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Miss. No, indeed, you shan't drink after me; for you'll know my thoughts.
Neverout. I know them already; you are thinking of a good husband. Besides, I can tell your meaning by your mumping.
Lady Smart. Pray, my lord, did not you order the butler to bring up a tankard of our October to Sir John? I believe, they stay to brew it.
The butler brings up the tankard to Sir John.
Sir John. Won't your ladyship please to drink first?
Lady Smart. No, Sir John ; 'tis in a very good hand, I'll pledge you.
Col. [To Ld. Smart.] My lord, I love October as well as Sir John; and I hope you won't make fish of one and flesh of another.
Ld. Smart. Colonel, you're heartily welcome. Come, Sir John, take it by word of mouth, and then give it the colonel.
Sir John drinks.
Ld. Smart. Well, Sir John, how do you like it!
Sir John. Not as well as my own in Derbyshire ; 'tis plaguy small.
Lady Smart. I never taste malt liquor; but they say 'tis well hopp’d.
Sir John. Hopp’d! why, if it had hopp'd a little further, it would have hopp'd into the river. O my lord, my ale is meat, drink, and cloth; it will make a cat speak, and a wise man dumb.
Lady Smart. I was told ours was very strong.
Sir John. Ay, madam, strong of the water; I believe the brewer forgot the malt, or the river was too near him. Faith, it is mere whip-bellyvengeance; he that drinks most has the worst share.
Col. I believe, Sir John, ale is as plenty as water at t your
house. Sir John. Why, faith, at Christmas we have many comers and goers; and they must not be sent away without a cup of Christmas ale, for fear they should p-s behind the door.
Lady Smart. I hear, Sir John has the nicest garden in England; they say, 'tis kept so clean, that you cann't find a place where to spit.
Sir John. O madam; you are pleased to say so.
Lady Smart. But, Sir John, your ale is terrible strong and heady in Derbyshire, and will soon make one drunk and sick; what do
then ? Sir John. Why, indeed, it is apt to fox one; but our way is, to take a hair of the same dog next morning. I take a new-laid egg for breakfast; and faith one should drink as much after an egg as after an ox.
Ld. Smart. Tom Neverout, will you taste a glass of October ?
Neverout. No, faith, my lord ; I like your wine, and I won't put a churl upon a gentleman ; your honour's claret is good enough for me.
Lady Smart. What! is this pigeon left for manners ? Colonel, shall I send you the legs and rump?
Col. Madam, I could not eat a bit more, if the house was full.
Ld. Smart [Carving a partridge.] Well; one may ride to Rumford upon this knife, it is so blunt.
Lady Answ. My lord, I beg your pardon ; but they say, an ill workman never had good tools.
Ld. Smart. Will your lordship have a wing of it?
Ld. Sparkish. No, my lord; I love the wing of an ox a great deal better.
Ld. Smart. I'm always cold after eating. Col. My lord, they say, that's a sign of long life.
Ld. Smart. Ay; I believe I shall live till my friends are weary of me.
Col. Pray, does any body here hate cheese? I would be glad of a bit.
Ld Smart. An odd kind of fellow dined with me t'other day; and when the cheese came upon the table, he pretended to faint; so somebody said, Pray take away the cheese: No, said I; pray, take away the fool : said I well:
Here a loud and large laugh. Col. Faith, my lord, you served the coxcomb right enough; and therefore I wish we had a bit of your lordship's Oxfordshire cheese.
Ld. Smart. Come, hang saving; bring us up a halfp'orth of cheese.
Lady Answ. They say, cheese digests every thing but itself.
A Foot man brings a great whole cheese. Ld. Sparkish. Ay; this would look handsome if any body should come in.
Sir John Well: I'm weily brosten, as they sayn in Lancashire.
Ld. Smart. O! Sir John; I would I had something to brost you withal.
Lady Smart. Come, they say, 'tis merry in the hall when beards wag all.
Ld. S'mart. Miss, shall I help you to some cheese, or will you carve for yourself?
Neverout. I'll hold fifty pounds, miss won't cut the cheese.
Miss. Pray, why so, Mr Neverout?
Neverout. O, there is a reason, and you know it well enough.
Miss I cann't for my life understand what the gentleman means
Ld. Smart. Pray, Tom, change the discourse : in troth you are too bad.
Col. [Whispers Neverout.] Smoke miss ; faith, you have made her fret like gum taffeta.
Lady Smart. Well, but, miss, (hold your tongue, Mr Neverout) shall I cut you a piece of cheese?
Miss. No, really, madam ; I have dined this half hour.
Lady Smart. What! quick at meat, quick at work, they say.
Sir John nods.
Ld. Smart. What! are you sleepy, Sir John? do
you sleep after dinner? Šir John. Yes, faith; I sometimes take a nap after my pipe; for when the belly is full, the bones would be at rest.
Lady Smart. Come, colonel ; help yourself, and your friends will love you the better. [To Lady Answ.] Madam, your ladyship eats nothing.
Lady Answ. Lord, madam, I have fed like a farmer : I shall grow as fat as a porpoise; I swear, my jaws are weary of chewing.
Col. I have a mind to eat a piece of that sturgeon, but fear it will make me sick.
Neverout. A rare soldier indeed! let it alone, and I warrant it won't hurt
you. Col. Well; it would vex å dog to see a pud
Sir John rises.
Ld. Smart. Sir John, what are you doing?
Sir John. Swolks, I must be going, by'r lady ; I have earnest business; I must do as the beggars do, go away when I have got enough.
Ld. Smart. Well; but stay till this bottle's out; you know, the man was hang’d that left his liquor behind him : and besides, a cup in the pate is a mile in the gate; and a spur in the head is worth two in the heel. Sir John. Come then; one brimmer to all
your healths. [The foot man gives him a glass half full.] Pray, friend, what was the rest of this glass made for? an inch at the top, friend, is worth two at the bottom. [He gets a brimmer, and drinks it off:] Well, there's no deceit in a brimmer, and there's no false Latin in this; your wine is excellent good, so I thank you for the next, for I am sure of this: madam, has your ladyship any commands in Derbyshire? I must go fifteen miles to-night.
Lady Smart. None, Sir John, but to take care of yourself; and my most humble service to your lady unknown.
Sir John. Well, madam, I can but love and
Lady Smart. Here, bring water to wash; though really, you have all eaten so little, that you
have not need to wash your mouths.
Ld. Smart. But prithee, Sir John, stay a while longer.
Sir John. No, my lord; I am to smoke a pipe with a friend before I leave the town.
Col. Why, Sir John, had not you better set out to-porrow?