might be proclaim'd at Charing-cross. Yet some I know with envy swell, because they see me us'd so well:

"How think you of our friend the Dean?
I wonder what some people mean?
my lord and he are grown so great,
always together, tête à tête;

what they admire him for his jokes!
see but the fortune of some folks!"
There flies about a strange report
of some express arriv'd at court:
I'm stopp'd by all the fools I meet,
and catechis'd in every street.
"You, Mr. Dean, frequent the great;
inform us, will the Emperor treat?
or do the prints and papers lie?
faith, Sir, you know as much as I.
Ah Doctor, how you love to jest!
't is now no secret"-I protest

't is one to me-" Then tell us, pray,
"when are the troops to have their pay?"
and, tho' I solemnly declare

I know no more than my lord mayor, they stand amaz'd, and think me grown the closest mortal ever known. Thus in a sea of folly tost, my choicest hours of life are lost; yet always wishing to retreat, oh, could I see my country seat! there leaning near a gentle brook, sleep, or peruse some ancient book; and there in sweet oblivion drown those cares that haunt the court and town.

A TRUE AND FAITHFUL INVENTORY

OF THE GOODS BELONGING TO PR. SWIFT,
VICAR OF LARACOR,

upon lending his House to the Bishop of Meath, till his Palace was re-built.

An oaken, broken elbow-chair;
a cawdle-cup, without an ear;
a batter'd, shatter'd ash bedstead;
a box of deal without a lid;
a pair of tongs, but out of joint;
a backsword-poker, without point;
a pot that's crack'd across, around
with an old knotted garter bound;
an iron lock, without a key;

a wig, with hanging quite grown gray;
a curtain worn to half a stripe;

a pair of bellows, without pipe;

a dish which might good meat afford once;
an Ovid, and an old Concordance;
a bottle bottom, wooden platter,
one is for meal, and one for water:
there likewise is a copper skillet,
which runs as fast out as you fill it;
a candlestick, snuff-dish, and save-all:
and thus his household goods you have all.
These to your Lordship as a friend,
till you have built, I freely lend:
they'll serve your Lordship for a shift;
why not, as well as Doctor Swift?

CADENUS AND VANESSA.*

WRITTEN AT WINDSOR, 1713.

The shepherds and the nymphs were seen
pleading before the Cyprian queen.
The counsel for the fair began,
accusing the false creature man.

The brief with weighty crimes was charg'd,
on which the pleader much enlarg'd;
that Cupid now has lost his art,
or blunts the point of every dart;
his altar now no longer smokes,
his mother's aid no youth invokes;
this tempts freethinkers to refine,
and bring in doubt their powers divine;
now love is dwindled to intrigue,
and marriage grown a money league.
Which crimes aforesaid, with her leave,
were, as he humbly did conceive,
against our sovereign lady's peace,
against the statute in that case,

against her dignity and crown:

then pray'd an answer, and sat down.

The nymphs with scorn beheld their foes: when the defendant's counsel rose, and, what no lawyer ever lack'd, with impudence own'd all the fact; but, what the gentlest heart would vex, laid all the fault on t'other sex. That modern love is no such thing as what those ancient poets sing; a fire celestial, chaste, refin'd, conceived and kindled in the mind;

* Founded on an offer of marriage made by Miss Vanhomrigh to Dr. Swift who was occasionally her preceptor.

which, having found an equal flame,
unites, and both become the same,
in different breasts together burn,
together both to ashes turn.
But women now feel no such fire,
and only know the gross desire.
Their passions move in lower spheres,
where'er caprice or folly steers,
a dog, a parrot, or an ape,

or some worse brute in human shape,
ingross the fancies of the fair,

the few soft moments they can spare,
from visits to receive and pay;
from scandal, politics, and play;
from fans, and flounces, and brocades,
from equipage and park-parades,
from all the thousand female toys,
from every trifle that employs
the out or inside of their heads,
between their toilets and their beds.
In a dull stream, which moving slow,
you hardly see the current flow;
if a small breeze obstruct the course,
it whirls about, for want of force,
and in it's narrow circle gathers

nothing but chaff, and straws and feathers. The current of a female mind

stops thus, and turns with every wind; thus whirling round together draws fools, fops, and rakes, for chaff and straws. Hence we conclude, no women's hearts are won by virtue, wit, and parts: nor are the men of sense to blame,

for breasts incapable of flame;

the fault must on the nymphs be plac'd, grown so corrupted in their taste.

The pleader, having spoke his best, had witness ready to attest, who fairly could on oath depose, when questions on the fact arose, that every article was true; Nor further these deponents knew: therefore he humbly would insist, the bill might be with cost dismiss❜d. The cause appear'd of so much weight, that Venus, from her judgment-seat, desir'd them not to talk so loud, else she must interpose a cloud: for if the heavenly folk should know these pleadings in the courts below, that mortals here disdain to love, she ne'er could show her face above; for gods, their betters, are too wise to value that which men despise. And then, said she, my son and I must stroll in air, 'twixt land and sky; or else, shut out from heaven and earth, fly to the sea, my place of birth; there live, with daggled mermaids pent, and keep on fish perpetual lent.

But, since the case appear'd so nice, she thought it best to take advice. The muses by their king's permission, tho' foes to love, attend the session, and on their right hand took their places in order; on the left, the Graces: to whom she might her doubts propose on all emergencies that rose.