"the good sense of that philosopher have revolted on seeing M. "De Ville point out to his customers an imperceptible eminence "or invisible depression, as the only reason for the fatal sentence "of the law! And what would he have said on learning that it " was the height of the fashion for every fool to have a cast of "his own head!"-LONDON Literary Gazette, 13th Sept. 1823.

The classification of the above notable extract rather perplexed us. We first thought it merited a place among the witticisms, where its author, we doubt not, would, if consulted, have placed it. Its preponderating impertinence, however, removed the difficulty.

IV.-WRETCHED JOKES.

1. "We cannot hope not to raise upon ourselves 'a pitiless "' storm'—all Gall's bitterness, and all Spurzheim's spleen."Edinburgh Review, No xlix. p. 229.

2." By a proper gauging of the head without, they can tell to a "trifle how much it contains within. They have always found, "that the larger the cranial part of the head measured upon the "outside, skin and all, the greater the quantity of brain lodged "in the cranial cavity. So it is the simplest process in the "world. Shave a man's head, and you have the measure of his "mind in a moment. Multiply the length by the breadth, and "the product by the thickness, and his philosophy and feeling "will come out to the fraction of an inch. The remark is as "old as it is said to be true, that no real hero is a hero to his "valet de chambre. Let all those whom it may concern now remember, that no man can be a pretended philosopher to his "barber."-Edinburgh Review, No xlix. p. 246.

3. "In the course of our own experience, we have observed that persons who have a lurking affection for port-wine have uni"formly a certain redness of nose; and yet we are far from "conceiving ourselves warranted to infer from this, that the "nasal hue is the cause of the vinous partiality. Some, on the "contrary, are disposed to maintain that it is rather the effect; "but this we hold to be quite wicked and calumnious. Again, "it is a remark, which we have never found to fail, that all great lawyers have long and very mobile fingers, digiti pre"hensiles, as Linnæus would have called them, with a "remarkably smooth cuticle or epidermis on the palms of "their hands. Shall we therefore conclude that this length and "flexibility of finger, and this exceeding smoothness of palm, are the cause of eminence in the law? No; this may be a

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"case of mere coincidence; nay, the professional eminence may "indirectly be the cause of some of these phenomena; but this " is dangerous ground."-Edinburgh Review, No xlix. p. 247.

4. "Whether the organ of hope goes upwards or downwards, "backwards or forwards; whether the organ of order stands quite clear of that of tune; whether the organ of combativeness does not intertwine with the organ of destructiveness; "whether the organ of wit does not run the organ of imitation through the body; whether one might not scoop out the organ of covetiveness, from end to end, as a cheesemonger with "his wimble does a bit of Stilton, and yet not interfere in the "least with the organ either of benevolence or of veneration ;"these, and many other questions of equal importance, would "be in vain determined by an inspection of the engravings alone."-Edinburgh Review, No xlix. p. 250.

5. "Then, in point of extravagance, we do think, that since "the integuments of every sort covering the skull seem to pre"sent so little impediment to the exercise of their acute vision, "and their erudite touch, in the discovery of the bumps, it "would have made very little difference to them, and been "vastly more convenient for their customers, if they had affirm"ed that they could discover a man's character through his "night-cap, or his hat, or a wig of four stories, or even through "both hat and wig, at the distance of twenty miles, provided they had a good telescope and the weather were clear.”—Edinburgh Review, No xlix. p. 253.

6. Why do the phrenologists restrict themselves to thirty-three cerebral organs?-Why have they not found more ?—An organ of angling for instance;-of hunting,-(of cobbling,-or of punchdrinking)-Blackwood's Magazine.

7. As craniology is a science of bumps, some of them good, and some of them bad, it follows, that a character may be made perfect, by planing off, or "scooping out" the bad bumps.Q. E. D.

8. Converse. A proper application of steel-caps or helmets, so constructed as to restrain the growth of the bad bumps, and favour the growth of the good, would make the whole human race perfectly virtuous and intellectual,-nothing but Socrateses, Newtons, and Howards in the world. For a full detail of this plan, vide Blackwood's Magazine, No liv. p. 74.

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9. "In the education of youth, the phenomenon is quite familiar, that both the intellectual and moral powers are stimu"lated and improved by scholastic castigation. Therefore these powers are not situated in the head.”—Blackwood's Magazine, No liv. p. 74.

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10. Why is phrenology like a parrot?-Ans. Because it is farfetched and full of nonsense.

11. Why is the saying, "As the bell clinks the fool thinks," applicable to a phrenologist ?-Ans. Because the phrenologist sees in the brain, as the fool hears in the clink of the bell, the disordered fancies of his own imagination.

The last two overpowering arguments formed part of a lecture on natomy and physiology delivered in this city.

V. INDECENCIES, NASTINESSES, AND BRUTALITIES. The published examples of these modes of refuting phrenology, we think it just to all other of our publishing enemies to say, distinguish the classic page of Blackwood alone.

1. In the Note on page 74 of the liv. Number, is an indecent allusion to an anecdote invented against the late Dr Webster of Edinburgh, which every debauched dotard will instantly tell you, if you give him the association. The indelicacy is also a wretched joke. It is meant to establish by possibility the organ of benevolence elsewhere than in the brain. We content ourselves with referring to the foul passage, to make good our charge; we will not quote it.

2. The whole discussion is grossly indecent, where these moral philosophers comment on Dr Spurzheim's observations on hereditary excellencies and faults. They entitle it, "Improvement " of Intellect from Cross-breeds of Genius."-No liv. p. 75.

3." Dr Clyster's" theory, as propounded on page 74 of No liv. and the pretended misprint for covetiveness, with the witty remarks thence arising, all as contained in a Note to page 76, are specimens alike beastly. The comparison contained in the paragraph at the foot of the 2d column on page 690 of No liv. is too sickening even to be described. If we were asked whence it came, we should say from a carouse of jolly beggars.

4. Jests on human suffering, in its most horrible visitations, are well and truly called brutalities. In attempting to ridicule that most demonstrable doctrine of phrenology, the pathognomy, or manner, expression, and attitude corresponding to several of the faculties, Blackwood's Magazine says,

"We believe also that Haggart's general appearance cor"responded very nearly with the above description. We never "but once had the pleasure of seeing him, and then we particu"larly remarked the stiffened approach of the shoulders to "the head.' But candour forces us to remark, that appearances may have been temporary and deceitful, for he had just been "turned off: and in that predicament it is possible that the "shoulders of any gentleman might make a stiffened approach " to his head," &c.--No lix. p. 686.

"Mr Combe still observed the same laudable delicacy and re"fined humanity towards him (Haggart) who was the subject "of his queries, and soon about likewise to be the subject of the "still more searching-home thrusts of Dr Monro, that had "marked the whole of his behaviour during their interview.”— No lix. P. 683.

"Even on the scaffold, where he conducted himself in a man"ner deserving the highest approbation, he did not, we are told (for we were a minute or two behind our time"), &c.——No lix.

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"We saw him dissected."- Ibid.

As amateurs, we would ask, or as students?

We should not have been entitled to adduce as a specimen of brutality, quoad phrenologia, the dialogue which led to the one already given, relative to the story of the turnip, unless it was evidently meant to introduce that notable falsehood. It is of great consequence that our opponents should be properly branded.

See the disgusting conversation about executions in No lxxvi. p. 592.

THESE are the ignoble means by which men, who yet style themselves philosophers, and are pleased to hold at nought the power of observation, and the reasonings of all other intelligent creatures, have deemed it philosophical to treat one of the most important inductive inquiries which science has yet been called upon to prosecute;-these are the weapons with which they have endeavoured to annoy and obstruct those who have given that inquiry their serious attention. To answer such reasonings were degradation only less profound than to employ them; but it were of the worst

example to allow them to pass unnoticed. In future, therefore, we will record them. We will insure them their fitting meed of unsparing exhibition; for there is severe retribution for such malignity and fatuity in simple exposure. The transgressor who attracts no notice, when one of the multitude, becomes an object of immensely-increased regard, when sole occupant of an elevation created expressly to shew him; and the same critique on his character which goes for nothing as he moves in the world below, tells a thousandfold when looked up to on a label affixed to his breast,—

PILLORY SHALL BE OUR ENGINE OF PUNISHMENT.

In our subsequent numbers, and for future offences*, we pledge ourselves to have in constant readiness a very efficient machinery for conferring the sort of distinction to which we have alluded. The promoted shall be seen in every point of view, in their genuine weakness and ugliness; and there shall not be wanting rings and bolts, of every size, for securing heads, hands, and hoofs, and a post for ears, in all their variety of length and hirsuteness.

Let us be perfectly understood. We force our doctrine on no one; but we are well entitled to say, "attack it fair“ly—attack us fairly, or let both alone." We cannot too often repeat, that all candid inductive opponents, who love truth better than a paltry hollow reputation, shall meet with our most perfect respect and consideration; nay, even speculative a priori reasoners, who are at once sincere and civil, shall have no reason to complain of our manner to them, when we perform the easy task of pointing out their But all falsehood, unfairness, malevolence, impertinence, and folly, we shall drive back from ourselves, and brush away from our science.†

errors.

We beg the authors of the various enormities we have enumerated as mere specimens, to consider themselves as not having yet actually stood in our pillory. + Names shall on no account be pinned to outrages, unless surrendered by the delinquents themselves, in any mode of clear and unequivocal voluntary publicity.