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Col. Pretty and well, miss ! that's two very good things.

Miss. I mean I am better than I was.
Never. Why then 'tis well you were sick.

Miss. What ! Mr. Neverout, you take me up before I'm down.

Lady S. Come, let us leave off children's play, and go to push-pin.

Miss. [To lady S.] Pray, madam, give me some more sugar to my tea.

Col. O! miss, you must needs be very good humour'd, you love sweet things so well.

Never. Stir it up with the spoon, miss ; for the deeper the sweeter.

Lady S. I assure you, miss, the colonel has made you a great compliment.

Miss. I am sorry for it ; for I have heard say, complimenting is lying.

Lady S. [To Lord Sparkish.] My lord, methinks the sight of you is good for sore eyes ; if we had known of your coming, we should have strewn rushes for you : how has your lordship done this long time?

Col. Faith, madam, he's better in health than in good conditions.

Spark. Well, I see there's no worse friend than one brings from home with one ; and I am not the first man has carried a rod to whip himself.

Never. Here's poor miss has not a word to throw at a dog. Come, a penny for your thought.

Miss. It is not worth a farthing; for I was thinking

of you.

COLONEL rising up. Lady S. Colonel, where are you going so soon? I hope you did not come to fetch fire.

Col. Madam, I must needs go home for half an hour.

Miss. Why, colonel, they say the devil's at home.

Lady A. Well, but sit while you stay, 'tis as cheap sitting as standing

Col. No, madam, while I'm standing, I'm going.

Miss. Nay, let him go ; I promise him we won't tear his clothes to hold him.

Lady S. I suppose, colonel, we keep you from better company, I mean only as to myself.

Col. Madam, I am all obedience. [Colonel sits down.

Lady S. Lord, miss, how can you drink your tea so hot ? sure your mouth's pav’d. How do you like this tea, colonel ?

Col. Well enough, madam ; but methinks it is a little more-ish.

Lady S. O! colonel, I understand you.--Betty, bring the cannister. I have but very little of this tea left; but I don't love to make two wants of one ; want when I have it, and want when I have it not. He, he, he, he !

[Laughs. Lady A. [To the maid.] Why, sure, Betty, you are bewitched ; the cream is burnt too.

Betty. Why, madam, the bishop has set his foot in it.

Lady S. Go, run, girl, and warm some fresh cream.

Betty. Indeed, madam, there's none left; for the cat has eaten it all.

Lady S. I doubt it was a cat with two legs.

Miss. Colonel, don't you love bread and butter with

your tea?

Col. Yes, in a morning, miss ; for they say, butter is gold in a morning, silver at noon, but it is lead at night.

Never. Miss, the weather is so hot that my butter melts on my bread.

Lady A. Why, butter, I've heard 'em say, is mad twice a-year.

Spark. (To the maid.] Mrs. Betty, how does your body politic?

Col. Fie, my lord, you'll make Mrs. Betty blush.
Lady S. Blush ! ay, blush like a blue dog.

Never. Pray, Mrs. Betty, are you not Tom Johnson's daughter ?

Betty. So my mother tells me, sir.
Spark. But, Mrs. Betty, I hear you are in love.

Betty. My lord, I thank God I hate nobody ; I am in charity with all the world.

Lady S. Why, wench, I think thy tongue runs upon wheels this morning. How came you by that scratch upon your nose? Have you been fighting with the cats?

Col. [To Miss.] Miss, when will you be married ?
Miss. One of these odd-come-shortly's, colonel.

Never. Yes ; they say the match is half made ; the spark is willing but miss is not.

Miss. I suppose the gentleman has got his own consent for it.

Lady A. Pray my lord, did you walk through the Park in the rain ?

Spark. Yes, madam, we were neither sugar nor salt; we were not afraid the rain would melt us. He, he, he!


Col. It rained, and the sun shone at the same time.

Never. Why, then the devil was beating his wife behind the door with a shoulder of mutton. [Laughs.

Col. A blind man would be glad to see that.

Lady S. Mr. Neverout, methinks you stand in your own light.

Never. Ah ! madam, I have done so all my life.

Spark. I'm sure he sits in mine. Pr’ythee, Tom, sit a little farther; I believe your father was no glazier.

Lady S. Miss, dear girl, fill me out a dish of tea, for I'm very lazy.

Miss fills a dish of tea, sweetens it, and then tastes it.

Lady S. What, miss, will


my taster? Miss. No, madam ; but they say 'tis an ill cook that can't lick her own fingers.

Never. Pray, miss, fill me another.
Miss. Will you have it now, or stay till you get it?

Lady A. But, colonel, they say you went to court last night very drunk ; nay, I'm told for certain, you had been among the Philistines : no wonder the cat wink'd, when both her eyes were out.

Col. Indeed, madam, that's a lie.

Lady A. 'Tis better I should lie than you should lose your good manners : besides, I don't lie ; I sit.

Never. O! faith, colonel, you must own you had a drop in your eye ; when I left you, you were half seas


Spark. Well, I fear lady Answerall can't live long, she has so much wit.

Never. No; she can't live, that's certain ; but she may linger thirty or forty years.

Miss. Live long! ay, longer than a cat or a dog, or a better thing.

Lady A. O! miss, you must give your vardi too ! Spark. Miss, shall I fill you another dish of tea ? Miss. Indeed, my lord, I have drank enough.

Spark. Come, it will do you more good than a month's fasting ; here, take it.

Miss. No, I thank your lordship; enough's as good as a feast.

Spark. Well; but if you always say no, you'll never be married.

Lady A. Do, my lord, give her a dish ; for they say maids will say no, and take it.

Spark. Well; and I dare say miss is a maid, in thought, word, and deed.

Never, I would not take my oath of that.
Miss. Pray, sir, speak for yourself.

Lady S. Fie, miss; they say maids should be seen and not heard.

Lady A. Good miss, stir the fire, that the tea-kettle may boil.—You have done it very well : now it burns purely. Well, miss, you'll have a cheerful husband.

Miss. Indeed, your ladyship could have stirred it much better.

Lady A. I know that very well, hussy ; but I won't keep a dog and bark myself.

Never. What ! you are stuck, miss.
Miss. Not at all; for her ladyship meant you.

Never. O! faith, miss, you are in Lob's pound; get out as you can,

Miss. I won't quarrel with my bread and butter for all that ;

I know when I'm well. Lady A. Well ; but, miss

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