Sir Peter-Ay, let her alone, sir; you'll find she'll make out a better story than you, without prompting.

Lady Teazle Hear me, Sir Peter!-I came here on no matter relating to your ward, and even ignorant of this gentleman's pretensions to her. But I came, seduced by his insidious arguments, at least to listen to his pretended passion, if not to sacrifice your honor to his baseness.

Sir Peter-Now, I believe, the truth is coming, indeed! Joseph Surface The woman's mad!

Lady Teazle-No, sir; she has recovered her senses, and your own arts have furnished her with the means. Sir Peter, I do not expect you to credit me - but the tenderness you expressed for me, when I am sure you could not think I was a witness to it, has so penetrated to my heart, that had I left the place without the shame of this discovery, my future life should have spoken the sincerity of my gratitude. As for that smoothtongued hypocrite, who would have seduced the wife of his too credulous friend, while he affected honorable addresses to his ward — I behold him now in a light so truly despicable, that I shall never again respect myself for having listened to him.

[Exit. Joseph Surface-Notwithstanding all this, Sir Peter, Heaven knows

Sir Peter

your conscience.

That you are a villain! and so I leave you to

Joseph Surface- You are too rash, Sir Peter; you shall hear me. The man who shuts out conviction by refusing

to

Sir Peter-Oh, damn your sentiments!

[Exeunt SIR PETER and JOSEPH SURFACE, talking.

FOOTE'S JESTS.

[SAMUEL FOOTE, English dramatist and actor, was born at Truro, Cornwall, in 1720. After squandering a small fortune in London, he turned to the stage as a means of support and made an unsuccessful début in "Othello." In 1747, however, in a small theater in the Haymarket, he began to give a series of farces and variety entertainments, including imitations of the principal actors and other celebrities of the day, and at once found himself famous. He wrote over twenty dramatic pieces, of which the best are: "An Auction of Pictures," "The Liar," "The Minor," "The Nabob," and "The Mayor of Garratt." He died at Dover, October 21, 1777.]

IRISH HOSPITALITY.

FOOTE praising the hospitalities of the Irish, after one of his trips from the sister kingdom, a gentleman present asked him whether he had ever been in Cork. "No, sir," said he, quickly, "but I have seen a great many drawings of it."

DINING BADLY.

Foote, returning from dining with a lord of the admiralty, was met by a friend, who asked him what sort of a day he had had. "Very indifferent indeed: bad company and a worse dinner. "I wonder at that," said the other, "as I thought the admiral a good jolly fellow." Why, as to that, he may be a good sea-lord, but take it from me, he is a very bad land-lord."

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THE POINT OF FEMALE BEAUTY.

Being asked at what time of life he thought female beauty began to decline, he replied: "Woman is to be counted like a game of piquet: twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twentyeight, twenty-nine, — sixty!"

TREES IN SCOTLAND.

On his return from Scotland, being asked by a lady whether there was any truth in the report that there were no trees in Scotland, "A very malicious report indeed, my lady," said he; "for, just as I was crossing from Port Patrick to Donaghadee, I saw two blackbirds perched on as fine a thistle as ever I saw in my life."

IRISH HUMOR.

Foote always acknowledged the humor and naiveté of the Irish, and gave many instances of it in the course of his con

vivial hours. One frosty day, he said, as he was crossing the ferry near Dublin, a passenger was put into the boat quite drunk, who was at first very ungovernable. This occasioned many remarks. One said, "how beastly drunk he was; another, "that he ought to be thrown overboard," etc. At last, the boatman, looking at him, seemingly with an eye of compassion, exclaimed: "Why, to be sure, good people, the man is bad enough; but, bad as he is, I wish I had half his disorder about me."

GARRICK'S PARSIMONY.

Foote and Garrick supping together at the Bedford, the former, in pulling out his purse to pay the reckoning, dropped a guinea, which rolled in such a direction that they could not readily find it. "Where the deuce," says Foote, "can it be gone to?" "Gone to the devil, I suppose," said Garrick. "Well said, David, you are always what I took you for ever contriving to make a guinea go farther than any other man.'

Foote, showing a house which he had newly fitted up to some friends, in passing through his bedchamber one of the company observed a small Roman bust of Garrick on the bureau, at which he smiled. "I don't wonder," said Foote, "you should laugh at me for allowing him to be so near my gold; but then please to observe he has no hands."

WALTER Ross.

Foote having occasion for the testimony of Walter Ross, of Edinburgh, in some theatrical lawsuit, the latter (who was a Scotchman) traveled all the way up to town in a post chaise under the character of writer to the Signet, for which he charged Foote the whole of his expenses.

The cause, when it came to a hearing, was determined against Foote, and, as it was then said, on the incompetency of the evidence of Ross, which created some little coolness between the parties. Friends, however, interfering, they were reconciled, and dined together the day before Ross went out of town; during which meeting Foote asked him, in the course of conversation, how he intended to travel back. "On foot," said Ross, taking him in his own way. "I am heartily sorry for that," said the other, "as I know of no man who more richly deserves horsing."

BARON NEWMAN.

This celebrated gambler (well known about town thirty years ago by the title of the "left-handed Baron ") being detected, in the rooms at Bath, in the act of secreting a card, the company, in the warmth of their resentment, threw him out of the window of a one-pair-of-stairs room, where they were playing. The Baron, meeting Foote some time afterwards, loudly complained of this usage, and asked him what he should do to repair his injured honor. "Do!" said Foote, "why, 'tis a plain case: never play so high again as long as you live."

THE FARO Bank.

A gentleman having lost his money at a faro bank, where he suspected the lady of the house, he communicated his suspicions to Foote; who comforted him by saying, "that he might depend upon it, 'twas all fair play."

APOLOGY FOR ABSENCE.

A conceited young man asking Foote what apology he should make for not being one of the party the day before to which he had a card of invitation, "Oh, my dear sir!" replied Foote, "say nothing about it: you were never missed."

FEMALE ROBBERY.

A lady of fashion having suddenly eloped to avoid her creditors, a circle of her former friends were, as usual, sitting in judgment on her character, and relating different anecdotes which fell within their respective knowledge. Among the rest, Lady Betty D was violently severe against her, for robbing her ladyship of a fine new set of teeth, which she borrowed of her for the feigned purpose of getting a new set like them. Nay," said Foote, "now, Lady Betty, that's no such great matter after all." "What! no great matter, sir, to rob me of my teeth?" Why, no, I really think not; for, at the worst, you know it was only biting the biter."

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PERSONATION.

On the morning before he set out for Dover, an old performer belonging to the Haymarket Theater called to take leave of him. "Well," said Foote, "what's the matter with you this morning, you look so ruefully?" Why, I don't know

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how it is, but I find I'm not myself to-day." "No I then I heartily wish you joy; for though I don't know who you are now, you must certainly be a gainer by the change."

THE DANGER OF FEMALE BEAUTY.

A white horse and a beautiful woman, Foote said, were two troublesome things to manage as the first was difficult to be kept clean; and the second, honest.

EVELINA AND THE BRANGHTONS.

BY FRANCES BURNEY.

FRANCES BURNEY, later Madame D'Arblay, English novelist, was born at Lynn Regis, June 13, 1752. Her first novel, "Evelina," was published in 1778; her second, "Cecilia," in 1782; the third, "Camilla," in 1796, after her marriage to a French "Emigré" artillery officer; her last, "The Wanderer," in 1814. She brought out a tragedy, "Edwy and Elvina," in 1794. She wrote also the "Memoirs of Dr. Burney" (her father), published in 1832. She died January 6, 1840. Her"Letters and Diaries were published 1842-1846.

HOLBORN, June 17th.

YESTERDAY Mr. Smith carried his point, of making a party for Vauxhall, consisting of Madame Duval, M. Du Bois, all the Branghtons, Mr. Brown, himself, and me! -for I find all endeavors vain to escape anything which these people desire I should not.

There were twenty disputes previous to our setting out; first, as to the time of our going: Mr. Branghton, his son, and young Brown were for six o'clock; and all the ladies and Mr. Smith were for eight; -the latter, however, conquered.

Then, as to the way we should go; some were for a boat, others for a coach, and Mr. Branghton himself was for walking: but the boat, at length, was decided upon. Indeed, this was the only part of the expedition that was agreeable to me, for the Thames was delightfully pleasant.

The Garden is very pretty, but too formal; I should have been better pleased had it consisted less of straight walks, where

Grove nods at grove, each alley has its brother.