whereof a great many are hollow, and dry, and empty, and noify, and wooden, and given to Rotation. This is the Leviathan from whence the terrible Wits. of our Age are faid to borrow their Weapons. The Ship in Danger, is eafily underftood to be its old Antitype the Commonwealth. But, how to analyze the Tub, was a Matter of Difficulty; when after long Inquiry and Debate, the literal Meaning was preferved: And it was decreed, that in order to prevent thefe Leviathans from toffing and sporting with the Commonwealth, (which of itself is too apt to fluBoard) they should be diverted from that Game by a Tale of a Tubs And my Genius being conceived to Jy not unhappily, that Way, I had the Honour done me to be engaged in the Performance.loro.f

THIS is the Tole Defign in publishing the following Treatife; which I hope will ferve for an Interim of fome Months to employ thofe unquiet Spirits, till the perfectings of that great Work: Into the Secret of which it is reasonable the courteous Reader fhould have fome little Light also men

Tris intended, that a large Academy be erected, capable of containing Nine thousand feven hundred forty and three Perfons; which by modest Computa tion, is reckoned to be pretty near the current Number of Wits in this Ifland. Thefe are to be disposed into the feveral Schools of this Academy, and there purfue thofe Studies to which their Genius most inelines them.The Undertaker himself will publish his Propofals with all convenient Speed; to which I fhall refer the curious Reader for a more particular Account, mentioning af prefent only a few of the principal Schools: There is firft a large Pederaffick School, with French and Italian Mafters: There is alfo the Spelling School, a very spacious Building: The School of Looking-glaffes The School of Savearing: The School of Criticks: The School of Salivation : The School of Hobby-borfes: The School of Poetry:

The

n.

The School of Tops: The School of Spleen: 3 The School of Gaming: With many others too tedious to recount... No Perfon to be admitted Member into a-t де ny of thefe Schools, without an Atteftation under two fufficient Perfons Hands, certifying him to be a Wit.

ce

BUT to return; I am fufficiently inftructed in the principal Duty of a Preface, if my Genius were ca pable of arriving at it. Thrice have I forced my Imagination to make the Tour of my Invention, and thrice it has returned empty; the latter having been wholly drained by the following Treatife. Not fo, my more fuccefsful Brethren the Moderns, who will by no means let flip a Preface or Dedication, without fome notable diftinguishing Stroke, to furprise the Reader at the Entry, and kindle a wonderful Expe ctation of what is to enfue. Such was that of a moft ingenious Poet, who foliciting his Brain for fome thing new, compared himself to the Hangman, Tand his Patron to the Patient. This was infigne, recent, indictum ore aliot. When I went through that necef fary and noble Courfe of Study I had the Happiness to obferve many fuch egregious Touches; which I shall not injure the Authors by tranfplanting; because I have remarked, that nothing is fo very tender as a modern Piece of Wit, and which is apt to fuffer fo much in the Carriage. Some Things are extremely witty to-day, or fafting, or in this Place, or at eight 'Clock, or over a Bottle, or spoke by Mr. Whatd'y'call'm, or in a Summer's Morning; any of which, by the fmalleft Tranfpofal or Mifapplication, is utterly annihilate. Thus, Wit has its Walks and Purlieus; out of which it may not stray the Breadth of a Hair,

This, I think the Author fhould have omitted, it being of the very fame Nature with the School of Hobby-borfes ; one may venture to cenfure one who is fo fevere a Cenfurer of others, perhaps with too little Distinction.

† [Hor.]

Something extraordinary new, and never hit upon before. [Reading Prefaces, &c.]

upon

1

upon Peril of being loft. The Moderns have artfully fixed this Mercury, and reduced it to the Circuntftances of Time, Place, and Perfon. Such a Jeft there is, that will not pass out of Covent-garden; and fuch a one, that is no where intelligible but at Hyde-park Corner. Now, though it fometimes tenderly affects me, to confider, that all the towardly Baffages I fhall deliver in the following Treatife, will grow quite out of Date and Relifh with the first fhifting of the prefent Scene; yet I muft need fubfcribe to the Juftice of this Proceeding; because I cannot imagine why we fhould be at Expence to furnish Wit for fucceeding Ages, when the former have made no Sort of Provifion for ours: Wherein I fpeak the Sentiment of the very neweft, and confequently the most orthodox Refiners, as well as my own. However, being extremely folicitous, that every accomplished Perfon, who has got into the Tafte of Wit calculated for this prefent Month of Auguft 1697, fhould defcend to the very Bottom of all the Sublime throughout this Treatife, I hold it fit to lay down this general Maxim. Whatever Reader defires to have a thorough Comprehenfion of an Author's Thoughts, cannot take a better Method, than by putting himself into the Circumstances and Pofture of Life, that the Writer was in upon every important Paffage, as it flowed from his Pen: For this will introduce a Parity and ftrict Correfpondence of Ideas between the Reader and the Author. to affift the diligent Reader in fo delicate an Affair, as far as Brevity will permit, I have recollected, that the fhrewdeft Pieces of this Treatife were conceived in Bed, in a Garret. At other Times, for a Reafon best known to myfelf, I thought fit to fharpen my Invention with Hunger; and, in general, the whole Work was begun, continued, and ended, ánder a long Course of Phyfick, and a great Want of Money. Now, I do affirm, it will be abfolutely impoffible for the candid Perufer to go along with me in a great many bright Paffages, unlefs, upon

Now,

the

the feveral Difficulties emergent, he will please to capacitate and prepare himself by thefe Directi ons. And this I lay down as my principal Poftu latum.

BECAUSE I have profeffed to be a moft devoted Servant of all modern Forms, I apprehend fome curious Wit may object against me, for proceeding thus far in a Preface, without declaiming, accord ing to the Cuftom, against the Multitude of Writers, whereof the whole Multitude of Writers most reasonably complains.

I am just come from perufing fome Hundreds of Prefaces, wherein the Authors do at the very Beginning addrefs the gentle Reader concerning this enormous Grievance. Of these I have preferved a few Examples, and fhall fet them down as near as my Memory has been able to retain them. I

One begins thus.

"For a Man to fet up for a Writer, when the "Prefs fwarms with, &c.

Another :

"The Tax upon Paper does not leffen the Num "ber of Scriblers, who daily pester, &c. Another :

"When every little Would-be-wit takes Pen in "Hand, 'tis in vain to enter the Lifts, &c." Another :

"To observe what Trafh the Prefs (warms with, "&c."

Another :

"Sir, It is merely in Obedience to your Com“mands, that I venture into the Publick: For who, upon a lefs Confideration, would be of a Party "with fuch a Rabble of Scriblers? &c."

Now, I have two Words in my own Defence against this Objection. First, I am far from granting the Number of Writers a Nufance to our Nation; having ftrenuously maintained the contrary in feveral Parts of the following Difcourfe. Secondly, I do not well understand the Juftice of this Proceeding; B

because

because I obferve many of thefe polite Prefaces to be not only from the fame Hand, but from those who are moft voluminous in their feveral Productions. Upon which I fhall tell the Reader a fhort

Tale.

"A Mountebank in Leicester-fields had drawn a "huge Affembly about him. Among the reft, a "fat unweildy Fellow, half ftifled in the Press, "would be every Fit crying out,-Lord, what a filthy Crowd is here! Pray, good People, give

way a little. Blefs me! what a Devil has raked "this Rabble together! Zds, what Squeezing "is this! Honeft Friend, remove your Elbow. "At laft, a Weaver that stood next him, could hold "no longer.-A Plague confound you (faid he) "for an overgrown Sloven; and who, (in the De"vil's Name), I wonder, helps to make up the "Crowd half fo much as yourself? Don't you confi"der, (with a Pox), that you take up more Room "with that Carcafs than any Five here ? Is not the "Place as free for us as for you? Bring your own "Guts to a reafonable Compafs, (and be d-n'd); " and then I'll engage we shall have Room enough "for us all."

THERE are certain common Privileges of a Writer; the Benefit whereof, I hope, there will be no Reason to doubt; particularly, that, where I am not understood, it fhall be concluded, that fomething very useful and profound is couched underneath; and again, that whatever Word or Sentence is printed in a different Character, fhall be judged to contain fomething extraordinary either of Wit or Sublime.

As for the Liberty I have thought fit to take of praifing myself upon fome Occafions or none, I am fure it will need no Excufe, if a Multitude of great Examples be allowed fufficient Authority. For it is here to be noted, that Praife was originally a Penfion paid by the World: But the Moderns, finding the Trouble and Charge too great in collecting it, have lately