And others who in folemn fort
Appear with flender wands at court;
Not firmly join'd to keep their ground,
But lafhing one another round:

While wife men think they ought to fight
With quarter-Staffs, instead of white;
Or conftable with staff of peace

Should come and make the clattering ceafe,
Which now difturbs the Queen and court,
And gives the Whigs and rabble sport.
In history we never found
The Confuls' Fafces were unbound:
Thofe Romans were too wife to think on't,
Except to lash fome grand delinquent.
How would they blush to hear it faid,
The Prætor broke the Conful's head!
Or Conful, in his purple gown,
Came up, and knock'd the Prætor down!
Come, Courtiers: every man his stick!
Lord Treasurer, for once be quick :-
And, that they may the clofer cling,
Take your blue ribbon for a string.

Come, trimming Harcourt, bring your mace;
And fqueeze it in, or quit your place:
Difpatch, or elfe that rafcal Northeyt
Will undertake to do it for thee:
And be affur'd, the Court will find him
Prepar'd to leap o'er sticks, or bind 'em.

To make the bundle ftrong and safe,
Great Ormond, lend thy General's staff;
And, if the Crofier could be cramm'd in,
A fig for Lechmere, King, and Hambden!
You'll then defy the strongest Whig
With both his hands to bend a twig;
Though with united strength they all pull,
From Somers down to Craggs and Walpole.

CATULLUS DE LESBIA.

LESEIA for ever on me rails,
To talk of me the never fails.
Now, hang me but for all her art,
I find, that I have gain'd her heart.
My proof is thus: 1 plainly fee,
The cafe is juft the fame with me;
I curfe her every hour fincerely,
Yet, hang me but I love her dearly.

EPIGR A M.
From the French. ‡

WHO can believe with common sense,
A bacon-flice gives God offence;
Or, how a herring hath a charm
Almighty vengeance to difarm?
Wrapt up in Majesty divine,
Does he regard on what we dine?

On a CURATE's Complaint of HARD DUTY. I MARCH'D three miles through fcorching fand, With zeal in heart, and notes in hand;

I rode four more to Great St. Mary,
Ufing four legs when two were weary:
To three fair virgins I did tie men,
In the close bands of pleafing Hymen:
I dipp'd two babes in holy water,
And purify'd their mother after.
Within an hour, and eke a half,

I preach'd three congregations deaf;
Where thundering out, with lungs long winded,
I chopp'd fo faft, that few there minded.
My emblem, the laborious fun,

Saw all these mighty labours done
Before one race of his was run.

All this perform'd by Robert Hewit:
What mortal elfe could e'er go through it!

}

A True and Faithful INVENTORY of the GOODS belonging to Dr. SWIFT, Vicar of Laracor;'

Upon lending his Houfe to the Bishop of Meath, till his Palace was re-built.

AN oaken, broken elbow-chair;
A cawdle-cup, without an ear;
A batter'd, thatter'd ash bedstead;
A box of deal, without a lid;
A pair of tongs, but out of joint;
A backsword-poker, without point;
A pot that's crack'd acrofs, around
With an old knotted garter bound;
An iron lock, without a key;
A wig, with hanging quite grown gray;
A curtain worn to half a stripe;
A pair of bellows, without pipe;

A difh which might good meat afford once;
An Ovid, and an old Concordance,
A bottle bottom, wooden platter,
One is for meal, and one for water:
There likewife is a copper skillet,
Which runs as faft out as you fill it;
A candlestick, fnuff-dish, and fave-all:
And thus his household goods you have all.
These to your Lordship as a friend,
Till you have built, I freely lend:
They'll ferve your Lordthip for a shift;
Why not, as well as Doctor Swift?

CADENUS AND VANESSA *.

WRITTEN AT WINDSOR, 1713.
THE fhepherds and the nymphs were seen
Pleading before the Cyprian Queen.
The counsel for the fair began,

Accufing the falfe creature man.

The brief with weighty crimes was charg'd,
On which the pleader much enlarg'd;
That Cupid now has lost his art,
Or blunts the point of every dart ;---
His altar now no longer smokes,
His mother's aid no youth invokes :
This tempts freethinkers to refine,
And bring in doubt their powers divine;

Founded on an offer of marriage made by Mifs Vanhomrigh to Dr. Swift, who was occafion. ally her preceptor.

Now love is dwindled to intrigue,
And marriage grown a money league.
Which crimes aforefaid (with her leave)
Were (as he humbly did conceive)
Againit our fovereign lady's peace,
Against the ftatute in that cafe,
Againft her dignity and crown:
Then pray'd an anfwer, and fat down.

The nymphs with fcorn beheld their foes:
When the defendant's counsel rose,
And, what no lawyer ever lack'd,
With impudence own'd all the fact;
But, what the gentleft heart would vex,
Laid all the fault on t'other sex.
That modern love is no fuch thing
As what thofe ancient poets fing;
A fire celeftial, chafte, refin'd,
Conceiv'd and kindled in the mind;
Which, having found an equal flame,
Unites, and both become the fame,
In different breafts together burn,
Together both to ashes turn.
But women now feel no fuch fire,
And only know the grofs defire.
Their paffions move in lower spheres,
Where'er caprice or folly steers,
A dog, a parrot, or an ape,

Or fome worfe brute in human shape, Ingrofs the fancies of the fair, The few foft moments they can spare, From vifits to receive and pay; Frem fcandal, politics, and play; From fans, and flounces, and brocades, From equipage and park-parades, From all the thoufand female toys, From every trifle that employs The out or infide of their heads, Between their toilets and their beds. In a dull ftream, which moving flow, You hardly fee the current flow; If a small breeze obftruct the course, It whirls about, for want of force, And in its narrow circle gathers Nothing but chaff, and ftraws and feathers. The current of a female mind Stops thus, and turns with every wind; Thus whirling round together draws Fools, fups, and rakes, for chaff and straws, Hence we conclude, no women's hearts Are won by virtue, wit, and parts: Nor are the men of fenfe to blame, For breafts incapable of flame; The fault must on the nymphs be plac'd, Grown fo corrupted in their taste. The pleader, having spoke his best, Had witnefs ready to atteft, Who fairly could on oath depofe, When questions on the fact arose, That every article was true; Nor further thefe deponents knew: Therefore he humbly would infift, The bill might be with cofts difmis'd. The caufe appear'd of fo much weight, That Venus, from her judgment-feat, Defir'd them not to talk fo loud, Eile the muft interpofe a cloud:

For if the heavenly folk fhould know
Thefe pleadings in the courts below,
That mortals here difdain to love,
She ne'er could fhow her face above;
For gods, their betters, are too wife
To value that which men defpife.
And then, said fhe, my fon and I
Muft ftroll in air, 'twixt land and sky;
Or else, thut out from heaven and earth,
Fly to the sea, my place of birth;
There live, with daggled mermaids pent,
And keep on fish perpetual Lent.

But, fince the cafe appear'd fo nice,
She thought it beft to take advice.
The Mules, by their King's permiffion,
Though foes to love, attend the feffion,
And on their right hand took their places
In order; on the left, the Graces:
To whom the might her doubts propofe
On all emergencies that rofe.

The Mufes oft' were feen to frown;
The Graces half-afham'd look down;
And 'twas obferv'd, there were but few
Of either sex among the crew,
Whom the or her affeffors knew.
The goddefs foon began to fee,
Things were not ripe for a decree;
And faid the muft confult her books,
The lovers' Fletas, Bractons, Cokes.
First to a dapper clerk she beckon'd,
To turn to Ovid, book the second;
She then referr'd them to a place
In Virgil (vide Dido's cafe):
As for Tibullus's reports,

They never pafs'd for law in courts:
For Cowley's briefs, and pleas of Waller,
Still their authority was fmaller.

There was on both fides much to say:
She'd hear the cause another day.
And fo fhe did; and then a third
She heard it-there she kept her word:]
But, with rejoinders or replies,
Long bills, and answers stuff'd with lies,
Demur, imparlance, and effoign,
The parties ne'er could iffue join:
For fixteen years the cause was spun,
And then stood where it first begun.

Now, gentle Clio, fing or fay,
What Venus meant by this delay.
The goddess, much perplex'd in mind
To fee her empire thus declin'd,
When first this grand debate arose,
Above her wisdom to compofe,
Conceiv'd a project in her head
To work her ends; which, if it fped.
Would show the merits of the cause
Far better than confulting laws.
In a glad hour Lucina's aid
Produc'd on earth a wondrous maid,
Ou whom the Queen of love was bent
To try a new experiment.
She threw her law-books on the shelf,
And thus debated with herself.

Since men allege, they ne'er can find
Those beauties in a female mind,
Which raife a flame that will endure

If 'tis with reason they complain,
This infant fhall restore my reign.
I'll fearch where every virtue dwells,
From courts inclufive down to cells:
What preachers talk, or fages write;
Thefe I will gather and unite,
And reprefent them to mankind
Collected in that infant's mind.

This faid, the plucks in heaven's high bowers Afprig of amaranthine flowers,

In nectar thrice infufes bays,
Three times refin'd in Titan's rays;
Then calls the Graces to her aid,

And fprinkles thrice the new-born maid:
From whence the tender fkin affumes
A sweetness above all perfumes:
From whence a cleanliness remains,
Incapable of outward stains:

From whence that decency of mind,
So lovely in the female kind,
Where not one careless thought intrudes,
Lefs modeft than the fpeech of prudes;
Where never blush was call'd in aid,
That spurious virtue in a maid,
A virtue but at fecond-hand;
They blush, becaufe they understand.

The Graces next would act their part,
And show'd but little of their art;
Their work was half already done,
The child with native beauty fhone;
The outward form no help requir'd:
Each, breathing on her thrice, inspir'd
That gentle, foft, engaging air,
Which in old times adorn'd the fair:
And faid, "Vaneffa be the name

By which thou shalt be known to fame;
"Vaneffa, by the gods inroll'd:
* Her name on earth fhall not be told."

But ftill the work was not complete:
When Venus thought on a deceit;
Drawn by her doves, away the flies,
And finds out Pallas in the fkies.
Dear Pallas, I have been this morn
To fee a lovely infant born;
A boy in yonder ifle below,
So like my own without his bow,
By beauty could your heart be won,
You'd fwear it is Apollo's fon:
Bat it fhall ne'er be faid, a child
So hopeful has by me been spoil'd;
I have enough befides to spare,
And give him wholly to your care.

Wildom's above fufpecting wiles:
The queen of Learning gravely fmiles,
Down from Olympus comes with joy,
Miftakes Vanetla for a boy;

Then fows within her tender mind

That meat must be with money bought:
She therefore, upon fecond thought,
Infus'd, yet as it were by ftealth,
Some small regard for ftate and wealth;
Of which, as he grew up, there ftaid
A tincture in the prudent maid:
She manag'd her eftate with care,
Yet lik'd three footmen to her chair.
But, left he should neglect his ftudies
Like a young heir, the thrifty goddess
(For fear young mafter fhould be spoil'd)
Would ufe him like a younger child;
And, after long computing, found
"Twould come to jufl five thousand pound.

The Queen of Love was pleas'd, and proud, To fee Vaneffa thus endow'd:

She doubted not but fuch a dame
Through every breast would dart a flame:
That every rich and lordly swain
With pride would drag about her chain;
That fcholars would forfake their books,
To study bright Vaneffa's looks;
As the advanc'd, that womankind
Would by her model form their mind,
And all their conduct would be try'd
By her, as an unerring guide;
Offending daughters oft would hear
Vaneffa's praife rung in their ear:
Mits Betty, when the does a fault,
Lets fall her knife, or fpills the falt,
Will thus be by her mother chid,
"Tis what Vaneffa never did !"
Thus by the nymphs and fwains ador'd,
My power shall be again reftor'd,
And happy lovers blefs my reign-
So Venus hop'd, but hop'd in vain.

For when in time the Martial Maid
Found out the trick that Venus play'd,
She thakes her helm, fhe knits her brows,
And, fir'd with indignation, vows,
To-morrow, ere the setting fun,
She'd all undo that the had done.

But in the poets we may find

A wholefome law, time out of mind,
Had been confirm'd by Fate's decree,
That gods, of whatsoe'er degree,
Refume not what themselves have given,
Or any brother-god in heaven;
Which keeps the peace among the gods,
Or they must always be at odds:
And Pallas, if the broke the laws,
Muft yield her foe the ftronger caufe;
A fhame to one fo much ador'd
For wildom at Jove's council-board.
Befides, the fear'd the Queen of Love
Would meet with better friends above.
And though the muft with grief reflect,
To fee a mortal virgin deek'd
With graces hitherto unknown
To female breasts, except her own;

Yet the would act as beft became

A goddefs of unspotted fame.

She knew, by augury divine,
Venus would fail in her defign:
She study'd well the point, and found
Her foe's conclufions were not found,
From premifes erroneous brought;
And therefore the deductions 's nought,

The Queen of Love, whom thus fhe greets
(For gods, we are by Homer told,
Can in celeftial language fcold):
Perfidious goddess! but in vain

You form'd this project in your brain;
A project for thy talents fit,
With much deceit and little wit.
Thou haft, as thou shalt quickly fee,
Deceiv'd thyself, instead of me :
For how can heavenly wisdom prove
An inftrument to earthly love?

Know'st thou not yet, that men commence Thy votaries, for want of sense? Nor fhall Vaneffa be the theme To manage thy abortive scheme : She'll prove the greatest of thy foes! And yet I fcorn to interpofe, But, ufing neither fkill nor force, Leave all things to their natural course. The goddess thus pronounc'd her doom: When lo! Vaneffa in her bloom Advanc'd, like Atalanta's star, But rarely feen, and feen from far: In a new world with caution ftept, Watch'd all the company the kept, Well knowing, from the books the read, What dangerous paths young virgins tread : Would feldom at the park appear, Nor faw the play-houfe twice a year; Yet, not incurious, was inclin'd To know the converse of mankind. First iffued from perfumers' shops, A crowd of fashionable fops; They afk'd her, how the lik'd the play; Then told the tattle of the day; A duel fought last night at two, About a lady...you know who: Mention'd a new Italian come Either from Mufcovy or Rome; Gave hints of who and who's together; Then tell a talking of the weather; Last night was fo extremely fine, The ladies walk'd till after nine; Then, in foft voice and speech abfurd, With nonfenfe every second word, With fuftain from exploded plays. They celebrate her beauty's praife; Run o'er their cant of ftupid lies, And tell the murders of her eyes. With filent fcorn Vanessa fat, Scarce liftening to their idle chat; Further than fometimes by a frown, When they grew pert, to pull them down. At laft the fpitefully was bent To try their wisdom's full extent; And faid the valued nothing less Than titles, figure, fhape and drefs; That merit fhould be chiefly plac'd In judgment, knowledge, wit, and tafte; And thefe fhe, offer'd to dispute, Alone distinguish'd man from brute: That prefent times have no pretence To virtue, in the noble fenfe By Greeks and Romans understood,

She nam'd the ancient heroes round,
Explain'd for what they were renown'd,
Then spoke with cenfure or applause
Of foreign customs, rites, and laws;
Through nature and through art she rang'd
And gracefully her subject chang'd;
In vain! her hearers had no share
In all the spoke, except to ftare.
Their judgment was upon the whole,
-That lady is the dullest foul!---
Then tipt their forehead in a jeer,
As who fhould fay---fhe wants it here!
She may be handsome, young, and rich,
But none will burn her for a witch!

A party next of glittering dames,
From round the purlieus of St. James,
Came early, out of pure good-will,
To fee the girl in difhabille.

Their clamour, 'lightning from their chairs,
Grew louder all the way up stairs;
At entrance loudest, where they found
The room with volumes litter'd round
Vaneffa held Montaigne, and read,
Whilft Mrs. Sufan comb'd her head.
They call'd for tea and chocolate,
And fell into their ufual chat,
Difcourfing, with important face,
On ribbons, fans, and gloves, and face:
Show'd patterns just from India brought
And gravely afk'd her what the thought,
Whether the red or green were beft,
And what they coft? Vanella guess'd,
As came into her fancy first;
Nam'd half the rates, and lik'd the work.
To fcandal next---What awkward thing
Was that laft Sunday in the ring?
I'm forry Mopfa breaks fo faft;

I faid, her face would never laft.
Corinna, with that youthful air,
Is thirty, and a bit to spare:
Her fondness for a certain Earl
Began when I was but a girl!
Phillis, who but a month ago
Was marry'd to the Tunbridge beau,
I faw coquetting t'other night
In public with that odious knight!

They railly'd next Vaneffa's drefs:
That gown was made for old Queen Bels.
Dear Madam, let me fee your head:
Don't you intend to put on red?
A petticoat without a hoop!
Sure, you are not afham'd to stoop!
With handfome garters at your knees,
No matter what a fellow fees.

Fill'd with difdain, with rage inflam'd,
Both of herfelf and fex afham'd,
The nymph food filent out of spight,
Nor would vouchfafe to fet them right.
Away the fair detractors went,
And gave by turns their cenfures vent.
She's not fo handfome in my eyes:

For wit, I wonder where it lies!

She's fair and clean, and that's the most:

But why proclaim her for a toast?
A baby face; no life, no airs,

But what the learn'd at country-fairs;
Scarce knows what difference is between

I'll undertake, my little Nancy
In flounces hath a better fancy!
With all her wit, I would not ask
Her judgment, how to buy a mask.
We begg'd her but to patch her face.
She never hit one proper place;
Which every girl at five years old
Can do as foon as fhe is told.

I own,

that out-of-fafhion ituff

Becomes the creature well enough.
The girl might pafs, if we could get her
To know the world a little better
(To know the world! a modern phrase
For vifits, ombre, balls, and plays.)

Thus, to the world's perpetual fhame,
The Queen of Beauty loft her aim;
Too late with grief the understood,
Pallas had done more harm than good:
For great examples are but vain,
Where ignorance begets difdain.
Both fexes, arm'd with guilt and spite,
Against Vanella's power unite:
To copy her, few nymphs afpir'd;
Her virtues fewer fwains admir'd.
So ftars beyond a certain height
Give mortals neither heat nor light.
Yet fome of either fex, endow'd
With gifts fuperior to the crowd,
With virtue, knowledge, taste, and wit,
She condefcended to admit;
With pleafing arts fhe could reduce
Men's talent's to their proper ufe;
And with address each genius held
To that wherein it moit excell'd;
Thus, making others' wifdom known,
Could please them, and improve her own.
A modeft youth faid fomething new;
She plac'd it in the strongest view.
All humble worth fhe ftrove to raise;
Would not be prais'd, yet lov'd to praise.
'The learned met with free approach,
Although they came not in a coach:
Some clergy too fhe would allow,
Nor quarrel'd at their awkward bow;
But this was for Cadenus' fake,
A gownman of a different make;
Whom Pallas, once Vaneffa's tutor,
Had fix'd on for her coadjutor.

But Cupid, full of mifchief, longs
To vindicate his mother's wrongs.
On Pallas all attempts are vain :
One way he knows to give her pain;
Vows on Vaneffa's heart to take
Due vengeance, for her patron's fake.
Thofe early feeds by Venus fown,
In spite of Pallas, now were grown;
And Cupid hop'd they would improve
By time, and ripen into love.
The boy made ufe of all his craft,
In vain difcharging many a fhaft,
Pointed at colonels, lords, and beaux :
Cadenus warded off the blows;
For, placing ftill fome book betwixt,
The darts were in the cover fix'd,
Or, often blunted and recoil'd,

On Plutarch's Morals ftruck, were spoil'd.
The queen of Wisdom could forefee,
But not prevent the Fates' decree:

And human caution tries in vain
To break that adamantine chain.
Vaneffa, though by Pallas taught,.
By love invulnerable thought,
Searching in books for wildom's aid,
Was, in the very search, betray'd.

Cupid, though ali his darts were loft,
Yet ftill refolv'd to spare no coft:
He could not answer to his fame
The triumphs of that stubborn dame,
A nymph fo hard to be fubdued,
Who neither was conquette nor prude.
I find, faid he, the wants a Doctor,
Both to adore her, and inftruct her:
I'll give her what the most admires,
Among thofe venerable fires.
Cadenus is a fubject fit,

Grown old in politics and wit,
Carefs'd by ministers of state,

Of half mankind the dread and hate.
Whate'er vexations love attend,
She need no rivals apprehend.
Her fex, with universal voice,
Muft laugh at her capricious choice,
Cadenus many things had writ:
Vaneffa much efteem'd his wit,
And call'd for his poetic works:
Meantime the boy in fecret lurks;
And, while the book was in her hand,
The urchin from his private stand
Took aim, and fhot with all his ftrength
A dart of fuch prodigious length,
It pierc'd the feeble volume through,
And deep transhx'd her bofom too.
Some lines, more moving than the reft,
Stuck to the point that pierc'd her breast,
And, borne directly to the heart,
With pains unknown, increas'd her smarte
Vaneffa, not in years a score,
Dreams of a gown of forty-four;
Imaginary charms can find

In eyes with reading almost blind:
Cadenus now no more appears
Declin'd in health, advanc'd in years.
She fancies music in his tongue;
No farther looks, but thinks him young.
What mariner is not afraid
To venture in a fhip decay'd?
What planter will attempt to yoke
A fapling with a falling oak?
As years increafe, the brighter fhines:
Cadenus with each day declines:
And he must fall a prey to time,
While the continues in her prime.

Cadenus, common forms a part,
In every fcene had kept his heart;
Had figh'd and languith'd, vow'd and writ,
For paftione, or to thow his wit.

But books, and time, and state affairs,
dad fpoil'd his fashionable airs:
He now could praise, efteem, approve,
But understood not what was love.
His conduct might have made him ftyl'd
A father, and the nymph his child.
That innocent delight he took
To fee the virgin mind her book,
Was but the master's fecret joy
In fchool to hear the finest boy.