only where it is clean and convenient; entertains his company there as agreeably as he can; but, upon the first occasion, carries them along with him to every delightful scene in view, whether of art, of nature, or of both; and if they chance to refuse, out of stupidity or weariness, let them jog on by themselves and be d--n'd; he'll overtake them at the next town; at which arriving, he rides furiously through; the men, women, and children run out to gaze; a hundred* noisy curs run barking after him, of which, if he honours the boldest with a lash of his whip, it is rather out of sport than revenge; but should some sourer mongrel dare too near an approach, he receives a salute on the chaps by an accidental stroke from the courser's heels, nor is any ground lost by the blow, which sends him yelping and limping home. I now proceed to sum up the singular ad ventures of my renowned Jack; the state of whose dispositions and fortunes the careful reader does, no doubt, most exactly remember, as I last parted with them in the conclusion of a former section. Therefore his next care must be, from two of the foregoing, to extract a scheme of notions, that may best fit his understanding, for a true relish of what is to ensue. JACK had not only calculated the first revolution of his brain so prudently, as to give rise to that epidemic sect of Æolists, but succeeding also into a new and strange variety of conceptions, the fruitfulness of his imagination led him into certain notions, which, although in appearance very unaccountable, were not without their mysteries and their meanings, nor wanted followers to coun *By these are meant what the author calls the true critics. A TALE OF A TUB. * 179 tenance and improve them. I shall therefore be extremely careful and exact in recounting such material passages of this nature as I have been able to collect, either from undoubted tradition, or indefatigable reading; and shall describe them as graphically as it is possible, and as far as notions of that height and latitude can be brought within the compass of a pen. Nor do I at all question, but they will furnish plenty of noble matter for such, whose converting imaginations dispose them to reduce all things into types; who can make shadows, no thanks to the sun; and then mould them into substances, no thanks to philosophy; whose peculiar talent lies in fixing tropes and allegories to the letter, and refining what is literal into figure and mystery. JACK had provided a fair copy of his father's will, engrossed in form upon a large skin of parchment: and, resolving to act the part of a most dutiful son, he became the fondest creature of it imaginable. For although, as I have often told the reader, it consisted wholly in certain plain, easy directions, about the management and wearing their coats, with legacies and penalties in case of obedience or neglect, yet he began to entertain a fancy that the matter was deeper and darker, and therefore must needs have a great deal more of mystery at the bottom. Gentlemen, said he, I will prove this very skin of parchment to be meat, drink, and cloth, to be the philosopher's stone, and the universal medicine. † In consequence of which raptures, he resolved to make use of it in the most The following passage refers to the practice of the fanatics, in perverting scripture. BENTLEY. The fanatics affect scripture phrases, &c. BENTLEY * necessary, as well as the most paltry occasions of life. He had a way of working it into any shape he pleased; so that it served him for a night-cap when he went to bed, and for an umbrella in rainy weather. He would lap a piece of it about a sore toe, or, when he had fits, burn two inches under his nose; or, if any thing lay heavy on his stomach, scrape off, and swallow as much of the powder, as would lie on a silver-penny; they were all infallible remedies. With analogy to these refinements, his common talk and conversation ran wholly in the phrase of his will, † and he circumscribed the utmost of his eloquence within that compass, not daring to let slip a syllable without authority from that. Once, at a strange house, he was suddenly taken short upon an urgent juncture, whereon it may not be allowed too particularly to dilate; and being not able to call to mind, with that suddenness the occasion required, an authentic phrase for demanding the way to the back-side, he chose rather, as the most prudent course, to incur the penalty in such cases usually annexed. Neither was it possible for the united rhetoric of mankind, to prevail with him to make himself clean again; because, having consulted the will upon this emergency, he met with *The author here lashes those pretenders to purity, who place so much merit in using scripture phrases on all occasions. + The Protestant dissenters use scripture phrases in their serious discourses and composures, more than the Church-of-England men; accordingly Jack is introduced, making his common talk and conversation to run wholly in the phrase of his WILL. W. WOTTON. The fanatics pretend that nothing is lawful but what is ly commanded in scripture. BENTLEY. express * a passage near the bottom (whether foisted in by the transcriber, is not known) which seemed to forbid it. He made it a part of his religion, never to say grace to his meat; † nor could all the world persuade him, as the common phrase is, to eat his victuals like a Christian. ‡ He bore a strange kind of appetite to snap-dragon, and to the livid snuffs of a burning candle, which he would catch and swallow with an agility wonderful to conceive; and, by this procedure, maintained a perpetual flame in his belly, which, issuing in a glowing steam from both his eyes, as well as his nostrils and his mouth, made his head appear, in a dark night, like the skull of an ass, wherein a roguish boy had conveyed a farthing candle, to the terror of his majesty's liege subjects. Therefore he made use of no other expedient to * I cannot guess the author's meaning here, which I would be very glad to know, because it seems to be of importance. Ibid. Incurring the penalty in such cases usually annexed, wants no explanation. He would not make himself clean, because, having consulted the will (i. e. the New Testament) he met with a passage near the bottom, (i. e. in the 11th verse of the last chapter of the Revelations :) He which is filthy, let him be filthy still,' which seemed to forbid it. Whether foisted in by the transcriber,' is added, because this paragraph is wanting in the Alexandrian MS. the oldest and most authentic copy of the New Testament. †The slovenly way of receiving the Sacrament among the fanatics. 6 This is a common phrase to express eating cleanly, and is meant for an invective against that indecent manner among some people in receiving the Sacrament; so in the lines before, which is to be understood of the Dissenters refusing to kneel at the Sa crament. The fanatics against all set forms. BENTLEY. § I cannot well find out the author's meaning here, unless it be the hot, untimely, blind zeal of enthusiasts. They pretend to illumination. BENTLEY. light himself home, but was wont to say, that a wise man was his own lantern. He would shut his eyes as he walked along the streets, and if he happened to bounce his head against a post, or fall into a kennel, as he seldom missed either to do one or both, he would tell the gibing apprentices, who looked on, that he submitted with entire resignation, as to a trip, or a blow of fate, with whom he found, by long experience, how vain it was either to wrestle or to cuff; and whoever durst undertake to do either, would be sure to come off with a swinging fall, or a bloody nose. It was ordained, said he, some few days before the creation, that my nose and this very post should have a rencounter; and, therefore, nature† thought fit to send us both into the world in the same age, and to make us countrymen and fellowcitizens. Now, had my eyes been open, it is very likely the business might have been a great deal worse; for how many a confounded slip is daily got by a man, with all his foresight about him? besides, the eyes of the understanding see best, when those of the senses are out of the way; and therefore, blind men are observed to tread their steps with much more caution, and conduct, and judgment, than those who rely with too much confidence upon the virtue of the visual nerve, which every little accident shakes out of order, and a drop, or a film, can wholly disconcert: like a lantern among a pack of roaring bullies when they scour the streets, exposing its owner and itself to outward kicks and buffets, which both * Unconditional or absolute predestination burlesqued. BENT LEY. + Providence. Ed. 1. 3 |