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and hence, without any manner of doubt, the application of the figure must have arisen.

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Why were Moses, and Aaron, and Joshua, and Saul, and David, selected by the nation over whom they presided, in sacred and civil affairs? What claims had they of birth, or inheritance, or conquest, upon which to establish their right to the Government ? Was it ever heard of, except in the imagination of some dreaming economists, that a great mass of people met together, by mutual consent, in a vast plain, and there unanimously and peaceably devolved the government, without reasoning, upon a favourite individual? No, Sir; such occurrences are only to be found in books; they are not in " rerum naturâ." How came the Augustine, the Bourbon, the Plantagenet, and the Stewart race, into supremacy? By what means did the Bajazets, the Cromwells, and the Buonapartes, mount the throne and assume the sceptre? Why, Sir, not certainly in any way at all analogous to the advancement of Moses, Joshua, and David. The true, and apparently the only solution of this enigma is to be found in "Phrenology;" an ostensible and a substantial evidence, upon which a whole people, even the most ignorant and radical, were entitled and enabled to ground their reason "pourquoi," their cause of preference in such elections. Let us single out the case of "Saul," for example; he was found in search of his father's asses, and his head was immediately anointed, and he was declared king. This was a short process, and apparently a rash proceeding; but when you consider that, in all probability, "Samuel" was a Phrenologist," the whole difficulty is removed. He went evidently upon a commission to look out for a "head" which had the bump of "order" in perfection. It was number twenty-five which he was in quest of, whilst wandering amidst the mountains of Judea; and in Saul he found it. Saul was the queen-bee, who, from his external manifestations, was easily recognised by the whole hive;-so the proper and becoming respect was immediately paid to the significant and regal endowment, and Saul's head streamed with oil from the horn of the "great Phrenologist Samuel." And what took place in reference to "Saul" was acted over again in the case of "David ;" he, too, was discovered, if not amongst asses, at least amidst his flocks; and being tired of "order" and of "Saul," the people chose David, and Samuel anointed him, on account of his organ of "amativeness" and "tune!" What a field does not this open before the destinies of a philosophical, a phrenological people! To what stupendous purposes may not this science yet be rendered conducive! You want a king to rule over you in equity, dignity, and peace. Very well. You chuse him as you do your household furniture,-you go into the market, and select the article which seems best to suit your purpose. You wish a "Prime Minister," conciliatory in respect of the crown, yet judicious and considerate in regard to the rights and the happiness of the people. Very well. You have a "Canning" for the selecting. You wish a parish pastor; affectionate, faithful, and eloquent. You convene all the preachers within twenty miles round, and grope your way into the perception of the character you are in search of, by means of your finger ends. In the choice of companions, friends, servants, masters, and all the voluntary associations of life, it is manifest how astonishingly useful this amazing art may yet become: and if it extends to the rational, I see no good reason why it may not likewise to the irrational creation; and why a man, instead of examining the teeth, and surveying the paces of horses, in a market, may not henceforth be found fingering all over the head, and working out the bumps of "cautiousness," and the " love of approbation." Thus dogs, cats, parrots, monkeys, and other associates of man, inay be named and addressed according to their ruling propensities; and, instead of your "Catos," and your "Toms," and your "Jeans," which disgrace our present "bestial" nomenclature, we shall find nothing, in process of time, but "Philoprogenies," "Secreties," and " Lingos.' Nay; now that the landscape opens upon my view, might not all children, at baptism, receive a name, adjusted, by the midwife, (who must of course be a Phrenologist,) to the prominent bump?-so that, when the roll-call of a regiment, or of a class of students,

is made, we shall hear such entries as Form Francy," ""Causality Caleb," "Destructive Davie," "Secretive Sam," "Hope Homer," "Witty Willy," and "Individuality John." Thus, no man will, in future, be taken in by his associates; it is at his own peril if he sit alongside of a "bump" which indicates any of those propensities which are inconvenient or offensive, or absolutely injurious in society. When the waiter ushers in a guest, he will at the same time pronounce his sentence, or his eulogy; he will determine that degree of intimacy to which it would be safe to admit him. And when an innocent, gay-hearted, country lass, walks home with a lad from the preachings or market, she will take care, beforehand, to ascertain the cerebellum department of his skull.

We have all heard of the beast with the "seven heads" and the "ten horns," and of the "knobs" or " knops," and pomegranates, which went to the conformation of Solomon's candlesticks. We have read of the hundredheaded giants, and of Jove's front, which inspired even the divinities of heaven, and Juno herself, with awe. There are certain bumps, as philoso phers tell us, upon the moon; and even this earth herself is possessed of a reasonable proportion of excrescences: what does, what can all this mean, but that the whole of Nature, and even the metaphorical language in which she is occasionally described, is full of craniology? Were it not for her bumps, the moon might occasionally run blindfold upon Mars or Venus, or this earth take a trip to the sphere of Saturn. It is the organ of "order" and "locality," which, in the language of Newton, is known by the term "attraction," and which keeps all things right. The Sun himself-but his front, like that of Moses, shines so much, that we cannot very readily and steadily examine his excrescences; yet we do occasionally get a glimpse of his propensities, and very foolishly and unphilosophically mistake bumps for rents, the organ of causality for an inhabited "nucleus!" What nonsense philosophers will talk!

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When Pythagoras admitted scholars into his seminary, it is mentioned by Aulus Gellius, and others *, " that EQuooyooves auT8;;" in other words, he "phrenologised" them, or examined, in the most careful manner, their bumps." This is decidedly the opinion of Aristotle, of Baptista Porta, and of Lavater himself, who all agree that Pythagoras did something more, though they cannot well define what it was, than merely look into the countenances of the young noviciates. If any one candidate was found wanting in the size or in the number of bumps, he was immediately rejected, and another, better and more suitably endowed, admitted in his stead. Should there not be a Bumpologist appointed in the capacity of janitor, or door-keeper, to all seminaries and schools of learning, in order to inspect the certificates of all entrants? What a deal of trouble, in attempting to teach languages, and even philosophy, to improper subjects, would thus be avoided! and how great, in proportion, would be the advance of the properly-endowed and qualified!

Besides all this, our language itself is loaded, as it were, and pregnant with "craniology." "Hear Rogers

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"Lodged in the countless chambers' of the brain."

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And pray what are these chambers but the separate compartments in which companionship," veneration," and "benevolence," &c. reside? The head is, in fact, a large barrack-establishment, in which not only every regiment, but even every private soldier, possesses and knows their own department and chamber; and though all these inhabitants may occasionally muster forth in one general and collective view, yet whenever you wish to call upon any individual, he is to be found at his own lodgings, No. 21, 22, or 23,-the number regularly beneath the knocker. When a man says, I hope, Sir, you cast "no reflections" upon me, he only means, I hope that you do not direct upon me Nos. 30, 31, 32, 33, which are denominated the "reflecting faculties ;" and when you observe of your acquaintance or

Vide Aulus Gellius, lib. i., cap. 9.

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locality,"

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order,"

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friend, that he is a "knowing fellow," you only mean, in reality, to inti-
mate that he has the organs of individuality,"
»«form, 39.66 size," "weight,"
colouring,"
time," number," tune," and
"language," the knowing organs, in perfection. A man of "sentiment,"
by the same Spurzheim rule, is a man of "self-esteem" and "cautious-
ness," whilst to hear of man's " propensities," is to learn that he is
"secretive," covetous,"
," "combative," or "philoprogenitive," this last is a
long word, but it is pregnant with meaning. By the bye, who has not heard
of pregnant geniuses?" The generation of men, which has but lately
passed away, saw them come, like the locusts of Egypt, over the whole
"church establishment" of Scotland. Professors of Divinity, in these times,
must assuredly have been acquainted with the practice, however ignorant
they might be of the principles of "craniology;" for we find a whole gene-
ration of clergymen let loose upon the people of this land, one, two, or even
three years more early than customary or lawful, under the designation or
recommendation of "pregnant geniuses." This state of mental pregnancy
would only be discovered, like any other state of pregnancy, by the outward
and projecting indication; and, consequently, the Professor of Divinity must
have had recourse to the system of craniology in order to ascertain the fact;
for we are told, again and again, that craniology is a fuct*. It is quite true,
that, owing to inexperience in the sublimities of the art, mistakes were oc-
casionally made respecting the nature of those faculties with which these
heads were said to be pregnant. Men had not then learned to distinguish,
accurately, bewixt the frontal and the occipital bumps; and, accordingly,
as may be shown at this day, "amativeness" and "philoprogenitiveness'
often preponderate over "wit" and "imagination;" and the pregnancy which
was afterwards exhibited, belonged rather to the office of the Scotch howdy,
than to the obstetrical hammer of Vulcan. All this is true, yet still the very
use of the terms, or phrase, indicates the existence of the art, if you will
not admit the science of Bumpology. Even the female world seem to have
been aware of many of the most recondite truths or facts of this science.
Every lady who is in possession of a looking-glass, and what lady is not?
knows that the eyes are linguists,-that the eyes, in fact, (for we stick to
facts,) can speak, and often more powerfully and persuasively than even the
mouth itself. The "language of the eyes" is a phrase, an equivalent to
which is to be found in the Chinese, the Hindostanee, the Sanscrit, the
Greek, the Roman, the Italian, the Spanish, the German, and the Welsh
Dictionaries ;-which "fact," or circumstance, clearly proves, not only that
craniology is as old as the creation, but likewise that it is fully as widely
and extensively known and acted upon. The "craniological cast" which I
have now on the table before me, is inscribed immediately over the pupil
of the eye with the word "language;" but over the visual orbs of these
fair ones who are now employed in reading and admiring my learned dis-
quisition, there is no necessity for making any such inscription. We only
write, "this is a horse," and "this is a man," over the efforts of bungling
painters; but the works of proficients speak for themselves, in the same man-
ner as the eyes of my fair and kindly countrywomen, God bless them! speak
without interpreter, more than any written language, or skilful interpreter,
could ever express! These bumps are, in the "free and accepted masonry'
of cranioscopy, denominated" organs." Now, Sir, every body knows, or
may know, what an "organ" means, who will take the trouble of attending,
in a Roman Catholic or English Chapel, of a Sabbath afternoon;

"Where, in more lengthened notes and slow,
The deep, majestic, solemn organs blow."

We have likewise " organs of speech," and " organs of accomplishment," and various other organs, which it is not necessary at present to particularise; from all of which uses of this phrenological term, it is evident that

Vide "Outlines," p. 5.-" The system is a fact in nature!!!" and " none can know the fact without examination !" &c. &c. &c.

VOL. XIV.

M m

the terms of the science are deeply and widely rooted in the language of the country. Phrenology itself is a compound of " phrenzy ;" a term which has long obtained, and which, though never, perhaps, so justly and expressively applied, as it is in the present instance, to the founders and abettors of this wonderful system, was still understood of old times, and yet keeps its ground, notwithstanding that recent innovation upon its rights and privileges which has taken place. "To be in a phrenzy," every body understands as being overcharged with "organs," with that ogy, rage or anger, which lies at the bottom of the term; and hence a Phrenologist is neither more than less than a revival, under a new aspect, of the old school of the "Phrenetics," of whom we find the following definition in Johnson's Dictionary :"Phrenetics imagine they see that 'without,' which their imagination is affected with 'within.'" Now, Sir, I refer to yourself, and to every fair and candid reasoner, whether or not the "Phrenetics" have anticipated the Phrenologists. According to this definition, the sects are expressly the same. "The Phrenetics imagine that they see that without which their imagination is affected with within," and is not this the case likewise with the "Phrenologist?" Does not he, too, see all the propensities and faculties of the internal soul on the outside of the human skull? Does not he maintain, and with good reason, that, by looking outwardly, instead of inwardly, by making use of your fingers and a pair of craniological compasses, one may survey, measure, and ascertain, the whole breadth and length, the whole height and depth, of the mental faculties of man? I hate, Sir, I detest giving new names to old things; it is robbing our great and renowned forefathers of their due. The "Phrenetics" are assuredly entitled to all the merit of invention or discovery upon this interesting subject; and unless Spurzheim, with all his "cloud of witnesses," chuse to doff their new-fangled appellation, and resume the ancient and legitimate designation of their order, and profess themselves "Phrenetics" at once, I do not see that they are entitled to much consideration on the score of novelty or invention. They may indeed possess the merit of able and indefatigable interpreters and exemplifiers; but this is all; they can justly lay claim to nothing more. Thus, Sir, have I brought my argument to that conclusion to which I was all along endeavouring to conduct you, by a show of close and sober inductive reasoning. Phrenology, then, is not a novelty; it has prevailed in all ages, and is, in fact,

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"As old as the Creation."

To what practical or useful results does all this development of facts and principles lead? Are there any useful purposes, besides those already hinted at en passant," to which this mighty engine may be turned? In my opinion, there are a great many; but, after writing till every sinew and nerve of my right hand is cramped, I can only command patience to particularize one purpose, with which I shall, for the present, conclude.

It is a well-known "fact,"-for, like the philosophical brotherhood of whose favourite subject we are discoursing, we are extremely fond of, and, in fact, deal in facts,—it is a fact well known, that, as the mental powers more completely evolve into size and into action-as the frontal bone spreads out into elevation and compass, the posterior department is proportionally narrowed, flattened, and compressed. Hence we find, that nations, in the earlier and less-civilized stages of their progress, are extremely prolific. They are constantly doubling their number, in five, seven, ten, and twenty years, and are, of consequence, flying off, in thousands of colonists, to adjoining and less-closely-peopled countries. But when science has gained a footing-when intellect has come into prominent play-when writers of distinguished merit have arisen to form, and critics to guide the public taste, then it is that the population languishes, and comes to a stand, or even to an actual decrease, from a want of supply. And then it is, as in the highly-polished and intellectual age of Augustus, that laws and constitutions are made and established, in order to promote matrimony. Then it is that we hear of the "jus trium liberorum," of the fines upon "old bachelors," with all that hothouse code of artifice which is so inadequate to the great end proposed. Now, all this effort is unavailing-and why? simply for this reason, that you

cannot compel an intellectual front into matrimony; and if you would, or did, what would be the consequence? Look at the intellectual world around you; summon into your presence those distinguished authors, reviewers, advocates, professors, and philosophers in general, who are at once the boast and the ornament of the present age, and then put yourself to the trouble of counting over their wives, and reckoning up the amount of their children! what a sorry" sum-total" you will come to! One single Yorkshire boor, or Angus-shire farmer, would out-wive and out-child them all! Now, what I propose is this: Let us have no more acts upon such a subject, but let the Legislature of this country, of their wisdom, select a certain number of individuals in every city, county, clachan, and parish, whose bumps may indicate their qualifications, and let these individuals be set apart for the express purpose of keeping up, at the least possible trouble and expence, the national population, whilst the great mass of national intellect is devoted to other and more spiritual objects-to the mysteries of chemistry, the depths of ethics, the heights of snow, and the lengths and the breadths of philosophy. Every thing is effected, and effected to the greatest general advantage, by a division of labour; and it is an extremely inconvenient, not to say unseemly thing, to see a member summoned from the Senate-house, a chemist called from his apparatus, or a clergyman attracted from his books, merely to attend to those duties which thousands who have little else to do, and who, in fact, are good for little else, could perform so much better.

The ladies, too, the lovely "twelve-thirteenth" proportion of our species, would have every reason to bless the Legislature for such an arrangement. In how many instances, as things stand at present, are they not put to an infinity of fruitless and vexatious trouble! My very heart bleeds, when I see a new arrival of a young unmarried gentleman into one of our numerous and populous county towns. He may be independent by patrimony, or he may have made his money somewhat rapidly in India, he may have come to visit a friend, or simply to see the country; in all, and in every such case, he immediately, and of necessity, becomes, as matters now stand, an object of speculation. All the guns of the female battery, which is, on all such occasions, well and numerously appointed, are directed against him. One observes his hours of walking, and carefully selects a blowy day, that she may pass him blushing and embarrassed,-another passes the window of his dressing-room, looking the other way, but displaying, at the same time, a reasonable proportion of ankle,-another gets herself asked to an eveningparty where the stranger is to be, and seems to take a vast interest in an old woman, his grandmother, of whom he chances to discourse. The mercer rejoices in all this, for he sells ribbons, and all manner of female dress, of the very newest fashion,-the shoemaker rejoices in all this, for he sells shoes that are worn by street-pacing, and that shew off the feet most divinely, the perfumer, too, has reason to rejoice, for his new-year's-day bill is considerably swelled on this occasion;-and what, after all this use of means, this waste of anxiety and labour, does this walking, and visiting, and dressing, and simpering, and speaking at, amount to ?-It terminates in the discovery, in nine instances out of ten, that the gentleman is not a marrying man; in other words, as the Phrenologist would express it, that he is deficient in the occipital bumps, and may not, can not, be caught-he is not "catchable !" Now, according to my proposal, all this inconvenience would be avoided. Those individuals who had been fixed upon as eligible into the matrimonial state, would be marked and known; and a lady would no more point her address and fascination against a philosopher or a man of science, than she would ogle Arthur's-Seat or Salisbury Crags. She would know distinctly when to bait her hook, and, being possessed of this knowledge, she would seldom, if ever, fish in vain. Yours, &c. PHRENOLOGOS.

Skull-Hall, March 9, 1824.

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