742 A full and true Account of the BATTLE fought laft Friday, &c. * W Hoever examines with due circumfpection into the annual records of time, will find it remarked, that war is the child of Pride, and pride the daughter of richest. The former of which affertions may be foon granted; but one cannot fo easily fubfcribe to the latter. For Pride is nearly related to The Battle of the Bocks took its rife from a controversy between Sir William Temple and Mr. Wotton; a controverfy which made much noife, and employed many pens towards the latter end of the laft century. This humorous treatise is drawn up in an heroic comic ftyle, in which Swift, with great wit and fpirit, gives the victory to the former. The general plan is excellent, but particular parts are defective. The frequent chalis puzzle and interrupt the narrative: they neither convey any latent ideas; nor point out any distinct or occult farcafins. Some characters are barely touched upon, which might have been extended; others are enlarged, which might have been contracted. The name of Horace is inferted; and Virgil is introduced only for an opportunity of comparing his tranflator Dryden, to the lady in a lobster; to a moufe under a canopy of fate; and to a shrivelled beau within the pent house of a full-bottomed periwig. Thefe fimiles carry the true stamp of ridicule. But rancour must be very prevalent in the heart of an author, who could overlook the merits of Dryden; many of whofe dedications and prefaces are as fine compofitions, and as juft pieces of criticifm, as any in our language. The tranflation of Virgil was a work of hafte and indi gence. Dryden was equal to the undertaking, but unfortunate during the conduct of it.-The two chief heroes among the modern generals, are Wotton and Bentley. Their figures are dif played in the noft difadvantageous attitudes. The former is defcribed, "full of fpleen, dulnefs, and ill manners." The latter is reprefented, "tall, without fhape or comeliness; large, without itrength or proportion.” The battle, which is maintained by the ancients with great fuperiority of frength, though not of numbers, ends with the demolition of Bentley, and his friend Wotton, by the lance of the Honourable Charles Boyle, youngest fon of Roger the fecond Earl of Orrery, and father of the prefent Earl. He was a fellow of the royal fociety, and invented the aftronomical machine called the Orrery. Orrery. + Riches produceth pride; pride is war's ground, &c. Vid. Ephem. de Mary Clarke; opt. edit. -now called Wing's sheet alinsnack, and printed by J. Roberts for the company of Stationers. Beggars ; Beggary and Want, either by father or mother, and fometimes by both and, to fpeak naturally, it very feldom happens among men to fall out, when all have enough; invafions ufually travelling from north to fouth, that is to fay, from Poverty to Plenty. The moft ancient and natural grounds of quarrels are Luft and Avarice; which, though we may allow to be brethren or collateral branches of Pride, are certainly the iffues of Want. For to speak in the phrafe of writers upon politics, we may obferve in the republic of Dogs, which in its origi nal feems to be an institution of the many, that the whole ftate is ever in the profoundest peace, after a full meal and that civil broils arife among them, when it happens for one great bone to be feized on by fome leading dog; who either divides it among the few, and then it falls to an oligarchy; or keeps it to himfelf, and then it runs up to a tyranny. The fame reafoning alfo holds place among them, in thofe diffenfions we behold upon a turgefcency in any of their females. For, the right of poffeffion lying in common, (it being impoffible to establish a property in fo delicate a cafe), jealoufies and fufpicionsdo fo abound, that the whole commonwealth of that ftreet is reduced to a manifeft state of war, of every citizen against every citizen; till fome one of more courage, conduct, or fortune than the reft, feizes and enjoy's. the prize upon which naturally arifes plenty of heartburning, and envy and fnarling against the happy dog. Again, if we look upon any of these republics engaged in a foreign war, either of invafion or defence, we shall find the fame reasoning will ferve as to the grounds and occafions of each; and that Poverty or Want, in some degree or other, (whether real, or in opinion, which makes no alteration in the cafe), has a great share, as well as Pride, on the part of the aggreffor. Now, whoever will pleafe to take this fcheme, and either reduce or adapt it to an intellectual state, or commonwealth of learning, will foon difcover the first ground of difagreement between the two great parties at this time in arms; and may form juft conclufions upon the merits of either caufe. But the iffue or events of this war are not fo eafy to conjecture at, for the prefent quarrel is fo inflamed by the warm heads of ei ther ther faction, and the pretenfions fomewhere or other fo exorbitant, as not to admit the least overtures of accommodation. This quarrel first began, as I have heard it affirmed by an o'd dweller in the neighbourhood, about a fmall fpot of ground, lying and being upon one of the two tops of the hill Parnaffus; the highest and largeft of which had, it feems, been, time out of mind, in quiet poffeffion of certain tenants called the Ancients; and the other was held by the Moderns. But thefe difliking their prefent ftation, fent certain ambaffadors to the Ancients, complaining of a great nuifance; how the height of that part of Parnaffus quite fpoiled the profpect of theirs, efpecially towards the east; and therefore, to avoid a war, offered them the choice of this alternative, Either that the Ancients would please to remove themselves and their effects down to the lower fummity, which the Moderns would graciously furrender to them, and advance in their place; or elfe, that the faid Ancients will give leave to the Moderns to come with fhovels and mattocks, and level the faid hill as low as they fhall think it convenient. To which the Ancients made anfwer,. How little they expected fuch a meffage as this, from a colony whom they had admitted, out of their own free grace, to fo near a neighbourhood: That as to their own feat, they were Aborigines of it; and therefore to talk with them of a removal or furrender, was a language they did not understand: That if the height of the hill on their fide shortened the profpect of the Moderns, it was a disadvantage they could not help; but defired them to confider, whether that injury (if it be any) were not largely recompenfed by the fhade and helter it afforded them: That as to the levelling or digging down, it was either folly or ignorance to propofe it, if they did, or did not know, how that fide of the hill was an entire rock, which would break their tools and hearts without any damage to itself: That they would therefore advise the Moderns, rather to raise their own fide of the hill, than dream of pulling down that of the Ancients; to the former of which they would not only give licence, but also largely contribute. All this was rejected by the Moderns, with much indignation; who ftill infifted upon one of the two expe dients. dients. And fo this difference broke out into a long and obftinate war; maintained on the one part by refolution, and by the courage of certain leaders and allies; but on the other, by the greatnefs of their number, upon all defeats affording continual recruits. In this quarrel, whole rivulets of ink have been exhaufted, and the virulence of both parties enormously augmented. Now, it must here be understood, that ink is the great missive weapon in all battles of the learned, which conveyed through a fort of engine, called a quill, infinite numbers of these are darted at the enemy, by the valiant on each fide, with equal skill and violence, as if it were an engagement of porcupines. This malignant liquor was compounded by the engineer who invented it, of two ingredients, which are gall and copperas; by its bitterness and venom to fuit in some degree, as well as to foment, the genius of the combatants. And as the Græcians, after an engagement, when they could not agree about the victory, were wont to fet up trophies on both fides ; the beaten party being content to be at the fame expence to keep itself in countenance, (a laudable and ancient custom, happily revived of late in the art of war); fo the learned, after a fharp and bloody difpute, do on both fides hang out their trophies too, whichever comes by the worst. Thefe trophies have largely infcribed on them the merits of the caufe; a full impartial account of fuch a battle, and how the victory fell clearly to the party that fet them up. They are known to the world under feveral names; as, Difputes, Arguments, Rejoinders, Brief Confiderations, Anfwers, Replies, Remarks, Reflections, Objections, Confutations. For a very few days they are fixed up in all public places, either by themselves or their reprefentatives*, for paffengers to gaze at from whence the chiefelt and largelt are removed to certain magazines, they call libraries, there to remain in a quarter purpofely affigned them, and from thenceforth begin to be called books of controverfy. In thefe books is wonderfully inftilled and preferved the fpirit of each warrior, while he is alive; and after * Their title-pages, his his death, his foul tranfmigrates there, to inform them. This, at least, is the more common opinion, But I believe, it is with libraries as with other coemeteries, where fome philofophers affirm, that a certain fpirit, which they call brutum hominis, hovers over the, monument, till the body is corrupted, and turns to dust or to worms, but then vanishes or diffolves: fo, we may fay, a reftlefs fpirit haunts over every book, till duft or worms have feized upon it; which to fome may happen in a few days, but to others later. And therefore books of controverfy, being of all others haunted by the most diforderly fpirits, have always been confined in a feparate lodge from the reft; and for fear of mutual violence against each other, it was thought prudent by our ancestors, to bind them to the peace with ftrong iron chains. Of which invention the original occafion was this. When the works of Scotus first came out, they were carried to a certain great library, and had lodgings appointed them but this author was no fooner fettled, than he went to vifit his mafter Ariftotle; and there both concerted together to feize Plato by main force, and turn him out from his ancient ftation among the divines, where he had peaceably dwelt near eight hundred years. The attempt fucceeded, and the two ufurpers have reigned ever fince in his ftead. But to maintain quiet for the future, it was decreed, that all polemics of the larger fize fhould be held faft with a chain. By this expedient, the public peace of libraries might certainly have been preferved, if a new fpecies of controverfial books had not arofe of late years, instinct with a moft malignant fpirit, from the war, above mentioned, between the learned, about the higher fummity of Parnaffus. When these books were firft admitted into the public libraries, I remember to have faid upon occafions, to feveral perfons concerned, how I was fure they would create broils where-ever they came, unless a world of care were taken and therefore I advised, that the champions of each fide fhould be coupled together, or otherwife mixed; that, like the blending of contrary poifons, their malignity might be employed among themselves. |