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retainer of the found ; extremely subject to the loose ress, for his occasions are perpetually "calling him away. If you approach his grate in his familiar intervals, Sir, says he, give me a penny, and I'll fing you a fong ; but give me the penny forf. (Hence comes the common saying, and commoner practice, of parting with money for a song.) What a complete system of court-skill is here defcribed in every branch of it, and all utterly loft with wrong application ! Accost the hole of another kennel, (first stopping your nose), you will behold a furly, gloomy, nafty, slovenly mortal, raking in his own dung, and dabbling in his urine. The best part of his diet, is the reversion of his own ordure ; which, expiring into steams, whirls perpetually about, and at last reinfunds. His complexion is of a dirty yellow, with a thin fcattered beard, exactly agreeable to that of his diet upon its first declination ; like other infects, who having their birth and education in an excrement, from thence borrow their colour and their smell. The student of this apartment is very sparing of his words, but somewhat over liberal of his breath : He holds his hand out, ready to receive your penny; and immediately upon receipt, withdraws to his former occupations. Now, is it not amazing, to think, the society of Warwicklane should have no more concern for the recovery of so useful a member, who, if one may judge from these appearances, would become the greatest ornament to that illustrious body ? Ano


ther student struts up fiercely to your teeth, puff-
ing with his lips, half squeezing out his eyes, and
very graciously holds you out his hand to kiss.
The keeper desires you not to be afraid of this
profeffor, for he will do you no hurt. To him
alone is allowed the liberty of the antichamber ;
and the orator of the place gives you to under-
stand, that this folemn person is a taylor, run
mad with pride. This considerable student is
adorned with many other qualities, upon which
at present I shall not farther enlarge
Hark in your ear

I am ftrangely mistaken, if all his address, his motions, and his airs, would not then be very natural, and in their

proper element.

I shall not descend so minutely, as to insist upon the vast number of beaux, fidlers, poets, and politicians, that the world might recover by such a reformation. But what is more material, besides the clear gain redounding to the commonwealth, by fo large an acquisition of persons to employ, whose talents and acquirements, if I may

be so bold to affirm it, are now buried, or at least misapplied ; it would be a mighty advantage accruing to the public from this inquiry, that all these would very much excel, and arrive at great perfection in their several kinds ; which, I think, is manifest from what I have already shewn, and


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I cannot conjecture what the author means here, or how this chasm could be filled, though it is capable of more than one interpretation.

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shall enforce by this one plain instance, That even I myself, the author of these momentous truths, am a person whose imaginations are hard. mouthed, and exceedingly disposed to run away with his reason, which I have observed, from long experience, to be a very light rider, and easily shaken off: Upon which account, my friends will never trust me alone, without a solemn promise to vent my fpeculations, in this or the like manner, for the universal benefit of human kind; which · perhaps the gentle, courteous, and candid reader, brimfull of that modern charity and tenderness usually annexed to his office, will be very hardly persuaded to believe.

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T is an unanswerable argument of a very re

fined age, the wonderful civilities that have passed of late years, between the nation of authors, and that of readers. There can hardly pop out a play, a pamphlet, or a poem, without a preface full of acknowledgment to the world, for the general

reception This section has in former editions been intitled, A Tale of a Tub; but the tale not being continued till section 11. and this being only a further digreffion, no apology can be thought necessary for making the title correspond with the contents. Hawkeja

reception and applause they have given it; which the Lord knows where, or when, or how, or from whom it received *. In due deference to so laudable a custom, I do here return my humble thanks to his Majesty, and both houses of parlianent; to the Lords of the King's Most Honour. able Privy Council ; to the Reverend the judges ; to the clergy, and gentry, and geomanry of this land : But, in a more especial manner, to my worthy brethren and friends at Will's coffee-house, and Gresham-college, and Warwick-lane, and Moore fields, and Scotland-yard, and Westminster-hall, and Guild-hall : In short, to all inhabitants and retainers whatsoever, either in court, or church, or camp, or city, or country, for their generous and universal acceptance of this divine treatise. I accept their approbation and good opinion with extreme gratitude; and, to the utmost of my poor capacity, shall take hold of all opportunities to return the obligation.

I am also happy, that fate has flung me into fo bleffed an age for the mutual felicity of booksellers and authors, whom I may safely affirm to be at this day the two only satisfied parties in England. Ask an author, how his last piece has succeeded : Why, truly, he thanks his fiars, the world has been very favourable, and he kas not the least reason to complain. And yet, by G-, he writ it in a week, at bits and parts, when he would steal an hour from his urgent affairs ; as it is a hundred to one, you may fee farther in the preface, to which he refers you ; and for the rest, to the bookseller. There you go as a customer, and make the fame question : He blesses his God, the thing takes wonderfully; he is just printing the second edition, and has but three left his hop. You beat down the price : Sir, we pall not differ ; and, in hopes of your custom another time, lets you have it as reasonable as you please : And, pray send as many of your acquaintance as you will; I shall, upon your account, furnish them all at the same rate.


* This is literally true, as we may obfcrve in the prefaces to most plays, poems, &c.

Now, it is not well enough confidered, to what accident and occasions the world is indebted for the greatest part of those noble writings which hourly start up to entertain it. If it were not for a rainy day, a drunken vigil, a fit of the spleen, a course of phyfic, a sleepy Sunday, an ill run at dice, a long taylor's bill, a beggar's purse, a factious head, a hot fun, costive diet, want of books, and a just contempt of learning ; but for these events, I say, and some others too long to recite, (especially a prudent neglect of taking brimstone inwardly), I doubt, the number of authors, and of writings, would dwindle away to a degree most woful to behold. To confirm this opinion, hear the words of the famous Troglodyte philofopher. It is certain, said he, fome grains of folly are of course annexed as part of the composition of human nature; only the choice is left us, whether we please to wear them inlaid imbossed : And we need not go very far to seek how


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