubt, Fitz, you are colour-blind, if that is any satisfaction to you."

"Oh, I should have said golden hair, of course-or auburn; anything but red." Here he went off at a tangent, and flourishing the empty tumbler, broke out into song:

"Oh, Biddy Magee

Is devoted to me!

And I'm partial to her, I'll allow.
She owns an estate,

And a family sate,

With a pig, and a goose, and a cow.
My luck, which was great

When I met her,
Can only be bate

When I get her-
For I'm partial to her, I'll allow—
Sweet Colleen Macree !

Ballybog is the country for me;
With Biddy Magee
On my knee,
And her pig, and the goose, and the

COW.

The well-known voice of Fitzmaurice Bateman soon attracted kindred spirits, and all who happened to be within earshot made for Tynte's quarters; consequently,

before many minutes the room was filled to inconvenience. There was no resisting the attraction. Even the laziest junior threw away his unfinished cigar, and shaking him

self together joined the throng. Once the game was started, a noisy, obstreperous, overwhelming mob insisted on keeping it up. "Bravo, Fitz! Give us another." "Bravo!" again. "One more! Hang it, yes!"—and so on, till at last the victim's patience reached its limit and culminated in a stentorian "NO! Hanged if I do! I call on Spunner for a song!" Enter the bland and beaming Spunner, amid general laughter; for he had never been known even to hum.

There was considerable trouble in the matter of sitting accommodation, but no more than was quite common, and, under the circumstances, usual; but the commotion served to create a diversion in Spunner's favour, which, coupled with his well-known inability even to croak, served to get him out of a difficulty. He immediately cast about for a seat, seeing others following the same line of action.

Tiptop settled himself down on Tynte's tin uniform - case, and would have done very well there had not another warrior sat down in his lap, which resulted in the bulging in of the case. The window-sill afforded sittings for two more, while another had to content himself as best he could with a helmet-case-no easy matter on account of its peculiar conical shape.

'Now, Fitz," said Garth, after some sort of order had been obtained, "let's have one more only one-song. We'll be content to have it out of you now, if you don't make yourself disagreeable, instead of taking a advantage when you are

mean

sea-sick."

"That's fair," said Tiptop, who was a bad sailor and had done one voyage in "" а trooper ";

6

"there's sense and humanity in that. Time is short, and some of us haven't long to live, perhaps. Jam te premet nox fabulæque manes, &c., &c. Let's thank our stars, at all events, for that consoling certainty of modern science -the survival of the fittest'; let us also rejoice in that we have one major of ours — the worthy host-who hasn't made an ass of himself by going in for matrimony and all that sort of thing, and cutting the mess-table with its improving companionship of brothers-in-arms for the society of babies - in - arms. Peg away, Fitz!"

He obeyed; but as his song was not complimentary to that sex which in reality he adored, we will not give it. Its antimarital sentiments may be gathered from the tenor of the remarks which followed the applause.

“Time enough to think of getting pieced or spliced, joined together, or whatever you call it, when a chap is somewhere about seventy-or a shade over."

"Holloa!" said Tiptop, "what is going to happen next? Hanged if Spunner hasn't committed himself to an opinion at last on something!" and he patted Spunner patronisingly with his cane-rather harder, however, than that gentleman seemed to like. Snatching it dexterously out of its owner's hand, he administered a couple of retaliatory blows with considerably more energy than was expected across Tiptop's calves, who had to seek cover behind the ample form of Fitz, and to sue for quarter from this point of vantage.

"I'll retract, Spunner, unconditionally. But I really thought you had given a decided opinion."

"So I have, old chap," retorted Spunner, flinging back the cane; a very decided one as to your

mental capacity, more than once; only you find it convenient to have a bad memory on this point. I suppose, because the capacity is so low; however, as you can't be blamed for that, I forgive you." "Come, that's magnanimous, at all events," put in Fitz.

"Well, it certainly is; and I am almost disposed, out of sheer gratitude, to wipe out that bet of five sovs you lost yesterday on Bluebeard."

"Don't you wish you may get 'em!" said Spunner. "Make a virtue of necessity this time. I object to betting, as you know, on principle-when I don't think the outlook is good."

"Well, I booked it, as a matter of form; and I appeal now to Fitz, who is the soul of honour."

There was a general hush to hear the oracle speak.

"I think," said Fitz solemnly, and promptly accepting the position of arbitrator, "if the bet was booked as a mere matter of form, the payment ought to be a mere matter of form also. The decision, you will perceive, is final, but-it settles nothing; that's the beauty and impartiality of it. But I say, Spunner, a fellow as rich as you -excuse me for being so beastly personal, don't you know-should not feel so acutely the deprivation of a few sovs one way or other."

"Shouldn't he! Excuse me for being equally personal, Master Fitz," put in the major; "but I won't have my friend Spunner sat upon in my quarters, at all events."

"Here! I say, major," said one of the company, who was of a practical turn of mind, and exceeding uncomfortable on the tin helmet-case, "if you talk about fellows being sat on, and seats, and what not, you ought to provide at least forms."

"Fitz, to do him justice, is the only man who never grumbles," said the major; "he adapts himself to circumstances, as a soldier should."

"That's accounted for by the fact," said Sparks, "that when he is at home he's in the habit of accommodating Miss Biddy Magee on his lap, together with a pig, a goose, and a cow- -all at once.' ""

"I wish he'd show us how it was done," said Spunner. "It is all very well in a song; but the practical knowledge would be of use to us just now. However, chairs or no chairs, you are a gentleman, major every inch. You never indulge in personalities, which is more than can be said for some of your impecunious guests. Now look here, Fitz: what has the fact of my not being hard-up got to do with feeling the loss of money one way or other? That is the sort of stuff people talk about wealth. If you pull a hair out of a fellow with plenty on his head, doesn't it hurt him as much as if it had been pulled out of a scantily furnished nut, belonging to somebody else?"

"Hear, hear!" shouted Tiptop, delighted at the retort. "Bravo! That's one to Spunner, and a right good one too. Experience shows that it is clearly only the perfectly bald, and quite impecunious chap, who doesn't mind. You can't hurt him."

"It seems to me, Spunner," said Sparks from the window-sill, “ that you are placed at rather a disadvantage as to wisdom, and all that sort of thing. A fellow can't have wisdom, I understand, without experience; and no chap can ever know the value of money if he hasn't to borrow it."

"How do you explain the glaring contradiction in your case then, Sparks? You should be the