PROTECTION. What! I?-the hussey! ARISTOCRAT. So she said, Madam, marring, by her selfish vanity, the noble singleness of Prince Albert's plan. -"Will you aid me in raising a mausoleum to her memory, on the borders of that Row,' emphatically called Rotten'? There, over her ashes, will we celebrate our universal dominion; there proclaim to an assembled world, the decline of a great empire-Panem et Circenses- Cheap Bread,' and the Games of May-day '51!" Then giving each other a truly hypocritical hug― "of their mutual guilt, the seal; The solace of their sin-" They fell heavily asleep, "Imparadis'd in one another's arms." Requiescant in pace! say I. PROTECTION. Amen! Amen! By the way, that "in pace" reWhat fools those mountebanks of the minds me. "Peace Society" are making of themselves! ARISTOCRAT. Madam, they are beneath contempt. So warlike, too! PROTECTION. ARISTOCRAT. Yes they remind me of the heroines of our modern operas, "For ever in a passion, or a prayer!" and so liberal withal, that, like the "filthy dreamers" of St Jude, "they despise dominion, and speak evil of dignities." I solemnly assure you, Madam, I would sooner see my country a province of France, than governed on the principles! of such fellows as those; for, disgraced as I should feel myself, as a Briton, in either case, in one only should I deem myself degraded, as a Man. And yet these are the people who tell us they are to displace our Aristocracy! PROTECTION. What! dullards such as those lord it over merry England! They may, perhaps but not, I promise 'em, while Chartism can pull a trigger, or They fancy they can fix the nail just far enough to hang their own opinions on; but it shall go hard but I will drive it for 'em home to the head. The hypocrites! to think that the veteran hero Gough could not land in England, the other day, without finding their malice on the alert to welcome him! ARISTOCRAT. And not six weeks ago, when the First Lord of F the Admiralty, on introducing the "Pirates' (Head Money) Repeal Bill," asked for £100,000, Mr. Cobden-whose philanthropy varies directly as the square of the distance-eloquent in defence of those cut-throats, and in abuse of Rajah Brooke, assured the House of Commons that, "an overruling Providence would visit these acts with retribution." Retribution! indeed: why, the crocodile tears of the saintliest spinster, that ever sighed for the source of the Niger, or blubbered in Exeter Hall after a Black PROTECTION. And what would have been the indignation of that philanthropist had I pointed out to him, in that very assembly, a man who had put into his own pockets a sum little short of £100,000, as "Head Money——" For "Pirates?" ARISTOCRAT. PROTECTION. (angrily.) No! for honest yeomen, forced off the lands which their grandfathers tilled; for careful wives, whose beds are sold from under them; for ablebodied sons, breaking stones upon the road; for daughters, turned adrift out of their modest homes, for Manchester Broadbrims to leer at! Retribution, indeed! "O, Richard, is there not some chosen curse, ARISTOCRAT. Is it quite fair on the "Apostle of Free-Trade," to lay at his door the ruin of those, whom—not he, but-another betrayed? PROTECTION. And do you think, Sir, that will save his "secret soul from nightly fears," as he sips his Lafitte at Aceldama Hall? Well! Be it so. (a pause.) Talking of "Pirates"-did you never read Sir James Graham's celebrated compilation from Cobbett, called "Corn and Currency?" No, Madam. ARISTOCRAT. PROTECTION. Then you have a treat in store for you, I promise you. Be so good as to reach me down that dirty-looking pamphlet, on the upper shelf therethank you just listen, now-(running over the pages). Sir James Graham-after admitting "to the fullest extent the claims of the landowner to a liberal protecting duty"-after soundly rating the "Annuitants, the Fundholders, the Economists," and Peel, and Huskisson, and id genus omne-after bewailing that "distress is greatest where provisions are cheapest; famine without dearth; hunger amidst superabundance of provisions; farmers without a market; labourers without the means of purchase"-Sir James Graham-after beating about the bush for more than a hundred mortal pages, as if positively ashamed of what he is about to propose-proposes ARISTOCRAT. What, Madam? PROTECTION. Why it is not very easy to tell precisely, even with the book in my hand; but I defy you, or any one else, to say that Sir James Graham would appropriate less than one-third from the fundholder and mortgagee; modestly retaining a fixed duty of 15s. on the quarter of wheat! What ails you, Sir? Is there any thing the matter with you? ARISTOCRAT. No, Madam; but I could not help shuddering to think what I too may come to, twenty years hence. PROTECTION. (flinging aside the book.) Well! then, again-Sir Robert Peel. In 1842 he lowered the duty, on the quarter of wheat of the value of 50s., from 33s. 8d. (Lord Glenelg's |