good mother, dated from Paris, the 25th of January following, that is, 1719-20, in answer to one, in which she had warned him to ex pect such trials. "I have," says he, " already met with them, and am obliged to fight, and to dispute every inch of ground: but all thanks and praise to the great Captain of my salvation, he fights for me; and then it is no wonder, that I come off more than conqueror;" by which last expression I suppose he meant to insinuate, that he was strengthened and established, rather than overborne by this opposition. Yet it was not immediately that he gained such fortitude. He has often told me, how much he felt in those days, of the emphasis of those well-chosen words of the apostle, in which he ranks the trial of cruel mockings, with scourgings, and bonds, and imprisonments. The continual railleries with which he was received, in almost all companies where he had been most familiar before, did often distress him beyond measure; so that he has several times declared, he would much rather have marched up to a battery of the enemy's cannon, than have been obliged, so continually as he was, to face such artillery as this. But, like a brave soldier in the first action wherein he is engaged, he continued resolute, though shuddering at the terror of the assault; and quickly overcame D those impressions, which it is not perhaps in nature wholly to avoid: and therefore I find him in the letter referred to above, which was written about half a year after his conversion, "quite ashamed to think of the uneasiness which these things once gave him," In a word, he went on, as every resolute Christian by divine grace may do, till he turned ridicule and opposition into respect and veneration. SECT. 42. But this sensible triumph over these difficulties was not till his Christian experience had been abundantly advanced, by the blessing of God on the sermons he heard (particularly in the Swiss chapel), and on the many hours which he spent in devout retirement, pouring out his whole soul before God in prayer. He began, within about two months after his first memorable change, to perceive some secret dawnings of more cheerful hope, that vile as he saw himself to be (and I believe no words can express how vile that was), he might nevertheless obtain mercy through a Redeemer. And at length (if I remember right, about the end of October 1719) he found all the burthen of his mind taken off at once by the powerful impression of that memorable scripture upon his mind; Rom. iii, 25, 26: • Whom God hath set forth for a propitiation, through faith in his blood, to declare his righ teousness in the remission of sins-that he might be just, and the justifier of him that believeth in Jesus.' He had used to imagine, that the justice of God required the damnation of so enormous a sinner, as he saw himself to be: but now he was made deeply sensible, that the divine justice might be, not only vindicated, but glorified, in saving him by the blood of Jesus, even that blood which cleanseth us from all sin. Then did he see and feel the riches of redeeming love and grace, in such a manner, as not only engaged him, with the utmost plea sure and confidence, to venture his soul upon it; but even swallowed up (as it were) his whole heart in the returns of love, which from that blessed time became the genuine and delightful principle of his obedience, and animated him with an enlarged heart to run the way of God's commandments. Thus God was pleased (as he himself used to speak) in an hour to turn his captivity. All the terrors of his former state were changed into unutterable joy, which kept him almost continually waking for three nights together, and yet refreshed him as the noblest of cordials. His expressions, though naturally very strong, always seemed to be swallowed up, when he would describe the series of thought through which he now passed under the rapturous experience of that joy unspeak able and full of glory, which then seemed to overflow his very soul; as indeed there was nothing he seemed to speak of with greater relish. And though the first ecstasies of it afterwards subsided into a more calm and composed delight; yet were the impressions so deep and so permanent, that he assured me, on the word of a Christian and a friend, wonderful as it might seem, that for about seven years after this he enjoyed almost an heaven upon earth. His soul was so continually filled with a sense of the love of God in Christ, that it knew little interruption, but when necessary converse, and the duties of his station, called off his thoughts for a little time; and when they did so, as soon as he was alone, the torrent returned into its natural channel again; so that, from the minute of his awakening in the morning, his heart was rising to God, and triumphing in him; and these thoughts attended him through all the scenes of life, till he lay down on his bed again, and a short parenthesis of sleep (for it was but a very short one that he allowed himself) invigorated his animal powers, for renewing them with greater intenseness and sensibility. SECT. 43. I shall have an opportunity of illustrating this in the most convincing manner below, by extracts from several letters which he wrote to intimate friends during this happy period of time; letters which breathe a spirit of such sublime and fervent piety, as I have seldom met with any where else. In these circumstances, it is no wonder that he was greatly delighted with Dr. Watts's imitation of the 126th psalm; since it may be questioned, whether there ever was a person to whom the following stanzas of it were more suitable. I. When God reveal'd his gracious name, II. The world beheld the glorious change, My tongue broke out in unknown strains, III. • Great is the work,' my neighbours cried, Great is the work,' my heart replied, IV. The Lord can change the darkest skies, Can give us day for night, Make floods of sacred sorrow rise To rivers of delight. |