rend fathers the eastern miffionaries, that I have, purely for their fakes, made ufe of such words and phrases as will best admit an easy turn into any of the oriental languages, especially the Chinefe. And fo I proceed, with great content of mind, upon reflecting how much emolument this whole globe of the earth is like to reap by my labours.

The first undertaking of Lord Peter was, to purchase a large continent *, lately said to have been discovered in Terra Auftralis Incognita. This tract of land he bought at a very great pennyworth from the discoverers themselves, (though fome pretended to doubt whether they had ever been there), and then retailed it into feveral cantons, to certain dealers, who carried over colonies, but were all shipwrecked in the voyage. Upon which Lord Peter fold the faid continent to other customers again, and again, and again, and again, with the fame fuccefs.

The fecond project I fhall mention, was his fovereign remedy for the worms †, efpecially those in the spleen. The patient was to eat nothing after fupper for three nights ‡. As foon as he

* That is purgatory.

went

↑ Penance and abjolution are played upon under the notion of a fovereign remedy for the worms, especially in the spleen; which, by obferving Peter's prescription, would void infenfibly by perfpiration, afcending through the brain, &c. W. Wotton.

Here the author ridicules the penances of the church of Rome; which may be made as eafy to the finner as he pleases, provided he will pay for them accordingly.

went to bed, he was carefully to lie on one fide; and when he grew weary, to turn upon the other. He muft alfo duly confine his two eyes to the fame object; and by no means break wind at both ends together, without manifest occafion. These prescriptions diligently observed, the worms would void infenfibly by perspiration, afcending through the brain.

A third invention was the erecting of a whif pering-office*, for the public good and ease of all fuch as are hypochondriacal, or troubled with the cholic; as likewife of all eves-droppers, phyficians, midwives, fmall politicians, friends fallen out, repeating poets, lovers happy or in defpair, bawds, privy counfellors, pages, parafites, and buffoons; in fhort, of all fuch as are in danger of bursting with too much wind. An ass's head was placed fo conveniently, that the party affected might eafily with his mouth accoft either of the animal's ears; to which he was to apply close for a certain fpace, and by a fugitive faculty peculiar to the ears of that animal, receive immediate benefit, either by eructation, or expiration, or evomition.

Another very beneficial project of Lord Peter's was an office of infurance † for tobacco-pipes, mar

By his whispering-office, for the relief of eves-droppers, phyficians, bawds, and privy counsellors, he ridicules auricular confeffion; and the pricft, who takes it, is defcribed by the ass's head. W. Woiton.

This I take to be the office of indulgences, the grofs abufe whereof first gave occafion for the Reformation.

tyrs of the modern zeal; volumes of poetry, fhadows,- -and rivers: That thefe, nor any of thefe, fhall receive damage by fire. From whence our friendly focieties may plainly find themselves to be only tranfcribers from this original; though the one and the other have been of great benefit to the undertakers, as well as of equal to the public.

Lord Peter was also held the original author of puppets and raree-fbows *; the great ufefulness whereof being fo generally known, I fhall not enlarge farther upon this particular.

But another discovery, for which he was much renowned, was his famous univerfal pickle t. For having remarked how your common pickle ‡, in ufe among housewives, was of no farther benefit than to preserve dead flesh, and certain kinds of vegetables; Peter, with great cost, as well as art, had contrived a pickle proper for houfes, gardens, towns, men, women, children, and cattle; wherein he could preferve them as found as infects in amber. Now, this piekle, to the tafte, the fmell, and the fight, appeared exactly the fame with what is in common fervice for beef, and butter, and herrings, and has been often that way applied VOL. J. B b with

* I believe are the monkeries and ridiculous proceffions, &c." among the Papifts.

+ Holy water he calls an univerfal pickle, to preferve houses, gardens, towns, men, women, children, and cattle, wherein he could preferve them as found as infects in amber. W. Wotton.

This is easily underflood to be holy water, compofed of the fame ingredients with many other pickles.

with great fuccefs; but for its many sovereign virtues, was a quite different thing. For Peter would put in a certain quantity of his powder pimperlimpimp, after which it never failed of fuccefs. The operation was performed by fpargefaction †, in a proper time of the moon. The patient, who was to be pickled, if it were a house, would infallibly be preferved from all spiders, rats, and weazels; if the party affected were a dog, he fhould be exempt from mange, and madnefs, and hunger. It alfo infallibly took away all fcabs and lice, and fcald-heads from children; never hindering the patient from any duty, either at bed or board.

But of all Peter's rarities he moft valued a certain fet of bulls ‡, whofe race was by great fortune preferved in a lineal defcent from thofe that guarded the golden fleece: Though fome, who pretended to obferve them curiously, doubted the breed had not been kept entirely chafte; because they had degenerated from their ancestors in fome qualities,

And becaufe holy water differs only in confecration from common water, therefore he tells us, that his pickle by the powder of pimperlimpimp receives new virtues, though it differs not in fight nor fmell from the common pickles, which preserve beef, and butter, and herrings. W. Wotton.

+ Sprinkling.

The Papal bulls are ridiculed by name; fo that here we are at no lofs for the author's meaning. W. Wotton.

Ibid. Here the author has kept the name, and means the Pope's bulls, or rather his fulminations, and excommunications of heretical princes, all figned with lead, and the feal of the fisherman; and therefore faid to have leaden feet and fifles tails.

qualities, and had acquired others very extraordinary, but a foreign mixture. The bulls of Colchos are recorded to have brazen feet. But whether it happened by ill pafture and running, by an allay from intervention of other parents, from ftolen intrigues; whether a weakness in their progenitors had impaired the feminal virtué, or, by a decline neceffary through a long courfe of time, the originals of nature being depraved in thefe latter finful ages of the world: Whatever was the caufe, it is certain, That Lord Peter's bulls were extremely vitiated by the ruft of time in the metal of their feet, which was now funk into common lead. However, the terrible roaring peculiar to their lineage, was preferved; as likewise that faculty of breathing out fire from their nostrils *; which notwithstanding many of their detractors took to be a feat of art, and to be nothing fo terrible as it appeared, proceeding only from their ufual courfe of diet, which was of fquibs and crackers +. However, they had two peculiar marks, which extremely diftinguished them from the bulls of Jafon, and which I have not met together in the defcription of any other monfter, beside that in Horace,

*Thefe paffages, and many others, no doubt, must be conftrued as antichriftian, by the church of Rome. When the chief minifter and his minions are expofed, the keener the fatire, the more liable is it to be interpreted into high treafon against the King. Orrery.

Thefe are the fulminations of the Pope, threatening hell and damnation to thofe princes who offend him.