The Eve of St Jerry. [THE reader will learn with astonishment that I composed the two following ballads in the fourteenth year of my age, i. e. A. D, 1780. I doubt if either Milton or Pope rivalled this precocity of genius. M. 0.] ICK GOSSIP the barber arose with the I watch'd her steps, and secret came DICK cock, And pull'd his breeches on; Down the staircase of wood, as fast as he could, The valiant shaver ran. He went not to the country forth To shave or frizzle hair; Nor to join in the battle to be fought At Canterbury fair. Yet his hat was fiercely cocked, and his razors in his pocket, And his torturing irons he bore; The barber return'd in three days space, He came not from where Canterbury Yet were his eyes bruis'd black and blue; He halted at the painted pole, Come hither,come hither, young tickle-beard, When the clock struck eight, Mrs Gossip went straight, In spite of the pattering rain, Without stay or stop to the butcher's shop, That lives in Cleaver-lane. We have no wish to injure the reputation of this gentleman; but, from the above stanza, it is evident that his hand was liable to tremor, whether from natural nervous debility, or the effect of brandy, we cannot take upon us to determine. Where she sat upon a chair, No person was in the butcher's shop- The second night I 'spy'd a light As I went up the strand, "Twas she who ran, with pattens on, And a lanthorn in her hand: She laid it down upon a bench, And shook her wet attire ; In the twinkling of a walking stick,* Blew up the dying flame, And many a word the butcher spoke But the rain fell fast, and it blew such a blast, The third night there the sky was fair, At the shop in Cleaver-lane. And I heard her say, " Dick Gossip's away, "I cannot come, I must not come❞ "The dog shall not tear you, and Strap shall not hear you, And blankets I'll spread on the stair; By the blood-red sherry, § and holy St Jerry, I conjure thee sweet butcher be there." *From this line, it is to be inferred, that the oaken saplings of our ancestors rivalled in elasticity the bamboo canes of our modern dandies. + We have in vain scrutinized the kalendar for the name of this saint. After his master's misfortune, this gentleman settled in the north, and was the great grand-father of that Strap, so honourably noticed by Smollet. § This valuable species of wine is unfortunately for modern epicures now unknown. "Tho' the dog should not tear me, and Strap should not hear me, And blankets be spread on the stair, Yet there's Mr Parrot, who sleeps in the garret, To my footsteps he could swear.". "Fear not, Mr Parrot, who sleeps in the garret, For to Hampstead the way he has ta'en; An inquest to hold, as I have been told, On the corpse of a butcher that's slain. "He turned him around, and grimly he frown'd, And he laugh'd right scornfully, The inquest that's held, on the man that's been kill'd, May as well be held on me.' "At the lone midnight hour, when hobgob. lins have power, In thy chamber I'll appear ;""With that he was gone, and your wife left alone, And I came running here."— Then changed I trow, was the barber's brow, From the chalk to the beet-root red, Now tell me the mien of the butcher thou'st seen, By Mambrino I'll smite off his head. "On the point of his nose, which was like a red rose, Was a wart of enormous size; And he made a great vapering with a blue and white apron, And red stockings roll'd up to his thighs.* "Thou liest, thou liest, young Johnny Strap, It is all a fib you tell, For the butcher was taken, as dead as bacon, "My master attend, and I'll be your friend, He oped the shop door, the counter he jump'd o'er, And overturned Strap, Mrs Gossip blush'd,and her cheek was flush'd, Mrs Gossip lay and mourn'd, and Dicky toss'd and turn'd; And he mutter'd while half a-sleep, The stone is large and round, and the halter tight and sound, And the well thirty fathom deep. The gloomy dome of St Paul's struck three, Had put laudanum in his drink. Mrs Gossip drew wide the curtains aside, With his right hand in his pocket. "Dear Slaughter-mutton, away," she cried, "I pray thee do not stop""Mrs Gossip, I know, who sleeps by thy side, But he sleeps as sound as a top. The coroner's inquest was held on me- "By thy husband's hand, was I foully slain, Love master'd fear-what brings thee here? He laid his left fist, on an oaken chest, Then bolted up the stair, where he found With the other he grasp'd her by the nose, his lady fair, With the Kitten on her lap. "Now hail, now hail, thou lady bright, Now hail, thou barber trim, What news from Canterbury fight, "Canterbury is red with gore, And the mayor has charg'd us for evermore, To watch the butcher's well.". This was no doubt a bold and masterly And scorch'd her like a furnace. There is a felon in Newgate jail, A woman doth dwell, in Bedlam cell, It seems to us an unconscionable ex attempt of the butcher to imitate plush pectation of the butcher, that the inquest of breeches. It is astonishing that Hume and other historians make no mention of this bloody encounter, which threatened to exterminate the whole shaving generation; or, at least, scatter them like the twelve tribes of Israel. the coroner was to restore the "vis vitæ." + Apparently one of the slang names for the "hangman of creation," omitted by Burns in his address to that celebrated personage "The bridegroom's doors are opened wide, The waggonere And thither I must walke; Soe, by youre leave, I muste be gone, in mood for chate, and admits of no excuse. I have noe time for talke !" The tailore impatient to be gone, but is forcibly persuaded to remain. "It staggered as it had been drunke, Of brokene boughs we made a fire, "Be done, thou tipsye waggonere, The Rime of the Auncient Waggonere. The waggonere's bowels yearn towards the sunne. The passen gers throwe the blame of TH Part Second. HE crimsone sunne was risinge o'ere Upon my worde, as faire a sunne As ever I clapped eyes onne. ""Twill bee ane comfortable thinge," the goose mas. ""'Twill be ane comfortable thinge, sacre on the innocente wag gonere. The sunne sufferes ane artificial eclipse, and horror follows, Within the jaile to lye;" Ah! execrable wretche," saide they, "The day was drawing near itte's close, Was veiled with fringe-warke-nettinge. the same not being mentioned in the Belfaste Almanacke. Various hypotheses on the subject, frome which the passengeres draw wronge conclusions. Ane lovelye sound ariseth; ittes effects described. The passengers throw somersets. The wag gonere complimenteth "Somme saide itte was ane apple tree, Somme swore itte was ane foreigne birde, "A hue and crye sterte uppe behind, "One after one, the rascalls rane, "Six miles ane houre theye offe did scoure, "Their bodies with their legs did flye, the bumbail- Whye star'st thoue soe?-with one goode blow, liffe with ane Mendoza. |