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which I hid them ;- if you ask me, I me, Mr Morley, that I wish to consay, to explain how that very woman fide in you as far as I can. Now, was suddenly converted from a re you see I am already an old man, morseless foe into a saving guardian, I and my chief object is to raise up a can only answer by no wit, no device, friend for Sophy when I am gone-a no persuasive art of mine. Providence friend in her own sex, sir. Oh, you softened her heart, and made it kind, cannot guess how I long-how I just at the moment when no other yearn to view that child under the agency on earth could have rescued holy fostering eyes of woman. Perus from-from-"
haps if Lady Montfort saw my pretty Say no more, I guess ! the paper Sophy, she might take a fancy to her. this woman showed me was a legal Oh, if she did—if she did! And form authorising your poor little Sophy,” added Waife proudly, "has Sophy to be given up to the care of a right to respect. She is not like a father. I guess ! of that father you me—any hovel good enough for me : would not speak ill to me; yet from But for her !-Do you know that I that father you would save your conceived that hope, that the hope grandchild. Say no And helped to lead me back here when, yon quiet home-your humble em months
I was at Humberston, ployment, really content you ?” intent upon rescuing Sophy; and
"Oh, if such a life can but last ! saw, though,” observed Waife, with Soph is so well, so cheerful, so a sly twitch of the muscles round happy. Did not you hear her sing, his mouth, “I had no right at that ing the other day? She never used precise moment to be seeing anyto sing ! But we had not been here thing--Lady Montfort's humane fear a week when song broke out from for a blind old impostor, who was her, untaught as from a bird. But if trying to save his dog — a black any ill report of me travel hither from dog, sir, who had dyed his hair,Gatesboro', or elsewhere, we should from her carriage wheels. And the be sent away, and the bird would be hope became stronger still, when, mute in my thorn tree-Sophy would the first Sunday I attended yon vilsing no more.
lage church, I again saw that fair"Do not fear that slander shall wonderously fair-face at the far end drive you hence. Lady Montfort, -fair as moonlight and as melanyou know, is my cousin, but you choly. Strange it is, sir, that I, know not—few do-how thoroughly naturally a boisterous mirthful man, generous and gentle-hearted she is. and now
a shy, skulking fugitive-feel I will speak of you to her-Oh, do more attracted, more allured toward not look alarmed. - She will take a countenance, in proportion as I my word when I tell her, that is read there the trace of sadness. I a good man ;' and if she ask more, feel less abashed by my own nothingit will be enough to say,
those ness—more emboldened to approach who have known better days are and say. Not so far apart from loth to speak to strangers of the past.' me, thou too hast suffered '—Why is
“I thank you earnestly, sincerely, this ? " said Waife, brightening up. One GEORGE MORLEY.-“The fool hath favour more - if you saw in the said in his heart that there is no formal document shown to you, or God ;' but the fool hath not said in retain on your memory, the name of his heart that there is no sorrow”--of the person authorised to claim
pithy and most profound sentence ; Sophy as his child, you will not men- intimating the irrefragable chain that tion it to Lady Montfort. I am not binds men to the Father. And where sure if ever she heard that name, but the chain tightens, the children are she may have done so-and-and closer drawn together. But to your He paused a moment, and seemed to wish-I will remember it. And when muse ; then went on, not concluding my cousin returns, she shall see your his sentence. “You are so good to Sophy."
PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER MET.
I HAVE knocked about the world, nature to the boundaries of our indiand allowed Observation, with con vidual experience, nor pronounce siderable extent of view, to survey that an animal cannot veritably exist mankind, if not from China to Peru, because the seeker has not yet disat least from the Court to the kit- covered it; and as my mind piques chen, from the University to the itself on being intensely philosophishilling Ordinary; and in the course cal, it refuses to pronounce the Unof these wanderings and fraternisings, met People to be myths. I am ready I have naturally met with strange to give the most generous credence people enough, wise and otherwise; to the reports of others. If they say some lovely, and some pas si bien; they have met such people, all I can some eccentric, and millions implac- say is, that my researches have not ably commonplace. But there are been so fortunate. The world is wide, various types of human character nature is various ; let us rather seek which, though frequently hearing of than deny. Meanwhile, let us be them, and reading of them, in con- rigorous in the truth, no man careversations, and books, I have never lessly saying he has seen the animal been able to get a glimpse of; and which in truth he has not seen, and this is all the more noticeable, because all of us confessing our ignorance the types are said to be abundant. To with great freedom. Among “The call these mythical people, would be people I have never met,” a few may rash ; no cautious mind will limit be registered here as specimens.
NO. I.—THE AUTHOR OF A REALLY BAD BOOK,
A very interesting type, unfortu- the publisher is not just now extendnately to me quite unknown. I have ing his engagements ; the book-trade seen and lived with authors of all is in a peculiar condition, and this classes, and of various degrees of excellent work must therefore be demerit : profound thinkers, and think- clined. The manager grieves that a ers not so profound ; brilliant wits, comedy so brilliant, a tragedy so poeand wits of paste ; learned pundits, tical, should not adorn his stage, but and scholars of imperfect accuracy; unhappily just now the resources of laborious compilers, and men with his theatre do not admit of his acceptable scissors; men with great crea- ing the work. tive power, and men with a facility It is clear, therefore, that the mere in mistaking old characters for new fact of a work remaining unpublished creations; but the author of a really is no evidence against its quality, bad book I never did meet. Books and the writer of a bad book is not are written which publishers enter indicated by such a fact. Besides, into a conspiracy not to publish ; and you have only to ask the author, and plays are presented at the stage door he will supply you with a hundred of every theatre, to be always, and in reasons why he is still in manuscript, almost similar terms, declined; but not one of which has the remotest this is never because the work is bad. reference to any badness. And if Not in the least. The question of you, dear reader, should ever alight merit is never raised. If raised, both on that zoological rarity, the author publisher and manager are profuse of a book avowedly bad, who tells in acknowledgments of the talent, you that Paternoster Row declines but-
transactions with him because his There is much virtue in a “but.” work is not good, catch him, hurry Here the “but” implies, per- him to the Regent's Park, cage him, haps introduces the statement that and advertise the novelty in the public taste does not lie in the direc Times. tion taken by this clever perform Here some mind, not duly imbued ance; the market is overcrowded; with inductive caution, will probably
tell me that bad books and “damned” Philosophers tell you that Conplays are produced, and as these must sciousness is higher than evidence. have had authors, ergo authors of bad Consciousness frequently overrides works must exist. But let us scruti- all evidence, and is employed as the nise this position. It is perfectly strongest of weapons. Granting this, true chat many books, not of supreme does it not seem clear that when excellence, and many plays inferior the author is conscious of his critic's to those of Shakespeare and Sheridan, personal malevolence, no amount have been, and are constantly brought of counter-evidence can avail ? So before the public. The critics, with deeply rooted is this conviction that unfaltering severity, expose what they unfavourable reviews are always inconsider the pretension, the dulness, spired by personal impulses, quite rethe inaccuracy, the pertness, the moved from those of simple intellect, plagiarism, and the platitude of their that we must accept it among the ulworks. The audience yawn, cough, timate facts of consciousness, against blow their noses with uneasy itera- which argument is idle. tion, and finally hiss these plays. It may be noticed, parenthetically, No copies are sold, and those un that the author is by no means so kindly presented by the author" ready to suppose that when he is are, with equal uukindness, left un- praised, the praise is an expression of read. With such evidence before friendliness; and that whenon inquiry him, the hasty inquirer is apt to the severe critic turns out to be one pronounce, Here we have a really personally a stranger to the author, bad work; here all the claims to he cannot contain his surprise. I ignominy unite. Yet such a judg- have heard one say with the utmost ment is hasty, and vanishes before naïveté : “I can't think why Blank extended investigation. You have should have written that notice, I only to get introduced to the author, never offended him." Another once and from his lips you will learn the expressed great indignation to me at true explanations of these unfavour an unfavourable review from a critic able reviews, and hissing audiences; whom he had quoted and praised in explanations which place the book his preface! This was, indeed, dasin a very different light.
tardly conduct on the part of the To begin with the reviews. It may critic. be taken as a law, not less universal We thus perceive, that inasmuch than that of gravitation, that no man as extended investigation always is ever unfavourably criticised except elicits some personal unfriendliness by an enemy. In every case apply to in the critic, no amount of condemthe fountain-head, ask the reviewed nation in the reviews can guide us author, and he will enter into minute to the author of a really bad book. particulars. He will tell you quietly, A similar result issues from an exaor indignantly, as the case may be, mination of the bissing audiences. that he knows the reviewer, and The house was known to be “ full of knows why he is so hostile. This enemies.” They went to the theatre “wby” has never, I assure you, the determined to “damn” the piece. It slightest reference to any possible is true the author's friends were demerit in the book. The author and mustered pretty strong by him, yet his critic have met at the club, or in they were outnumbered. Besides society," where I kept aloof, sir; Grögrum didn't know his part, and didn't choose to cultivate him, and hé Miss Bilkers was totally incapable of saw it.” Or they have quarrelled, doing justice to Juliana : thus all the and the criticism is revenge. Or the effects” of the play were missed, and author has spoken slightingly of the its
failure was inevitable. critic's powers. Or the critic is him But go to the fountain-head, ask self engaged on a similar work. Or the author, or his wife, or his sister, the critic has a “personal feeling or his mother, they will eloquently against my publisher.” One or all of assure you that Charles has been these motives may have dictated the treated“ most unjustly,” the press review, but never the intrinsic badness having been disgracefully unfair, for of the book.
the work“ is really beautiful, as I am
sure you will say, if you read it.” criticism at defiance, and, as Boileau They will further tell you, that if says, the Spectator and Examiner affect to despise this fine production, other
“Lui-même s'applaudissant à son maigre
génie, reviewers have been more honest, and
Se donne par ses mains l'encens qu'on they lay before you laudatory critiques lui dénie.' from the Cumberland Courant and the Gateshead Times. As to Charles Now, I ask, can this be the author himself, he despises the critics and of a really bad book ? Absurd. The “bides his time.”. All great writers book was excellent, but its success have been opposed, vilified, misrepre- was hindered by certain extraneous sented, but posterity is just. With obstacles. We must look elsewhere a sickly smile as if he were amiably for our bad author : this is clearly struggling with the cholic, he sets not the man.
NO, II.-AN UGLY DISAGREEABLE BABY.
I have had many babies thrust ence invested them with authority, under my nose to kiss and admire, some I invariably found myself in direct of them which, to my inexperienced opposition to some one more compeeyes, seemed like mere lumps of tent. I was told that I was mortality, with the complexion of a judge of babies ;” and indeed I am far Cambridge sausage, and features of from being a connoisseur in that intea general squashiness : fat babies, resting branch of the Fine Arts. The bloated babies, brickdust-coloured mother, the nurse, the aunts, the babies, yellow babies, and skinny elder sisters, the proud father, the babies—but an ugly baby I have unobtrusive mother-in-law, and the never seen. Moreover I have had much-experienced Mrs Muggeridge, my amiable temper slightly ruffled by "expecting her ninth,” were, one the howling and fretting of those in- and all, in a high state of æsthetic teresting embryos. I have had my enthusiasm about this very baby whiskers mercilessly tugged by their which I had declared, with all pofat fingers, and my shirt-front dabbled liteness, but with a sincerity how by the same, holding a well-sucked misplaced ! to fall somewhat short crust of bread; but a disagreeable of my ideal of humanity in long baby has not yet made its appearance. clothes. They pointed to its head,
True it is, that had I relied solely which Mr Thickskull the phrenoloon my own impressions, a fastidious gist had assured them was remarktaste" would have prompted a very ably fine in its developments. They unequivocal judgment in these cases, pointed to its lovely hair (a thin and I should have recommended inn- sprinkling of colourless fluff); to its mediate boiling as the one thing need- legs—had I ever seen such legs? (I ful to be done with such babies. But had seen pale polonies much resema philosopher will not rely on his bling them); to its nose (a dab of single impressions : he inquires, in- putty); to its sweet mouth - and vestigates, compares. Personal beauty then what eyes! what intelligence ! and personal attractiveness are too what mind! In fact I was overvolatile for fixed formulas ; they es whelmed with details and arguments cape the rigours of demonstration, and all proving this particular baby to appeal wholly to sentiment. Now be the "sweetest love;" and as my sentiment is personal, relative, sub- opponents were persons apparently jective ; one man's liking is as legiti- versed in the varieties of the species, mate as another's. What Charles I could only conclude that my opithinks insipid, Philip thinks en nion was the result of ignorance. chanting, and both are right. When, Philosophers have long vainly therefore, distrusting the limitation striven to fix a standard of Beauty. of my own finite nature, and my own Whether they will ever succeed may imperfect experience of babydom, I be a question ; but it is certain they sought for confirmation of my opinion will never succeed in fixing a stanamong those whose greater experi- dard for babies, because that is ne
cessarily a sliding scale. If the baby generally during the day, when not happens to be a monster of fat, he is sleeping, nor engaged in nutritive the pride of the household, because pursuits, you are told with sparkling he is “such a splendid fellow.” The pride : “ baby has such a temper of mother tells you with smiling com his own: a perfect little demon!” placency what his weight is, and no as if that were the highest of moral Hattery is sweeter to her than the attributes : and, in truth, we may complaints of the nurserymaid, that observe that mothers are excessively it breaks her back to carry him.” proud of “the spirit” manifested by If instead of a mass of blubber, their children, and excessively grievwhich suggests the soap and candle ed by the exhibitions of the same manufactory, the baby happens to spirit in after life, or in their neighbe excessively diminutive, the same bours' children. But should the mother, nurse, aunts, sisters, unob baby, instead of vigorous and retrusive mother-in-law, and much lentless squalling, pass its days like experienced Mrs Muggeridge, who an apathetic lump of dough, you are raised the chorus in praise of the called upon to idolise him for his young Daniel Lambert, are "angelic sweetness. equally ecstatic over this suspicious What chance is there of finding resemblance to a new-born ape. He an ugly or disagreeable baby? Little is small, indeed, but “
so compact, indeed. At any rate, the animal is and so beautifully proportioned;" so rare that hitherto I have been for their parts they greatly prefer unable to meet with it. “a small well-shaped child" to those I need not multiply specimens of 'monstrous babies all fat." You Unmet People which may be ranged silently note the fact, that two very under the class of the two just dedifferent standards are applied to scribed ; for my object is not an exthe different children; and why not? haustivé enumeration so much as a What have you to say against either ? survey of various types. Let me,
Then as to attractiveness of de- therefore, pass on to a different meanour. If he squalls all night, and class.
NO. III. THE MAN WHO WISHES TO HEAR THE TRUTH.
Truth is the object of the Intel- exhibit a very mitigated concern for lect, and whenever the Intellect is that much - lauded lady, Madam entirely free, not leashed to any Truth, owing to the influence of their Feelings which may draw it from the feelings. straight path, Truth is, and must Truth is doubtless a goddess whom ever be, the one desired and desir we all worship—but only when her able end. If men were pure intelligen- temples are magnificent. Truth ces they would all be unhesitating beaten and despised, Truth draggling lovers of Truth, desiring to hear it at through the dirt with garments of all times and on all occasions; spurn no splendour to cover her nakedness, ing sophisms as odious entangle- has but_a feeble chance against ments, welcoming refutations of their Madam Error, flaunting in cambric opinions as light-bearing torches by and fine linen, and looking from her whose aid their path may be cleared. carriage-window with soine contempt It happens, however, that men are on her splashed rival. It is in the far from being pure intelligences ; nature of things. _Man loves success, they have other tendencies besides and only when Truth is successful those of the intellect, other motives will the ordinary man love her with besides Truth. Indeed, I have heart and soul. Man loves Truth, I known men in whom the intellect know, but he also loves cambric and was by no means burningly conspicu- fine linen, respectability, and the ous, whose conversation and conduct sympathy and applause of his felwere far from exhibiting any indi. lows; when these are freely offered cations of a tyrannous intelligence. him by Error and taken away from And even men whose intellect was him by Truth, what wonder if he juore conspicuous, I have observed to prefer siding with the old agaiust