So I think, altogether, just give me fine weather, My eyes, what a lot of people was got Together to see that gal buried! 66 walking," Six hundred or more must have been round the door No wonder my men was quite flurried. The lead, Sir, I took, in my hat-band and cloak, One GRANBY and BALL was chief mourners, With old MRS. GAMP as quite wept herself damp Many joined 'em, but slipt off round corners. Some few, by their crying, seemed to feel for her dying; Od servants-they always most suffers About fifty-three their whole bilin' might be, Steady, elderly, top-booted buffers. As for us who "performed," why in course we was warmed-(One wants spirits on these sad occasions,) But quite stiff and steady, with faces already Made up to suit grave situations: And nought could be graver than was our behaviour- That 'neath long cloaks and scarfs was such lots o' good larf, Friends don't like-and it's they finds the stumpy- Than me and my men, as we came back again A GLASS OF FRIENDSHIP WITH FRANCE. "MR. PUNCH, THE HEIGHT OF GERMAN ROMANCE. HE French believe that the English people are accustomed to sell their Wives. Monstrous as is this imputation on HER MAJESTY'S subjects, the Germans appear to entertain an idea still more shocking. We quote the Examiner: "RUMOURED BETROTHAL OF THE PRINCESS Roy L.-The Augsburg Allgemeine Zeitung says, that the report gains consistency that PRINCE FREDERICK WILLIAM, the heir of the Prussian crown, is betrothed to the PRINCESS ROYAL of England. The Princ ss of Prussia, mother of the Prince, will make another visit to England next spring. PRINCE FREDERICK WILLIAM, eldest son of the Prince of Prussia, and nephew of the reigning monarch, was born October 18, 1831. The PRINCESS ROYAL was born November 21, 1840." During the dark ages of the last, and the beginning of the present century, in England, it is too true, the sanctity of Royal matrimony was wont to be profaned by the conjunction of prince and princess irrespectively of their affec ions. "A SENSIBLE writer in the Times, siguing himself VIATOR, combats the assertion of revenue officials, that it is impossible to levy an ad valorem duty on French wines. Your readers, Sir, do not require to be convinced, that to facilitate the importation of those beverages is a thing most desirable by all manner of persons, except brewers and a teetotallers-desirable even by the latter as conducive, at least, to temperance. It is obvious that the introduction of the juice of the grape must tend to prevent the interchange of grape-shot; the more bottles we crack with the French, the fewer heads we shall break; and the greater quantity of claret that flows commercially, the less amount will be drawn, pugnaciously, between us. A nation of wine-merchants might as well cut their own thr ats as those down which their produce is poured by their customers; they would be pledged to peace in the wine-glass. Light wines, moreover, are salubrious as well as pleasant; by their cheap admission, therefore, we shou'd not only lessen the chances of hostile invasion, but also diminish the frequency of bilious attacks. Increased consumption would compensate for reduced duty; thus, we should gain security without losing revenue, and be enabled to dispense with militia-men and blue pilis; all by the agreeable and satisfactory expedient of addicting ourselves to good and cheap wine. To these beneficial results an ad valorem duty would tend; and were there any difficulty to be apprehended in collecting it, I am quite sure the means for surmounting that obstacle might be supplied by an Establishment in Fleet Street, commanding taste competent to appreciate any quality of wine. I beg to forward my card to your office, Mr. Punch; and with the assurance that I have the nicest palate in the world, and am ready, any day, to appraise any quantity of French or other wine, to subscribe myself, hereinunder, "He had never before speculated in marriage. He was under 30 years of age. He did not care about his wife's age, as he wanted a companion in a woman, and money might give her favour." He was above 12 years of age, though under 30. He was old enough However, this not very particular gentleman was, in fact, a foreigner. to understand the value of his own heart; and was a free agent in the negotiation for its sale. In all which respects, the Augsburg Allgemeine Zeitung will perceive, he differs entirely from the PRINCESS ROYAL We nope that print will publish no more calumnies against the British Crown, although slanders so absurd can tend to shake it only with the laughter of the Sovereign wearer. French Logic. LOUIS NAPOLEON says he has accepted the title of NAPOLEON III. because it has been bestowed upon him by the logic of the people. He is mistaken: or else the logic of the French is a logic that does not regard consequences. "A WISE, JUST, AND BENEFICIAL MEASURE." THE Quart Bottle-if there were any possibility of meeting with one but we suppose MB, DISRAELI, having certain bitter recollections of that measure, would oppose the application of the terms, and stigmatize them as odious epithets." MAXIM FOR THE STAUNCH MINORITY.-An honest politician may be often tried, but is never open to conviction. A PRESENT FROM GALWAY. "MISTHUR PUNCH, ESQUIRE, "BAD luck to ye for a black gard and thief of the world, that fires confutation and ridicule from the bow of impertinence agin our pathriotic Prastebood, and pours the arrows of contimpt from te urn of arrogance on the heads of the holy and venerated epistles of the Iri-h successors of the Apostles. This comes to inform ye of the intintion I cherished of comin over to London to assist in the filliloo of the Funeral, and take that opportunity of tellin ye a bit o' me mind wi h the tongue o' ne fist through the madium of a sprig o' shillelagh. Defated in that laudable design by an unforeseen combination of circumstances, I adopt the alternative of sending you my picthur, as I appeared tuk by an artist of in inence on the platform of the Galway Station, ready for the voyage to England, when suddenly compelled to stay where I was, and proceed back again for want of the dhirty railway fare. Sur, I desire that ye wil consider yoursel insulted by my portrait in the most offensive manner that may be agreeable to your feelings as a man of honour: and I have only to add that my likeness represents me as ye would have seen me in Fleet Street, if I hadn't been obliged to be present elsewhere on Thursday, November the Eighteenth, 1852, hurling defiance and mud at your Office window, and goin to pull your long nose from the other side of the way. "I have the disgraceful honour to be, Sur, YOUR GALWEGIAN CONTIMPORARY." YE GENTLEMEN OF ENGLAND. Suggested by a late fracas. YE gentlemen of England With a smack on the back; But, no sooner struck the blow, As fast as he can go. But want of spirit always Is impotent to 8&ve, For the legs are very soon tripped up Of him the stripes that gave. Then one M.P. in gutter fell: Your cheeks with shame will glow, When you're told, as he rolled On the pavement to and fro, From foot and hand, while he was down, Britannia boasts her bulwarks, Her towers of wisdom deep- The thunders that her statesmen spoke As they're hurled through the world. Each gentleman of England Have still so much to learn. To have sunk so very low, THE TRIBE OF LEWIS.-Although LOUIS NAPOLLON has destroyed most of the liberties of France, his financial operations show that he still respects the system of Jewry. A PRETTY PLACE AT TUNBRIDGE WELLS! WE have been asked what we think of the advertisement subjoined, which appeared, lately, in the Times: WANTED, in a tradesman's family (a widower, with three girls, the youngest nine), an active, cheerful, domesticated PERSON, who understands the Freuch language, has a good knowledge of music, and is a good dressmaker, and would not object 'o housework, which is light. Washing, &c. all put out. As the person will be treated as one of the family, a small salary only will be given. No other servant kept. Address, with full particulars, stating age and salary required, to G. M., Grove Hill, Tunbridge Wells. After sixty seconds' mature deliberation, our opinion is that this announcement has been put forth for a bet. We conjecture that G M, in a moment of eccentricy, laid a wager to the effect that such destitution exists among Gvernesses, that he would obtain an answer from at least one young lady of that class, to an offer of a situation so monstrous and insulting as the above. He must be a bold man to have laid a bet which not only existing facilities or emigration, but chances of obtaining a maid-of-all-work's place in any r spectable family, render so hazardous. We should also say he was a rather unfeeling person, to sport thus with the distress of poor young ladies, if we did not consider that his intention might be to surprise he starving applicant with a generous proposal-perhaps that of becoming the mother of his children. If we are wrong in these surmises, we can only suppose that business being very slack at Tunbridge Wells, the tradesmen of that town have got up he foregoing advertisement, for the purpose of attracting an influx of visitors to see the remarkable beast that may be viewed, on application, in the shape of G. M., at Grove Hill. PROFESSOR PUFFY AT THE CHRISTMAS WITH the learned, dear Punch, it has long been a question, If their tongues for the purpose of speech are supplied, A mesmerist; one, whose Od force, when he tries, With a fourth, as he hands him a thick, black, sweet liquor, be Till it seemed, as each man argued on, without heeding You'd have wi bed, nad you heard my poor ancestor's Greek,- Mean, not LORD ATHOL or ROBERT MONTGOMERY) That the bold MELEAGER had ne'er had to vaunt a Fl teh won for himself and the fair ATALANTA! Not speak! Don't you know how that pluk of propriety, ST. ANTHONY, greatly admired the society Of a pig he had cured, not by pickling and smoking him, As your tithe-pigs are cured, but by sprinkling and stroking him? Don't you know that the pig beyed all the Saint's wishes, ་ And acted as clerk when he preached to the fishes. Like a NewMAN or POSEY kept fast days and high days, Of his favourite's bristles composed his hair-shirt? Se ting pies on one side, don't you know that the horses Of ACHILLES pronounced the most moving discourses, In terus not to humbug or mystify meant, Would bave ever been suffered to mix with the beasts Н What you glean with such trouble from parchment and vellum; "GENTLEMEN, "The new reign is not founded, as others have been, on violence. Í have not walked into power over the crushed beadles of the past, though some of them have been black beadles who have left a stain on the page of history. "The greater my power, the more need bave I to be surrounded by enlightened men-(bowing to the Lascar) -by independent men (nodding to a Waterman) like those I now address, to guide me by their counsel (a howl of applause from the Lascar), and to restrain my authority, should it ever stray beyond just limits (Hooray! from the Waterman). "I take this day, with the Cocked Hat, the name of BUMBLE II, because the logic of the Arcade has already said that, ore and one making two, and number one being Taught them PARIS would scratch him,' ere long, not to start? the sole thought of my predecessor as well as of myself, I can take no Of his future performance fore old the event,' And decla ed they could back him no more, as their art As for bulis, hough poor APIS in Egypt, and NANDI ('Mid the ruins o London, the STOWE or the STRYPE And this feeling, which pomp ed their kings to require 'em Fired the poets of Greece in like man er, and drove 'em To describe their great semivirumque bovem. And if, Why have beasts ceased to talk?' you should cry: Where's the wisdom of EsoP?' I ask, in reply. 'He treasured each hint that our father let drop, You but look at a sheep with a view to a chop; other title The rest of the speech was drowned in a shower of rain that fell for many hours uninterruptedly. A portion of this speech was delivered by the Beade mounted on his horse-a powerful clothes-horse. The effect was excellent. There is still considerable difficulty in dealing with the claims of the BUMBLE family, and it is said that the Uncle of the Beadle is desirous of the appointment of Special Constable of the Arcade, with nominal duties and a high salary. Some hint that the Vice Beadledom of the Lowther Bazaar will be offered him, but whether he will be satisfied with this splendid exile is more than doubtful. Amongst the anecdotes told of the Beadle is the following:-When the potboy, on the eve of the proclamation, came round with the nocturnal beer, he inquired whether the time had yet arrived when the Beadle was to be addres-ed by his new title. "No," replied BUMBLE," let me enjoy my private position as long as I can," and he retued into a corner with a pot of half-and-nalf. The effect was excellent. CURATES IN OLD CLOTHES. good dinners. He might even be sensible of vague indistinct emotions HE cry of Old Clo' is commonly "Will the public believe the fact? for years past there has been a Society whose aim is to collect cast-off apparel for-poor curates!" The public will readily believe the fact; it will, indeed, help them to understand how curates can live on such salaries as those quoted in the Times by "AN INDIGNANT CHURCHMAN," as offered on the part of a clerical agent in the Ecclesiastical Gazette: "York, £50, with apartments; Winchester, £40, furnished house; Chichester, £52, furnished house; Oxford, £50, furnished house; Oxford, £50; Litchfield, £52. furnished house; Rochester, £60, £50; Peterborough, £50, £25, £60; Ely, £45; Hereford, £40; Sarum, £30, furnished house and servant; Norwich, £65, £60, £50." The Indignant Churchman has previously observed that the same Ecclesiastical Gazette announces the appointment, by the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY, of the "Honourable and Very Reverend G. PELLEW, D.D., DEAN OF NORWICH," to the rectory of Great Chart, Kent, valued in the Clergy List at £668 per annum; this dean having, since the year of grace 1829, held the rectory of St. Dionis Backchurch, London, appraised at £439 a year. The Honourable and Very Rich-we beg his pardon, Very Reverend -DEAN OF NORWICH, is doubtless-he can afford to be-a handsome contributor to the Clerical Old Clothes Bag: a contributor of cass cks but little patched, and of coats and gaiters not extremely threadbare. The BISHOP OF LONDON, we trust, often stuffs it with habits of charity, old, but not outworn. The BISHOP OF EXETER'S suits go, probably, rather to fill the blue bag of his lawyer. Some interesting speculations are suggested by the idea of poor parsons wearing the old clothes of rich. Does the Society abovementioned sometimes buy the old clothes of the original wearer, and does it ever get "done" by a bishop or a dean putting a farthing into As second-hard clothes are better for poor Curates than none at all, it is to be hoped that the prelates and pluralists do not, in general, sell their cast-off raiment to the Hebrews. ferable to old for gentlemen and scholars, and to supersede the Society Still, new clothes are prefor providing Curates with the latter, the Heads of the Church might form an Association for getting them the former. Attired in the rejected habiliments of the "dignified clergy" the poor Curates appear in an aspect so undignified as to be absolutely disgraceful-to their superiors. a waistcoat pocket? Into how many surplices for an attenuated curate FANCY PORTRAIT OF MR. BALL, THE BROKEN-HEARTED PROTECTIONIST. would one surplice of a bloated pluralist cut up? How many highlows might a working clergyman get made out of episcopal jack-boots? And how would such a labouring son of the Church walk in the shoes of a lazy prebend? There was an extraordinary man who professed to be gifted with insight into the spiritual world, and who publish d his experiences, or imaginarions, of its phenomena. According to him, it is one of the laws of that kingdom that he who puts on another's clothes is forthwith inspired and actuated with that other's sentiments; a churchman and a politician-if we rightly remember-dispute; are made to change garments: when forthwith the political man talks as the ecclesiastic, and the latter utters the ideas of his secular antagonist. This notion is based on some extent of truth. There is wisdom in the wig. The soldier, in a measure, is made by his uniform. Who would not feel himself to be some inches of a king, in a crown and royal robes? Would you not be conscious of an inclination to strut, if you were bed zened like a beadle? To enter into the feelings of a mechanical working-man, you not being one, would you not be helped by donning a brown paper cap and an apron? Suppose, then, one of our lean curates-quoted at from £25 in the Narrow Lane Express, or Ecclesiastical Gazette, inducted into the femoralia, or nether canonicals, of a prelate; in short, putting on a bishop's breeches-how would he feel? That the breeches would have to be taken considerably in for one thing, perhaps. But he might also be conscious of a decreasing humility. He might begin to think a little better than Small Beer of himself, and to form a self estimate rather at the rate of Old Port. It is likely that his aupet nce would exceed bread and cheese; some suggestions of sirloin, if not of venison and turtle, might be communicated to his interior by those "shorts" which had formed the outermost continent of so many Just the Size for it! As DISRAELI has no longer any use for his favourite Quart Bottlefor he certainly has abandoned that trick, though he may have made up for his loss by acquiring one or two fresh ones-may we be allowed to recommend his keeping the Bottle for some future purpose, or experiment? It may come in useful to hold LORD MAID TONE'S Deluge that we are promised after the DERBY Ministry has been swept away. There would be plenty of room for it, and would bottle it up nicely, and so prevent it committing any excess of damage. Rather Poetical but Quite True. "May Good Digestion Wait, &c." IN reply to a question put to him in the House of Commons on Thursday night, the Home Secretary said that the Government did not atend to propose that the whole of the law should be digested. We are not surprised at this, for how is it possible to digest that which nobody is able to swallow? THEATRE ROYAL, WESTMINSTER. BY OUR SLASHING CRITIC. PUT OUT THE LIGHT-AND THEN the press, always the best friend to real merit, bespeaks a timidity which augurs ill for W. B. We hear that the Christmas Pantomime is to be called Harlequin House-Tax, or the Semitic Juggler and the Decidedly Disenchanted Island, AQUATIC INTELLIGENCE. On Thursday we had the old comedy of the West Indian, supported rather ably. MR. WILSON was very jovial in the character of Mr. Molasses, who insists on reviewing the forces of the whole of the islands HE entertainments this week and swears that they are the most powerful and valiant fellows extant, have been of a slight and and MB. PAKINGTON was good in Sugarloaf, who is always wailing, desultory character, the ma- and sees nothing in sunshine but a reminder that shade must follow. nagement being, we presume, Altogether the performance was a legitimate one, though from the glad to "put up" anything thinness and coldness of the House, it is not probable that we shall they could get, while the great hear much more of the West Indian. novelty, The Budget, was being rendered more fit for the boards than on its ill-advised production. We looked in for a short time at the second performance of this affair on Friday last, but could see no great imLORD MAIDSTONE's prophecy seems really to have been realised, for provement, except that the part of the ex-steward, Wood, if the letters of "Our Own Correspondents" may be accepted as letters came "up" a little. His ad- of credit, there has been a continual deluge throughout the country, advice to Benny not to be almost ever since the EARL OF DERBY came from it. "Water, water, ashamed of bungling his ac- everywhere!" has been generally the cry. The barometer for months counts, as he, Wood, had often has been standing at "much wet;" and while the rains have been sent in an account wrongly falling, the rivers have of course been rising, and the "meeting of the cast up three times running, waters" has been commonly attended with most inconvenient results. told upon the House; and the In the lower districts especially, the tidings have been seriously high, sinartness of Dandy 1om, a and many an act of bankruptcy has been in consequence committed, light character, by no means Not the oldest playgoer ever remembers such a run of "overflowing new to the stage, but always houses." Nine in ten have seemed invaded by the hydropathic system; welcome, imparted a motion for sheets have been watered after being aired, and almost every to the business. We also room has had a bath in it. Nervous folks have even slept with lite thought we listened to some preservers on; for, instead of waking in one's own bed, it has been no sentiments for which the uncommon thing to find oneself in that of the adjacent river. In short, author of the Lady of Lyons is people bave been living quite amphibious existences, and many have responsible: and the applause found reason to wish themselves in France, where the water, it is well they received was by no means known, is invariably l'eau. meant for the successful plagiarist who is understood to have concocted the Budget. On Monday a succession of short extravaganzas occupi d the evening. A brief but well conceived pièce de circonstance, called The British Fleet, was successfully produced, and has drawn a great deal of money, as it deserved to do. The idea is a happy one, the sentiments excellent, and we may add, thoroughly English. It is full of fire; and we have no hesitation in saying that it can triumphantly compete with any French work of similar construction. Al hough not a "Whig piece," the author has not dispensed with the old conventional powder, and bas judiciously prepared the way for keeping the audience in a tremendous roar. MR. STAFFORD played the principal character with much spirit. The same evening an actor named CARTER, nearly new to the stage, made his appearance in the disagreeable character of Cavil, in A Nation's Tears. We have seen many instances of outrageous violence on the part of an audience, but we never remember so dead a set being made against any actor as was directed against this unfortunate MR. CARTER. He had scarcely uttered a sentence, when yells and groans were discharged at him in volleys, and every time he attempted to be heard, they were re-doubled. He gesticulated furiously, but in vain; and it was only on a portion of the audience insisting, either that the performances should be heard, or that the curtain should fall, that he was allowed to proceed. The words he had to utter were certainly a mixture of nonsense and bad taste, nor is his hard, unpleasant manner Calculated to win upon a fastidious assembly-but we cannot approve of these extreme demonstrations, as an indifferent actor will always find his level in due time. We have no wish to speak lightly of this really heavy wet; but it cannot be denied that things are going on most swimmingly. The long talked-of W. B., or Did you ever Send your Frail to Derby? has been in rehearsal all the week, but in one of the green-rooms, not upon the stage, the principal actor, it is said, being afraid of the traps," and having a nervous antipathy to face the lights, when he can avoid it. A great mystery has been made about the affair, but! lobby-loungers say that the plot is pretty clear, and that some letters which are read will produce a startling effect. There is a good parody-"My name's MR. MORGAN, I don't live at Chester," and one of the scenes is the interior of a London club; an Irish Major is seated on a sofa, and is engaged in some mysterious correspondence, when somebody crosses the room, and is mistaken by the Irishman for the Editor of a London paper, who, he fancies-(after the fashion of his countryman, Mick, the valet to Charles O'Malley)-wants to fill his journal with details concerning the important Major. The Irishman's wrath blazes out, he makes a ludicrous speech on a dinner-table, and bawls out to his audience that they are "rabble" and that "he despises them from the bottom of his heart" Great fun is said to come out of the whole affair, but these attempts at secret rehearsals, which, of course, are no secret at all, say little for the tact of the parties concerned. The exclusion of THE ADVANTAGE OF AN INUNDATION. "A Splendid Coin." THE Herald in a fit of ecstacy, quotes the words of the Times-"The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER was received with enthusiastic and protracted cheering." Upon this the Herald beautifully observes"Take your change, MR. GLADSTONE and LORD JOHN, out of that! It is a splendid coin, fresh from the mint of national intelligence and patriotism." Take your change out of that! Out of what? Out of DISRAELI? Well, certainly no man ever showed himself more capable of change. Never was such "a splendid coin" made up of so much unblushing copper. |