"PAY THAT BILL, JOHN, AND I SHALL BE ALL RIGHT FOR THE YEAR."

A CHRISTIAN OF A HUNDRED THOUSAND.

THE Caernarvon Herald says:

"The death of the REV. GEORGE ROBBON, of Erbistock, near Wrexham, will cause a number of vacancies in this neighbourhood in situations which he had held for a great number of years. It is supposed that, since his nomination by BISHOP HASELEY, he has raised £100,000 from the livings he held."

WHAT IS THE USE OF AN ALDERMAN? "MR. PUNCH,

"SIR,-I was tried last week at the Old Bailey for a literary indiscretion. No matter. The acceptance was eventually taken up, and I was acquitted My punishment was nevertheless excruciating. Up to the moment of being led in'o the dock, my hair was of a luxuriant black. By eleven o'clock, A. M., it had turned white! 66 I owe this to the Aldermen of London.

essential to ornament the bench, before JUSTITIA can adjust her scales. "It appears that, besides the Judges, at least one Alderman is deemed On the morning of my trial no Alderman appeared; and I had to tremble in agonies of suspense for two hours; in short, I shall be ruined in hair-dye.

That is held to be the best epitaph that most briefly, most touchingly reveals to the contemplative reader the virtues that adorned him living, who now reposes below. The fewer the syllables the better. We know nothing of the Rev. GEORGE ROBSON; nothing of the manifold excellencies that were, no doubt, lustrous in him while he dwelt in the flesh. Still, our notions of the simplicity, the self-denying attributes of Christianity, as propounded in the New Testament (if not in the the Clergy List), are somewhat shocked by the contemplation of that ecclesiastical monstrosity, called a pluralist. In the Hindoo Mythology we see all sorts of divinities hideously pictured; some with half-a-dozen heads, others with a score of legs and arms; and these, absent from the bench? Is he a mere municipal ornament, like GoG, Why is he so very punctual at the dinner-table, and so regularly monstrous as they are, we take to be the true signification-the vera effigies of a reverend pluralist. But surely the REV. GEORGE ROBSON OF MAGOG, or the griffins in the City Arms? Is his an institution, had only one head, two arms, a pair of legs? We suppose he would and is it intended that he should graduate in civic honours, simply by similar to that established by his dear Smithfield, for prize purposes? not have been a profitable investment for a showman, but was doubtless

"I think I am entitled to ask you to ask the Aldermen a few questions. What, in the first place, is the use of an Alderman?

Does he rise from the

a mere simple biped, after the common fashion of biped humanity. Cramming? Is it his sole function to be fed? How, then, must he have been puzzled to fill a "number" of "situa- shop to the Mansion House by force of attention to public business; tions?" With half-a-dozen heads he might at once have preached half-it his time and talents he intends to give and exert-or only his or by simple dint of dining? When he puts on the scarlet and fur, is a-dozen sermons. With three pair of arms he might have held six books. There would have been something like a physical adaptability to his appetite? moral and religious duties; but as GEORGE ROBSON doubtless lived and which was made for me at Guildhall (that affair was easily arrangedI am entitled to answers to these queries. The last appointment died a plain man, how the poor churchman must at times have been the blank acceptance had been regularly signed by the party: all I puzzled by the plural calls upon his single ability! We had better did was to fill it up), the sitting' Alderman kept me standing from leave pluralities to VISHNOO, and, as Christians, work in simplicity. "1 am, Mr. Punch, yours,

However, touching the epitaphs of pluralists: they might be made ten o'clock until one. most instructive. For instance, we would have the principal line supplied by Doc ors' Commons. The will proved, we would have the epitaph run thus :

THE REV. BRIAREUS TITHEPIG,

DIED

PLURALIST,
AGED

£100,000!

"EUSTACE ST. MAUR DE MOWBRAY, B.A., Late BLOWWOWSERY AND CO., City."

RAMPANT BULLS IN PORTUGAL.

THE foreign correspondent of the Morning Post, writing on the

Has not the last line as good as a hundred thousand tongues, and each affairs of Portugal, informs us that and all uttering a warning and a moral?

"The Government has now resorted to a most scandalous mode of getting some money. A bull has been published, allowing people to eat eggs, cheese, drink milk, &c., during Lent, moyennant the payment of a sum of money."

The authority by which we understand this "bull" to have been published, is that of the papal nuncio, who might very properly be styled, in short, nunkey, the diminutive of uncle, not only because he is, ecclesiastically speaking, the brother of Papa or the Pope; but also because he appears, virtually, to have assumed the symbol of the "three balls," and the motto of "Money Lent."

Our contemporary's correspondent subjoins—

"It is, moreover wished that a greater latitude should be given to the bull; that is to say, that the abstinence from flesh be completely dispensed with, as by that meaus the price of the bulls would be risen (sic)."

No doubt the price of bulls would be "risen," or, as we should rather say, rai-ed, if the abstinence from flesh were dispensed with; that is, if the Portuguese eat beef. But all this kind of thing shouldespecially at the present season of the year-make us thankful to reflect that JOHN BULL is a Bull to himself, and is not to be bullied by any papal or other bull, either out of his cash or out of his dinner.

CHRISTMAS WAITS. (ORDINARY AND EXTRAORDINARY.) RED REPUBLICANS actively Waiting-to prove the "perfect tranquillity" of France.

Cape Colonists passively Waiting-to see the last of the Caffres (and SIR HARRY SMITH).

Distressed Agriculturists delusively Waiting-the revival of their favourite old Farce of "Protection."

LOUIS NAPOLEON anxiously Waiting-the dénouement of his not very successful tragedy, "Le coup d'état."

The St. Alban's Electors naturally Waiting-the loss of their
Franchise.
The Public confidently Waiting-for a fare adjustment of the Cab

Duty.

B*

Leech

Testy Old Uncle (unable to control his passion). "REALLY, SIR, THIS IS QUITE INTOLERABLE! YOU MUST INTEND TO INSULT ME. FOR THE LAST FOURTEEN DAYS, WHEREVER I HAVE DINED, I HAVE HAD NOTHING BUT SADDLE OF MUTTON AND BOILED TURKEY-BOILED TURKEY AND SADDLE OF MUTTON. I'LL ENDURE IT NO LONGER." [Exit Old Gent., who alters his Will. MORAL.-How ridiculous a man appears-particularly a man at a grave period of life-who is over-anxious about his eating and drinking!

NEW YEAR'S GIFTS TO LOUIS NAPOLEON. THE following Etrennes were presented at the Elysée to LOUIS NAPOLEON, on the Jour de l'An:The Elite of the Army presented him with an enormous Baton-en Sucre de Pomme-as a complimentary hint of his rapid promotion (service not being necessary in the nephew of an Emperor) to the rank of Maréchal de l'Empire.

THE FEAST OF VEGETABLES AND
THE FLOW OF WATER.
NEW Year comes,-so let's be jolly;
On the board the Turnip smokes,
Whilst we sit beneath the holly,
Eating Greens and passing jokes.
How the Cauliflower is steaming,
Sweetest flower that ever blows!
See, good old Sir Kidney, beaming,
Shows his jovial famed red nose.
Here behold the reign of Plenty,-
Help the Carrots, hand the Kail;
Roots how nice, and herbs how dainty,
Well washed down with ADAM's Ale!

Feed your fill,-untasted only
Let the fragrant Onion go;

Or, amid the revels lonely,

Go not nigh the mistletoe!

Louis Napoleon and the French
Church.

THE BISHOP OF CHALONS Writes a letter, approving of the treason of the French usurper, for he says, "GOD is with the President."

LOUIS NAPOLEON is a perjured homicide; and, on the authority of the BISHOP OF CHALONS, favoured by intelligence, private and exclusive, "GOD is with him."

LOUIS NAPOLEON has given the Pantheon to the Jesuits. GOD is with the Jesuits. LOUIS is with the Jesuits. Ergo,-GoD is with LOUIS.

DEPARTURES.-A clever contemporary alludes to the departure of MONSIEUR THIERS from France, in the following laconic manner: "The THIERS Parti."

President nearly shed tears at the neatness of the compliment, and
pressed the Cake, with every symptom of the warmest sympathy, to his
heart.
several times, the five hundred ladies retired, shouting, in the most
After the Goutte d'Honneur had been offered and accepted
cordial spirit, "Vive l'Empereur!"

We had nearly forgotten to state that the National Guards, to the number, we are told, of six thousand, attended at their respective Mairies, and delivered up, au nom du Président," their swords and The KING OF NAPLES sent him a monster cake, enveloped in a beau-Year's Gift of the series, and was the one which, we are credibly muskets. This may be looked upon as the most extraordinary New tiful sulphur bag, of the very finest Naples soap, in order that he might wash his hands of the filthy Socialist blood, which must be (says the King, informed, gave the greatest surprise, as well as the greatest pleasure, to in an autograph letter,) une tache bien difficile et bien désagréable. LOUIS NAPOLEON,-if we except the very generous New Year's Gift The EMPEROR OF RUSSIA forwarded him, in frosted silver, the pret-him with (in the name of the nation), in the shape of a majority of some which the Government Officers of the Scrutin des Bulletins presented tiest Model of the Mines of Siberia, with a friendly intimation that the 6,000,000 votes!-which New Year's Gift has certainly been unparalleled originals were quite at his service for any political purposes. in the annals of any country professing to have the slightest love for

The EMPEROR OF AUSTRIA, animated by the same affectionate motives, begged of his "cher frère LOUIS" to accept of an Eilwagen-full of Austrian bank-notes, with an assurance that "if he wanted more, he might have them." The bank-notes averaged from twopence downwards, and were pierced through and through, like larks on a spit, with bayonets. The pointed meaning of this, as explained by a PoliceGeneral, who had been on active duty lately on the Stock Exchange at Vienna, was that "in the event of wry faces being made in swallowing the bank-notes, the bayonets were to force them down the people's

throats."

The POPE sent him, curiously enough, a splendid leg of mutton, which was flanked by a magnificent Sword, with the Agnus Dei in diamonds on the hilt. Down the blade were engraved the following talismanic words: "Let all thy cutting and carving be directed to one end-that of winning the Pope's eye."

The KING OF THE CANNIBAL ISLANDS merely sent his Portrait. The EMPEROR SOULOUPE THE FIRST, of Madagascar, directed to the Elysée, for the acceptance of "his loving brother NAPOLEON," a large Imperial Crown, most highly wrought in gingerbread. A manuscript letter of the Emperor's accompanied it, tendering, in the handsomest manner, "the use of his personal services, and that of his brave army.' And lastly, LES DAMES DE LA HALLE attended in a body of five hundred, and presented LOUIS NAPOLEON with a most tasty model, as large as life, of the Emperor, worked into a tremendous Brioche. The

Freedom!

A "Great Criminal."

IN November, 1850, LOUIS NAPOLEON declared in his message to the National Assembly of France, that

"He considered as GREAT CRIMINALS those who, by PERSONAL AMBITION, compromised

the small amount of stability secured by the Constitution."

Those words we recommended LOUIS NAPOLEON, at the time (p. 222, vol. xix.), to have engraved in large letters over the portico, and every door of the Elysée; so that, being constantly before his recollection, he might never be guilty of "personal ambition," and so never figure in history as a

GREAT CRIMINAL." We are afraid he has forgotten our friendly advice; and what has been the consequence? Why, he "has compromised the small amount of stability secured by the Constitution," and, in his own words, is branded as a Great Criminal." As such we recommend MADAME TUSSAUD to include him, as one of its fittest members, in her "Chamber of Horrors."

A FRENCH Coo.-A Cockney correspondent suggests, that as LOUIS NAPOLEON has so well succeeded in his coup, he should discard the Eagle as a cognisance, and assume the Dove.