O

SECT. II.

,

NCE upon a time, there was a man who had three fons by one wife *, and all at a birth; neither could the midwife tell certainly which was the eldest. Their father died while they were young; and upon his death-bed, calling the lads to him, fpoke thus:

Sons, Because I have purchased no eftate, nor was born to any, I have long confidered of fome good legacies to bequeath you; and at last, with much care. as well as expence, have provided each of you, (here they are) a new coat †. Now, you are to underfand, that thefe coats have two virtues contained in them. One is, that, with good wearing, they will last you fresh and found as long as you live. The

other

By these three fons, Peter, Martin, and Jack; Popery, the Church of England, and our Proteftant Diffenters, are designed. W. Wotton.

In the character of Peter, we fee the Pope, seated on his pontifical throne, and adorned with his triple crown. In the picture of Martin, we view Luther, and the first reformers. And in the defcription of Jack, we behold John Calvin and his difciples. The author's arrows are chiefly directed against Peter and Jack. To Martin he fhews all the indulgence that the laws of allegory will permit. Orrery.

By his coats, which he gave his fons, the garment of the Ifraelites. IV. Wotton.

An error (with fubmiffion) of the learned commentator; for by the coats are meant the doctrine and faith of Chriftianity, by the wisdom of the divine founder, fitted to all times, places, and circumftances. Lambin.

other is, that they will grow in the fame proportion with your bodies, lengthening and widening of themfelves, fo as to be always fit. Here, let me fee them on you before I die. So, very well; pray, children, wear them clean, and brush them often. You will find in my will † (here it is) full instructions in every particular concerning the wearing and management of your coats; wherein you must be very exact, to avoid the penalties I have appointed for every tranfgreffion or neglect, upon which your future fortunes will entirely depend. I have also commanded in my will, that you should live together, in one house, like brethren and friends; for then you will be fure to thrive, and not otherwife.

Here, the story says, this good father died, and the three fons went altogether to seek their for

tunes.

I fhall not trouble you with recounting what adventures they met with for the firft feven years, any farther than by taking notice, that they carefully obferved their father's will, and kept their coats in very good order; that they travelled through feveral countrics, encountered a reasonable quantity of giants, and flew certain dragons.

Being now arrived at the proper age for producing themselves, they came up to town, and fell in love with the ladies; but efpecially three, who about that time were in chief reputation; the Duchefs d'Argent, Madame de Grands Y 2 Titres,

The New Teftament.

Titres, and the Countefs d' Orgueil. On their first appearance, our three adventurers met with a very bad reception; and foon with great fagacity guefling out the reason, they quickly began to improve in the good qualities of the town. They writ, and rallied, and rhymed, and fung, and faid, and faid nothing; they drank, and fought, and whored, and flept, and fwore, and took fnuff; they went to new plays on the first night, haunted the chocolate-houses, beat the watch, lay on bulks, and got claps; they bilked hackney-coachmen, ran in debt with shopkeepers, and lay with their wives; they killed bailiffs, kicked fidlars down ftairs, eat at Locket's, loitered at Will's; they talked of the drawing-room, and never came there; dined with lords they never faw; whispered a duchefs, and spoke never a word; expofed the fcrawls of their laundrefs for billetdoux of quality; came ever just from court, and were never feen in it; attended the levee sub dio got a lift of peers by heart in one company, and with great familiarity retailed them in another. Above all, they conftantly attended those committees of fenators, who are filent in the house, and loud in the coffeehouse; where they nightly adjourn to chew the cud of politics; and

are

*Their miftreffes are, the Duchefs d'Argent, Mademoiselle de Grands Titres, and the Countess d'Orgueil; i. e. covetoufnefs, ambition, and pride; which were the three great vices that the antient fathers inveighed again ft, as the first corruptions of Chriftianity. W. Wotton.

are encompaffed with a ring of difciples, who liet in wait to catch up their droppings. The three brothers had acquired forty other qualifications of the like ftamp, too tedious to recount; and, by confequence, were justly reckoned the most accomplished perfons in the town. But all would not fuffice, and the ladies aforefaid continued still inflexible. To clear up which difficulty, I muft, with the reader's good leave and patience, have recourfe to fome points of weight, which the authors of that age have not sufficiently illuftrated.

He

For about this time it happened, a fect arofe, whofe tenets obtained and spread very far, efpecially in the grand monde, aud among every body of good fashion *. They worshipped a fort of idol †, who, as their doctrine delivered, did daily create men by a kind of manufactory operation. This idol they placed in the highest parts of the houfe, on an altar erected about three foot. was fhewn in the pofture of a Perfian Emperor, fitting on a fuperficies, with his legs interwoven under him. This god had a goofe for his enfign; whence it is, that fome learned men pretend to deduce his original from Jupiter Capitolinos. At his left hand, beneath the altar, hell feemed to open, and catch at the animals the idol was creating: To prevent which, certain of his priests hourly flung in pieces of the uninformed mafs or fubftance,

Y 3

This is an occafional fatire upon dress and fashion, in order to introduce what follows.

By this idol is meant a tailor.

fubftance, and fometimes whole limbs already enlivened; which that horrid gulph insatiably swallowed, terrible to behold. The goofe was also held a fubaltern divinity, or deus minorum gentium; before whofe fhrine was facrificed that creature, whofe hourly food is human gore, and who is in fo great renown abroad for being the delight and favourite of the Egyptian Cercopithecus *. Millions of thefe animals were cruelly flaughtered every day, to appeafe the hunger of that confuming deity. The chief idol was also worshipped as the inventor of the yard and needle; whether as the god of feamen, or on account of certain other myftical attributes, hath not been fufficiently cleared.

The worthippers of this deity had also a system of their belief, which feemed to turn upon the following fundamentals. They held the universe to be a large fuit of cloaths, which invests every thing That the earth is invested by the air; the air is inveted by the ftars; and the ftars are invefted by the primum mobile. Look on this globe of earth, you will find it to be a very complete and fashionable drefs. What is that which fome call land, but a fine coat faced with green? or the fee, but a waistcoat of water-tabby? Proceed to the particular works of the creation, you will find how curious journeyman Nature hath been,

* The Egyptians worshipped a monkey; which animal is very fond of eating lice, ftyled here creatures that feed on human gore.