CHAPTER XII.

"Would I were in an alehouse in London, I would give all my fame for a pot of ale in safety."

Shakespeare.

By a strange reverse of circumstances, the Bighose were now become the foes of Freeland, as the democratic party, with the assistance of the Gulls, had gained the ascendancy over the Lemonites, and driven the Prince of Lemon to seek an asylum in Freeland.

"Oh, world, thy slippery turns. Friends now fast sworn, "Whose double bosoms seem to wear one heart, "Whose hours, whose bed, whose meat and exercise "Are still together; who twine (as 'twere) in love "Inseparable; shall within this hour,

On a dissension of a doit, break out "To bitterest enmity. So fellest foes,

"Whose passions and whose plots have broke their sleep,

"To take the one the other, by some chance, "Some trick not worth an egg, shall grow dear friends, "And interjoin their issues."

Shakespeare.

They could not be worse as foes, than they had been as friends. On the first repulse before Tunquerque, they had run off in a body to their homes, and, on the subsequent reverses of the allies, had behaved towards them with the greatest inhumanity, and even decided hos tility. The Freelanders resolved, notwithstanding this rancour, like true christians, to endeavour to free them from a yoke which they bore very contentedly. A large force was assembled on the frontiers of Freeland for the avowed purpose, which was denominated The Secret Expedition, we suppose from its destination being known to all the world!

The expedition was as wisely conducted, as it had been secretly planned. The event demonstrated that if a blow had been struck with the whole force at once, the end would have been rapidly and fully obtained; but our hero was obstinately bent on having things done in his own way and at his own time (for what is the

use of power if we do not exercise it?) and every
thing went the wrong way. A brave veteran ge-
neral, named RALPHO, was, therefore, embarked
with a part of the army, and so little precaution
had been taken, that the whole of them had
nearly been starved or drowned at the outset.
The weather was, for some days, unfavourable
to their landing, as every man, but the wise
ministers of Freeland, knew would be the case
at times. The flotilla were blown about on the
water, and provisions ran short, there not having
been the least allowance made for so common
an occurrence as a change of wind. It became
favourable, however, at the critical moment,
when the flotilla was about to return.
brave Freelanders landed, and drove the enemy
before them to a considerable distance, and the
only obstacle to their giving them a total de-
feat, was that they could not pursue them for
want of cavalry, which it had not been thought
necessary to send with them. Precious minis-
ters! precious commander-in-chief!—

"Oh fate of fools! officious in contriving,
"In executing puzzled, lame and lost.”—

The

The enemy's flotilla was, however, taken pos

session of, and there needed only the arrival of our hero with the remainder of the expedition to take advantage of the panic-struck foe, and render success complete; but he had to bid adieu to his mistresses, to drink some parting matches with his toping friends, and to collect trappings for a suite worthy of his great self. He marched out with all the pomp of Darius, and sneaked home like a cur with a tin cannister tied to his tail. As a sport-loving lady once disdainfully told a dull gentleman that he could not spell oppor-tu-ni-ty; so Fortune, true to her sex, resented the slight, and turned trull to the enemy.

Many persons shewed their ignorance of the military profession, by taxing our hero with folly; but he only followed one of the rules of war well known to other commanders-in-chief:

when any service of danger is to be performed, you should send your second in command, or some inferior officer-but whomsoever you send, if he succeeds in the business, be sure to take all the merit of it to yourself.' If general Ralpho, therefore, met with any suc cess, our hero might arrive in time to gather all the laurels :

"For great commanders only own

"What's prosp'rous by the soldier done”—

Hudibras.

-if, on the contrary, he ran himself into a snare, our hero might have the honour of extricating him from it.

Honour both ways!

Unluckily, however, there was a third way, which led to the very reverse, and that way the bias of the bowl took. General Ralpho did all that could be expected to be done with his diminutive force; but he could not do all that was to be done. Our hero, therefore, could borrow no lustre, but from his own achievements, and a decent job he made of it.

After having dallied, drunk, and drivelled away much precious and irredeemable time, our hero arrived at last with the remainder of the troops, and a large reinforcement of their allies, the Bearskins, landed at the same time to co-operate with them. But the best part of the fair was over. The Bighose had, in a great measure, recovered from their panic; obstructed all the roads; removed all supplies, and received large bodies of troops from the Gulls, who had