retainer of the found; extremely subject to the loofenefs, for his occafions are perpetually calling him away. If you approach his grate in his familiar intervals, Sir, fays he, give me a penny, and I'll fing you a fong; but give me the penny firfi. (Hence comes the common faying, and commoner practice, of parting with money for a song.) What a complete system of court-skill is here defcribed in every branch of it, and all utterly loft with wrong application! Accoft the hole of another kennel, (firft ftopping your nofe), you will behold a furly, gloomy, nafty, flovenly mortal, raking in his own dung, and dabbling in his urine. The best part of his diet, is the reverfion of his own ordure; which, expiring into steams, whirls perpetually about, and at last. reinfunds. His complexion is of a dirty yellow, with a thin fcattered beard, exactly agreeable to that of his diet upon its firft declination; like other infects, who having their birth and education in an excrement, from thence borrow their colour and their smell. The ftudent of this apartment is very fparing of his words, but fomewhat over liberal of his breath: He holds his hand out, ready to receive your penny; and immediately upon receipt, withdraws to his former occupations. Now, is it not amazing, to think, the fociety of Warwicklane fhould have no more concern for the recovery of so useful a member, who, if one may judge from these appearances, would become the greatest ornament to that illuftrious body? Ano- ther ther student struts up fiercely to your teeth, puffing with his lips, half squeezing out his eyes, and very graciously holds you out his hand to kiss. The keeper defires you not to be afraid of this profeffor, for he will do you no hurt. To him alone is allowed the liberty of the antichamber; and the orator of the place gives you to understand, that this folemn perfon is a taylor, run mad with pride. This confiderable student is adorned with many other qualities, upon which at prefent I fhall not farther enlarge Hark in your ear * I am ftrangely miftaken, if all his addrefs, his motions, and his airs, would not then be very natural, and in their proper element. I fhall not defcend fo minutely, as to infift upon the vast number of beaux, fidlers, poets, and politicians, that the world might recover by fuch a reformation. But what is more material, befides the clear gain redounding to the commonwealth, by fo large an acquifition of perfons to employ, whofe talents and acquirements, if I may be fo bold to affirm it, are now buried, or at least misapplied; it would be a mighty advantage accruing to the public from this inquiry, that all thefe would very much excel, and arrive at great perfection in their several kinds; which, I think, is manifest from what I have already fhewn, and fhall * I cannot conjecture what the author means here, or how this chafm could be filled, though it is capable of more than one interpretation. fhall enforce by this one plain inftance, That even I myself, the author of thefe momentous truths, am a person whose imaginations are hardmouthed, and exceedingly difpofed to run away with his reafon, which I have obferved, from long experience, to be a very light rider, and eafily fhaken off: Upon which account, my friends will never trust me alone, without a folemn promise to vent my fpeculations, in this or the like manner, for the univerfal benefit of human kind; which perhaps the gentle, courteous, and candid reader, brimfull of that modern charity and tenderness ufually annexed to his office, will be very hardly perfuaded to believe. SECT. X. A further Digression *. T is an unanswerable argument of a very re IT fined age, the wonderful civilities that have paffed of late years, between the nation of authors, and that of readers. There can hardly pop out a play, a pamphlet, or a poem, without a preface full of acknowledgment to the world, for the general reception * This fection has in former editions been intitled, A Tale of a Tub; but the tale not being continued till section 11. and this being only a further digreffion, no apology can be thought neceffary for making the title correfpond with the contents. Hawkef reception and applaufe they have given it; which the Lord knows where, or when, or how, or from whom it received *. In due deference to fo laudable a custom, I do here return my humble thanks to his Majefty, and both houfes of parliament; to the Lords of the King's Most Honourable Privy Council; to the Reverend the judges; to the clergy, and gentry, and yeomanry of this land: But, in a more efpecial manner, to my worthy brethren and friends at Will's coffee-house, and Gresham-college, and Warwick-lane, and Moorfields, and Scotland-yard, and Westminster-hall, and Guild-hall: In short, to all inhabitants and retainers whatsoever, either in court, or church, or camp, or city, or country, for their generous and universal acceptance of this divine treatife. I accept their approbation and good opinion with extreme gratitude; and, to the utmost of my poor capacity, fhall take hold of all opportunities to return the obligation. I am also happy, that fate has flung me into fo bleffed an age for the mutual felicity of booksellers and authors, whom I may safely affirm to be at this day the two only fatisfied parties in England. Afk an author, how his last piece has fucceeded: Why, truly, be thanks his fiars, the world has been very favourable, and he has not the least reafon to complain. And yet, by G-, he writ it in a week, at bits and farts, when he would fleal an hour from his urgent This is literally true, as we may obferve in the prefaces to moft plays, poems, &c. urgent affairs; as it is a hundred to one, you may fee farther in the preface, to which he refers you; and for the reft, to the bookfeller. There you go as a customer, and make the fame queftion: He bleffes his God, the thing takes wonderfully; he is just printing the fecond edition, and has but three left his fhop. You beat down the price: Sir, we fall not differ; and, in hopes of your custom another time, lets you have it as reasonable as you please: And, pray fend as many of your acquaintance as you will; I fhall, upon your account, furnish them all at the fame rate. Now, it is not well enough confidered, to what accident and occafions the world is indebted for the greatest part of those noble writings which hourly start up to entertain it. If it were not for a rainy day, a drunken vigil, a fit of the spleen, a course of phyfic, a fleepy Sunday, an ill run at dice, a long taylor's bill, a beggar's purfe, a factious head, a hot fun, coftive diet, want of books, and a just contempt of learning; but for thefe events, I fay, and fome others too long to recite, (especially a prudent neglect of taking brimftone inwardly), I doubt, the number of authors, and of writings, would dwindle away to a degree most woful to behold. To confirm this opinion, hear the words of the famous Troglodyte philofopher. It is certain, faid he, fome grains of folly are of course annexed as part of the compofition of human nature; only the choice is left us, whether we please to wear them inlaid or imboffed: And we need not go very far to feck how |