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Col. O! miss, you must needs be very good humour’d, you love sweet things so well
Neverout. Stir it up with the spoon, miss; for the deeper the sweeter.
Lady Smart. I assure you, miss, the colonel has made you a great compliment.
Miss. I am sorry for it; for I have heard say, complimenting is lying.
Lady Smart. [To Lord Sparkish.] My lord, methinks the sight of you is good for sore eyes ; if we had known of your coming, we would have strown rushes for you: How has your lordship done this long time?
Col. Faith, madam, he's better in health than in good conditions.
Ld. Sparkish. Well, I see there's no worse friend than one brings from home with one; and I am not the first man has carried a rod to whip himself.
Neverout. Here's poor miss has not a word to throw at a dog. Come, a penny for your thought.
Miss. It is not worth a farthing; for I was thinking of you.
Colonel rising up. Lady Smart. Colonel, where are you going so soon? I hope you did not come to fetch fire.
Col. Madam, I must needs go home for half an hour.
Miss. Why, colonel, they say the devil's at home.
Lady Answ. Well, but sit while you stay, 'tis as cheap sitting as standing:
Col. No, madam, while I'm standing I'm goMiss. Nay, let him go; I promise him we won't tear his clothes to hold him.
Lady Smart. I suppose, colonel, we keep you from better company, I mean only as to myself.
Col. Madam, I am all obedience.
Colonel sits doron.
Lady Smart. Lord, miss, how can you drink your tea so hot? sure your mouth's pav’d.
How do you like this tea, colonel ?
Col. Well enough, madam; but methinks it is a little more-ish.
Lady Smart. O! colonel, I understand you.Betty, bring the canister, I have but very little of this tea left; but I don't love to make two wants of one; want when I have it, and want when I have it not. He, he, he, he ! [Laughs.
Lady Answ. [To the maid.] Why, sure, Betty, you are bewitched : the cream is burnt too.
Betty. Why, madam, the bishop has set his foot in it.
Lady Smart. Go, run girl, and warm some fresh
Betty. Indeed, madam, there's none left; for the cat has eaten it all.
Lady Smart. I doubt it was a cat with two legs.
Miss. Colonel, don't you love bread and butter with your tea?
Col. Yes, in a morning, miss; for they say, butter is gold in a morning, silver at noon, but it is lead at night.
Neverout. Miss, the weather is so hot, that my butter melts on my bread. Lady Answ. Why, butter, I've heard 'em say,
is mad twice a-year,
Ld. Sparkish. [To the maid.] Mrs Betty, how does your body politic?
Col. Fie, my lord, you'll make Mrs Betty blush. Lady Smart. Blush! ay, blush like a blue dog.
Neverout. Pray, Mrs Betty, are you not Tom Johnson's daughter?
Betty. So my mother tells me, sir.
Ld. Sparkish. But, Mrs Betty, I hear you are in love.
Betty. My lord, I thank God, I hate nobody ; I am in charity with all the world.
Lady Smart. Why, wench, I think thy tongue runs upon wheels this morning. How came you by that scratch upon your nose; have you been fighting with the cats? Col. (To Miss.] Miss, when will you be married?
Miss. One of these odd-come-shortly's, colonel.
Neverout. Yes; they say the match is half made : the spark is willing, but miss is not. Miss. I
suppose the gentleman has got his own consent for it.
Lady Answ. Pray, my lord, did you walk through the Park in the rain ?
Ld. Sparkish. Yes, madam, we were neither sugar nor salt; we were not afraid the rain would melt us. He, he, he !
[Laugh. Col. It rain'd and the sun shone at the same time.
Neverout. Why, then the devil was beating his wife behind the door with a shoulder of mutton.
[Laugh. Col. A blind man would be glad to see that. Lady Smart. Mr Neverout, methinks you
stand in your own light.
Neverout. Ah! madam, I have done so all my Ld. Sparkish. I'm sure he sits in mine. Pr’ythee, "Tom, sit a little farther : I believe your father was no glazier.
Lady Smart. Miss, dear girl, fill me out a dish of tea, for I'm very lazy.
Miss fills a dish of tea, sweetens it, and then
tastes it. Lady Smart. What, miss, will you be my taster?
Miss. No, madam ; but they say 'tis an ill cook that can't lick her own fingers.
Neverout. Pray, miss, fill me another.
Lady Answ. But, colonel, they say you went to court last night very drunk; nay, I'm told for certain, you had been among the Philistines : No wonder the cat wink'd, when both her eyes were out.
Col. Indeed, madam, that's a lie.
Lady Answ. 'Tis better I should lie than you should lose your good manners : besides, I don't lie;. I sit.
Neverout. O! faith, colonel, you must own you had a drop in your eye; when I left you, you were half seas over.
Ld. Sparkish. Well, I fear Lady Answerall can't live long, she has so much wit.
Neverout. No; she can't live, that's certain; but she may linger thirty or forty years.
Miss. Live long! ay, longer than a cat or a dog, or a better thing.
Lady Answ. O! miss, you must give your vardi too !
Ld. Sparkish. Miss, shall I fill you another dish Miss. Indeed, my lord, I have drank enough.
Ld. Sparkish. Come, it will do you more good than a month's fasting ; here, take it,
Miss. No, I thank your lordship; enough's as good as a feast.
Ld. Sparkish. Well; but if you always say no, you'll never be married.
Lady Answ. Do, my lord, give her a dish ; for, they say, maids will say no, and take it.
Ld Sparkish. Well; and I dare say miss is a maid in thought, word, and deed.
Neverout. I would not take my oath of that. Miss. Pray, sir, speak for yourself.
Lady Smart. Fie, miss; they say maids should be seen and not heard.
Lady Answ. Good miss, stir the fire, that the tea-kettle may boil.--You have done it
well: now it burns purely. Well, miss, you'll have a cheerful husband.
Miss Indeed, your ladyship could have stirred It much better.
Lady Answ. I know that very well, hussy ; but I wont keep a dog and bark myself.
Neverout. What! you are stuck, * miss.
Neverout. O ! faith, miss, you are in Lob's pound; get out as you can.
Miss. I won't quarrel with my bread and butter for all that: I know when I'm well.
Lady Answ. Well; but miss
Neverout. Ah! dear madam, let the matter fall; take pity on poor miss ; don't throw water on a drowned rat.
* Latter editions sick.