me with a handfome kick on the arfe. Madam, fhall I intreat a fmall box on the ear from your Ladyship's fair hand? Noble Captain, lend a reasonable thwack for the love of God, with that cane of your's, over thefe poor fhoulders *. And when he had, by fuch earneft folicitations, made a fhift to procure a bafting fufficient to fwell up his fancy and his fides, he would return home extremely comforted, and full of terrible accounts of what he had undergone for the public good. Obferve this froke, faid he, fhewing his bare shoulders, a plaguy janifary gave it me this very morning at seven a-clock, as, with much ado, I was driving off the Great Turk. Neighbours, mind this broken head deferves a plaifter. Had poor Jack been tender of his noddle, you would have feen the Pope and the French King, long before this time of day, among your wives and your warehouses. Dear Chriftians, the Great Mogul was come as far as White-chapel; and you may thank these poor fides, that he hath not (God bless us) already fwallowed up man, woman, and child.

It was highly worth observing, the fingular effects of that averfion or antipathy which Jack and his brother Peter feemed, even to an affectation, to bear against each other t. Peter had lately done

*The Fanatics have always had a way of affecting to run into perfecution, and count vast merit upon every little hardship they fuffer.

The Papists and Fanatics, though they appear the most averfe against each other, yet bear a near resemblance in many things, as hath been obferved by learned men.

Ibid.

done fome rogueries, that forced him to abfcond; and he feldom ventured to ftir out before night, for fear of bailiffs. Their lodgings were at the two most distant parts of the town, from each other; and whenever their occafions or humours called them abroad, they would make choice of the oddest unlikely times, and most uncouth rounds, they could invent, that they might be fure to avoid one another. Yet, after all this, it was their perpetual fortune to meet. The reafon of which is easy enough to apprehend: For the phrenzy and the spleen of both having the fame foundation, we may look upon them as two pair of compaffes, equally extended, and the fixed foot of each remaining in the fame centre; which though moving contrary ways at first, will be sure to encounter fomewhere or other in the circuinference. Befides, it was among the great misfortunes of Jack, to bear a huge perfonal refemblance with his brother Peter. Their humour and dif pofitions were not only the fame, but there was. a close analogy in their fhape and fize, and their mien; infomuch as nothing was more frequent, than for a bailiff to feize Jack by the shoulders, and cry, Mr Peter, you are the King's prisoner; Ii 3

or,

Ibid. The agreement of our Diffenters and the Papifts, in that which Bishop Stillingfleet called, The fanaticism of the church of Rome, is ludicrously described for several pages together, by Jack's likeness to Peter, and their being often mista-ken for each other, and their frequent meetings when they leaft intended it. W. Wetton.

or, at other times, for one of Peter's nearest friends, to accoft Jack with open arms, Dear Peter, I am glad to fee thee; pray, send me one of your beft medicines for the worms. This, we may suppose, was a mortifying return of those pains and proceedings Jack had laboured in fo long; and finding how directly oppofite all his endeavours had answered to the fole end and intention which he had propofed to himself, how could it avoid having terrible effects upon a head and heart fo furnished as his? However, the poor remainders of his coat bore all the punishment. The orient fun never entered upon his diurnal progrefs, without mifling a piece of it. He hired a taylor to ftitch up the colar fo clofe, that it was ready to choke him, and fqueezed out his eyes at fuch a rate as one could fee nothing but the white. What little was left of the main fubftance of the coat, he rubbed every day, for two hours, against a rough-caft wall, in order to grind away the remnants of lace and embroidery ; but, at the fame time, went on with fo much violence, that he proceeded a Heathen philofopher. Yet, after all he could do of this kind, the fuccefs continued ftill to disappoint his expectation. For as it is the nature of rags, to bear a kind of mock resemblance to finery; there being a fort of fluttering appearance in both, which is not to be distinguished at a distance, in the dark, or by fhort-fighted eyes: So, in thofe junctures, it fared with Jack and his tatters, that they offered to the

first view a ridiculous flaunting; which, affifting the resemblance in perfon and air, thwarted all his projects of feparation, and left fo near a fimilitude between them, as frequently deceived the very difciples and followers of both.

*

*

Defunt nonnulla.

*

The old Sclavonian proverb faid well, That is is with men as with affes; whoever would keep them fast, must find a very good hold at their ears. Yet I think we may affirm, that it hath been verified by repeated experience, that,

Effugiet tamen hac fceleratus vincula Proteus.

It is good, therefore, to read the maxims of our ancestors, with great allowances to times and perfons. For, if we look into primitive records, we fhall find, that no revolutions have been fo great, or fo frequent, as those of human ears. In former days, there was a curious invention to catch and keep them; which, I think, we may justly reckon among the artes perdita. And how can it be otherways, when, in thefe latter centuries, the very species is not only diminished to a very lamentable degree, but the poor remainder is alfo degenerated fo far, as to mock our skilfullest

tenure?

For if the only flitting of one ear in a stag hath been found fufficient to propagate the defect

defect through a whole foreft, why fhould we wonder at the greatest confequences, for fo many loppings and mutilations, to which the ears of our fathers, and our own, have been of late fo much expofed? It is true, indeed, that while this fland of ours was under the dominion of grace, many endeavours were made to improve the growth of ears once more among us. The proportion of largenefs was not only looked upon as an ornament of the outward man, but as a type of grace in the inward. Befides, it is held by naturalifts, that if there be a protuberancy of parts in the superior region of the body, as in the ears and nose, there must be a parity also in the inferior. And therefore, in that truly pious age, the males in every affembly, according as they were gifted, appeared very forward in expofing their ears to view, and the regions about them; because Hippocrates tells us, that when the vein behind the ear happens to be cut, a man becomes an eunuch *. And the females were nothing backwarder in beholding and edifying by them: Whereof those who had already used the means, looked about them with great concern, in hopes of conceiving a fuitable offspring by fuch a profpect. Others, who ftood candidates for benevolence, found there a plentiful choice, and were fure to fix upon fuch as difcovered the largest ears, that the breed might not dwindle between them. Laftly, The devouter fifters, who looked

† Lib. de aere, locis, et aquis.

upon