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Lady Answ. Why, you must know, miss is in Love.

Miss. I wish my head may never ache till that day.

Ld Sparkish. Come, miss, never sigh, but send for him. [Lady Smart and Lady Answerall speaking together.] If he be hanged he'll come hopping; and if he be drowned he'll come dropping.

Miss. Well, I swear you will make one die with laughing,

Miss plays with a tea-cup, and Neverout plays with

another.

Neverout. Well, I see one fool makes many. Miss. And you are the greatest fool of any. Neverout. Pray, miss, will you be so kind to tie this string for me with your fair hands? it will go all in your day's work.

Miss. Marry, come up, indeed! tie it yourself, you have as many hands as I; your man's man will have a fine office truly come, pray stand out of my spitting-place.

Neverout. Well, but, miss, don't be angry.

Miss. No; I was never angry in my life but once, and then nobody cared for it; so I resolved never to be angry again.

Neverout. Well; but if you'll tie it, you shall never know what I'll do for you. Miss. So I suppose, truly.

* The allusion is to the popular spell by which country girls attempted to conjure up the figure of their sweetheart, by sowing hemp-seed. The phantom appeared with the badges of his trade, and often with circumstances which indicated what death he should die.

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Neverout. Well; but I'll make you a fine present one of these days.

Miss. Ay; when the devil's blind, and his eyes are not sore yet.

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Neverout. No, miss, I'll send it you to-morrow. Miss. Well, well; to-morrow's a new day; but suppose you mean to-morrow come never. Neverout. O! 'tis the prettiest thing: I assure you, there came but two of them over in three ships.

Miss. Would I could see it, quoth blind Hugh. But why did you not bring me a present of snuff this morning?

Neverout. Because, miss, you never asked me: and, 'tis an ill dog that's not worth whistling for. Ld. Sparkish. [To Lady Answ.] Pray, madam, how came your ladyship last Thursday to go to that odious puppet-show?

Col. Why to be sure, her ladyship went to see and to be seen.

Lady Answ. You have made a fine speech, colonel: pray, what will you take for your mouthpiece?

Ld. Sparkish. Take that, colonel: but, pray, madam, was my lady Snuff* there? They say she's extremely handsome.

Lady Smart. They must not see with my eyes that think so.

Neverout. She may pass muster well enough. Lady Answ. Pray, how old do you take her to be?

Col. Why, about five or six and-twenty.

Miss. I swear she's no chicken; she's on the wrong side of thirty, if she be a day.

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Lady Answ. Depend upon it, she'll never see five-and-thirty, and a bit to spare.

Col. Why they say she's one of the chief toasts in town.

Lady Smart. Ay, when all the rest are out of it.

Miss. Well; I woudn't be as sick as she's proud for all the world.

Lady Answ. She looks as if butter woudn't melt in her mouth; but I warrant, cheese won't choke her.

Neverout. I hear my lord What-d'ye-call-him is courting her.

Lady Sparkish. What lord d'ye mean, Tom? Miss. Why, my lord, I suppose Mr Neverout means the lord of the Lord knows what.

Col. They say she dances very fine.

Ld. Answ. She did; but I doubt her dancing days are over.

Col. I can't pardon her for her rudeness to me. Lady Smart. Well; but you must forget and forgive.

Footman comes in.

Lady Smart. Did you call Betty?

Footman She's coming, madam.

Lady Smart. Coming! ay, so is Christmas

Betty comes in.

Lady Smart. Come, get ready my things. Where has the wench been these three hours?

Betty. Madam, I can't go faster than my legs will carry me.

Lady Smart. Ay, thou hast a head, and so has a pin. But, my lord, all the town has it that miss

Caper is to be married to Sir Peter Gibeall; one thing is certain, that she has promised to have him.

Ld. Sparkish. Why, madam, you know promises are either broken or kept.

Lady Answ. I beg your pardon, my lord; promises and piecrust are made to be broken.

Lady Smart. Nay, I had it from my Lady Carrylie's own mouth. I tell you my tale and my tale's author; if it be a lie, you had it as cheap as I.

Lady Answ. She and I had some words last Sunday at church; but I think I gave her her

own.

Lady Smart. Her tongue runs like the clapper of a mill; she talks enough for herself and all the company.

Neverout. And yet she simpers like a firmity

kettle.

Miss looking in a glass.

Miss. Lord, how my head is drest to-day! Col. O, madam! a good face needs no band. Miss. No; and a bad one deserves none. Col. Pray, miss, where is your old acquaintance, Mrs Wayward?

Miss. Why, where should she be? you must needs know, she's in her skin.

Col. I can answer that; what if you were as far out as she's in ?

Miss. Well, I promised to go this evening to Hyde Park on the water; but I protest I'm half afraid.

Neverout. Never fear, miss; you have the old proverb on your side, Naught's ne'er in danger. Col. Why, miss, let Tom Neverout wait on you,

and then, I warrant, you'll be as safe as a thief in a mill; for you know, He that's born to be hang'd, will never be drown'd.

Neverout. Thank you, colonel, for your good word; but faith, if ever I hang, it shall be about a fair lady's neck.

Lady Smart. Who's there? Bid the children be quiet, and not laugh so loud.

Lady Answ. O! madam, let'm laugh, they'll ne'er laugh younger.

Neverout. Miss, I'll tell you a secret, if you'll promise never to tell it again.

Miss. No, to be sure; I'll tell it to nobody but friends and strangers.

Neverout. Why then, there's some dirt in my tea-cup.

Miss. Come, come, the more there's in't, the more there's on't.

Lady Answ. Poh! you must eat a peck of dirt before you die.

Col. Ay, ay; it goes all one way.

Neverout. Pray, miss, what's a clock?

Miss. Why, you must know, 'tis a thing like a bell, and you a fool that can't tell.

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Neverout. [To Lady Answ.] Pray, madam, do tell me; for I have let my watch run down. Lady Answ. Why, 'tis half an hour past hanging time.

Col. Well; I'm like the butcher that was looking for his knife, and had it in his mouth: I have been searching my pockets for my snuff-box, and, egad, here it is in my hand.

Miss. If it had been a bear, it would have bit you, colonel: well, I wish I had such a snuffbox.

Neverout. You'll be long enough before you wish your skin full of eyelet holes.

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