ABOUT the middle of the last century, the Rev. John Bisset was a popular preacher, and publisher of sermons, in Aberdeen, which rendered him an object of dislike, if not of envy, to some of his more indolent brethren. On one occasion, he had published a sermon, which appeared from the press on the day previous to a meeting of Presbytery. On his way to the ecclesiastical court, a waggish member called at a tobacconist's, bought a pennyworth of snuff, and took a private opportunity of wrapping it in the title page of Mr Bisset's newly-published sermon.-Every one knows, that it is the custom of the reverend brethren to dine together, when the business of the day is dispatched. After the removal of the cloth, some of the company began to talk of Mr Bisset's sermon, complimenting him upon his indefatigable industry in publishing.Vanity is, more or less, the besetting sin, or, to speak more gently, the foible of all authors, from the youthful poetaster, whose verses appear in an ephemeral newspaper, to the reverend divine, whose preface tells you that his sole motive for publishing is the instruction of the ignorant. It would therefore be exempting Mr Bisset from the frailties of his species, to suppose that he was utterly unconscious of the dignity of authorship; it is even related, that he rather overstepped the modesty which should have attached to his cloth, affirming that his sermon was

calculated to be eminently useful to the public. When the social glass had, by its circulation, produced hilarity and good humour, the facetious brother sent his snuff-box round the table. Upon being told that it was empty, "I have a supply in my pocket," said he; "send the box hither." Having shaken the contents from the portentous paper, he affected to give it a hasty glance, and tossing it across the table, exclaimed, "Ah! Johnny man, look at that! This is a hasty death indeed! Scarcely ever saw the light! Came from the press only yesterday, and in the snuff-shop this morning!-Sic transit gloria mundi! However, our reverend brother is right; you see that his publication is still useful." The mortification of the hapless author was such, that out of compassion, before parting, the jocose brother informed him that the whole had its origin in a stroke of humour.

Although a little out of place here, the writer of this begs to observe, that the first time he ever saw Roscoe's beautiful and inimitable elegy to the memory of Burns, was on a fragment of a newspaper which came from the tobacconist's shop; which copy he has still in his possession, pasted in a book of scraps.

Much about the same period as that of Mr Bisset, the Rev. R. S. was minister of C-e: he used to relate the following adventure, in which he was engaged during his attendance at the University of St Andrew's. It then happened, as perhaps it does still, that many of the students in divinity were the children of parents in the lower ranks of life; and instead of having money to expend in luxurious pleasures, their finances were barely sufficient to supply the necessaries of life; and many of them were of necessity obliged to live in the plainest and most frugal manner. Á number of them were in the practice of employing a cobler in the city, in the way of his profession; he was an old bachelor, a droll sort of humorist, and fond of good living, both in eating and drinking. In the course of their visits to the son of St Crispin, it had been observed, that a large stock of hams hung in the chimney; and more than one of them declared that the sight made

their mouths water. At last, one more artful than the rest, related to them, that he had dreamed having descended the cobler's chimney, and made prize of some excellent hams, of which he was just about to make a meal when he awoke.

This, as he afterwards acknowledged, was a fiction, invented for the purpose of sounding their opinions upon a de facto exploit. One of the party observed, that there would be no great difficulty in performing the feat, as the cobler's tenement was only of one story, and himself the sole occupant of the premises; and concluded by saying, that were it not for the turpitude of the action, he should think it a good joke. The feigned dreamer now struck in, and undertook to prove logically, that so far from being criminal, it would be a virtuous action to deprive the cobler of his hams: "For," said he, "we have all observed, that this vamper of our understandings is much given to tippling in excess, even to beastly intoxication; whereby he debases the man, injures his health, squanders his hard-earned money, and neglects his business: now neither man nor beast drinks, except when thirsty; and thirst is promoted and increased by the injudicious and too-frequent use of salted and smoked meats. Ergo, take away the cause, and the effect will cease; hence you must all be convinced, that the cobler would be a gainer, by being deprived of a few of his superfluous hams." Thus, between jest and earnest, the measure was proposed, and ultimately arranged, that a marauding party of three should make the attempt; one to watch in front, another in the rear, and the third to make his descent by the chimney. Mr S. was one of the trio, drawn by lot, and a night fixed for the expedition.

The nocturnal depredator descended with facility, and had succeeded in stringing the plunder about his neck; but

Facilis descensus Averni, Sed revocare gradum superasque evadere ad auras, Hic labor, hoc opus est, says the prince of Roman poets; and so it happened here; for the ma

rauder, in re-ascending, lost his hold, either with hands or feet, and he suddenly" tumbling all precipitate, down dashed," with his prey, and rattling around, loud thundering," lay sprawling on the cobler's floor.

The noise made by this sudden retrograde motion awaked the man of leather, who called out lustily who was there? Receiving no answer, and still hearing a rustling sound, he leapt from bed, to investigate the matter. Apprehensions of detection and disgrace now alarmed the intruder; but while the cobler was groping his way, and endeavouring to procure a light, his visitor, by rubbing his hands on the back of the chimney, had succeeded in blackening his face completely; and judging that neither the cobler's physical nor mental vision would be the most penetrating, calculated upon effecting his retreat either by stratagem or effrontery. While Crispin was lighting his lamp, the other was conning his tale; and when the darkness was expelled, stood full upright, grinning, and turning up the whites of his eyes. His appearance, also, at such an hour, might have appalled men of more courage than the hero of the awl possessed, who, holding up the lamp, and standing at a respectful distance, in a faultering voice said, "Who or what are you?"-" I come from Pandæmonium," replied the student.-" I never heard of the place what do you want here?" said the other.-" Satan, my master, sent me to you, with a present of hams!"-" I defy the devil and all his works!-In the name of God begone!" cried the cobler, while his teeth chattered with fear. His agitation was favourable to the escape of the plunderer, who now conceived the hope of still carrying off his booty, and, in reply, said, "Well, shall I blow the roof off your house? or will you light me to the door?" Glad to get rid of this unwelcome visitor, the poor man walked backwards, unbolted his door, from which the other made his egress, with all the silence and dispatch possible. Next morning, the cobler discovered the depredation which had been committed on his property; but when he related the story of what had taken place, embellished

by his terrified imagination, it appeared so ridiculous, that it obtained little credit, and was supposed to be some dream of his brain, when intoxicated with strong liquor. The fears of the depredators, and their dread of discovery, therefore, soon subsided; but when their finances were recruited, they collected a sum more than equivalent to the value of the hams, and contrived to send it privately for the cobler's reimburse

ment.

There are many still alive who had the pleasure of being acquainted with a dissenting Scots Clergyman, equally remarkable for his piety, guileless simplicity of heart, and eccentricity of manner. To relate all the anecdotes that are told of him, and to record all his bons mots that are still remembered, would fill half your Magazine. Take the following as specimens.

Living in a populous manufacturing town, he often beheld with regret the privations to which the labouring classes were exposed, from the depressions of trade, or the dearth of provisions. On an occasion of this kind, the poor had been relieved by a most abundant supply of herrings, of which the fishing had been more than usually successful. One Sunday forenoon, in public prayers, Mr expressed himself thus, "Oh Lord, we desire to offer our grateful thanks unto thee, for the seasonable relief which thou hast sent to the poor of this place, from thy inexhaustible store-house in the great deep, and which every day we hear called upon our streets-Fine fresh herrings sax a penny, sax a penny!" There is a stream as well as a neap tide, in the fluctuations of trade; and they who have been a-ground by the one, are ready and willing to float with the other; so was the case with the weavers in Mr- 's neighbourhood: trade had become uncommonly brisk; high wages were paid; and, on Saturday night, like sailors after a storm, those sons of toil forgot their former privations, amidst the joys, that "ale, or viler liquor," is capable of inspiring. They had kept it up till a late, or rather an early hour on Sunday morning; and at the breaking-up of the party, made so much noise on the streets, as gave great of

fence to the serious and sober inhabitants. In his prayer after sermon in the forenoon, Mr noticed their irregularity, thus, "Oh Lord, while we recommend to thy fatherly care and protection all ranks and conditions of men, we, in a particular manner, pray for the check-and-ticking weavers of. In thy wisdom and mercy, be pleased to send them either mair sense, or less siller!”

About the time when the volunteer system was introduced, a corps was raised in Mr's neighbourhood; their uniforms appeared so smart, that many considered them as the most genteel gala - dress; perhaps willing that their patriotism might be as conspicuous as possible. One Sunday, a youthful hero of this class entered Mr's kirk, and although he could have easily found a seat, seemed to prefer standing in the passage, right in front of the minister, and with much apparent complacency, often bending his looks to his white cassimere small-clothes. After reading out the text, Mr —, observing that the young man still kept his perpendicular position, pointed to him, and called out, "Tak' a seat amang the lave there, lad, an' we'll a' look at your braw breeks when the kirk skails!"

Being not only indifferent, but inattentive to dress in his own person, he had a great dislike to seeing the silly airs that a new coat or gown will sometimes inspire in a little mind; and his indignation was sure to be raised when he saw people dressing beyond their station. One Sunday afternoon, a girl who attended his kirk regularly, and who was personally known to him, came in with a new bonnet, of greater magnitude, and more richly ornamented than he thought befitting the wearer. He soon observed it, and pausing in the middle of his sermon, said—

Look, ony o' you that's near hand there, whether my wife be sleeping ; for I canna get a glint o' her for a' thae fine falderals about Jenny B-'s braw new bannet.”

It happened one Sunday, either from the weather being warm, or the preacher being less animated than usual, that several of his auditors exhibited strong symptoms of drowsi

ness.

After a pause, long enough to

command attention, he called out, "Hold up your heads, my friendsand mind that neither saints nor sinners are sleeping in the other world!" This short, but energetic address, had its effect in general, but one man was so overpowered, that in a few minutes he gave audible demonstration of being sound asleep; again the preacher paused, and then in a loud voice called out," John S, this is the second time that I've stopped to waken you; but I give you fair warning, that if I need to stop a third time, I'll expose you by name to a' the congregation."

It has already been said, that he was inattentive to dress; this, with something peculiar in his appearance, caused him often to be noticed by strangers. One day, when in Edinburgh, he stood conversing with an acquaintance, in a fashionable part of the city, and soon discovered that he was an object of impertinent curiosity, and the subject of remark, to a group of fashionable belles on the opposite side of the street, the leader of whom was surveying him through a quizzing-glass. Seeming as if he had immediately recognized her, he walked up at a quick pace, and with the easy familiarity of an intimate acquaintance, grasped her hand, and bowing most respectfully, said, in the warmest and most affectionate manner, "My dear Maria! how do you do?-how left you your worthy father and venerable mother?-and when did you come to town?" All this was expressed with such energy and rapidity of utterance, that the astonished fair had it neither in her power to interrupt him, nor to withdraw her hand, which he continued to shake and press, with the apparent warmth of friendship, and the nonchalance of equality. At last, he paused, as if waiting a reply to his interrogations, still looking the lady full in the face, who, when she had a little recovered from her confusion, and struggling to withdraw her hand, in a tone of some alarm said, "You are mistaken, Sir.”—“ What !" replied he; "is it possible, my dear, that you do not know me?"-"Indeed I do not, Sir."-" Neither do I you," said the parson ; good-morning, Madam!" and making a ceremonious bow, he walked deliberately away.

Being one time on a visit to a friend in Brechin, he had walked out, and leaning upon the parapet of the bridge, was indulging in a view of the romantic scenery around him, when two dashing bucks came up, riding at full speed; but, upon seeing him, checked their horses, and one of them addressed him, saying, "Well, Father Graybeard, how far have we to ride ?"" You are just mid-way, gentlemen," replied Mr

with easy coolness." How the d-1 do you know that?" said the other; "you neither know whence we came, nor whither we are going!"

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"Oh! I know both very well," retorted the parson; you galloped from the gibbet at Aberdeen, and are now riding post haste to the gallows at Perth; I hope you will not be disappointed!"

One day, indulging in a solitary walk, he deviated from the high road, and entered the pleasuregrounds of a country gentleman, whose urbanity had often been severly tried, by the freedom taken, and the depredations committed, on his pleasure grounds, by idle and mischievous strollers. He had that morning seen several fine flowering shrubs torn down, and their branches strewed in the walks-a circumstance which every admirer of nature will acknowledge is very provoking. It was under this irritation of mind that the proprietor, followed by a servant, met Mr sauntering carelessly along. The minister was not personally known to the gentleman, and his dress gave no indication of his rank or office. At this rencounter, the following dialogue is said to have taken place, which, if not related verbatim, is correct as to substance. (The different interlocutors will easily be distinguished by the reader.) "Where are you going, Sir?". "I am just taking a walk.". "You must go back."-" Do you want any thing with me at home, Sir ?" This is no road.”—“ Í think you are very far mistaken; for to me it seems an uncommonly fine road."-"I tell you, Sir, this road was not made for idle strollers."—"There has been much labour lost then; for it is only such as you and I that have leisure to look at, and enjoy the beauties around us."-" You are a d-d

impertinent fellow who the devil are you?"" I'm the servant of a very different master from yours, if I may judge from the language you adopt; and as I consider swearing as affording neither argument nor entertainment, I bid you good-morning." When the parson had turned upon his heel and walked off, the gentleman enquired of his servant if he knew that strange fellow?" Oh, Sir, it is Mr the minister," replied the menial. The squire was now struck with confusion, and ready to bite his tongue in vexation; he had often heard of Mr , and wished for an opportunity of forming an acquaintance with him. Having thus commited himself, he now obeyed the impulse of a noble and generous mind, by following hard after the clergyman, and apologizing for his rudeness; concluding by saying, that the only way in which Mr could assure him of forgiveness, was, by naming a day on which he would dine with him. The invitation was accepted, and the parties became intimate friends ever after.

The late minister of Glenbervie, in Kincardineshire, having occasion to be absent one Sunday, invited a young probationer at some miles distance to officiate for him; and, at the same time, sent a card to a respectable farmer in that neighbour hood, requesting him to accompany the preacher, and dine at the Manse in his absence. It was in harvest, and the weather rather unsettled. On Sunday morning, the pair set off together, and, on the road, were overtaken by one of those sudden and heavy showers, common in hilly countries: the rain fell in torrents, no shelter was near, and their only resource was to increase the speed of their horses, whose "trot became a gallop soon;" but while they plied both whip and spur, the girth of the clergyman's saddle suddenly gave way, and he was precipitated over his horse's ears in a puddle. His dress being the only part that had sustained any injury, he soon recovered himself, and as he stood wringing the muddy water from the knees of his black velvet breeches, said with much good humour, "I knew the prince of the power of the air owed me a grudge; for I gave

him a good dressing last Sunday, in the kirk of Benholm; but he has contrived to pay me back with interest this morning." It continued to rain while they were in the kirk; but while enjoying themselves over a glass after dinner, the sky cleared, and the sun shone delightfully. The preacher, after looking from the windows, exclaimed, "Ah! what an unthinking blockhead I am!-had I prayed for dry weather in the kirk to-day, the poor bodies of Glenbervie would have given me all the credit of this fine afternoon!" The foregoing I had from the mouth of the gentleman who accompanied the preacher on this occasion. He also related the following anecdote:

The

A clergyman, whose name and residence I have forgotten, was a great admirer of the beauties of nature, and a most enthusiastic florist, his garden exhibiting a richness and variety of beauty unequalled in the country round him. One Saturday evening, a wandering lunatic, well known in that quarter, solicited the minister for lodgings in his barn; but the pastor refused, and, unmoved by his entreaties, sternly ordered him away. The poor wretch found shelter in the neighbourhood, and arose on Sunday morning, with the recollection of the minister's unkindness rankling in his bosom, which brooded over schemes of revenge. maniac had "method in his madness," and sufficient sense, or memory, to know the reverend gentle man's attachment to flowers. Watching near by till all the family had gone to the kirk, he entered the garden. A large bed of tulips were in full blow, and Flora had indulged her wanton freaks, in an infinity of shades and colours, the beauty and variety of which it was the parson's delight to contemplate. The lunatic plucked the whole, leaving not " a wreck behind," and, with great pains, decorated every button hole of his coat, and also garnished round his head with the beauteous plunder. In this costume he walked into the kirk, and stood conspicuously before the clergyman, who was at the moment engaged in prayers; he had just uttered the apostrophe, " O Lord," when glancing his eye on the madman, he exclaimed, "my tulips !"