Enter Rowley. Rowl. Mr. Surface, your most obedient; I wait on you from your uncle, who is just arrived. Jos. How! Sir Oliver arrived! Mr. Stanley. [Gives him a note.] Here, Mr. call back Rowl. It's too late, Sir, I met him going out of the house. Jos. Was ever any thing so unfortunate! [Aside.] I hope my uncle has enjoyed good health and spirits. Rowl. Oh, very good, Sir; he bid me inform you he'll wait on you within this half hour. Jos. Present him my kind love and duty, and assure him I'm quite impatient to see him. [Bowing.] Rowl. I shall, Sir. [Exit Rowley.] Jos. Pray do, Sir, [bows] This was the most cursed piece of ill luck, [Exit Joseph. ] .sent. SCENE II. Sir Peter Teazle's House. Enter Mrs. Candour and Maid. Maid. Indeed, madam, my lady will see no one at pre Mrs. Cand. Did you tell her it was her friend, Mrs. Candour? Maid. I did, madam, and she begs to be excused. -- Mrs. Cand. Go again, for I am sure she must be greatly. distressed. [Exit Maid.] How provoking to be kept waiting I am not mistress of half the circumstances:" I shall have the whole affair in the news-papers, with the parties names at full length, before I have dropped the story at a dozen houses. Enter Sir Benjamin Backbite. Mrs. Cand. Oh, Sir Benjamin, I am glad you are come; have you heard of Lady Teazle's affair? Well, I never was so surprised and I am so distressed for the parties. Sir Benj. Nay, I can't say I pity Sir Peter, he was always so partial to Mr. Surface. Mrs. Cand. Mr. Surface! Why it was Charles. Sir Benj. Oh, no, madam, Mr. Surface was Mrs. Cand. No, Charles was the lover; dac face, to do him justice, was the cause of the discovery: he brought Sir Peter; and - Sir Benj. Oh, my dear madam, no such thing; for I had it from one Mrs. Cand. Yes, and I had it from one, that had it from one that knew. Sir Benj. And I had it from one Mrs. Cand. No such thing But here comes my Lady Sneerwell, and perhaps she may have heard the particulars. Enter Lady Sneerwell. L. Sneer. Oh, dear Mrs. Candour, her's is a sad affair about our friend Lady Teazle! Mrs. Cand. Why, to be sure, poor thing, I am much concerned for her. L. Sneer. I protest so am I was always too lively for me, though I must confess she Mrs. Cand. But she had a great deal of good nature. Mrs. Cand. But do you know all the particulars? [To Lady Sneerwell.] Sir Benj. Yet who could have suspected Mr. Surface. Sir Benj. No, Mr. Surface. Mrs. Cand. Oh, 'twas Charles. Mrs. Cand. Yes, Charles. Sir Benj. I'll not pretend to dispute with you, Mrs. Candour; but be it as it may, I hope Sir Peter's wounds won't prove mortal. Mrs. Cand. Sir Peter's wounds! what! did they fight! I never heard a word of that. Sir Benj. No! Mrs. Cand. No! La Sneer. Nor I, a syllable: do, dear Sir Benjamin, tell us. half the affair Why why I'll tell you Sir Peter, you must know, had a long time suspected Lady Teazle's vi sits to Mr. Surface. Mrs. Cand. To Charles, you mean. Sir Benj. No, Mr. Surface and upon going to his house, and finding Lady Teazle there, Sir', says Sir Peter, you are a very ungrateful fellow.. Mrs. Cand. Ay, that was Charles. Sir Benj. Mr. Surface. And old as I am, says he, I demand immediate satisfaction: upon this, they both drew their swords, and to it they fell *). 1 Mrs. Cand. at must be Charles; for it is very unlikely that Mr. Surface should fight in his own house. Sir Benj. 'Sdeath, madam, not at all. Lady Teazle, upon seeing Sir Peter in such danger, ran out of the room in strong hysterics, and was followed by Charles, calling out for hartshorn and water. They fought, and Sir Peter received a wound in his right side by the thrust of a small sword. Enter Crabtree. Crab. Pistols! pistols! nephew. Mrs. Cand, Oh, Mr. Crabtree, I am glad you are come; now we shall have the whole affair. Sir Benj. No, no, it was a small sword, uncle. Crab. Zounds, nephew, I say it was a pistol. Sir Benj. A thrust in a second **) through the small guts. Sir Benj. But give me leave, dear uncle, it was a small sword. Crab. I tell you it was a pistol body to know any thing but yourself, Charles Won't you suffer any It was a pistol, and Mrs. Cand. Ay! I knew it was Charles. Sir Benj. Mr. Surface, uncle. Crab. Why zounds! I say it was Charles; must nobody speak but yourself! I'll tell you how the whole affair was. L. Sneer. Mrs. Cand. } ́Ay do, do, pray tell us. Sir Benj. I see my uncle knows nothing at all about the matter. Crab, Mr. Surface you must know, ladies, came late from Salt-hill ***), where he had been the evening before with a particular friend of his, who has a son at Eaton; his pistols were left on the bureau, and unfortunately loaded, and on Sir Peter's taxing Charles * Sie machten sich daran. **) A thrust in a second, vermuthlich ein aus der Fechtersprache entlehnter Ausdruck. ***) Salt-hill, ein Dorf bei Windsor, auf dem Wege von London nach Bath, wo einige gute Wirthshäuser sind. Sir Benj. Mr. Surface you mean. Crab. Do, pray, nephew, hold your tongue, and let me speak sometimes I say, ladies, upon his taking Charles to account, and taxing him with the basest ingratitude Sir Benj. Ay, ladies, I told you Sir er taxed him with ingratitude. Crab. They agreed each to take a pistol They fired 'at the same instant Charles's ball took place, and lodged in the thorax. Sir Peter's missed and what is very extraordinary, the ball grazed against a little bronze Shakspeare that stood over the chimney, flew off thro' the window, at right angles, and wounded the post man, who was just come to the door with a double letter *) from Northamptonshire **). Sir Benj. I heard nothing of all this! I must own, ladies, my uncle's account is more circumstantial, though I believe mine is the true one. L. Sneer. I am more interested in this affair than they imagine, and must have better information. [Aside and exit.] Sir Benj. Lady Sneerwell's alarm is very easily account ed for. Crab Why, yes; they do say but that's neither here nor there ***). Mrs. Cand. But pray where is Sir Peter now? I hope his wound won't prove mortal. Crab. He was carried home immediately, and has given positive orders to be denied to every body. Sir Benj. And, I believe, Lady Teazle is attending him. Crab. Certainly came in. Sir Benj. Gad so! and here he comes. Crab. Yes, yes, that's the doctor. Mrs. Cand. That certainly must be the physician we shall get information. *) A double letter, ein Brief der doppeltes Porto geben muss. Die Ausführlichkeit, mit der er alles erzählt, soll seiner Aussage mehr Glaubwürdigkeit verschaffen. **) Northamptonshire, eine bekannte Englische Grafschaft." ***) 'Tis neither here nor es ist weder hier noch da; weder gehauen noch gesto****) Von der medizinischen Fakultät. there, chen. Enter Sir Oliver Surface. Dear Doctor, how is your patient? Sir Benj. I hope his wounds are not mortal? Sir Benj Pray, Doctor, was he not wounded by a thrust of a sword through the small guts? Crab. Was it not by a bullet that lodged in the thorax? Crab. Dear, dear Doctor speak. [All pulling him.] Sir Oliv. Hey, hey, good people, are you all mad? Why, what the devil is the matter? a sword through the small guts, and a bullet lodged in the thorax! you all be at? What would Sir Benj. Then perhaps, Sir, you are not a Doctor. Sir Oliv. Nothing more, Sir. Sir Benj. Then I suppose, as you are a friend, you can be better able to give us some account of his wounds! Sir Oliv. Wounds! Mrs. Cand. What! hav'n't you heard he was wounded The saddest accident! you Sir Benj. A thrust with the sword through the small guts. Sir Oliv. Good people, speak one at a time, I beseech You both agree that Sir Peter is dangerously wounded. Crab. Sir Benj. } Ay, ay, we both agree in that. Sir Oliv. Then I will be bold to say, Sir Peter is one of the most imprudent men in the world, for here he comes walking as if nothing had happened. Enter Sir Peter. My good friend, you are certainly mad to walk about in this condition; you should go to bed, you that have had a sword through your small guts, and a bullet lodged in your thorax. Sir Pet. A sword through my small guts, and a bullet lodged in my thorax? Sir Oliv. Yes, these worthy people would have killed you without law or physic, and wanted to dub me a Doctor, in order to make me an accomplice. Sir Pet. What is all this? |