"It is by no means improbable that old Lobbs would have carried this threat into execution, in the excess of his rage, if his arm had not been stayed by a very unexpected apparition, to wit, the male cousin, who, stepping out of his closet, and walking up to old Lobbs, said—

"I cannot allow this harmless person, Sir, who has been asked here, in some girlish frolic, to take upon himself, in a very noble manner, the fault (if fault it is) which I am guilty of, and am ready to avow. I love your daughter, Sir: and I came here for the purpose of meeting her.'

"Old Lobbs opened his eyes very wide at this, but not wider than Nathaniel Pipkin.

"You did?' said Lobbs: at last finding breath to speak. "I did.'

666

'And I forbade you this house, long ago.'

"You did, or I should not have been here, clandestinely, to-night.'

"I am sorry to record it, of old Lobbs, but I think he would have struck the cousin, if his pretty daughter, with her bright eyes swimming in tears, had not clung to his

arm.

"Don't stop him, Maria,' said the young man: if he has the will to strike me, let him. I would not hurt a hair of his grey head, for the riches of the world.'

"The old man cast down his eyes at this reproof, and they met those of his daughter. I have hinted once or twice before, that they were very bright eyes, and, though they were tearful now, their influence was by no means lessened. Old Lobbs turned his head away, as if to avoid being persuaded by them, when, as fortune would have it, he encountered the face of the wicked little cousin, who, half afraid for her brother, and half laughing at Nathaniel Pipkin, presented as bewitching an expression of countenance, with a touch of slyness in it too, as any man, old or young, need look upon. She drew her arm coaxingly through the old man's, and whispered something in his ear; and do what he would, old Lobbs couldn't help breaking out into a smile, while a tear stole down his cheek, at the same time.

Five minutes after this, the girls were brought down from the bedroom with a great deal of giggling and modesty; and while the young people were making themselves perfectly happy, old Lobbs got down his pipe, and smoked it and it was a remarkable circumstance about that particular pipe of tobacco, that it was the most soothing and delightful one he ever smoked.

"Nathaniel Pipkin thought it best to keep his own counsel, and by so doing gradually rose into high favour with old Lobbs, who taught him to smoke in time; and they used to sit out in the garden on the fine evenings, for many years afterwards, smoking and drinking in great state. He soon recovered the effects of his attachment, for we find his name in the parish register, as a witness to the marriage of Maria Lobbs to her cousin; and it also appears, by reference to other documents, that on the night of the wedding, he was incarcerated in the village cage, for having, in a state of extreme intoxication, committed sundry excesses in the streets, in all of which he was aided and abetted by the bony apprentice with the thin legs."

CHAPTER XVIII

BRIEFLY ILLUSTRATIVE OF TWO POINTS;-FIRST, THE POWER OF HYSTERICS, AND, SECONDLY, THE FORCE OF CIRCUMSTANCES

FOR two days after the dejeune at Mrs. Hunter's the

Pickwickians remained at Eatanswill, anxiously awaiting the arrival of some intelligence from their revered leader. Mr. Tupman and Mr. Snodgrass, were once again left to their own means of amusement; for Mr. Winkle, in compliance with a most pressing invitation, continued to reside at Mr. Pott's house, and to devote his time to the companionship of his amiable lady. Nor was the occasional society of Mr. Pott himself, wanting to complete their felicity. Deeply immersed in the intensity of his speculations for the public weal, and the destruction of the Independent, it was not the habit of that great man to descend from his mental pinnacle to the humble level of ordinary minds. On this occasion, however, and as if expressly in compliment to any follower of Mr. Pickwick's, he unbent, relaxed, stepped down from his pedestal, and walked upon the ground: benignly adapting his remarks to the comprehension of the herd, and seeming in outward form, if not in spirit, to be one of them.

Such having been the demeanour of this celebrated public character towards Mr. Winkle, it will be readily imagined that considerable surprise was depicted on the countenance of the latter gentleman, when, as he was sitting alone in the breakfast room, the door was hastily thrown open, and as hastily closed, on the entrance of Mr. Pott, who, stalking majestically towards him, and thrusting aside his proffered hand, ground his teeth, as if to put a

sharper edge on what he was about to utter, and exclaimed in a saw-like voice,

66

'Serpent!"

"Sir!" exclaimed Mr. Winkle, starting from his chair. 'Serpent, Sir," repeated Mr. Pott, raising his voice, and then suddenly depressing it; "I said, Serpent, Sirmake the most of it."

Now when you have parted with a man, at two o'clock in the morning, on terms of the utmost good fellowship, and he meets you again, at half-past nine, and greets you as a serpent, it is not unreasonable to conclude that something of an unpleasant nature has occurred meanwhile. So Mr. Winkle thought. He returned Mr. Pott's gaze of stone, and in compliance with that gentleman's request, proceeded to make the most he could of the 'Serpent." The most, however, was just nothing at all; so, after a profound silence of some minutes' duration, he said,

"Serpent, Sir! Serpent, Mr. Pott! What can you mean, Sir?-this is pleasantry."

"Pleasantry, Sir!" exclaimed Pott, with a motion of the hand, indicative of a strong desire to hurl the Britannia metal tea-pot at the head of his visitor. "Pleasantry, Sir !- -but no, I will be calm; I will be calm, Sir"; and in proof of his calmness, Mr. Pott flung himself into a chair, and foamed at the mouth.

'My dear Sir," interposed Mr. Winkle.

"Dear Sir!" replied Pott. "How dare you address me, as dear Sir, Sir? How dare you look me in the face and do it?"

"Well, Sir, if you come to that," responded Mr. Winkle, "how dare you look me in the face, and call me a serpent, Sir?"

"Because you are one," replied Mr. Pott. "Prove it, Sir," said Mr. Winkle, warmly.

"Prove it."

A malignant scowl passed over the profound face of the editor, as he drew from his pocket, the Independent of that morning; and laying his finger on a particular paragraph, threw the journal across the table to Mr. Winkle.

That gentleman took it up, and read as follows:—

"Our obscure and filthy contemporary, in some disgusting observations on the recent election for this borough, has presumed to violate the hallowed sanctity of private life, and to refer, in a manner not to be misunderstood, to the personal affairs of our late candidate -ay, and notwithstanding his base defeat, we will add,

our future member, Mr. Fizkin. What does our dastardly contemporary mean? What would the ruffian say, if we, setting at nought, like him, the decencies of social intercourse, were to raise the curtain which happily conceals his private life from general ridicule, not to say from general execration? What, if we were even to point out, and comment on, facts and circumstances which are publicly notorious, and beheld by every one, but our mole-eyed contemporary-what if we were to print the following effusion, which we received while we writing the commencement of this article, from a talented fellow-townsman and correspondent :

46

466 LINES TO A BRASS POT

"Oh Pott! if you'd known

How false she'd have grown,

When you heard the marriage bells tinkle;
You'd have done then, I vow,
What you cannot help now,

And handed her over to Ŵ*

were

What," said Mr. Pott, solemnly-" what rhymes to 'tinkle,' villain?"

"What rhymes to tinkle?" said Mrs. Pott, whose entrance at the moment forestalled the reply. "What rhymes to tinkle? Why, Winkle, I should conceive": and saying this, Mrs. Pott smiled sweetly on the disturbed Pickwickian, and extended her hand towards him. The agitated young man would have accepted it, in his confusion, had not Pott indignantly interposed.

Back, Ma'am, back," said the editor.

hand before my very face!"

"Take his

"Mr. P.!" said his astonished lady. "Wretched woman, look here," exclaimed the husband. "Look here, Ma'am-'Lines to a Brass Pot,' Ma'am. 'Brass Pot';-that's me, Ma'am. False she'd have grown';-that's you, Ma'am-you." With this ebullition of rage, which was not unaccompanied with something like a tremble, at the expression of his wife's face, Mr. Pott dashed the current number of the Eatanswill Independent at her feet.

46

Upon my word, Sir," said the astonished Mrs. Pott, stooping to pick up the paper. "Upon my word, Sir."

Mr. Pott winced beneath the contemptuous gaze of his wife. He had made a desperate struggle to screw up his courage, but it was fast coming unscrewed again.

There appears nothing very tremendous in this little

sentence, "Upon my word, Sir," when it comes to be read; but the tone of voice in which it was delivered, and the look that accompanied it, both seeming to bear reference to some revenge to be thereafter wreaked upon the head of Pott, produced their full effect upon him. The most unskilful observer could have detected in his troubled countenance, a readiness to resign his Wellington boots to any efficient substitute who would have consented to stand in them at that moment.

Mrs. Pott read the paragraph, uttered a loud shriek, and threw herself at full length on the hearth-rug, screaming, and tapping it with the heels of her shoes, in a manner which could leave no doubt of the propriety of her feelings on the occasion.

"My dear," said the terrified Pott,-"I didn't say I believed it;-I- but the unfortunate man's voice

was drowned in the screaming of his partner.

"Mrs. Pott, let me entreat you, my dear Ma'am, to compose yourself," said Mr. Winkle; but the shrieks and tappings were louder, and more frequent than ever.

"My dear," said Mr. Pott, "I am very sorry. If you won't consider your own health, consider me, my dear. We shall have a crowd round the house." But the more strenuously Mr. Pott entreated, the more vehemently the screams poured forth.

Very fortunately, however, attached to Mrs. Pott's person was a body-guard of one, a young lady whose ostensible employment was to preside over her toilet, but who rendered herself useful in a variety of ways, and in none more so than in the particular department of constantly aiding and abetting her mistress in every wish and inclination opposed to the desires of the unhappy Pott. The screams reached this young lady's ears in due course, and brought her to the room with a speed which threatened to derange materially, the very exquisite arrangements of her cap and ringlets.

"Oh, my dear, dear mistress!" exclaimed the bodyguard, kneeling frantically by the side of the prostrate Mrs. Pott. Oh, my dear mistress, what is the matter?" "Your master-your brutal master," murmured the patient.

Pott was evidently giving way.

"It's a shame," said the body-guard, reproachfully. "I know he'll be the death on you, Ma'am. Poor dear thing."

He gave way more. The opposite party followed up

the attack.