COAT OF ARMS OF SIR JOHN PRESBYTER.

H

E bears party per bale indented; God's glory, and his own interest over all honour, profit, and pleasure counter-changed; ensigned with an helmet of ignorance opened with confidence befitting his degree; mantled with gules and tyranny, supported by a wreath of pride and covetousness; his motto, a solemn league and covenant reversed and torn, with these words written underneath, aut hoc aut nihil. This coat of armour is du-paled with four others, signifying thereby his four matches: The first was into the family of Amsterdam, who bears for her arms, in a field of toleration, three jews heads, proper, covered with as many blue caps: 2d. Into the family of Geneva, who bears for her arms, in a field of separation, marginal notes on the bible, false quoted: The 3d. was into the family of N. England, who bears for her arms, a prick eared preach man, perched on a pulpit, proper, holding forth to the people, a schismatical directory: The 4th. Scotland, where you have a large field of rebellion, charged with the stool of repentance, &c.

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THE FANATICAL DIASCORDIUM.

AKE of the herbs of hypocrisy and ambition, of each one handful; of the spirit of pride two drachms; of the seeds of dissension, sedition, and discord, of each one ounce; of the roots of obstinacy, stubbornness, and covetousness, of each a quarter of a pound: Chop the herbs, pound the seeds, slice the roots, and pound them altogether in a mortar of vainglory, with the pestle of contradiction, putting to them a pint of the water of strife, to be infused over the fire of feigned zeal, adding thereto four ounces of the syrup of self-conceitedness.

The use of this Cordial.

When it is luke-warm, let the dissenting brother take a spoonful of it every morning before exercise; and when his mouth is full with the electuary, let him make wry mouths, wink with his eyes, and shed some dissembling tears, and afterwards speak as the spirit of giddiness shall give him utterance.

The effect of this Diascordium.

It will make the schismatic maintain the Alcoran, assist the Pope, justify the proceedings of fanatical government, foment rebellion, and call it by the name of Liberty of conscience.

This Diascordium was formerly to be bought and sold at almost every conventicle in Scotland, England, &c.

A SHORT CATECHISM

FOR THE

INSTRUCTION OF YOUNG AND OLD.

QUEST.

I

S a Presbyterian Kirk a Christian Kirk?

ANSW. If a scriptureless, Lord's prayerless, creedless, sacramentless, altarless, reasonless, fatherless, absolutionless Kirk, be

a Christian Kirk, it is the most Christian Kirk in the world.

Q. Are the Presbyterians Christians?

A. Yes.

Q. How do you make that appear?
A. Because they abound in charity.

Q. Wherein does their charity consist?
A. In loving their enemies.

Q. Who are their enemies?

A. The Devil, the world, and the flesh.
Q. Who was the first Presbyterian ?
A. Jonah.

Q. How do you make that out?

A. Because he went the contrary road to what he was ordered.

Q. Why do not the Presbyterians say the creed and the doxology?

A. Because they are not word for word in Scripture.

Q. Why do they not say the Lord's Prayer?

A. Because it is not word by word in Scripture.

Q. What scripture have the Presbyterians for not saying the Lord's prayer?

A. Luke xi. 2. When we pray, say, Our Father which art in Heaven, &c. Q. What scripture have the Presbyteriam for rising in arms against the king?

A. They have several, I. David's heart smote him for cutting off a lap of Saul's garment. II. I counsel thee to keep the King's commandments. III. Fear God and honour the King: and meddle not with them that are given to change.

Q. How do they prove they'll be saved for resisting the King?

A. Rom. xiii. 1. He that resisteth receiveth to himself damnation.

Q. What scripture have the Presbyterians for nineteen speaking at once in the General Assembly?

A. Acts xxix. 32. Some said one thing, and some another, for the Assembly was confused, and the most part did not know wherefore they were come together.

Q. Wherefore do not the Presbyterians sing glory to God on high.

A. Because that was a song of angels, made upon Yule-day; and they are not for Christmas carrols.

Q. What do the Presbyterians think of the government in Heaven ?

A. They think it too prelatical, for the word Archangel sounds like Archbishop; and they wonder that the Angels made not a Covenant against the Archangels in heaven, as the Presbyterians made upon the Archbishops on earth.

Q. How do the Presbyterians worship God?

A. In words they would not have printed, and faces they would not have painted.

Q, Why do the Presbyterians disfigure their faces.

A. Because they are no more for set forms of faces than they are for set forms of graces.

Q. Have the Presbyterians any set forms at all?

A. Yes; they have a form of Godliness, but deny the power thereof.

Q. What is the sad effect of the want of a form in a church?

A. It is just as it was said of the earth, Gen. i. The earth was without

form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the earth.

Q. What scripture have the Presbyterians for not observing a form?

A. 2 Tim. i. 15. Hold fast by the form of sound words.

Q. Why do the Presbyterians give the title of saints to the rebels that died at Pentland-Hills and Bothwell-Bridge, and yet will not give the title of saints to any of the Apostles?

A. Because the Apostles never subscribed the Solemn League and Covenint, and never rose in arms against the King.

Q. What is the only thing in the nation that keeps up the memory of the saints?

A. The prognostications and the fairs, such as St. Peter's day; otherwise there had not been the memory of any saint in Scotland.

Q, What days are the Presbyterians better acquainted with than the saints' days?

A. The Dog-days in July and August; so that they ought to be in the

confusion of barking and rambling tykes, and not in the communion of saints.

Q. Why do the Presbyterians say that God made man purposely to damn him, by an eternal decree of reprobation?

A. Because their catechism says, Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him for ever.

Q. Why do they say that God glorifies himself in our damnation as well as our salvation?

A. Because the Scripture says, as I live, saith the Lord, I delight not in the death of sinners.

Q. Why did the magistrates of Edinburgh protect the general meeting of Quakers with a guard, and yet persecute the Episcopal ministers ? A. Because the Quakers religion and the Presbyterians is all one. Q. What is their religion?

A. The Devil's.

Q. What is the Devil's religion.

A. St. James ii. 10. The Devils believe and tremble; i.e. They believe without good works; these are Presbyterians; they tremble, and so they are Quakers.

Q. Why was Mr. Cant and Mr. Abercrombie put in prison ?

A. Because they did pray expressly.

Q. Why was Mr. Wingate and Mr. Guthrie put in prison.

A. Because they did not pray expressly.

Q. Why was the Duke of Gordon in prison?

A. Because he was a Papist.

Q. Why was Lord Sinclair a prisoner?

A. Because he was a Protestant.

Q. Why was the Earl of Murray a prisoner?

A. Because he was not on the revolution footing.

Q. Why was Lord Belhaven a prisoner ?

A. Because he was on the revolution footing.

Q. Why were the Stirlingshire gentlemen prisoners ?
A. Because they went from their own houses.

Q. Why was the Duke of Athole a prisoner?

A. Because he went not from his own house.

Q. Why was Lord Salton a prisoner?

A. Because he was for a king.

Q. Why was the Laird of Salton a prisoner?

A. Because he was for no King.

Q. To what may the practice of all this be compared?

A. To Bailie Borthwick in Leith, who fined one man for keeping ofswine, and another for not keeping of swine.

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MINISTERIAL BON-MOTS.

R. BROWN, minister of Drysdale, having fallen out with some women in his parish, chused for his text, And there appeared a Wonder in Heaven, a Woman; after which words he set down a point, and there raised this observation, that it was a wonder of 1000 wonders, if ever a woman got to Heaven, and he knew no reason for their journey, seeing it was doubtful whether they had souls. And that it was certainly a wonder, he proved thus, all the Angels wondered at it, all the Fathers wondered at it, and John the Divine beholding it, calls it a wonder; but perceiving that the people thought his Discourse a wonder of Nonsense, because of the following words, cloath'd with the Sun, &c., he called to one of his elders to see the point in his Book after the word WOMAN, alledging that all their bibles were false, and his true. And to prove his doctrine further, noted that there was silence in Heaven for half an hour, which proceeded either from this, that one woman's tongue put all the rest to silence, or that she had no other woman to talk to, for if she had, there could have been no such silence, no not for a minute.--The same parson conniv'd adultery betwixt the Laird of Lockerby and William Johnson of Kirburns's wife, being familiarly conversant with them a-part and together, and it's not unlikely was a sharer in the villany.

Mr. John Hamilton, minister of South Leith, and his underling Mr. Cant, strove which of them should out-do one another in preaching bombastick language; an instance of Mr. Hamilton's is thus, preaching on that text, O Israel thou hast destroyed thyself, he began, I shall not nibble at niceties, nor ingeminate prolixities, but with the sword of brevity, shall cut the gordian knot of obscurity, and so proceed to give you the genuine purport of this mellifluous and aromatical subject, calculated allenarly for the meridian of that microcosm man; and this was their ordinary before an unlearned Congregation.

The minister of Traquair preaching against noblemen who embezzled the King's revenues, compared them to his son Jonny, who being sent for a spoonful of hinny (honey) to his mother, begun to lick, and finding it good, licked so that he left never a drop.

Burnet of Kincardine O'Neil, missing one of his parishioners at sermon, said, where is syke an ane noo? he will not come to hear the Word of God, but al wadd hees at a war exercise, he's shooting hares; and naming others