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how to act, but the master, who had last demonstration of satisfaction I been inside the "Sand Heads before, should have expected from the Calcutta thought he could run the ship up till folks, as I understood that they had but we fell in with a pilot schooner. We few prayers to spare upon any occasion. stood on under easy sąil, heaving to oc- "Why, master," said he," that there casionally to sound ; a practice highly might have been the case once, but all commendable when a ship is groping that is changed now; for some time - her way near the land in the dark, or back they had got out a bishop, and a in waters where she is but imperfectly bishop's mate, and a second mate, and -acquainted, but which seerns to have a Scotch padré, and what with them, gone out of use of late among the nau- and the missionaries who had come tical officers of the Hon. India Com- out to convert the black fellows, the pany's service.
people are like to become a d-d sight Early in the morning we descried a too sacreligious, (sanctimonious?") vessel a-head, which on coming up But notwithstanding this good gentleproved to be a pilot schooner (by the man's opportunities of information, bye, pilot schooners here are all brigs,) and the number,, zeal, and talents of who sent a pilot on board' to take their spiritual instructors, I did not charge of the ship, and by ten A.M. we quit Calcutta with any violent apprewe were safely moored at the new an- hensions of its worthy inhabitants fallchorage off the island of Saugur. All ing into the sin of becoming righteous hands were now turned to, to find the overmuch. leak, and as in the course of the search As I knew nothing of the country, it was discovered that right under the I repaired on board the pilot vessel counter dry rot had commenced its to obtain information how to proceed, ravages, it was resolved to proceed to and had the good luck to find three Calcutta with as little delay as possi- young gentlemen who had been on a ble, and I was ordered off to prepare cruize for the recovery of their health. accommodations for the crew while They were just sitting down to tiffin, the ship might be in dock.
(a meal which corresponds to our On the pilot's coming on board we lunch) and if I might judge from their weremost anxious to obtain intelligence appetites, had perfectly obtained the of the result of the Marattah campaign, purpose of their voyage. Two of these which (though we were not aware of were young civilians of the Honourait) had been brought to a most suc. ble Company's service, called writers; eessful termination by the political the third was a mercantile man, who, and military skill of the Governor-Ge- from bis Israelitish cast of features, I neral. But I had ever found pilots took for a Jew, more particularly when miserably deficient in news, and those his companions addressed him by the of the Ganges, though better appoint- style and title of Moses. But on hearing ed, do not in this respect excel either his voice, I immediately recognized the their sable brethren of the West In- tones of my own country. It was only dia Islands, or their silent sulky ten- my ignorance of the country that could breeched compeers of the Scheldt or have excused this blunder as to the Helder.
gentleman's nation. In Calcutta, there In answer to our queries he said, are no Jews (by birth,) but they are that he had heard there had been not missed, as their functions are most sights of fighting up about the hills, ably performed by the native Sircars but whether the Goorkah, or Garrow, and European agents. or Rajmaul hills, he could not také These gentlemen received me with upon himself to say. That his Lord- the greatest politeness, and on hearing ship had beat Blacky all to nothing, my errand, told me, that if I would and was now returning to Calcutta, stay and tiff with them, they would where, it was said that the people were be happy to take me over to Kedgeree a-going to present him with a sword, in a fishing-boat they had detained for or an address, or a speechification, or that purpose, where they said they something of that uature. Some said had a bungalow or budgerow, or some too, that there was a-going to be a name of that kind, that would take us: praying match in the churches about to Calcutta ; after expressing my oh it, but for himself he did not mind ligations, I sat down and made a meal, such ihings inuch. I observed, that that, but for its name, I should have from what I had heard, that was the supposed to be a dinner,
The company, besides, ourselves, ble gravity of countenance, that,
bút consisted of several pilots of different for a roguish, twinkle in his eye;' ranks in that service; their acquire- one might have supposed that he did ments seemed to be much upou a par not participate in the merriment which
With those of the worthy whom I left every sentence he uttered never failed - on board the frigate, except one, a tall to create. I since saw him in London,
young man, whose conversation and reading a lecture on propriety of conmanners shewed that his opportunities duct to an inebriated exquisite in the had been much superior to those of theatre, who was disturbing some lamost of his brethren, and he seemed dies in the box with him. His
to be perfectly conscious of that su- eloquence (though powerful) might - periority. After tiffin, we proceeded have been unavailing, had he not con
across, and I found the thing of which cluded his homily with a gentle hint, = they had spoken to be a large decked that, in case the annoyance was re- boat with a round-house abaft, which peated, he should be under the disa
furnished most comfortable accommo- greeable necessity of tossing the cause dations. We were hardly on board of of it into the pit. This argument her, when a native servant came off seemed to have a wonderfully sedative with his master's salaam, requesting effect on the rising passions of the spiOur company to dinner. We immedic rited dandy. ately aecepted, and were conducted to After dinner he took off a wig, the the house of Mr Harton of Kedgeree- episcopalian dimensions of which were park, who received us more with the reduced to suit it the better to the clicordiality of an old friend, than the mate in which it was destined to floucivility of a mere stranger; and we rish; and, hanging it on the back of his soon found ourselves seated at an ex- chair, he took his claret with right eellent dinner. Here we met with a good will. After a very liberal allowjolly old parson, who had come down ance of which we rose to depart, but to the sea-side to recover the effects of our host protested against it, as he a bilious attack, and taken up his said it was a flagrant violation of the abode with Mr Harton. We found laws of his house, informing us at the him a most valuable acquisition- same time, that he had got beds prehe was quite the life of the com- pared for us. To this, however, my pany. As he had come late into the companions objected, (much to my vineyard, and “ had been a soldier disappointment) that they were obin his youth," he was more a man of liged to hurry on to Calcutta. He the world than most clergymen I have said, that as 'that was the case, he met with. It was probably owing to would not detain us; but, as the tide this circumstance that he wanted that would not serve for two hours to come, austere and dignified carriage, so pe- it was needless to go on board yet ;, culiarly becoming a minister of the and, upon the word, a devilla tur gospel, which a residence in a univer- key was produced, which, after hasity, where the highest veneration is ving washed down with a modicum of always shewn to exalted piety and su- brandy and water, we repaired on perior learning, (added, perhaps, to a board, feeling remarkably comfortastrong inward consciousness of possess- ble. ing in an eminent degree these good I cannot take leave of mine host, gifts) is said to have bestowed on some distinguished as he is for hospitality of his superiors in the Indian church. even in that hospitable country, Notwithstanding this deficiency, how- out expressing my thanks, and
thos ever, he is a most benevolent man, and of all my messmates, for the unremit did great good among a most neglect- ting kindness and attention he shewed class of his countrymen in the east, ed us, all the time we were in the ri, whose lowness of worldly and spiritual ver. 'I may never have the happiness estate, and vulgar and disgusting vices, of expressing what I feel to himself throw them very properly without the personally; but if by chance 1
Rothsay, and orthodox churchmen. We at least I don't bouse up his jibb with whisky pale of the charity of more dignified should ever catch him any found the reverend gentleman a most toddy as taught as any private gentleet agteeable companion ; lie told the man could desire, " then am I sousd" drollost stories with such imperturba- grünet." We arrived at the Chandpaul
Ghaut next morning after breakfast,' spoon, I think) to conduct me to those, and one of the young civilians pro and, after my business was over, to his cured me a hired palanquin to take me house, where he insisted I should te to the different offices where my busi- main till I was provided with one of ness lay, and sent 'a 'servant (called a my own.
Chapter 11.-WRITERS AND WRITERIŚM.
And labour dire it is, and weary woe :
Then, rising sudden, to the glass they go,
This soon too rude an exercise they find ;
Castle of Indolence. AFTER going through all the offices, a rent not much exceeding the amount public and private, to which my bu- of their whole income. To a very siness led me; and from the accom. handsome house of this description I modating and obliging character of the was carried, and arrived about midgentlemen with whom I had to deal, day, where I found a party of young particularly the agents, who, with one civilians endeavouring to kill the eneexception, were extremely polite, (that my, until the hour of tiffin should put one, I am sorry to say, was a Scotch- an end to their troubles, and, as they man, and the head of a Scotch house say, the day together; for after that - silent, sulky, morose, old savage; hour they can fill up the time which who, though I had particular claims on has hung so heavily on their hands duhis attention, never even asked me to ring the forenoon, with occupations gesit down,) I got over all I had to do nial to their dispositions, till bed-time. much sooner than I expected, and pro- By that meal alone spunout as it is by ceeded towards my temporary hoine.. hookah smoking, beer drinking, and
As I had, in the course of my pere- chatting-th contrive to consume grinations, been shewn an ill-propor- from one o'clock till between four and tioned row of houses, forming one side five, when the labours of the toilette of a large square, under the title of the come into their aid till near six. Then Writers' Buildings, I thought this comes the display of all this adornmight be my destination—but in this ment, heightened by the eclat of equesI was mistaken. These houses, though trian or charioteering adroitness on the quite as good as any single man can course for two hours louger; after require, are not deemed sufficiently which, dinner, and its accompanying stylish by the majority of the class for hearty drink, (by much the preferable whom they are intended, so are gene- pastime to my mind,) till bed-time. rally given up by them to people of in- These, with an assembly or play ferior rank, (officers on furlough, for once a-fortnight-a rout or masqueinstance) and they take up their resi- rade once a-year, and a race and a gal. dence in Chowringhee, or Garden lop after a pack of wretched hounds, in Reach, (the genteel suburbs of Cale pursuit of a jackall, during the cold cutta) where they occupy a house at weather, (which is the season of festi
This word is not to be found in either Johnson's or Grose's classical Dictionaries, but borrowed, by analogy, from one Jerry Bentham, a Long-shore lawyer about London, who has written some books, the object of which seems to be to supersede the an. cient slang of the venerable biographer of the vilgar tongue, and his elegant and accomplished modern commentation, Peirce Egan, Esq. and to sabstitute his own vile jargon in its stead. But he wants ability to revolutionize the time-honoured phraseolo
gy of the flash world. It may happen, that out of so numerous a body as your readers, ** some may not be acquainted with the functions of a Long-shore lawyer. He is a Wapursping solicitor, who, plying about the pot-houses of that respectable part of the metro
polis, encourages men to make unfounded complaints against their superiors-instructs them how to keep on the windy side of the law--and creates mutiny that he may profit
vity in Bengal,) form the total of the bation of their equals, confirm this dis whole, as Dr Hume hath it, of the dom position into a habit Add to all this, mestie life of a Calcutta writer. an unlimited command of money-While these gentlemen are amusing the opinions of society forming no themselves as best they may, with eua check upon the indulgence of the
paslogiums on their steeds, complaints sions-the total want of religion as a against Dr Lumsden for not allowing guide of moral conduct; for in India them to quit college before they have it either falls off into apathy and sceplearned any thing they have been sent ticism on the one hand, or assumes there to learn ; admiring drawings, or the form of the most disgusting bigotry rather daubs of horses and dogs by a and fanaticism on the other; and the Hindoo Stubbs, and French prints of wonder will be, not that they are a less innocent nature, I shall endea- thoughtless and dissipated, but that vour to give you the natural history they are not wholly profligate and of the animal called a writer. worthless. Yet such is the power of
Writers are the sons of families in early instruction, that I must do them the higher and middle ranks of life, the justice to say, that though prudence who have interest sufficient to procure and propriety are rarely to be found them their appointment, and in this in the list of their virtues, I have interest consists their great, if not sole never known or heard of a single inqualification, as they take their station stance of one of them being guilty of among their brethren of the same year, a mean, dishonourable, or ungentlem according to the seniority of the direc- man-like action. tor by whose patronage they were Could the honourable Court of Di
placed there, and no inattention or rectors be brought to lay these truths be misconduct, short of what is sufficient to heart - could they be brought
to remove them entirely, can depress to sacrifice the interests of the few them one step in the books of the ser- blockheads the service contains to the vice; and conversely, no ability, how- general good of the whole-could they ever splendid, uo assiduity, however be got to forego the unenviable prerounwearied, no conduet, however irre- gative of making dulness and stupiproachable, can raise them in the com- dity supersede genius and intellect, parative scale in which they are unal- and make rank and emolument the terably fixed.
certain reward of conduct, abilities, After spending a year or two at a and application, there can be no doubt catch-penny school, which they digni- that they would make the civil service fy with the title of a college, and learn- of India, excellent as the materials are ing not enough of Hindoostanee to hold they have to work upon; equal to any the commonest conversation in that lan- body of men on the face of the earth. guage, they are shipped off for the high- When tiffin was announced, an imer college of Calcutta, with this animat- mediate change took place in the viingassurance, that they have only to be- sages of my friends, from languor and have themselves tolerably, and live long ennui to life and gaiety. It is not to enough to arrive at the highest offices be supposed that they were particularin the Honourable Company's service. ly hungry, but any one who has been A royage of half-a-year's duration, so long at sea as I have, must know that spent in total idleness, and under no eating supplies occupation, and drives superintendance or control, to a young away the listlessness of inaction; and man, emancipated for the first time in a country like India, where our from discipline, and the salutary awe pleasures of every kind are so very liinspired by a consciousness of being mited, those of the table, which can in some degree under the eye of his be enjoyed equally well as in a better parents and guardians, with a prospect climate, form a most prominent part. of pleasure uncontrolled by any of the To this cause the tendency to gormanchecks that thwarted them at home, dism, so generally observed in gentieforms the most appropriate prelude for men long resident in the east, is to be their life in India. There the lan- ascribed, rather than to what people guor induced by the climate, and the are facetiously pleased to denominate Want of incitement to industry, soon the luxuries of India ; a term whicha inclines them to indolence; and the must be applied in irony, as any luxexample of their superiors, and appro- uries I have ever seen there, are only
bad substitutes, procured at great ex- tions of their reason (if any they pence, for what every one enjoys at might happen to have) would incline home for nothing.
them more to one side than another, During the meal we had a deal of the indulgence of such improper feellively rattling talk, which could not ings is checked in the bud, and the be called conversation, but is to me as use of brains in forming an opinion pleasant, and, I am ashamed to say, for ever after set aside. sometimes as edifying. The truth, But though I was lost in admirasince I must own it is, that I have tion of the brilliant things they utterhad but few opportunities of witness- ed, so defective is my taste, that I reing that “ sharp encounter of the ceived no great pleasure from “ the wits," which Dr Johnson is of opinion feast of reason, and the flow of soul." can alone be dignified with that ti. In fact, it was like treating a ploughtle, except at the Circuit, where I man to claret and olives, whose taste once had the happiness to listen to being brutalized by ale and gingera good deal of it, from some young bread, thinks these higly flavoured Edinburgh lawyers. The subject luxuries insipid and nauseous. But hawas either politics or literature, and bit reconciles every thing; and should alternate orations, of from five to it ever be my good fortune to reside fifteen minutes duration, were made in Edinburgh, I have no doubt but by the Whigs or Tories, much as in that, by a daily dose of such fare, I the House of Commons. I no long- may come to relish it mightily, as acer wondered at the unrivalled elo- quired tastes are always the strongest. quence of the Scottish bar, when I But to return from this digression, found that such was their zeal to ac- on rising from the table, the comquire that talent, that even the convi- pany retired to sacrifice to the graces. vial board, where others waste their My oblations to these goddesses tatime in idle chat, and heedlessly blun- king but little time, I contented myder out whatever comes uppermost, self with bathing, and exchanging my was by the processes of their well-dis- heavy uniform for a suit of light musciplined minds-by weighing careful- lin, with which one of the gentlemen ly every sentence before they uttered was kind enough to accommodate me. it-by using no arguments but those But the process was by no means so which, by having stood the test of ages, simple with my friends, for on returnhave come to be considered self-evi- ing to the large hall where we had dent axioms--converted into a gym- dined, I had full three quarters of an nasium, to train them by. (wordy) hour for meditation before they were warlike exercises for the real conflicts ready. At last they entered in all the in which they were to be engaged as conscious splendour of hunting frocks, the champions of some oppressed striped waistcoats, cord breeches, and client in the lists of the Parliament top boots, which, with their well-stifHouse.
fened starchers and ear-cutters, were in There is another cause, I have been a style of ultra dandyism, most probainformed, from which this superiority bly copied from the caricatures of the arises--their early education in the day, and stylish enough, but not, I Edinburgh Speculative Society, a de- should suppose, the costume the best bating club where questions are given calculated in the world to yield comout for discussion, and parties appoint- fort in a climate +95% of Farenheit. ed to support and oppose them after They in one breath pressed upon the manner in which the men of Kent me the means of any mode of conveymake up a match at cricket. This ance I might prefer. One recommendgives them a habit of making long ed his horse Knocknagrogherry, who, speeches whether they have any thing he assured me, being naturally endowto say or not, an immense advantage ed with a sweet disposition, and hain an argument, as those who have not ving arrived at the years of discretion, listened (and who can command at could be ridden by a child. Though tention for three hours together) can. my fears prevented me from accepting not impugn the reasoning. It also him on this occasion, I was under begets a sturdy pugnacious temper, great obligations to that good-natured highly conducive to logical attain- steed, and his equally good-natured ents, and as the impertinent sugges- master, during my stay in the coun