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being a bold blustering fellow, accepted the chal, lenge; how they met and fought, to the
diversion of the spectators ; and after giving one another broken heads, and many bloody wounds and bruises, how they both drew off victorious ; in which their example has been frequently imitated by great clerks and others, since that time. How Martin's friends applauded his victory; and how lord Harry's friends complimented him on the same score; and particularly lord Peter, who sent him a fine feather for his cap, to be worn by him and his successors, as a perpetual mark of his bold defence of lord Peter's cause. How Harry, flushed with his pretended victory over Martin, began to huff Peter also, and at last down-right quarreled with him about a wench. How some of lord Harry's tenants, ever fond of changes, began to talk kindly of Martin, for which he mauled them foundly; as he did also those that adhered to Peter. How he turned some out of house and hold, others he hanged or burnt, &c.
How Harry Huff, after a deal of blustering, wenching, and bullying, died, and was succeeded by a good-natured boy, who, giving way to the general bent of his tenants, allowed Martin's notions to spread every-where, and take deep root in Albion. How, after his death, the farm fell into the hands of a lady, who was violently in love with lord Peter. How The purged the whole country with fire and sword, resolved not to leave the name or remembrance of Martin. How Peter triumphed, and set up shops again, for selling his own powders
, plasters and salves, which were now called the only
true ones, Martin's being all declared counterfeit. How great numbers of Martin's friends left the country, and, travelling up and down in foreign parts, grew acquainted with many of Jack’s followers, and took a liking to many of their notions and ways, which they afterwards brought back into Albion, now under another landlady, more moderate and more cunning than the former. How the endeavoured to keep friendfhip both with Peter and Martin, and trimmed for some time between the two, not without countenancing and assisting at the fame time many of Jack's followers ; but, finding no poffibility of reconciling all the three brothers, because each would be mafter, and allow no other falves, powders, or plasters, to be used but his own, The discarded all three, and set up a fhop for those of her own farm, well furnished with powders, plafters, falves, and all other drugs necessary, all right and true, composed according to receipts made by physicians and apothecaries of her own creating, which they extracted out of Peter's, and Martin's, and Jack's receipt-books ; and of this medley or hodgepodge made up a dispensatory of their own; ftrictly forbidding any other to be used, and particularly Peter's, from which the greatest part of this new dispensatory was stolen. How the lady, farther to confirm this change, wisely imitating her father, degraded Peter from the rank he pretended as eldest brother; and set up herself in his place, as head of the family, and ever after wore her father's old
cap, with the fine feather he had got from Peter for standing his friend; which has likewise
been worn, with no small oftentation, to this day, by all her succeffors, though declared enemies to Peter. How lady Bess and her physicians, being told of many defects and imperfections in their new medley dispensatory, resolve on a further alteration, and to purge it from a great deal of Peter's trash, that still remained in it; but were prevented by her death. How she was succeeded by a north-country-farmer, who pretended great skill in the managing of farms, though he could never govern poor little farm, nor yet this large new one after he got it. How this new landlord, to thew his valour and dexterity, fought against enchanters, weeds, giants, and wind-mills, and claimed great honour for his victories, though he oftimes b-sh-t himself when there was no danger. How his fucceffor, no wiser than he, occasioned great disorders by the new methods he took to manage his farms. How he attempted to establish in his northern farm, the same dispensatory used in the southern, but miscarried, because Jack's powders, pills, salves, and plasters, were there in great vogue.
How the Author finds himself embarrassed for having introduced into his History a new sect, different from the three he had undertaken to treat of; and how his inviolable respect to the sacred number three, obliges him to reduce these four, as he intends to do all other things, to that number *; and for that end to drop the former Martin, and to substitute in his place lady Bess's institution,
• A panegyrical Essay upon the number Three' is among the treatifes advertised at the beginning of The Tale of a Tub.
which is to pass under the name of Martin in the sequel of this true History. This weighty point being cleared, the Author goes on, and describes mighty quarrels and squabbles between Jack and Martin; how sometimes the one had the better, and sometimes the other, to the great desolation of both farms, till at last both sides concur to hang up the landlord, who pretended to die a martyr for Martin, though he had been true to neither side, and was suspected by many to have a great affection for Peter.
A DIGRESSION, on the nature, usefulness, and
neceility of Wars and QUARRELS.
HIS being a matter of great consequence, the
Author intends to treat it methodically, and at large, in a treatise apart, and here to give only fome hints of what his large treatise contains. The state of war, natural to all creatures. War is an attempt to take by violence from others, a part of what they have, and we want. Every man, fully sensible of his own merit, and finding it not duly regarded by others, has a natural right to take from them all that he thinks due to himself; and every creature, finding its own wants more than those of others, has the same right to take every thing its nature requires. Brutes, much more modeft in their pretensions this way, than men; and mean men more than great ones. The higher one raises his pretensions this way, the more bustle he makes about them; and the more success he has, the greater hero. Thus greater souls, in proportion to their superior merit, claim a greater right to take every thing from meaner folks. This the true foundation of grandeur and heroism, and of the distinction of degrees among men.
War therefore necefsary to establish subordination, and to found cities, kingdoms, &c. as also to purge bodies politic of gross humours. Wise princes find it neceffary to have wars abroad, to keep peace at home. War, famine, and pestilence, the usual cures for corruptions in bodies politic. A comparison of these three.