Lady Answ. Colonel, some ladies of your acquaintance have promised to breakfast with you, and I am to wait on them; what will you give us?

Col. Why, faith, madam, bachelors' fare; bread and cheese and kisses.

Lady Answ. Poh! what have you bachelors to do with your money, but to treat the ladies? you have nothing to keep but your own four quar

ters.

Lady Smart. My lord, has Captain Brag the honour to be related to your lordship?

Ld. Sparkish. Very nearly, madam; he's my cousin-german, quite removed.

Lady Answ. Pray, is he not rich?

Ld. Sparkish. Ay, a rich rogue, two shirts and a rag

Col. Well, however, they say he has a great estate, but only the right owner keeps him out. of it.

Lady Smart. What religion is he of?

Ld. Sparkish. Why he is an Anythingarian. Lady Answ. I believe he has his religion to choose, my lord.

Neverout scratches his head.

Miss. Fie, Mr Neverout, ar'n't you ashamed! I beg pardon for the expression, but I'm afraid your bosom friends are become your back-biters.

Neverout. Well, miss, I saw a flea once in your pinner, and a louse is a man's companion, but a flea is a dog's companion:† however, I wish you

This was a speech of Louis XI. An attendant had detected, on the royal robe, one of the "beasts familiar to man," and the

would scratch my neck with your pretty white hand.

Miss. And who would be fool then? I woudn't touch a man's flesh for the universe. You have the wrong sow by the ear, I assure you; that's meat for your master.

Neverout. Miss Notable, all quarrels laid aside, pray step hither for a moment.

Miss. I'll wash my hands, and wait on you, sir; but pray come hither, and try to open this lock. Neverout. We'll try what we can do.

Miss. We what have you pigs in your belly?

Neverout. Miss, I assure you, I am very handy at all things.

Miss. Marry, hang them that can't give themselves a good word: I believe you may have an even hand to throw a louse in the fire.

Col. Well, I must be plain; here's a very bad smell.

Miss. Perhaps, colonel, the fox is the finder. Neverout. No, colonel; 'tis only your teeth against rain but

Miss. Colonel, I find you would make a very poor man's sow.

bad

Colonel coughing.

Col. I have got a sad cold.

Lady Answ. Ay; 'tis well if one can get any thing these hard times.

king ordered him a reward. A courtier, in hopes to be a like gainer, affected the next day to find a flea in the same place. The king, aware of his roguery, made the distinction in the text, and ordered him a drubbing for his officiousness. Erasmus tells the anecdote in his Convivium Fabulosum.

Miss. [To Col.] Choke, chicken, there's more a hatching.

Lady Smart. Pray, colonel, how did you get that

cold?

Ld. Sparkish. Why, madam, I suppose the colonel got it by lying abed barefoot.

Lady Answ. Why then, colonel, you must take it for better for worse, as a man takes his wife. Col. Well, ladies, I apprehend you without a constable.

Miss. Mr Neverout! Mr Neverout! come hither this moment.

Lady Smart. [Imitating her.] Mr Neverout! Mr Neverout! I wish he were tied to your girdle. Neverout. What's the matter? whose mare's dead now?

Miss. Take your labour for your pains, you may go back again, like a fool as you came.

Neverout. Well, miss, if you deceive me a second time 'tis my fault.

Lady Smart. Colonel, methinks your coat is too short.

Col. It will be long enough before I get another, madam.

Miss. Come, come; the coat's a good coat, and come of good friends.

Neverout. Ladies, you are mistaken in the stuff; 'tis half silk.

Col. Tom Neverout, you are a fool, and that's your fault.

A great noise below.

Lady Smart. Hey, what a clattering is here! one would think Hell was broke loose.

Miss. Indeed, madam, I must take my leave, for I a'n't well.

Lady Smart. What! you are sick of the mulligrubs with eating chopt hay?

Miss. No, indeed, madam; I'm sick and hungry, more need of a cook than a doctor.

Lady Answ. Poor miss! she's sick as a cushion, she wants nothing but stuffing.

Col. If you are sick, you shall have a caudle of calf's eggs.

Neverout. I can't find my gloves.

Miss. I saw the dog running away with some dirty thing a while ago.

Col. Miss, you have got my handkerchief; pray, let me have it.

Lady Smart. No; keep it, miss; for they say, possession is eleven points of the law.

Miss. Madam, he shall ne'er have it again; 'tis in hucksters' hands.

Lady Answ. What! I see 'tis raining again. Ld. Sparkish. Why, then, madam, we must do as they do in Spain.

Miss. Pray, my lord, how is that?

Ld. Sparkish. Why, madam, we must let it rain.

Miss whispers Lady Smart.

Neverout. There's no whispering, but there's lying.

Miss. Lord! Mr Neverout, you are as pert as a pearmonger this morning.

Neverout. Indeed, miss, you are very hand

some.

Miss. Poh! I know that already; tell me

news.

Somebody knocks at the door.

Footman comes in.

Footman [To Col.] An' please your honour, there's a man below wants to speak to you.

Col. Ladies, your pardon for a minute. [Goes out. Lady Smart. Miss, I sent yesterday to know how you did, but you were gone abroad early.

Miss. Why, indeed, madam, I was hunch'd up in a hackney coach with three country acquaintance, who called upon me to take the air as far as Highgate.

Lady Smart. And had you a pleasant airing? Miss. No, madam; it rained all the time; I was jolted to death; and the road was so bad, that I scream'd every moment, and call'd to the coachman, Pray, friend, don't spill us.

Neverout. So, miss, you were afraid that pride would have a fall.

Miss. Mr Neverout, when I want a fool, I'll send for you.

Ld. Sparkish. Miss, didn't your left ear burn last night?*

that

*"When our cheek burneth, or ear tingleth, we usually say somebody is talking of us; which is an ancient conceit, and ranked among superstitious opinions by Pliny. Absentes tinnitu aurium præsentire sermones de se, receptum est, according to that distich noted by Dalecampius:

Garrula quid totis resonas mihi noctibus auris?

Nescio quem dicis nunc meminisse mei.

Which is a conceit hardly to be made out without the concession of a signifying genius or universal Mercury; conducting sounds unto their distant subjects, and teaching us to hear by touch.". BROWNE'S Vulgar Errours, p. 225.