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Col Wish in one hand

Miss. Out upon you: Lord, what can the man mean?

Ld. Sparkish. This tea is very hot

Lady Answ. Why, it came from a hot place, my lord.

Colonel spills his tea.

Lady Smart. That's as well done as if I had done it myself.

Col. Madam, I find you live by ill neighbours, when you are forced to praise yourself.

Lady Smart. So they pray'd me to tell you. Neverout. Well, I won't drink a drop more; if I do 'twill go down like chopt hay.

Miss. Pray, don't say no, till you are asked. Neverout. Well, what you please, and the rest again.

Miss stooping for a pin.

Miss. I have heard 'em say, that a pin a day is a groat a year. Well, as I hope to be married, forgive me for swearing, I vow 'tis a needle.

Col. O the wonderful works of nature, that a black hen should lay a white egg!

Neverout. What! you have found a mare's nest, and laugh at the eggs?

Miss. Pray keep your breath to cool your porridge.

Neverout. Miss, there was a very pleasant accident last night at St James's Park.

Miss. [To Lady Smart.] What was it your ladyship was going to say just now?

Neverout. Well, miss; tell a mare a tale-
Miss. I find you love to hear yourself talk.

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Neverout. Why, if you won't hear my tale, kiss my, &c.

Miss. Out upon you, for a filthy creater! Neverout. What, miss! must I tell you a story, and find you ears?

Ld. Sparkish. [To Lady Smart.] Pray, madam, don't you think Mrs Spendall very genteel?

Lady Smart. Why, my lord, I think she was cut out for a gentlewoman, but she was spoil'd in the making she wears her clothes as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork; and, for the fashion, I believe they were made in the reign of Queen Bess.

Neverout. Well, that's neither here nor there; for you know, the more careless the more modish.

Col. Well, I'd hold a wager there will be a match between her and Dick Dolt: and I believe I can see as far into a millstone as another

man.

Miss. Colonel, I must beg your pardon a thousand times; but they say, an old ape has an old eye.

Neverout. Miss, what do you mean? you'll spoil the colonel's marriage, if you call him old. Col. Not so old, nor yet so cold-You know the rest, miss.

Miss. Manners is a fine thing, truly.

Col. Faith, miss, depend upon't, I'll give you as good as you bring: what! if you give a jest you must take a jest.

Lady Smart. Well, Mr Nèverout, you'll ne'er have done till you break that knife, and then the man won't take it again.

Miss. Why, madam, fools will be meddling; I wish he may cut his fingers. I hope you can see your own blood without fainting.

Neverout. Why, miss, you shine this morning like a sh-n barn door: you'll never hold out at this rate; pray save a little wit for to morrow.

Miss. Well, you have said your say; if people will be rude, I have done; my comfort is, 'twill be all one a thousand years hence.

go to

Neverout. Miss, you have shot your bolt: I find you must have the last word-Well, I'll the opera to-night.-No, I can't, neither, for I have some business, and yet I think I must, for I promised to squire the countess to her box.

Miss. The countess of Puddledock, I suppose. Neverout. Peace or war, miss?

Lady Smart. Well, Mr Neverout, you'll never be mad, you are of so many minds.

As Miss rises, the chair falls behind her.

Miss. Well; I shan't be lady mayoress this year. Neverout. No, miss, 'tis worse than that; you won't be married this year.

Miss. Lord! you make me laugh, though I an't well.

Neverout, as Miss is standing, pulls her suddenly on

his lap.

Neverout. Now, colonel, come sit down on my lap; more sacks upon the mill.

Miss. Let me go; ar'n't you sorry you sorry for my hea

viness?

Neverout. No, miss; you are very light; butI don't say you are a light hussy. Pray take up the chair for your pains.

Miss. 'Tis but one body's labour, you may do it yourself; I wish you would be quiet, you have more tricks than a dancing bear.

Neverout rises to take up the chair, and Miss sits in his.

Neverout. You woudn't be so soon in my grave, madam.

Miss Lord! I have torn my petticoat with your odious romping; my rents are coming in; I'm afraid I shall fall into the ragman's hands. Neverout. I'll mend it, miss.

Miss. You mend it! go, teach your grannam to suck eggs.

Neverout. Why, miss, you are so cross, I could find in my heart to hate you.

Miss. With all my heart; there will be no love lost between us.

Neverout. But pray, my Lady Smart, does not miss look as if she could eat me without salt? Miss. I'll make you one day sup sorrow for this. Neverout. Well, follow your own way, you'll live the longer.

Miss. See, madam, how well I have mended it. Lady Smart. 'Tis indifferent, as Doll danced. Neverout. Twill last as many nights as days. Miss. Well, I knew it should never have your good word.

Lady Smart. My lord, my lady Answerall and I was walking in the Park last night till near eleven; 'twas a very fine night.

Neverout. Egad, so was I; and I'll tell you a comical accident; egad, I lost my understanding. Miss. I'm glad you had any to lose.

Lady Smart. Well, but what do you

mean? Neverout. Egad, I kick'd my foot against a stone, and tore off the heel of my shoe, and was forced to limp to a cobler in the Pall-mall to have it put on. He, he, he, he. [All laugh.

Col. O! 'twas a delicate night to run away with another man's wife.

Neverout sneezes.

Miss. God bless you! if you han't taken snuff.
Neverout. Why, what if I have, miss?
Miss. Why then, the deuce take you!

Neverout. Miss, I want that diamond ring of

yours.

Miss. Why, then want's like to be your master.

Neverout looking at the ring.

Neverout. Ay, marry, this is not only, but also; where did you get it?

Miss. Why, where 'twas to be had; where the devil got the friar.

Neverout. Well; if I had such a fine diamond ring, I woudn't stay a day in England: but you know, far fetch'd and dear bought is fit for ladies. I warrant, this cost your father two-pence halfpenny.

Miss sitting between Neverout and the Colonel.

Miss. Well, here's a rose between two nettles. Neverout. No, madam, with submission, there's a nettle between two roses. *

Colonel stretching himself.

Lady Smart. Why, colonel, you break the king's laws; you stretch without a halter.

*These two speeches are restored from the first edition.

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