cause if you have a box for that purpose." "Sir," was the reply, "we have such a box."

"Then, may I see it?" I asked.

"Sir" with a pleasant smile and a bow"I am that box.'

A Brilliant British Horse.

Here is a startling story of equine saA gacity related by the London Tit-Bits. horse was standing in the shafts of a carriage just outside a local theater. It had a weary look, as of one that desired repose.

Suddenly it brightened up, and before it could be stopped it made a dash for the box-office.

The reasons for this unexpected behavior gave rise to much discussion, till at last one of the crowd, more observant than the others, pointed out that the legend, "To the box-office window.

office where there is

a Dictaphone

You can't point your finger at the other man, because we mean you-if you are still relaying your correspondence via the stenographer's note-book and pencil.

Every one of your employees who is dictating to a stenographer is wasting just that much of her time and therefore just that much of your money.

Don't have your stenographer write your letters twice-once in shorthand, again on the typewriter. Dictate to the Dictaphone. Get in line with genuine business efficiency. Small office or large office-one stenographer or fifty-it fits in perfectly.

Let us demonstrate the Dictaphone on your work in your own office. Reach for your telephone and call up the "Dictaphone" and make the appointment.

If you don't find that name in the 'phone book, write to

THE DICTAPHONE

REGISTERED

All She Could Handle.

In Iowa, Lippincott's says, they are telling a story of a German farmer in one of the northern counties who has for some time been posing as an apostle of progressive agriculture. Following the lead of such men as Hoard and Wallace he has been preaching against the practice of growing nothing but corn and small grains, and has been advocating cattle, silos, and alfalfa.

"It iss cows, cows, cows vich iss needed in dis country. Dey vill bring back der fertileness. Ve haf altogether too much

thousand cows in Iowa to make us all rich." "That's pretty good doctrine, Otto," said a member of the State Legislature to him one day. "I suppose you practice what you preach. How many head of stock have you on your half section?"

"Vell," said Otto, hesitatingly, "I haf now ten cows."

The Legislator expressed surprise. "Why," said he, "I expected to hear that you had at least two or three hundred. How is that?"

"Vell," replied the German sadly, "you see ten cows iss all mine frau can milk.'

A Clerical "Fan."

It was an Episcopal clergyman, and an ardent lover of the great American game, says Harper's Magazine, who inadvertently remarked at the end of the portion of Scripture appointed to be read:

"Here endeth the first inning."

The Care of the Child. Harper's Magazine directs this searchlight upon modern maids and mothers:

Two nursemaids were wheeling their infant charges in the park when one asked the other:

"Are you going to the dance to-morrow afternoon?"

"I am afraid not."

"What!" exclaimed the other. "And you so fond of dancing!"

"I'd love to go," explained the conscientious maid, "but to tell you the truth, I am afraid to leave the baby with its mother."

There's a New Show

on the Road

The "Wrigley Spears" are playing all the big centers and the onenight stands. They already have a host of enthusiastic followers. Their introductory offering is

"Wrigley's Mother Goose

As It Ought to Be!"

The price of admission to their stupendous, thrilling, side-splitting, spectacular, tuneful extravaganza is merely a 2c. stamp or a penny postal-as you see fit-spent to write for this 28-page book in four colors. Remember Wrigley's for your teeth, breath, appetite and digestion, and write today! WM. WRIGLEY JR. CO.

A Perilous Bargain.

When the season was almost over, a storekeeper in a small southern town (according to the faraway Sacramento Bee) put a lot of dollar shirtwaists in the window at 75 cents.

"Say, what kind of bizness you call dis?" asked an old colored woman. "Is dat de way you try to make a liar out of yo' cus-. tomers? After I been telling all de cullud folks in de neighborhood dat I paid a dollar for dis shirtwaist, you come an' spoil my reputation for veracity. Las' time I ever gwine to do bizness here."

That the injured party can sometimes afford to bide his time is suggested by the story told in the Woman's Home Companion:

The dentist of the town had had his photograph taken to give to his sweetheart as a valentine. We feel that we do not exaggerate when we say that it was the worst photograph ever taken of anybody in the world.

The dentist longed, in a very human way, for retaliation, and at last his time came. The photographer had a tooth to be filled. The dentist got in some deadly work, and just when the agony was at its climax he stepped back, looked at his patient critically and said in a cheerful voice: "Look pleasant, please!"

What Struck Him Most.

An Irishman invalided home from the war, says the New York American, was asked by one of his relatives what struck him most about the battles he took part in.

"What struck me most?" said Pat. "Sure, it was the large number of bullets flying around that didn't hit me."

That Albert Memorial.

London Punch tells of an Englishman who had suddenly to exercise all his tact the other day. He was in Kensington Gardens with a Belgian refugee. "What's

SHEAR NONSENSE

that?" he asked, pointing to the Albert Memorial. The Englishman explained. "What, already a monument to our brave King!" cried the Belgian as he embraced his friend. The Englishman, with admirable reticence, said nothing.

Meeting the Emergency.

From a banquet of ministers Tit-Bits picks up this story told by a clergyman:

"One of the members of my church has instilled into his family the belief that the collection is a vitally important part of the service. Consequently his little boy Thomas never comes to church without his contribution.

"One Sunday, as the elders began to take up the collection at the morning service, Thomas looked along the pew to see if the various members of the family were provided with a contribution. Noticing a guest of his sister's empty-handed, he whispered: "Where is your money?'

297

"I have none,' was the reply. "Time was short and the necessity great. In a flash the little fellow met the emergency by saying:

"Here, take mine. That'll pay for you, and I'll get under the seat."

Saving the Poor Horse.

At the railway station a nice old lady left the train and got into a cab. (The Christian Advocate vouches for the story.) The cabman said, "Gimme your bag, lady, I'll put it on top o' the cab."

"No, indeed!" answered the dear old lady, "that poor hoss has enough to pull. I'll jist hol' it on my lap."

Stenographic Presence of Mind.

Simplified spelling is not the only qualification of the successful stenographer, if we may believe the Cleveland Plain-Dealer: "What did you learn at the school?" the

His name was Tommy, according to Lippincott's, and he came home from school looking so down in the mouth that mother asked him severely what was the matter.

Out of his little trousers pocket he fished a note from the teacher, which said, "Tommy has been a very naughty boy. Please have a serious talk with him."

"What did you do?" asked mother.

"Nothing," sobbed Tommy. "She asked a question, and I was the only one who could answer it."

"H'm," murmured mother. "What was the question?"

"Who put the dead mouse in her desk drawer?" answered Tommy.

A Chautauqua Not Wanted.

This story which started on the Chautauqua circuit is passed along by Everybody's:

A booking agent for a Chautauqua bureau visited the most prominent man of the town. "Mr. Jones," said he, "I called to see you in regard to a Chautauqua." "It won't do a bit of good," spoke up the prominent citizen. "My wife and I have looked over all the catalogues carefully, and have already decided on another machine."

A Mild Man Waxes Wroth.

One

Uncle Henry Barnes was a mild man, says the Youth's Companion, but when John Ragland deliberately cheated him out of $900, even his patient spirit was ruffled. "Sometime," he remarked to his wife, "I'm going to tell that man what I think of him." day he came home highly satisfied with himself. "I saw John Ragland to-day, and I told him straight out what I thought of him," he said. "What did you say?" asked his wife. "I told him I thought he was a very unreasonable man."

Life on Shares.

"Woman," says Dr. Anna Shaw, "ever has been man's companion, sharing his exile, espousing his cause and buckling on his armor. "" And man, adds the Boston Globe, ever has been woman's companion, sharing her happiness, espousing her when she would have him, and buttoning her up the back.

Learning His Name.

Stranger: "What is your name, little boy?" Little Boy: "Willie."

Stranger: "Willie what?"

Little Boy: "Willie Don't, I guess. That's what mamma always calls me.'

Too Much for a Philadelphia Lawyer.

A young foreigner was being tried in court, says the Public Ledger, and the questioning by the lawyers on the opposite side began.

"Now, Laszky, what do you do?" "Ven?" asked Laszky.

"No, de factory is made uv bricks." "Now, Laszky, listen," said the lawyer. "What do you make in that factory?" "Eight dollars a week."

"No, no! What does the factory make?" "I dunno; a lot uv money, I think." "Now, listen! What kind of goods does the factory produce?"

"O," said Laszky, "good goods."

"I know, but what kind of good goods?" "The best."

"The best of what?" "The best there is." "Of what?"

"Of dose goods."

"Your honor," said the lawyer, "I give up."

Palates Too Much for Her.

You can imagine the schoolmarm's ishment, says Collier's Weekly, when T returned to school with this note fro mother:

Dere Teecher: You keep telin' m to brethe with his palate. Maybe rich dren has got palates, but how about their father only makes two dollars and has got six children? First it' thing, then it's another, and now it's p That's the wurst yet.

Why He Lost the Sale.

"Were you able to sell old Skinf grave?" asked the superintendent o cemetery.

The agent shook his head, says Ti "He was afraid he might not get th value of it," he explained.

"But, hang it all, a man has got t some time!" exclaimed the superintend "That's what I told him, but he answered, 'Suppose I should be lost at

-and this is the Mark on the Lamps that light the Exposition

MAZDA

"Not the name of a thing but the mark of a Service You have long recognized in that word. MAZDA etched upon a lamp the Mark of that far-reaching scientific Service organized to investigate the problems of better lighting and to supply new ideas, new methods and new materials to the manufacturers of MAZDA Lamps.

But here at the Panama-Pacific Exposition you will find a MAZDA exhibit that will give you a tangible idea of what MAZDA Service does and is-how, by its service to the lamp makers, it steadily brings. more light into your home at less cost and why the Exposition chose the MAZDA Lamp for its illumination.

GENERAL

ELECTRIC COMPANY