66 Day after day elapses. Oh, time! Oh, eternity! In spite of sorrows, calms and relaxations sometimes steal on me. Let me not deceive myself with a false peace. Sometimes I am tempted to doubt whether I am a real Christian. O teach me, my God, to answer this question with a right conscience.

"Jan. 17. I feel much uneasiness at not making more progress in the right way. The unfruitful tree shall be cut down and burned. Have mercy on me, and all my family, according to thy goodness, O Lord! Help me to form a right judgment, bind my affection to the truth, and so let my life show it forth. Often as my birth-day approached, have I made resolutions of a new life; but there has always been an enemy within and without to prevail against me.

"Much pleased with Dr. Jackson, on the Catholic church—a curious and beautiful mean between Arminianism and high Calvinism. Give me a firm and resolute heart, O God! even such an one as thou wilt accept.

"Wrote to Hannah More, dubiously. Lord, direct me to choose for the best,

- 18. This day, with thy blessing, I shall go to feed my sheep at Bembridge. Grant me to do so with a faithful and a single heart. I always look upon that society as a humble ground for hope that the Lord means to do good through me; yet, how often do I perform that duty with slothfulness. Give me, O God, more will, and strength, and grace, and power, and blessing, and success; and teach me to judge (if it so please thee) by the state of my people, of my own. Provide Cheddar with a successor to Drewitt, after thine own heart; and increase the number of true pastors, and of true sheep in thy pasture.

66 19. How vain are all attempts to find peace in aught but the Gospel! How the world steals upon the mind, and usurps the throne of God. 'Video meliora protoque, deteriora sequor! Make me more discreet and considerate in the management of my property. Let justice and generosity be equally and forcibly remembered. I find my prayers languid and lukewarm to-day. Why is this? The fault must lie within.

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- 20. Little Mary in a very high fever; Nugent beginning to have one. Teach me so to bear these trials that they may be truly profitable unto me.

"-24. Let me impress on my mind the value of time, and resolve and act accordingly. Let me often reflect on my wife's and children's souls, as well as my own; and never forget the spiritual welfare of my flock.

"Mary excessively weak-Nugent worse. Keep my heart, O God! or I shall soon be overwhelmed. Grant me thy blessing, O God! "Jan. 25. Letter from Mr. Wilberforce. How beautiful a sight is riches united with godliness. Yet who that has the latter is not truly possessed of the former. If the weather should permit my going to Bembridge, prosper my endeavour among the people, O Lord! and may their prosperity be mine.

27. An affecting letter from my mother to my wife, exhorting to fortitude and patience, in case it should please God to take our sweet little Mary to himself. May we find it to be for our good, whichever way the righteous God shall ordain. Let me reflect much on this matter, and be thou with me, O my God! in all my prayers and supplications.

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- 29. The Lord's sabbath, and my birth-day. O Almighty God! sanctify this day to my heart; herein and henceforth may I rest from sin and spiritual sorrow, except that sorrow which worketh repentance unto salvation.

"I have preached on the parable, Matt. xx. 1; and from Eph. i. 7, on redemption.

"Had some interesting conversation with J. W. and E. C. Went to Arreton-comfort and peace. My child rather better. God bless us all, and make us to know what means peace with thee. "The barometer rose an inch and a half in twenty-four hours. 30. The risings and fallings of the barometer, and the consequent changes of weather, remind me of the risings and fallings of my own spirit. This day some friends are coming to keep my birth-day; when will friends of another kind celebrate my birthday into the life of glory? Ten pounds from Mr. Wilberforce for the poor. Holy man! would I resembled thee.

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31. May God strengthen me to keep my birth-day resolutions: I am very weak and unstable.

"A momentary fit of anger, which, blessed be God, I immediately tranquillized, and sought present reconciliation. Let the fear of God's anger ever make me afraid of my own.

"Feb. 1. I am studying the Augsburg Confession on Justification. It appears decisive against Daubeny, Oh! for a full application of the doctrine to my own soul.

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"Met my society at Bembridge. The occasion profitable. turned in a storm. May these meetings prove a solid and permanent advantage to all, and to me.

"-2. When I reflect on my unfruitfulness, I tremble. Hours, days, weeks, years, roll on, and still so much is to be done.

“I have looked into the controversy between Daubeny and Overton. Faults on both sides. But there is a controversy between me and my God, where the fault is all on one side. Who shall judge between us? O Christ! be my advocate, yea, my surety, and I shall not fear thee, when thou shalt appear as my judge.

"Feb. 7. Much ado about nothing, and little done about the great thing. Oh, let thy mercy be shown to me, by enabling me to show mercy to myself! When I think of what I have been, what I am, and what I shall be--the idea fills me with hopeful fear, and fearful hope. Let me think of my sermons, my soul, my family, my relations, my friends, my parish, my Saviour, and my God; and thus close my meditation to-night with prayer.

"-9. Dreamed a dream, full of confusion and danger; useful hints may be drawn rationally from dreams, so far as they may be considered as resulting from the state and frame of the body, and the inward customary state of the mind. Dreams are for the · most part the uninterrupted thoughts of the soul in sleep. Oh, my God! may my waking thoughts and my sleeping imaginations all become full of thee!

❝ 10. I find a strong inclination to false fancy, as if some change in my worldly state and residence were to bring about a correspondent one in my spiritual condition. Satan struggles together with the flesh, to keep up the dangerous phantom. Art thou not here, O my God! and is not mine office here? and has not my soul help sufficient? Oh, yes! give me strength to resist this, and to seek thee here and now. Oh! let me watch as well as pray, lest I enter into temptation.

"11. This day there is to be an eclipse of the sun. What a beautiful emblem of those eclipses of the soul, which sometimes hide the face of God from the sons of earth. Oh, revive me with thy presence, my God! even thy effectual and abiding presence. I have been meditating on the parable of the good Samaritan, in a spiritual application, with a view of preaching on it. May both its literal and mystical sense shine forth in me.

"To-morrow is thy day, O God of Hosts! may I sanctify it, and may my words be blessed to the hearts of my hearers. Enable me to speak from the heart to the heart.

- 15. Ash-Wednesday. Is this truly so to me? Do I mourn in dust and ashes for my sins? I want the spirit of mortification and self-denial. Enable me to preach to my people without fear of man, and with the love of God in my own heart.

"Oh, my God! guide, direct, sanctify and bless me, and all mine, and all thine.

"Feb. 16. How weak, frail, and inconstant a creature is man; and of men, myself most deplorably so. Sometimes my desires and resolutions run mountains high; and then I grow faint, and the stream of my affections is muddied and thick. Let me think of my children and my household, and of their spiritual welfare; and not cleave in heart to any one temptation thrown in my way by the world.

"The organ proposal negatived. I feel the benefit of a momentary disappointment; it is physic to the soul. How every thing tends to convince me of the folly and wickedness of seeking com. fort in the creature. O blessed Creator! 'when shall I be thine in spirit and in truth?

"17. Harassed with foolish thoughts. I grow more and more ashamed of myself, that such things can lay hold of my heart, and that I should have such deadness towards heaven. '0 earth, earth, earth! hear the word of the Lord.'

I have been to Bembridge, and read Burder's poetical abridgment of the Pilgrim's Progress, with profit and delight to us all. How much more am I in my element, among my little flock, than scheming in the world. Drank tea at John Wheler's: his cottage is God's palace.

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"-20. Let me reflect on the fleetness of time, and on the uncertainty of my life. Drewitt was taken away just at my age,the hand of death may be close: oh, what folly to imagine it at a distance! May I then die daily.

"Received religious books to the value of 157. from Mr. Thornton, to distribute in my parish. God be thanked for such friends to me and mine.

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21. I have strangely neglected the review. I pray God to give me strength to go on with it, and to think and write to his glory. My inward and bosom sin preys sadly upon me. I beseech thee, O my God! to make me a new creature; in that respect, most especially, give me a new heart and a right spirit.

"-24. How soon the best plans degenerate into formality, and how often Satan transforms himself into an angel of light. What a fight, race, and struggle, the Christian warfare is! May I so fight, run, and strive, that I may obtain.

66 26. A serene fine morning is an emblem of rest,--rest from storms and rain; how ought I to seek an earnest within, of that rest which remaineth for the people of God.' In all my

ministrations this day-in the sanctuary, the house, the closet, may all be to thee, and for thee, and by thee. I feel my own deficiencies daily more and more; O God! may I feel them till I lose them.

"Feb. 27. I every day feel more the truth of the doctrine, that the flesh and spirit strive contrarywise against each other. Excuses, apologies, procrastinations, delays, all proceed from this.

66 - 29. I perceive too much compliance with worldly company and conversation; oh, my soul, if I give way to this, my usefulness will be much diminished. Let me often remember that I renounced the world at baptism.

"March 4. The sabbath is over. I preached on the strong man armed; and from 1 Cor. i. 23. introducing a homily.

"I wish my children could sing the praises of God: may their learning music have this end and aim, both in themselves and me. 66 6. Like the Israelites of old, I find myself wandering in the wilderness of sin. Yet, O my God! if thou art my guide and light, by day and night, all will be well.

"7. The beauty of such a morning as this, should be an emblem of the life of God in my soul. What is mere animal life without his? Oh! break my rebellious spirit, and bring the inner man into true subjection to thee.

66 - 10. I am meditating a sermon on drawing water from the wells of salvation. Let me ever keep it in faithful remembrance, that I preach to my own heart first, and then to my people's. I have been arranging the different texts which describe Gospel graces and promises under the emblem of water. I must be more and more urgent in drawing from the fountain of God's word. - 12. One day nearer death and eternity. Lift up my heart, O God! in earnest prayer for real blessings. Let me be more desirous of graces than gifts, and yet remember that both are from thee.

16. A thick fog this morning. Is this the only fog? On looking over my diary, I see much to lament. What a map of frailty! O, my Redeemer, how shall I estimate the infinite value of that blood of thine, which was shed for sin. What are my time, reading, learning, memory, situation, influence, authority, money, and other various abilities, of mind and body, but so many talents lent me by God, of which I must speedily render an account? Have I any talents for the ministry? Do I use them as not abusing them? Are they with a single eye and heart consecrated to the honour of God?