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cause if you have a box for that purpose.'
“Sir," was the reply, "we have such a box.'
“Then, may I see it?" I asked.
"Sir" — with a pleasant smile and a bow“I am that box.'
A Brilliant British Horse.
Suddenly it brightened up, and before it
The reasons for this unexpected behavior gave rise to 'much discussion, till at last one
of the crowd, more observant than the othThis never happens in an stails," was written in large letters over the
box-office window. office where there is
Let Justice Be Done. a Dictaphone
A lawsuit was recently in full swing, ac
cording to Everybody's Magazine, and durYou can't point your finger at the othering its progress a witness was cross-exam
ined as to the habits and character of the man, because we mean you—if you are still
defendant. relaying your correspondence via the ste
“Has Mr. March a reputation for being nographer's note-book and pencil.
abnormally lazy?" asked counsel briskly.
“Well, sir, it's this wayEvery one of your employees who is dic “Will you kindly answer the question tating to a stenographer is wasting just that asked?” struck in the irascible lawyer. much of her time and therefore just that "Well, sir, I was going to say it's this much of your money.
way. I don't want to do the gentleman in
question any injustice, and I won't go so far Don't have your stenographer write your
as to say, sir, that he's lazy, exactly; but letters twice-once in shorthand, again on
if it required any voluntary work on his the typewriter. Dictate to the Dictaphone.
part to digest his food—why, he'd die from
lack of nourishment, sir.” Get in line with genuine business efficiency. Small office or large office-one stenogra
All She Could Handle. pher or fifty-it fits in perfectly.
In Iowa, Lippincott's says, they are tellLet us demonstrate the Dictaphone on ing a story of a German farmer in one of your work in your own office. Reach for the northern counties who has for some your telephone and call up the “Dicta time been posing as an apostle of progressphone" and make the appointment.
of Following the lead
such men as Hoard and Wallace he has If you don't find that name in the 'phone been preaching against the practice of growbook, write to
ing nothing but corn and small grains, and
“It iss cows, cows, cows vich iss needed
fertileness. Ve haf altogether too much Suite 1406, Woolworth Bldg., New York corn, corn, corn. Ve should haf a hoonderd
thousand cows in Iowa to make us all rich.” Stores in the principal cities
“That's pretty good doctrine, Otto,” said
a member of the State Legislature to him -dealers everywhere
one day. “I suppose you practice what you Official dictating machine of the
preach. How many head of stock have you
on your half section ?” Panama Pacific Interna dictate “Vell,” said Otto, hesitatingly, “I haf now tional Exposition Dictaphone ten cows."
The Legislator expressed surprise. "Your Day's Work”-a book
"Why,” said he, “I expected to hear that we should like to send you.
you had at least two or three hundred.
"Vell,” replied the German sadly, "you
see ten cows iss all mine frau can milk."
A Clerical “Fan.”
an Episcopal clergyman, and an and prices upon request. Write Desk C.
ardent lover of the great American game, LYCETT, Society Stationer
says Harper's Magazine, who inadvertently 802N, Charles Street, Baltimore, Md. remarked at the end of the portion of Scrip
ture appointed to be read:
“Here endeth the first inning."
There's a New Show
on the Road The “Wrigley Spears” are playing all the big centers and the onenight stands. They already have a host of enthusiastic followers. Their introductory offering is
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The Care of the Child.
Two nursemaids were wheeling their in-
“Are you going to the dance to-morrow afternoon?"
"I am afraid not."
“What !” exclaimed the other. “And you so fond of dancing !"
“I'd love to go," explained the scientious maid, “but to tell you the truth, I am afraid to leave the baby with its mother."
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“ 'I have none,' was the reply.
"Time was short and the necessity great. In a flash the little fellow met the emergency by saying:
“Here, take mine. That'll pay for you, and I'll get under the seat.'”
A Perilous Bargain. When the season was almost over, a storekeeper in a small southern town (according to the faraway Sacramento Bee) put a lot of dollar shirtwaists in the window at 75 cents.
"Say, what kind of bizness you call dis?" asked an old colored woman. "Is dat de way you try to make a liar out of yo' customers? After I been telling all de cullud folks in de neighborhood dat I paid a dollar for dis shirtwaist, you come an' spoil my reputation for veracity.
Las' time I ever gwine to do bizness here."
that ?” he asked, pointing to the Albert Memorial. The Englishman explained. "What, already a monument to our brave King !” cried the Belgian as he embraced his friend, The Englishman, with admirable reticence, said nothing.
Meeting the Emergency. From a banquet of ministers Tit-Bits picks up this story told by a clergyman:
“One of the members of my church has instilled into his family the belief that the collection is a vitally important part of the service. Consequently his little boy Thomas never comes to church without his contribution.
“One Sunday, as the elders began to take up the collection at the morning service, Thomas looked along the pew to see if the various members of the family were provided with a contribution. Noticing a guest of his sister's empty-handed, he whispered:
" Where is your money?'
Saving the Poor Horse. At the railway station a nice old lady left the train and got into a cab. (The Christian Advocate vouches for the story.) The cabman said, “Gimme your bag, lady, I'll put it on top o' the cab."
“No, indeed !" answered the dear old lady, “that poor hoss has enough to pull. I'll jist hol' it on my lap.”.
Stenographic Presence of Mind. Simplified spelling is not the only qualification of the successful stenographer, if we may believe the Cleveland Plain-Dealer:
"What did you learn at the school ?” the
Had What He Needed. Irate Countryman (white with anger at being disturbed): “You book canvassers make me
so angry with your confounded nerve and impudence that I cannot find words to express my indignation.”
Canvasser (jumping with enthusiasm): “Then, sir, I am a great help to you.
I have here the very thing you need—a dictionary of the English language, containing all the words and slang phrases known, and only $2. Take it, and you will never be at a loss to express yourself again.”—Kansas City Star.
Out of Sight. One of the fair passengers on a yachting party indefinitely located by the Houston Post, observed that the captain wore anxious look after some mishap to the machinery of the craft.
"What's the matter, captain ?” she inquired, solicitously.
“The fact is,” responded the captain in a low voice, “our rudder's broken."
"Oh, my, don't fret about that,” replied the young woman consolingly. “As it's under water nearly all the time, no one will notice it."
Anxiety But Not Worry. “Do you think," asked the widower, “you could learn to love my children as you would if they were your own ?"
“Oh, yes," replied the anxious maiden, “I think I should care more for them, really, than if they
my own, because I shouldn't have worry much about them if they got hurt or were sick.”
Through all these many years Regal Cars have been distinguished for sturdy and enduring construction. Today, these qualities are more than ever embodied in each model-in every car that leaves our Factory. Surely among these Three Regals is one suited to your needs.
Retribution. That the injured party can sometimes afford to bide his time is suggested by the story told in the Woman's Home Companion:
The dentist of the town had had his photograph taken to give to his sweetheart as a valentine. We feel that we do not exaggerate when we say that it was the worst photograph ever taken of anybody in the world.
The dentist longed, in a very human way, for retaliation, and at last his time came. The photographer had a tooth to be filled. The dentist got in some deadly work, and just when the agony was at its climax he stepped back, looked at his patient critically and said in a cheerful voice :
“Look pleasant, please !"
What Struck Him Most. An Irishman invalided home from the war, says the New York American, was asked by one of his relatives what struck him most about the battles he took part in.
“What struck me most?” said Pat. “Sure, it was the large number of bullets flying around that didn't hit me.”
That Albert Memorial. London Punch tells of an Englishman who had suddenly to exercise all his tact the other day. He was in Kensington Gardens with a Belgian refugee. “What's
WILSON'S CHALLENGE TO HIS FOES
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France's New Defiance to Germany
Situation in the Eastern Theater of War
War and the Christianity That Has
Not Been Tried
Palates Too Much for Her.
boss asked the fair young applicant for the stenographer's job.
"I learned," she replied, “that spelling is essential to a stenographer."
The boss chuckled.
"Good. Now let me hear you spell essential.”
The fair girl hesitated for the fraction of a second.
"There are three ways," she replied. “Which do you prefer?"
And she got the job.
You can imagine the schoolmarm's astonishment, says Collier's Weekly, when Tommy returned to school with this note from his mother:
Dere Teecher: You keep telin' my boy to brethe with his palate. Maybe rich children has got palates, but how about when their father only makes two dollars a day and has got six children ? First it's one thing, then it's another, and now it's palates. That's the wurst yet.
Her Difficulty. A young lady who lisped very badly was treated by a specialist, and after diligent practice and the expenditure of some money learned to say: "Sister Susie's Sewing Shirts for Soldiers.
She-repeated it to her friends at a private rehearsal, and was congratulated upon her masterly performance. "Yeth,” she said dubiously, “but it ith thuth an ectheedingly difficult remark to work into a converthathion-ethpethially when you conthider that I have no thithter Thuthie.”
“When you work, of course," said the lawyer.
“Vy, work—” “I know," said the lawyer, “but what at?". "At a bench.'
“O!” groaned the lawyer. "Where do you work at a bench?".
"In a factory.”
“Now, Laszky, listen," said the lawyer. "What do you make in that factory?”
“Eight dollars a week.” "No, no! What does the factory make?” “I dunno; a lot uv money, I think.”
“Now, listen! What kind of goods does the factory produce?”
“O,” said Laszky, “good goods." "I know, but what kind of good goods ?" “The best.” "The best of what?” "The best there is." “Of what?” “Of dose goods." "Your honor," said the lawyer, “I give
Why He Lost the Sale. "Were you able to sell old Skinfint a grave ?” asked the superintendent of the cemetery
The agent shook his head, says Tit-Bits.
"He was afraid he might not get the full value of it,” he explained.
“But, hang it all, a man has got to die some time !” exclaimed the superintendent.
"That's what I told him, but he only answered, ‘Suppose I should be lost at sea.
Tommy's Answer. His name was Tommy, according to Lippincott's, and he came home from school looking so down in the mouth that mother asked him severely what was the matter.
Out of his little trousers pocket he fished a note from the teacher, which said, “Tommy has been a very naughty boy. Please have a serious talk with him."
“What did you do?" asked mother.
"Nothing," sobbed Tommy. “She asked a question, and I was the only one who could answer it.”
"H'm," murmured mother. “What was the question?”
“Who put the dead mouse in her desk drawer?" answered Tommy.
A Chautauqua Not Wanted. This story which started on the Chautauqua circuit is passed along by Everybody's :
A booking agent for a Chautauqua bureau visited the most prominent man of the town. “Mr. Jones," said he, “I called to see you in regard to a Chautauqua.” “It won't do a bit of good,” spoke up the prominent citizen. “My wife and I have looked over all the catalogues carefully, and have already decided on another machine."
A Mild Man Waxes Wroth. Uncle Henry Barnes was a mild man, says the Youth's Companion, but when John Ragland deliberately cheated him out of $900, even his patient spirit was ruffled. “Sometime," he remarked to his wife, “I'm going to tell that man what I think of him.” One day he came home highly satisfied with himself. “I saw John Ragland to-day, and I told him straight out what I thought of him," he said. “What did you say?" asked his wife. "I told him I thought he was a very unreasonable man.”
Life on Shares. "Woman," says Dr. Anna Shaw, “ever has been man's companion, sharing his exile, espousing his cause and buckling on his armor." And man, adds the Boston Globe, ever has been woman's companion, sharing her happiness, espousing her when she would have him, and buttoning her up the back.
Learning His Name. Stranger: “What is your name, little boy ?" Little Boy: "Willie.' Stranger: “Willie what?” Little Boy : “Willie Don't, I guess. That's what mamma always calls me.
Too Much for a Philadelphia Lawyer.
A young foreigner was being tried in court, says the Public Ledger, and the questioning by the lawyers on the opposite side began.
"Now, Laszky, what do you do?” "Ven?” asked Laszky.
HE FOUGHT FOR
howlingly opposed by hostile mobs. Hissed, hectored and upbraided-he fought and strove, and gradually won over the public sentiment of Great Britain for neutrality in the struggle between North and South.
“There has not been such eloquence in the world since Demosthenes,” said an enthusiastic contemporary concerning these dynamic speeches by Henry Ward Beecher. His wonderful Liverpool speech is included among hundreds of others in
The World's Famous Orations
Scene in Liverpool on Oct. 16, 1863, when Beecher's audience repeatedly became little more than a shouting mob only to be gradually worn down and finally conquered by the speaker.
A Collection of the World's Most Brilliant Speeches on all Subjects How Great Speeches Are Made on All Subjects. A Classic Thoughts on Many Themes Speeches That Have Made History
Great Arsenal of Suggestion and Inspiration, showing Here are classic thoughts on an infinite number These ten volumes, containing the great masterpieces of ora
tory from ancient Greece down to the present day, include many How the Greatest Orators of All Ages
of themes—the brainy masterpieces,arguments, etc., that are famous because of the great events with which they are have Handled the Biggest Subjects of that have lived through centuries-bristling with ideas
closely linked ; such, for example, as Mark Antony's over the Public Interest.
dead body of Cæsar; Burke's at the trial of Warren Hastings ; that start your mind along sound, resultful channels.
Patrick Henry's "Give Me Liberty” speech; Lincoln's "House Wonderful Speeches On All Sides ofThese speeches abound in intellectual stimulus. Divided Against Itself”; Wolfe's Address before Quebec;
Goldwin Smith's "The Secret Beyond Science"; John Morley's War, Peace, Armament, Politics, Campaign The thought-content ranges from the raging fire of
Pittsburg Address; Lord Rosebery on Robert Burns, as well as Speeches-Patriotism-Woman Suffrage political upheaval to the gentle sweetness of Inger many other famous epoch-making orations. Tariff Debates—The Constitution-Empire - Liberty-Independence — Sovereigntysoll's words at the grave of his brother.
Hundreds of orators are in- Emm Treaties—Taxation - Socialism-Invasion There is mental recreation and renewed intellec- Edited by cluded. Here are 56 taken O'CONNELL WEBSTER --Confederation-Finance-Government
PARNELL at random from the list.
WILLIAM tual power for you in these inspired utterances of the
DAVITT Ireland - Trade-Legislation—Conquest
ACHILLES Union - - Tyranny — Coercion - Slavery great men of all ages-words that have moved count
LUTHER Free Speech - Reform-Corruption-Oli less throngs of men to issue forth in battle, to beat BRYAN,
GOLDWIN Suite MIRADEAU STEPHENS
DEMOSTHENES garchy-Treason-National Policy, etc.
BEACONSFIELD back the forces of tyranny and barbarism, to secure Secretary of
ROBESPIERRE BEECHER In Conventions, Congresses, Clubs, for the present and preserve for future generations State and CÆSAR
CHURCHILL GARIBALDI etc. Nominating Speeches-On a Resolu wise administration and free forms of government. Perhaps the
INGERSOLL tion - Protest-On Resigning -Accepting
WASHINGTON CONKLINO Here also are golden gems of ripe wisdom and phian Honor or Appointment-Debate On a
BLAINE Motion-An Amendment-Compromise - losophy — thoughts worth, cogitating the very Popular Liv
CLEVELAND Cross-Examination-Conciliation-Remov essence of the brains of mighty men.
ROOSEVELT al from Office — Acceptance — Forcing a Resignation-Repeal-Replying to a Charge -Self-DefenseTrial, etc. HOW TO APPROACH THE SUB
THE WHOLE SÉT ON YOUR LIFarewell Addresses, Welcome, AfterJECT, PLAN, PREPARE AND
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CHARGES PAID BY US, AND Farewell Addresses—Speeches of Welcome -Dedication-Inaugural Orations—EmanAs you read and ponder these speeches you
WITHOUT A CENT FROM YOU cipation-Eulogy-Lectures on Literature
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Sent on Approval-No Money Down Scholarships — Education proached a given subject-sketched it out in their Reading, etc. own minds—got together materials definitely
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Form herewith, and we send the books on apding, Lectures, etc. Funeral Ora cut and impressive whole, finally
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return them at our expense. You lose nothing - Temptation-Grievance subject in the realm of Public Speaking. 'itiny-Exhortation, etc.
-we pay the carriage charges both ways. No Mr. Bryan Was Assisted in His Compilation by many famous men as: Rt. Hon. Herbert
agent will call upon you, everything is arH. Asquith, British Prime Minister; Rt. Hon.
ranged by mail.
A. J. Balfour; Rt. Hon. Joseph Chamberlain ;
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