want of books, and a just contempt of learning: but for thefe events. I fay, and fome others too long to recite (especially a prudent neglect of taking brimftone inwardly) I doubt, the number of authors, and of writings, would dwindle away to a degree moft woful to behold. To confirm this opinion hear the words of the famous Troglodyte philofopher: It is certain (said he) fome grains of folly are of course annexed as part of the compofition of human nature, only the choice is left us, whether we pleafe to wear them inlaid or emboffed: and we need not go very far to feek how that is ufually determined, when we remember, it is with human faculties as with liquors, the lighteft will be ever at the top.

There is in this famous ifland of Britain a certain paultry fcribler, very voluminous, whofe character the reader cannot wholly be a stranger to. He deals in a pernicious kind of writings, called fecond parts, and ufually paffes under the name of the author of the first, I eafily foresee, that as foon as I lay down my pen, this nimble operator will have ftolen it, and treat me

as

as inhumanly as he hath already done Dr. Blackmore, Leftrange, and many others, who fhall here be nameless; I therefore fly for justice and relief into the hands of that great rectifier of faddles, and lover of mankind, Dr. Bentley, begging he will take this enormous grievance into his moft modern confideration: and if it fhould fo happen, that the furniture of an ass, in the shape of a second part, mult for my fins be clapped by a mistake upon my back, that he will immediately please, in the prefence of the world, to lighten me of the burthen, and take it home to his own boufe, till the true beat thinks fit to call for it.

In the mean time I do here give this public notice, that my refolutions are to circumfcribe within this difcourse the whole ftock of matter, I have been fo many years providing. Since my vein is once opened, I am content to exhauft it all at a running, for the peculiar advantage of my dear country, and for the univerfal benefit of mankind. Therefore hofpitably confidering the number of my

? Alluding to the trite phrafe, place the saddle an the right horse.

guests,

2

guefts, they fhall have my whole entertainment at a meal; and I fcorn to fet up the leavings in the cupboard. What the guests cannot eat, may be given to the poor; and the dogs under the table may gnaw the bones. This I understand for a more generous proceeding, than to turn the company's ftomach by inviting them again to-morrow to a fcurvy meal of Scraps.

If the reader fairly confiders the strength of what I have advanced in the foregoing fection, I am convinced it will produce a wonderful revolution in his notions and opinions; and he will be abundantly better prepared to receive and to relish the concluding part of this miraculous treatise, Readers may be divided into three claffes, the fuperficial, the ignorant, and the learn ed: and I have with much felicity fitted my pen to the genius and advantage of each. The fuperficial reader will be ftrangely provoked to laughter; which clears the breaft and the lungs, is fovereign

By dogs, the author means in his digreffion upon critics, common injudicious critics, as page 103:

he explains it himself before

against

against the spleen, and the most innocent of all diuretics. The ignorant reader, between whom and the former the diftinction is extremely nice, will find himself difpofed to ftare; which is an admirable remedy for ill eyes, ferves to raise and enliven the fpirits, and wonderfully helps perfpiration. But the reader truly learned, chiefly for whose benefit I wake when others fleep, and fleep when others wake, will here find sufficient matter to employ his fpeculations for the reft of his life. It were much to be wifhed, and I do here humbly propose for an experiment, that every prince in christendom will take feven of the deepest scholars in his dominions, and fhut them up close for seven years, in feven chambers, with a command to write feven ample commentaries on this comprehenfive difcourfe. I fhall venture to affirm, that whatever difference may be found in their feveral conjectures, they will be all, without the least distortion, manifeftly deducible from the text. Mean time, it is my earnest request, that so useful an undertaking may be entered upon, if their majesties please, with all convenient speed;

becaufe

because I have a ftrong inclination, before I leave the world, to taste a bleffing, which we myfterious writers can feldom reach, till we have gotten into our graves; whether it is, that fame, being a fruit graffed on the body, can hardly grow, and much less ripen, till the flock is in the earth: or, whether the be a bird of prey, and is lured among the reft to pursue af ter the scent of a carcass: or, whether she conceives, her trumpet founds beft and fartheft, when she ftands on a tomb, by the advantage of a rifing ground, and the echo of a hollow vault.

It is true, indeed, the republic of dark authors, after they once found out this excellent expedient of dying, have been peculiarly happy in the variety, as well as extent of their reputation. For, night being the univerfal mother of things, wife philofophers hold all writings to be fruitful in the proportion they are dark; and therefore, the true illuminated (that is

a

: A name of the Rofycrucians. These were Fanatic alchemifts, who in fearch after the great fecret had invented a means altogether proportion ed to their end: it was a kind

of theological philofophy, made up of almoft equal mixtures of pagan platonifm, Chriftian quietifm, and the Jewish cabbala. Warburton on the Rape of the Lock.

to