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crufts upon us for mutton, and at last kicked us out of doors ; must we be in his fashions, with a pox ! a rascal, besides, that all the street cries out against. Having thus kindled and inflamed himself as high as possible, and by consequence in a delicate temper for beginning a reformation, he fet about the work immediately, and in three minutes made more dispatch than Martin had done in as many hours. For, courteous reader, you are given to understand, that zeal is never so highly obliged, as when you set it a tearing; and Jack, who doted on that quality in himself, allowed it at this time its full swing. Thus it happened, that stripping down a parcel of gold lace, a little too hastily, he rent the main body of his coat from top to bottom"; and whereas his talent was not of the happiest in taking up a stitch, he knew no better way, than to darn it again with pack-thread and a skewer. But the matter was yet infinitely worse (I record it with tears) when he proceeded to the embroidery : For, being clumsy by nature, and of temper inpatient; withal, beholding millions of stitches that required the nicest hand, and fedatest constitution, to extricate ; in a great rage he tore off the whole piece, cloth and all, and flung it into the kennel, and furiously thus continued his career : Ah, good brother Martin, said he, do as I do, for the love of God; strip, tear, pull, rend, fay off all, that we may appear as unlike the rogue Peter ' as it is possible. I would not, for an hundred pounds, carry the leaf mark about me, that might give octa
pon to the neighbours, of suspecting I was related to such a rascal. But Martin, who at this time happened to be extremely flegmatic and fedate, begged his brother, of all love, not to damage his coat by any means ; for he never would get fuch another : Desired him to consider, that it was not their bufinefs to form their actions by any reflection upon
Peter, but by observing the rules prescribed in their father's will: That he should remember, Peter was fill their brother, whatever faults or injuries he had committed ; and therefore they bould by all means avoid
such a thought, as that of taking measures for good and evil, from no other rule than of opposition to him : That it was true, the testament of their good father was very exact in what related to the wearing of their coats; yet was it no lefs penal and Atrict in prescribing agreement, and friendsbip, and affection between them ; and therefore, if straining a point were at all dispensable, it would certainly be so, rather to the advance of unity, than increase of contradiction.
Martin had still proceeded as gravely as he began; and doubtless would have delivered an admirable lecture of morality, which might have exceedingly contributed to my reader's repose, both of body and mind, the true ultimate end of ethics ; but Jack was already gone a flight-shot beyond his patience. And as, in scholastic difputes, nothing serves to rouse the spleen of him that optoses, so much as a kind of pedantic'affected calmness in the respondent; disputants being for
the most part like unequal scales, where the gravity of one fide advances the lightness of the other, and causes it to fly up, and kick the beam : So it happened here, that the weight of Martin's arguments exalted Jack's levity, and made him fly out and spurn against his brother's moderation. In short, Martin's patience put Jack in a rage. But that which most afflicted him, was, to observe his brother's coat so well reduced into the state of innocence ; while his own was either wholly rent to his shirt; or those places, which had escaped his cruel clutches, were still in Peter's livery: So that he looked like a drunken beau, half rifled by bullies ; or like a fresh tenant in Newgate, when he has refused the payment of garnish; or like a discovered shop-lifter, left to the mercy of Exchange women i or like a bawd in her old velvet petticoat, resigned into the secular hands of the mobile. Like any, or like all of these, a medley of rags and lace, and rents and fringes, unfortunate Jack did now appear. He would have been extremely glad to see his coat in the condition of Martin's, but infinitely gladder to find that of Martin in the same predicament with his. How
* The galleries over the piazzas in the Royal Exchange, were formerly filled with shops, kept chiefly by women. The same use was made of a building called the New Exchange in the . Strand. This edifice has been pulled down; the shopkeepers have removed from the Royal Exchange into Cornhill, and the adjacent streets; and there are now no remains of Exchange women, but in Exeter 'change, and they are no longer deemed the first ministers of fashion. Hawkes.
cver, since neither of these was likely to come to
pass, he thought fit to lend the whole business · another turn, and to dress up necessity into a vir
tue. Therefore, after as many of the fox's arguments as he could mufter up, for bringing Martin to reason, as he called it, or, as he meant it, into his own ragged, bob-tailed condition, and observing he said all to little purpose ; what, alas! was left for the forlorn Jack to do, but, after a million of scurrilities against his brother, to run mad with spleen, and spite, and contradiction ? To be short, here began a mortal breach between these two. Jack went immediately to new lodgings, and in a few days it was for certain reported, that he had run out of his wits. In a short time after, he appeared abroad, and confirmed the report by falling into the oddest whimsies that ever a fick brain conceived.
And now the little boys in the streets began to falute him with several names. Sometimes they would call him, Jack the Baldt; fometimes, Jack with the lantern $; fometimes, Dutch Jackg; fometimes, French Hugh || ; fometimes, Tom the
* The fox in the fable, who having been caught in a trap, and lost his tail, used many arguments to persuade the rest to cut off theirs; that the singularity of his deformity might not expose him to derision. Hawkes.
+ That is, Calvin; from calvus, bald.
Jack of Leyden, who gave rise to the Anabaptists.
Beggar *; and sometimes, Knocking Jack of the North t. And it was under one, or some, or all of these appellations, which I leave the learned reader to determine, that he hath given rise to the most illustrious and epidemic sect of Æolifts, who, with honourable commemoration, do still acknowledge the renowned JACK for their author and founder. Of whofe original, as well as principles, I am now advancing to gratify the world with a very particular account.
much oftner seen a nut-shell in an Iliad. There is no doubt that human life has received most wonderful advantages from both ; but to which of the two the world is chiefly indebted, I shall leave among the curious, as a problem worthy of their utmost inquiry. For the invention of the latter, I think the commonwealth of learning is chiefly
** The Guenses, by which name fome Protestants in Flanders were called.
† John Knox the reformer of Scotland.