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Enter Rowley Rowl. Mr. Surface, your most obedient; I wait on you from your uncle, who is just arrived. [ Gives him a note.]
Jos. How! Sir Oliver arrived! Here, Mr. call back Mr. Stanley
Rowl. It's too late, Sir, I met him going out of the house.
Jos. Was ever any thirrg so unfortunate! [ Aside. ] - I hope my uncle has enjoyed good health and spirits. Rowl.' Oh, very good, Sir; he bid me inform
be'll wait on you within this half hour.
Jos. Present him my kind love and duty, and assure him I'm quite impatient to see him.
[ Bowing.) Rowl. I shall, Sir.
[Exit Rowley. ] Jos. Pray do, Sir, [bows) This was the most cursed piece of ill luck,
Enter Mrs. Candour and Maid.
Maid. Indeed, madam, my lady will see no one at pre• sent,
Mrs. Cand. Did you tell her it was her friend, Mrs. Candour?
Maid. I did, madam, and she begs to be excused.
Mrs. Cand. Go again, for I am sure she must be greatly distressed. (Exit Maid. ] How provoking to be kept waiting I am not mistress of half the circumstances : I shall have the whole affair in the news - papers, with the parties names at full length, before I have dropped the story at a dozen houses.
Enter Sir Benjamin Backbite, Mirs. Cand. Oh, Sir Benjamin, I am glad you are come; have you heard of Lady Teazle's affair?
Well, I never was so surprised and I am so distressed for the parties.
Sir Benj. Nay, I can't say I pity Sir Peter, he was al. ways so partial to Mr. Surface.
Mrs. Cand. Mr. Surface! Why it was Charles.
face, to do him justice, was the cause of the discovery: he brought Sir Peter; and
Sir Benj. Oh, my dear madam, no such thing; for I had it from one —
Mrs. Cand. Yes, and I had it from one, that had it from one that knew.
Sir Benj. And I had it from one
Mrs. Cand. No such thing But here comes my Lady Sneerwell, and perhaps she may have heard the particulars.
Enter Lady Sncenwell. L. Sneer. Oh, dear Mrs. Candour, her's is a sad affair about ou
our friend Lady Teazle!
Mrs. Cand. Why, to be sure, poor- thing, I am much concerned for her,
L. Sreer. I protest so am I - though I must confess she was always too lively for me,
Mrs. Cand. But she had a great deal of good nature.
Mrs. Cand. But do you know all the particulars ? (To Lady Sneerwell.]
Sir Benj. Yet who could have suspected Mr. Surface.
Sir Benj. I'll not pretend to dispute with you, Mrs. Candour; but be it as it may, I hope Sir Peter's wounds won't
Mrs. Cand. Sir Peter's wounds! what! did they fight! I never heard a word of that.
Sir Benj. No! -
Sir Benj. Oh, my dear madam, then you don't know half the affair - Why why
Sir Peter, you must know, had a long time suspected Lady Teazle's vi. sits to Mr. Surface.
Mrs. Cand. To Charles, you mean.
and upon going to his house, and finding Lady Teazle there, Sir, says Sir Peter, you are a very ungrateful fellow..
I'll tell you
Mrs. Cand. Ay, that was Charles.
Sir Benj. Mr. Surface. And old as I am, says he, I demand immediate satisfaction: upon this, they both drew their swords, and to it they fell *).
Mrs., Cand. fiat must be Charles; for it is very unlikely that Mr. Surface should fight in his own house.
Sir Benj. 'Sdeath, madam, not at all, Lady Teazle, upon seeing Sir Peter in such danger, ran out of the room in strong hysterics, and was followed by Cbarles, calling out for harishorn and water. They fought, and Sir Peter received a wound in bis right side by the thrust of a small sword.
Mrs. Cand, Oh, Mr. Crabtree, I am glad you are come; now we shall have the whole affair.
Sir Benj. No, no, it was a small sword, uncle.
Sir Benj. But give me leave, dear uncle, it was a small sword. Crab. I tell you it was a pistol - Won't you
any body to know any thing but yourself, It was a pistol, and Charles
Mrs. Cand. Ay! I knew it was Charles.
Crab. Why zounds! I say it was Charles; must nobody speak but yourself! I'll tell you how the whole affair was.
} Ay do, do, pray tell us.
Crab. Mr. Surface you must know, ladies, came late from Salt- bill ***), where he had been the evening before with a particular friend of his, 'who has a son at Eaton; his pistols were left on the bureau, and unfortunately loaded, and an Sir Peter's taxing Charles
*) Sie machten sich daran. *) A thrust in a second, vermuthlich ein aus der Fechtersprache entlehnter Ausdruck.
***) Salt-hill, ein Dorf bei Windsor, auf dem Wege von London nach Bath, wo einige gute Wirthshäuser sind.
Şir Benj. Mr. Surface you mean.
Crab. Do, pray, nephew, hold your tongue, and let me speak sometimes I say, ladies, upon bis taking Charles to account, and taxing him with the basest ingratitude
Sir Benj. Ay, ladies, I told you Sir deg er taxed him with ingratitude. Crab. They agreed each to take a pistol
They fired at the same instant Charles's ball took place, and lodged in the thorax. Sir Peter's missed and what is very extraordinary, the ball grazed against a little bronze Shakspeare that stood over the chimney, flew off thro' the window, at right angles, and wounded the post man, who was just come to the door with a double leiter *) from Northamptonshire **).
Sir Benj. I heard nothing of all this! I must own, ladies, my uncle's account is more circumstantial, though I believe mine is the true one.
L. Sneer. I am more interested in this affair than they imagine, and must have better information. [Aside and exit. ]
Sir Benj. Lady Sneerwell's alarm is very easily accounted for.
Crab. Why, yes; they do say but that's neither here nor there ***).
Mrs, Cand. But pray where is Sir Peter now? I hope his wound won't prove mortal.
Crab. He was carried home immediately, and has given positive orders to be denied to every body.
Sir Benj. And, I believe, Lady Teazle is attending him.
Sir Benj. Gad so! and here he comes.
Mrs. Cand. That certainly must be the physician
“) A double letter, ein Brief der doppeltes Porto geben muss.
Die Ausführlichkeit, init der er alles erzählt, soll seiner Ais. sage mehr Glaubwürdigkeit verschaffen. *) Northamptonshire, eine bekannte Englische Grafschaft. ***) 'Tis neither bere gor
es ist weder hier noch da; weder gehauen noch gestochen. ****) Von der medizinischen Fakultät.
you all be at ?
Enter Sir Oliver Surface.
Sir Benj. I hope his wounds are not mortal ?
way of recovery? Sir Benj Pray, Doctor, was he not wounded by a thrust of a sword through the small guts?
Crab. Was it not by a bullet that lodged in the thorax ?
Sir Oliv. Hey, hey, good people, are you all mad? Why, what the devil is the matter ? — a sword through the small guts, and a bullet lodged in the thorax! What would
Sir Benj. Then perhaps, Sir, you are not a Doctor.
my degree. Crab. Only a particular friend, I
suppose. Sir Oliv. Nothing more,
Sir. Sir. Benj. Then I suppose, as you are a friend, you can be better able to give us some account of his wounds!
Sir Oliv. Wounds!
Mrs. Cand. What! hav'n't you heard he was wounded The saddest accident ! Sir Benj. A thrust with the sword through the small
You both agree that Sir Peter is dangerously wounded.
Sir Oliv. Then I will be bold to say, Sir Peter is one of the most imprudent men in the world, for here he comes walking as if nothing had happened.
Enter Sir Peter. My good friend, you are certainly mad to walk about in this condition; you should go to bed, you that have had a sword through your small guts, and a bullet lodged in your thorax.
Sir Pet. A sword through my small, guts, and a bullet lodged in
thorax ? Sir Oliv. Yes, these worthy people would have killed you without law or physic, and wanted to dub me a Doctor, in order to make me an accomplice.
Sir Pet. What is all this?
} Ay, ay, we both agree in that