A SYMPOSIUM ON THE CHINESE QUESTION. I DESIRE to preface this paper with the | statement that I am following distinguished precedents in the choice of my title. I have always associated the word "symposium" with the matters of eating and drinking; but when grave and imposing reviews apply it to a collection of opinions, I want to be, as the French say, "in the movement," and so do the same. I should rightly have procured written statements from the representative gentlemen whose views on the pressing Chinese question I have endeavored to collate; but having first applied to a native of the Flowery Kingdom, and learning that he "no sa be Englishee w'litee," I concluded to secure the services of an exreporter of a metropolitan journal, and transcribe the results of his "interviews" as follows: AH LEE. THIS gentleman was sought in a somewhat damp basement in Cherry street. Misled by a certain sameness in the Mongolian physiognomy, the reporter politely addressed an almond-eyed individual bending over a tub, from whom only the expressions "No "No sabe" and "Washee-washee could be extorted; but Ah Lee himself soon appeared, and conversed with great volubility. [railroad], makee cigar, washee-washee; he "Denny Kearney? Who man? No "He (pointing to the gentleman presiding at the tub) b'long alla same mi coolie. He no sabe anyt'ing. B'long number one foolo. You no wantchee washee-washee? Wantchee what thing? Mi views? No sabe views! Mi 'pinion? What thing b'long 'pinion? Wantchee sabe what thing mi thinkee 'long [about] that Chinaman. Melica side [in America]? Alla lightee [all right]. Mi come Melica side three year before. Stop San Flancisco two year, this side one year. No likee San Flancisco. Ilishman too muchee bobbery Chinaman. Policeman too muchee flog; too muchee cuttee tailee; smallo boy too muchee stonee mi. This side jussee now more better; no so muchee bobbery. Bimeby hab got more Chinaman come, mi thinkee this side alla same San Flancisco; plenty bobbery, plenty stonee. Likee Melican man, no likee Ilishman. Mi thinkee that Ilishman no good inside that heartee. What for he fightee Chinaman? This no b'long he countlee [country]. He come this side alla same Chinaman come, alla same Melican man go China side, wantchee catchee chancee [gain advantages]. Chinaman workee welly hard makee lailloadee | well English, for I have not the habitude to Chin chin!" MONSIEUR ALPHONSE DE LA FONTAINE. THIS gentleman was found (au sixième) in a (tenement) house in (South) Fifth avenue, and received the reporter graciously. "Bon jour, Monsieur. I speak not very converse. Et vous ne parlez pas, you speak | back to the fire, caressing his long blond whiskers. not French? (The reporter desires it known that the Frenchmen whom he has met don't speak the same kind of French that he learned in Ollendorff.) N'importe. I will do my possible. I ask your pardon to receive you en déshabillé. I read on your card zat you journaliste, and you vish to make to me vat you call ze interview. Mais qu'est ce que c'est que ça ? Vat is zat? I vill tell you vat I think? Mais oui. I am of a familee very distinguée, and in my country of ze first considération. Viz ze Empereur, Í vas ze ver' good friend. Ven he vas prisoner, and ze Commune destroy ma belle Paris, I am come to New York, and I rest here it is seven year. I gain un peu d'argent, I make my little économies, I rest tranquil. Some day I hear zat Le Prince Impérial he come once more to the Tuileries. Je m'en vais, I go quickly to him. I cry Vive l' Empereur! I see once more la belle France. Quel bonheur !—And you vish my opinion of the politique? Et la question Chinoise? Ah oui. I have know very well ze ambassadeur at Pekin. Ven ces scélérats de Chinois have killed at Tientsin the poor Sisters of Charity, he tell ze Prince Kung zat from zat moment ze Chinese empire cease to exist. Malheureusement, zere is ze war at home, he have not ze ships and ze army and- -But it is not zat! It is of ze canaille in ze Rue Cherry zat you ask? But to zat question zare cannot be but ze one side. You vill not tell me that ze great American people vish to have here zat barbare? Tenez! Vat is man vizout ze sensibilité, vizout ze esprit? And vill you find ze esprit in zat dirty man viz the yellow face who pass ze time in nothing but to wash ze clothes? C'est affreux! And zen consider for one leetle moment anoder terrible fate zat you prepare for yourself,-la cuisine, mon ami! For me, I find not zat one comprehends in ze Etats Unis, ze importance of zis question. I like not ze baked beans, and ze doughnuts; but vat vill happen ven zis cochon de Chinois take possession of your kitchen? You vill have, voyez-vous, ze dog, ze cat, ze egg zat is not good, ze nest of ze bird,-quel horreur !-I find not now in your country ze good digestion; but if you chase not away the Chinaman, you go to have no digestion du tout! Bah! You will take a petit verre of absinthe? Non-Une cigarette? Bien! Au revoir, Monsieur." THE HON. GERARD MONTAGUE. THE reporter followed his card to the door of a handsome apartment at the "Brunswick," where the occupant stood with his "How d'ye do? Want to interview' me, as you say in your country? Yes-I've no objection; doosid queer custom, though, you know. Came over four months ago. Went to California and Colorado. Shooting? Yes, very good. Fellahs at home don't know how awfully jolly it is. Chinese in California? No end; asked a lot of fellahs about them. Answers didn't agwee. Some said they were doosid useful, others called them a beastly nuisance. "I say, you know, there's a low cad there that spoke on a place called the Sand Lots, and I went out with some fellahs to hear him. By Jove! didn't he pitch into them? He could give odds to a Billingsgate fishwoman. What do I think myself? I weally don't know. We on our side don't see much of them you know, except fellahs in the army and navy who go out to their beastly hot countwy. A fellah at my club went into the City one day on top of a 'bus and there was a missionawy on the box, and he heard the dwivah ask him, 'What kind of people is the Chinese? Is they a civilized folk? mornin'?' But, my deah sir, weally, this is a most extwaordinawy countwy, such a doosid mixture, don't you know, that I weally can't see why you-aw-should object to a few more nationalities. I don't know much about this question myself, but, by Jove! I did know a fellah once, who knew another fellah who had a wow with his governor,-came to gwief with wacing, and all that sort of thing, don't you know? Does they take their gin of a -and had to go out to Austwalia,-beastly place he said it was,-met a doosid lot of cads. He went up to the mines and began digging for gold; found it an awful bore, and gave up his claim, and then what should a couple of impudent beasts of Chinamen do, but come along and work where he had been, and find a lot of gold! Of course he gave them a jolly good thwashing, but the authowities actually gave judg ment against him-just fancy!-in favor of those yellow heathen, and against a gentleman. Beastly sell, wasn't it? Now you know that's the sort of thing that a fellah can't stand. We wouldn't have the blarsted Chinamen in England, you may be suah,and if this wasn't such an awfully new countwy —But hello! by Jove! it's three o'clock, and I'm going on a dwag to the Park; not like Wotten Wow, you know, but-aw-not so bad after all. Have a bwandy and soda? Delighted to see you at any time. Good-bye.” HERR ISAAC ROSENTHAL. THE reporter left a green car at the corner of Avenue A, found this amiable Teuton at the door of a clothing warehouse, and met with a cordial greeting. "Gome righd in, mein liebe Herr! Don'd mind dot leedle tog. He vill not pide you. I geeb him to trive avay de bad leedle poy in de sthreed. You like to puy zome very coot glothing? I can zell you dot goatfor Nein? You are reborder? Teufel! I know noding aboud dot Steward pusiness. Ach! id is not dot? So! And you vand to shpeak to me aboud de Shinamen? Vell, I dell you dot you gome yust to de righd blace. You bedder don'd go no farder. You yust gome in de back shtore, you take ein glas bier, you schmoke ein gut zigar,- | no, not dot,—I call him real Havana, bud I make him up-shtairs. I gif you a bedder one as dot. So! I lighd him for you. Now I shpeag mit you aboud dem Shinamen, und you put vat I zay in de baber, pecause de bublic_oughd to know vat bad beobles dey ish. I keeb last year ein kleine shop mit mein bruder,—hish name is Zolomon,-and ve haf yust as coot glothes as dem dot you zee dere, and von day dere gome in ein, zwei, drei Shinamen, and zay to me, 'How do, John?' and I dell him dot my name ish not John; but he only laugh. Den he zay, 'You got some coot glothes, John? S'pose hab got, mi likee see.' I haf such vay of shpeaking nefer heard, but I can a leedle undershtand, and I t'ink dot he vill not know a coot goad ven he zee id, and I show him some dot ish not of the brime qualidy, and vill not last so long as dot kind as I show you, and I sharge him a coot brice, and he look at him, and dry him on, and I dell him dot id vill him very vell fit. den dish great rasgal he zay to me dot he has not much money got, but some leedle box of very coot tea, und he make a pargain and shwop mit me. Und I t'ink dot I make mit him a coot drade, and I give him the goat, and dake de dea; and he say, Chin chin, John,' and go out, and I don'd never see him no more. Und vat you tink? ven I open dot dea, I find him one inch coot, and below dot noding but yust rubbish, and some schmali bieces of iron to make him heavy. Und zo, mein liebe Herr, you can de reason undershtand dot I like not to have dot Shinese beobles gome to New York. Und you pe a goot vellow, and put in de baber dot he ish a bad man, and if he gome here, de honest men can no pusiness do." Und In one of the public squares the reporter found a party of men, presumably engaged in the collection and removal of rubbish; together for a social chat, in which the "boss" but, at the moment of his arrival, grouped took a prominent part. In him was recogsought, a newly arrived, but eminent, ward nized the gentleman whose opinions were politician, MR. PHELIM MC-FINNEGAN. began. "It's mesilf that's glad to see the "Good-mornin' to yez," he pleasantly loight of your countenance. ye're one of them gintlemen of the press And that I'm tould comes from Trinithy College, be may they'll be foinding. Shure it's to Ould IreDublin. And it's niver a betther place land that they have to come to supply their wants, and don't it make ye proud to see in what honor and estheem yere countrymen places they're filling. Faix, ye may be afther are hild in this city? Look at the hoigh calling it the capital of the Irish republic. An intherview is it? Arrah, there was a election, and I tould him me sintimints, thafe of the wurruld come to me about the and when the paper come out it was that different from what I said, that I'd niver know me own wurruds. And it's not the election this toime? I'd loike ye to have Shure the room was full of me friends, and I seen a meeting that we had in me district. ples of liberthy, and how if our candidate was spaking to thim about the great princiwas put in he'd double the wages of the afther asking thim, that it was a land of wurruking man, and did they moind, I was liberthy and their own dear counthry (and sorra a bit was it, betwixt you and me and the pump, for there was niver a mother's son of thim but come from Ould Ireland, and it's had), and there was a man got up, and do sorra a naturalization paper the half of thim you know what he tould thim? He said and grandfather before him, and he thought that he was born in the ward, and his father that whin they'd be spaking about it being their own counthry, he'd loike to say a that they riz roight up, and they put him wurrud, and shure the boys was that mad out. What will I be afther thinking about the And thin-But what do yez say? wanthing thim haythin foreyners to come Chinaze? Oh, murther! Shure yere not and sthay here and take the bread out of the mouth of the wurruking man? Aint they wurruking men thimselves? Sorra a opium pipes. Would ye now,-would ye bit of it, with their long pig-tails and their raly put one of thim alongside of a broth of a boy just landed from the Counthy Cork or Tipperary, with his nate velveteen breeches and his sprig of shillelagh, and loiking a sup of whisky whin he's dhry, and always ready for a foight? Shure there was one of them-as foine a young man as ever ye seen-come out in the stheamer a whole ago, and he was afther taking a walk and he met one of thim Chinaze on the sidewalk with his woman's skirts and his silks, whin Patsy had niver a dacint coat to his back, and he was that mad that he knocked him off into the mud. And whin the craythur picked himself up, ye niver seen anything loike his impudence, for he points first to Patsy, and thin to himself and says, 'YouChlistian, mi-heathen. Good-mornin'.' Did ye iver hear the loikes of that? No surr, as long as the Oirish vote is that powerful that it is now, niver a Chinaze will ye see here." Like a breeze from his own Western prairies and cañons was the hearty greeting, at a down-town hotel, of JUDGE ELIAKIM PILLSBURY, of Dead-man's Ranch, Whisky Gulch, Montana Territory, who gave his visitor a strong shake of the hand, placed himself at his disposal, and expressed his sentiments concisely and clearly, after having, at the reporter's request, read over the notes of the foregoing interviews. "Wall," said he, "I calkilate you've come to me about the right time. "I was born and reared in the state of Maine, and used to hear lots of stuff about free speech, but I've found out that speakin' their own minds was a luxury beyond the means of most men, and I aint been able to afford it myself until I struck it rich in the gulch (a true fissure vein and as good ore as you ever see). And that's the trouble with most folks; they're afeard to say things that may harm their interests. It reminds me of a debating society down in Skowhegan when I was a youngster. A fellow named Fettyplace summed up on one side, and a fellow named Bunker on the other; and when the president come to decide, sez he, 'I allow Mr. Bunker 'peared to have the best of the argyment, but then Mr. Fettyplace, he buys most of his goods at my store, and I can't decide ag'in him.' So you see it is. People in trade's afraid of losing custom, and politicians think of their places, and lawyers of their practice, and some parsons too, may be, of the risk of bein' turned out. But I've got to the point now that I calkilate to say about what I think, and it aint taken me long to make up my mind about what these five men hev told you. The Chinee's head's leveler than any of 'em. He jest goes on about his business (although I allow he aint any great shakes in the 'washee-washee,' as he calls it, for he does everlastingly use up the clothes), and he don't mind what folks is talking about, and I say, give him a show. I don't take any stock in his josses and opium-smoking and all that, but no more do I in some of the ways of Irishmen and Portygese and sich like; but I'll tell you one thing thet's sartain, and jest you make a note of it, and that is, that unless we're agoin' right straight back on the Constitution of the United States and the Declaration of Independence, all these foreigners is exactly the same to us, and there isn't one in the whole outfit of 'em hez any more rights here than another. And as to a lot of 'em comin' here and livin' off the land, and then tellin' us that some more foreigners sha'n't come, because they happen to wear pig-tails and eat rats (an' one of my cousins who's been to Canton sez that aint so), is playin' it down pretty low on us, and about as everlastin' impudence as I ever heerd of. I don't go much on Butler nowadays, for he'd ought to know better than to be incitin' a lot of ignorant folks to rise up ag'in capitalists, as they call 'em, and jest get shot or knocked in the head by and by; and I'd like to know how he makes his views jibe with them he held when he wrote to the cussed impudent foreign consuls at New Orleans: If you don't like the way things is carried on in this country, you've a short, speedy and effectual remedy. Go! Stay not on the order of thy going, but go at once. You come here without our invitation, and you leave without our regrets.' That's the kind of talk. As for that Kearney, he's a first-class dead-beat, and if he'd show his face once in the gulch, you jest bet the boys would bounce him. So, pard, if my opinion's any good to you, jest say that I calkilate to stick close to the Constitution, and if that document don't make no difference between folks that come here from foreign parts, I say give 'em all a show, and make 'em behave themselves, and if they don't, make 'em git up and git suddenly." With which words of common sense (are they not so, oh, intelligent, fair-minded reader?) cometh to an end this symposium. "SHE WAS A BEAUTY." SHE was a beauty in the days Grandpapa, on his right knee bent, When Madison was President. And when your roses where hers went She was a beauty in the days IN A PARIS RESTAURANT. I GAZE, while thrills my heart with patriot pride, The perfect little head; on either side Blonde waves. The dark eyes, vaguely soft and dreamy, Hold for a space my judgment in eclipse, Until, with half a pout, supremely dainty, "He's reel mean "-slips from out the strawberry lipsOh, aint he!" 66 This at her escort, youthful, black-moustached And diamond-studded-this reproof, whereat he Is not to any great extent abashed. (That youth's from "Noo Orleens or "Cincinnatty," I'm sure.) But she-those dark eyes doubtful strike Her sherbet-ice. . . Wont touch it. . . Is induced to. Result: "I'd sooner eat Mince-Pie, Jim, like We used to." While then my too-soon-smitten soul recants, I note into her eyes a softness stealing A shade of thought upon her low, sweet brow— She hears him not-I swear, I could have cried hereThe escort nudges her-she starts, and-" How? The idear!" This was the finishing and final touch. I rose, and took no further observation. I love my country "just about" as much— I have for it as high a veneration— As a man whose fathers fought for liberty, Whose veins conduct the blood of Commodore Perry, can. But she was quite too very awfully American. |