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By honour feated in her breast
She still determines what is beft:
What indignation in her mind
Against enflavers of mankind!
Bafe kings, and minifters of state,
Eternal objects of her hate!
She thinks that Bature ne'er defign'd
Courage to man alone contin'd.
Can cowardice her sex adorn,
Which moft expofes ours to fcorn?
She wonders where the charm appears
In Florimel's affected fears;
For Stella never learn'd the art
At proper times to fcream and start;
Nor calls up all the house at night,
And swears the faw a thing in white.
Doll never flies to cut her lace,
Or throw cold water in her face,
Because fhe heard a fudden drum,
Or found an earwig in a plum.
Her hearers are amaz'd from whence
Proceeds that fund of wit and fenfe;
Which, though her modesty would shroud,
Breaks like the fun behind a cloud;
While gracefulness its art conceals,
And yet through every motion steals.
Say, Stella, was Prometheus blind,
And, forming you, mistook your kind?
No; 'twas for you alone he stole
The fire that forms a manly foul;
Then, to complete it every way,
He moulded it with female clay:
To that you owe the nobler flame,
To this the beauty of your frame.
How would ingratitude delight,
And how would cenfure glut her spight,
If I thould Stella's kindnefs hide
In filence, or forget with pride!
When on my fickly couch I lay,
Impatient both of night and day,
Lamenting in unmanly strains,
Call'd every power to eafe my pains;
Then Stella ran to my relief
With cheerful face and inward grief:
And, though by Heaven's fevere decree
She fuffers hourly more than me,
No cruel mafter could require,
From flaves employed for daily hire,
What Stella, by her friendship warm'd,
With vigour and delight perform'd :
My finking fpirits now fupplies
With cordials in her hands and eyes;
Now with a foft and filent tread
Unheard the moves about my bed.
I fee her tafte each naufeous draught;
And fo obligingly am caught,
I blefs the hand from whence they came,
'Nor dare distort my face for fhame.
Beft pattern of true friends! beware:
You pay too dearly for your care,
If, while your tendernefs fecures
My life, it must endanger your's;
For fuch a fool was never found,
Who pulled a palace to the ground,
Only to have the ruins made
Materials for a houfe decay'd.
ON THE DEATH OF DEMAR, THE USURER.
Who died the 6th of July 1720.
KNOW all men by thefe prefents, Death the tamer,
By mortgage, hath fecur'd the corpse of Demar:
Nor can four bundred thousand ferling pound
Redeem him from his prifon under ground.
His heirs might well, of all his wealth poffefs'd,
Beftow to bury him one iron cheft.
Plutus the god of wealth will joy to know
His faithful fteward in the fhades below,
He walk'd the streets, and wore a threadbare cloak;
He din'd and fupp'd at charge of other folk:
And by his looks, had he held out his palms,
He might be thought an object fit for alms.
So, to the poor, if he refus'd his pelf,
He us'd them full as kindly as himself.
Where'er he went, he never faw his betters; Lords, nights, and fquires, were all his humble And under hand and feal the Irish nation [debtors; Were forc'd to own to him their obligation.
He that could once have half a kingdom bought, In half a minute is not worth a groat. His coffers from the coffin could not fave, Nor all his interefi keep him from the grave. A golden monument would not be right, Because we wish the earth upon him light.
Oh London tavern! thou haft loft a friend, Though in thy walls he ne'er did farthing spend: He touch'd the pence, when others touch'd the pot; The hand that fign'd the mortgage paid the fhot. Old as he was, no vulgar known disease
On him could ever boast a power to seize; "But, as he weigh'd his gold, grim Death in fpight
"Caft in his dart, which made three moidores light; "And, as he faw his darling money fail,
"Blew his laft breath, to fink the lighter fcale."
He who fo long was current, 'twould be ftrange
If he should now be cry'd down fince his change.
The fexton fhall green fods on thee bestow;
Alas, the fexton is thy banker now!
A difmal banker must that banker be,
Who gives no bills but of mortality.
EPITAPH ON A MISER.
BENEATH this verdant hillock lies
Demar, the wealthy and the wife.
His beirs, that he might fafely rest,
Have put his carcafe in a cheft;
The very chef in which, they fay,
His other felf, his money, lay.
And, if his heirs continue kind
To that dear felf he left behind,
I dare believe, that four in five
Will think his better half alive.
TO MRS. HOUGHTON OF BORMOUNT,
Upon praifing ber Hufband to Dr. Swift.
You always are making a god of your spouse;
But this neither reafon nor confcience allows :
* A tavern in Dublin, where Demar kept his office, †Thefe four lines were written by Stella.
Pehaps you will fay, 'tis in gratitude due,
And you adore him, because he adores your
Your argument's weak, and fo you will find;
For you, by this rule, muft adore all mankind.
VERSES WRITTEN ON A WINDOW,
At the Deanry Haufe, St. Patrick's.
ARE the guests of this houfe ftill doom'd to be cheated? [be treated. Sure the fates have decreed they by halves fhould In the days of good John *, if you came here to dine, [wine. You had choice of good meat, but no choice of good In Jonathan's reign, if you come here to eat, You have choice of good wine, but no choice of good meat.
O Jove! then how fully might all fides be bleft, Wouldst thou but agree to this humble request ; Put both deans in one; or, if that's too much trouble,
Inftead of the deans, make the deanry double.
ON ANOTHER WINDOW †.
A BARD on whom Phoebus his spirit bestow'd,
Refolving t' acknowledge the bounty he ow'd,
Found out a new method at once of confeffing,
And making the most of so mighty a bleffing:
To the god he'd be grateful; but mortals he'd
By making his patron prefide in his houfe;
And wifely forefaw this advantage from thence,
That the god would in honour bear most of th'
[treat So the bard he finds drink, and leaves Phœbus to With the thoughts he infpires, regardless of meat. Hence they that come hither expecting to dine, Are always fobb'd off with sheer wit and sheer wine.
APOLLO TO THE DEAN, 1720.
RIGHT trufty, and fo forth-we let you to know, We are very ill us'd by you mortals below. For first, I have often by chemifts been told, Though I know nothing on 't, it is I that make gold, [it, Which when you have got, you fo carefully hide That, fince I was born, I hardly have spy'd it. Then it must be allow'd, that, whenever I shine, I forward the grafs, and I ripen the vine; To me the good fellows apply for relief, [beef: Without whom they could neither get claret nor Yet their wine and their victuals thefe curmudgeon lubbards
up from my fight in cellars and cupboards.
That I have an ill eye, they wickedly think,
And taint all their meat, and four all their drink.
But, thirdly and lastly, it must be allow'd.
I alone can infpire the poetical crowd:
This is gratefully own'd by each boy in the college,
Whom if I infpire, it is not to my knowledge.
* Dean Sterne was diftinguished for his hofpitality.
This every pretender to rhyme will admit, Without troubling his head about judgment or wit. These gentlemen ufe me with kindness and free['em:
And as for their works, when I please I may read
They lie open on purpofe on counters and stails;
And the titles I view, when I fhine on the walls.
But a comrade of yours, that traitor Delany,
Whom I for your fake love better than any,
And, of my mere motion and Special good grace,
Intended in time to fucceed in your place,
On Tuesday the tenth feditiously came
With a certain falfe traitress, one Stella by name,
To the deanry house, and on the north glafs,
Where, for fear of the cold, I never can pass,
Then and there, vi et armis, with a certain utenfil,
Of value five fhillings, in English a pencil,
Did malicioufly, falfely, and traiterously write,
Whilft Stella aforefaid ftood by with a light.
My fifter had lately depos'd upon oath,
That the flopt in her course to look at them both:
That Stella was helping, abetting, and aiding:
And ftill as he writ, flood fmiling and reading:
That her eyes were as bright as myself at noon-
But her graceful black locks were all mingled
And by the defcription I certainly know,
"Tis the nymph that I courted fome ten years ago;
Whom when I with the best of my talents endued
On her promife of yielding, fhe acted the prude:
That fome verfes were writ with felonious intent,
Direct to the north, where I never yet went :
That the letters appeared revers'd through the
But in Stella's bright eyes they were plac'd right
Wherein the diftinctly could read every line,
And prefently guefs that the fancy was mine.
She can fwear to the perfon whom oft fhe has seen
At night between Cavan Street and College Green.
Now you fee why his verfes fo feldom are shown;
The reafon is plain, they are none of his own:
And obferve while you live, that no man is fhy
To difcover the goods he came honestly by.
If I light on a thought, he will certainly iteal it,
And, when he has got it, find ways to conceal it:
Of all the fine things he keeps in the dark,
There's fcarce one in ten but what has my mark;
And let them be seen by the world if he dare,
I'll make it appear that they're all ftolen ware.
But as for the poem he writ on your fash,
I think I have now got him under my lafh;
My fifter tranfcrib'd it last night to his forrow,
And the public fhall fee't, if I live till to-morrow.
Through the zodiac around, it fhall quickly be
In all parts of the globe where your language is read..
He knows very well, I ne'er gave a refufal,
When he afk'd for my aid in the forms that are
But the fecret is this, I did lately intend [ufual:
To write a few verfes on you, as my friend:
I ftudied a fortnight, before I could find,
As I rode in my chariot, a thought to my mind,
And refolv'd the next winter (for that is my time,
When the days are at fhorteft) to get it in rhyme;
Till then it was lock'd in my box at Parnaffus;
When that fubtle compaion, in hopes to furpafs us,
Conveys out my paper of hints by a trick, (Nick)
And, from my own ftock provided with topics,
He gets to a window beyond both the tropics;
There out of my fight, just against the north zone,
Writes down my conceits, and then calls them his
And you, like a booby, the bubble can swallow:
Now who but Delany can write like Apollo?
High treafon by ftatute! yet here you object,
He only ftole hints, but the verfe is correct;
Though the thought be Apollo's, 'tis finely ex-
So a thief fteals my horfe, and has him well dress’d.
Now, whereas the fad criminal feems paft repent-
We Phoebus think fit to proceed to his fentence.
Since Delany has dar'd, like Prometheus his fire;
To climb to our region, and thence to ftcal fire;
We order a vulture, in fhape of the spleen,
To prey on his liver, but not to be feen.
And we order our fubjects of every degree
To believe all his verfes were written by me;
And, under the pain of our higheft difpleasure,
To call nothing his but the rhyme and the measure.
And laftly, for Stella, juft out of her prime,
I'm too much revenged already by time.
In return to her fcorn, I fend her difeafes,
But will now be her friend whenever the pleases:
And the gifts I beftow'd her will find her a lover,
Though the lives to be gray as a badger all over.
PARNASSUS, February the twenty-feventh,
The poets affembled here on the eleventh,
Conven'd by Apollo, who gave them to know,
He'd have a vicegerent in his empire below;
"That, to make you a laureat, I gave the first voice,
"Infpiring the Britons t' appprove of my choice. "Jove fent her to me her power to try;
The goddess of beauty what god can deny?
"She forbids your preferment; I grant her defire.
"Appeafe the fair goddefs; you then may rife
The next that appear'd had good hopes of fuc
For he merited much for his wit and his breeding,
'Twas wife in the Britons no favour to show him,
He else might expect they should pay what they
And therefore they prudently chose to discard
The patriot, whofe merits they would not reward.
The god, with a fmile, bade his favourite advance,
"You were fent by Aftrea her envoy to France:
"You bent your ambition to rife in the state;
"I refufe you, because you could stoop to be
Then a bard who had been a fuccefsful tranf-
"The convention allows me a verfificator."
Says Apollo, "You mention the least of your merit;
By your works it appears you have much of
"I efteem you fo well, that to tell you the truth,
"The greatest objection against you's your youth:
"Then be not concern'd you are now laid afide;
"If you live, you fhall certainly one day prefide."
Another, low bending, Apollo thus greets,
"'Twas I taught your fubjects to walk through
"You taught them to walk! why, they knew it
"But give me the bard that can teach them to
"Whenever he claims, 'tis his right, I'll confefs,
"Who lately attempted my ftyle with fuccefs;
"Who writes like Apollo has moft of his fpirit,
"Who makes it appear, by all he has writ,
"His judgment alone can set bounds to his wit;
"Like Virgil, correct with his own native ease,
"But excels even Virgil in elegant praife;
"Who admires the ancients, and knows 'tis their
"Yet writes in a manner entirely new ;
"Though none with more eafe their depths çan
But declar'd that no bard fhould this honour inherit," And therefore 'tis juft I diftinguish his merit;
Till the ref had agreed he furpafs'd them in merit.
Now this, you'll allow, was a difficult cafe,
For cach bard believ'd he'd a right to the place;
So, finding th' affembly grow warm in debate,
He put them in mind of his Phaeton's fate :
'Twas urg'd to no purpofe; difputes higher rofe,
Scarce Phoebus himself could their quarrels com-
Till at length he determin'd that every bard
Should (each in his turn) be patiently heard.
"Yet whatever he wants he takes from my store: "Though I'm fond of his virtues, his pride I can Firft, one who believ'd he excell'd in tranflation," In fcorning to borrow from any but me; [fee, Founds his claim on the doctrine of man's tranf- "It is owing to this, that, like Cynthia, his lays migration: "Enlighten the world by reflecting my rays." This faid, the whole audience foon found out his drift: The convention was fummon'd in favour of Swift.
Money, the life-blood of the nation,
Corrupts and ftagnates in the veins,
Unless a proper circulation
Its motion and its heat maintains.
Beraufe 'tis lordly not to pay,
Quakers and aldermen in state
Like peers have levees every day
Of duns attending at their gate.
We want our money on the nail;
The banker's ruin'd if he pays:
They feem to act an ancient tale;
The birds are met to strip the jays.
Riches, the wifeft monarch fings,
"Make pinions for themselves to fly:" They fly like bats on parchment wings, And geele their filver plumes fupply. No money left for fquandering heirs! Bills turn the lenders into debtors: The wifh of Nero now is theirs,
"That they had never known their letters."
Conceive the works of midnight hags,
Tormenting fools behind their backs:
Thus bankers o'er their bills and bags
Sits fqueezing images of wax.
Conceive the whole enchantment broke;
The witches left in open air,
With power no more than other folk,
Expos'd with all their magic ware.
So powerful are a banker's bills,
Where creditors demand their due;
They break up counters, doors, and tills,
And leave the empty chefts in view.
Thus when an earthquake lets in light
Upon the god of gold and bell,
Unable to endure the fight,
He hides within his darkeft cell.
As when a conjuror takes a lease
From Satan for a term of years,
The tenant's in a difmal cafe,
Whenc'er the bloody bond oppears.
A bated banker thus defponds,
From his own hand forcfees his fall;
They have his foul, who have his bonds;
'Tis like the writing on the wall.
How will the catiff wretch be fear'd,
When first he finds himself awake
At the last trumpet unprepar'd,
And all his grand account to make!
For in that univerfal call
Few bankers will to heaven be mounters; They'll cry, “Ye fhops, upon us fall!
Conceal and cover us, ye counters!"
When aber hands the sales shall hold,
And they in men and engels' fight
Produc'd with all their bills and gold,
Weigh'd in the balance, and found light!"
DESCRIPTION OF AN IRISH FEAST, Tranflated almof literally out of the original Irish,
OROURK's noble fare will ne'er be forgot,
His revels to keep, we fup and we dine
On feven score sheep, fat bullocks, and swine.
Uufquebaugh to our feaft in pails was brought up,
An hundred at least, and a madder *
O there is the fport! we rife with the light
In diforderly fort from fnoring all night.
O how was I trick'd! my pipe it was broke,
My pocket was pick'd, I loft my new cloak.
I'm rifled, quoth Nell, of mantle and kercher † :
Why then fare them well, the de'el take the
Come, harper, ftrike up ; but, firft, by your favour,
Boy, give us a cup: ah! this has fome favour.
Orourk's jolly boys ne'er dreamt of the matter,
Till, rous'd by the noife and musical clatter,
They bounce from their neft, no longer will tarry,
They rife ready dreft, without one ave-mary. [ing;
They dance in a ronnd, cutting capers, and ramp-
A mercy the ground did not burst with their
The floor is all wet with leaps and with jumps, While the water and fweat fplifh-fplash in their pumps.
Bless you late and carly, Laughlin O' Enagin!
By my band, you dance rarely, Margery Grinagin.
Bring ftraw for our bed, shake it down to the feet,
Then over us fpread the winnowing sheet :
To fhow I don't flinch, fill the bowl up again;
Then give us a pinch of your freezing, a yean §.
Good Lord! what a fight, after all their good
For people to fight in the midst of their beer!
They rife from their feast, and hot are their brains,
A cubit at least the length of their skeans.
What ftabs and what cuts, what clattering of flicks;
What ftrokes on the guts, what baftings and kicks!
With cudgels of oak well harden'd in flame,
An hundred heads broke, an hundred ftruck lame.
You churl, I'll maintain my father built Lufk,
The Cattle of Slain, and Carrick Drumruík:
The Earl of Kildare, and Moynalta his brother,
As great as they are, I was nurit by their mother.
Afk that of old madam; fhe'll tell you who's who
As far up as Adam, fhe knows it is true.
Come down with that beam, if cudgels are fcarce.
A blow on the weam, or a kick on the a-fe.
Propofuis for the univerful use of Iris manufawtures, for rubich Waters th. printer was jeverely pro
We'll buy Englifa filks for our wives and our daughters,
In fpite of his deanfhip and journeyman Waters. In England the dead in woollen are clad,
The dean and his printer then let us cry fy on; To be cloth'd like a carcafe, would make a Teague Since a living dog better is than a dead lion. [mad, Our wives they grow fullen
And all we poor fhop-keepers must our horns
Then we'll buy English filks for our wives and our
In fpite of his deanfhip and journeyman Waters.
Whoever our trading with England would hinder,
To inflame both the nations do plainly conspire;
Because Irish linen will foon turn to tinder,
And wool it is greasy, and quickly takes fire.
Therefore I affure you,
Our noble grand jury,
When they faw the dean's book, they were in a
They would buy English filks for their wives and their daughters,
In spite of his deanship and journeyman Waters. This wicked rogue Waters, who always is finning, And before corum nobus so oft has been call'd, Henceforward fhall print neither pamphlets nor linen, (mawl'd:
And, if fwearing can do't, fhall be fwingingly And as for the dean,
You know whom I mean,
If the printer will 'peach him, he'll scarce come off clean. [daughters, Then we'll buy English filks for our wives and our In spite of his deanship and journeyman Waters.
WHEN firft Diana leaves her bed,
Vapours and fteams her looks difgrace,
A frowzy dirty-colour'd red
Sits on her cloudy wrinkled face:
But by degrees, when mounted high,
Her artificial face appears
Down from her window in the sky,
Her fpots are gone, her vifage clears.
"Twixt earthly females and the moon
All parallels exactly run:
If Celia fhould appear too foon,
Alas, the nymph would be undone !
To fee her from her pillow rife,
All reeking in a cloudy fteam, Crack'd lips, foul teeth, and gummy eyes, Poor Strephon! how would he blafpheme! Three colours, black, and red, and white, So graceful in their proper place, Remove them to a different fcite, They form a frightful hideous face: For instance, when the lily fkips Into the precincts of the role, And takes poffeffion of the lips, Leaving the purple to the nofe:
So Celia went entire to bed,
All her complexion fafe and found; But, when fhe rofe, white, black, and red, Though still in fight, had chang'd their ground. The black, which would not be confin'd, A more inferior station feeks; Leaving the fiery red behind,
And mingles in her muddy cheeks.
But Celia can with ease reduce,
By help of pencil, paint and brush,
Each colour to its place and use,
And teach her checks again to blush.
She knows her early felf no more,
But fill'd with admiration ftands;
As other painters oft' adore
The workmanship of their own hands.
Thus, after four important hours,
Celia's the wonder of her fex:
Say, which among the heavenly powers
Could caufe fuch marvellous effects?
Venus, indulgent to her kind,
Gave women all their hearts could wish,
When first she taught them where to find
White lead and Lufitanian* dish.
Love with white-lead cements his wings:
White-lead was fent us to repair
Two brightest, brittleft, earthly things,
A lady's face, and China-ware.
She ventures now to lift the fash :
The window is her proper sphere:
Ah, lovely nymph! be not too rash,
Nor let the beaux approach too near.
Take pattern by your fifler ftar:
Delude at once and blefs our fight; When you are feen, be feen from far, And chiefly choose to shine by night. But art no longer can prevail,
When the materials all are gone; The beft mechanic hand muft fail, Where nothing's left to work upon Matter, as wife logicians fay,
Cannot without a form fubfift;
And form, fay I, as well as they,
Muft fail, if matter brings no grift.
And this is fair Diana's cafe;
For all aftrologers maintain,
Each night a bit drops off her face,
When mortals fay fhe's in her ware:
While Partridge wifely fhows the cause
Efficient of the moon's decay,
That Cancer with his poisonous claws
Attacks her in the milky way:
But Gadbury, in art profound,
From her pale cheeks pretends to fhow,
That fwain Endymion is not found,
Or else that Mercury's her foe.